There is something behind this, I'll explain at the end....
A Different Feeling By Ransomed Heart
Yumi rolled over on her bed, gazing dolefully at the digital clock that proclaimed the time in deep red letters. Two am wasn't hardly what she would consider an appropriate time to be awake. It meant that she would be a zombie in class the next day, with dark circles accenting her Asian eyes. Yes, sleep seemed such a pleasant thought at the moment, but it stayed just out of her grasp.
The blankets had long been tangled about her legs, a product of Yumi's fitful tossings and turnings for the past several hours. Her favorite position on the bed, marked by a small groove worn in by years of use, was warmed by her body heat, as was the pillow.
The same thought had traced its way across her brain countless times through the minutes that she had lay there in the darkened room, with the moon casting foreign shadows though the window.
'It's all his fault.'
Yumi knew it wasn't fair to blame Ulrich. Better to blame her own heart, the cause of her insomnia. She couldn't stop thinking about him, where he was, if he was awake staring at his ceiling too.
She wasn't angry, sad, hurt, or any emotion she could name. It was a happy confusion that left her wondering why it felt so odd. All she wanted to do was be around Ulrich. To laugh at his jokes, to talk about nothing. To just be in his presence would be enough.
'What's he doing right now?'
Yumi allowed herself a rueful smile. Sleeping, of course. Like she should be. Like the rest of France was. In her mind, there was slim chance of her crush lying awake and thinking of her just as she thought of him at two in the morning. The more she thought about it the more ridiculous the fantasy began to sound.
But it made her happy to think that he might be. But that led to more confusion. Like, why was she lying awake at two am thinking of Ulrich?
No crush she had ever had made her feel that way before. A crush was someone that made you blush whenever you tried to talk to him. Ulrich was different. It felt like she could talk to him for hours on end and never grow bored. Like his presence was all-consuming. He made her question everything about herself, and redefine what she had always assumed was love. The only thing Yumi was sure of was that seeing Ulrich made every day better. The rest of the world could fall apart, but as long as she was with him, it all seemed okay.
'Is that what this is? Love?'
The thought was exciting and humbling and terrifying all at once, but Yumi felt better for it. Love. Not such a bad word, and the only thing that fit her emotions right now.
'I love Ulrich.'
The thought was strangely liberating, and Yumi closed her eyes with a deep sigh, finally able to sleep.
That was just something I needed to write because it describes what I've been feeling lately.