Ho-Ho-Heero?

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. I'm sure your just as heart broken to hear that as I am.

SUMMARY: Lady Une forced Heero into Community Service this holiday to make up for the lack there of in his service record. Can you guess what he is forced to do? Expect serious OCCness with humor.

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Heero growled to himself and glared at people when he knew they weren't looking. It wouldn't do a man in his position to be glaring at people at this point in time. So he made do with what he had.

This wasn't supposed to happen. He forged all of those false Community Services in his record flawlessly. Perhaps that was where he made his mistake. Anyone who knew him well enough would know that he would never do community service.

It wasn't that he didn't like the community. He just didn't like crowds. Or people. Or environments crowded with people. Which he was currently situated in. And at the busiest time of year no less. In the most busy place in all the city. The Mall at Christmas.

He'd been saying it. He'd been saying for years. Lady Une is truly the evil of all evils. For it was she that had happen to look upon his service record. And do background checks on all his Community Service acts. And choose this particular service as compensation for getting away from it. Or as he preferred to call it, his 'Punishment.'

He could only thank God (Not Duo) that none of his friends or comrades were here to see this. The only good thing about this particular service to the community is that it allowed him to go under disguise. Problem was it also required to act like anything but the perfect soldier. Lady Une is evil. Pure evil.

He had nothing against the holiday. In fact, after the war, his personality shifted away from constant Perfect Soldier Mode with the help of his friends. He enjoyed the time of year to spend time with close friends and family. He even enjoyed giving out gifts.

It was the crowds. And the people. And the environments filled to the brink with crowds of people. The kids could be an upside or a down side in all this. If not for all the glaring, there were the kids that were well behaved and polite. And then there were the kids that he wanted to shove coal down their throats in order to shut them up.

Did he mention that Lady Une was evil? The purest of all evil? And evil so evil that the word evil does not do the evil justice? I know I'm going overboard with the 'evil' thing. But I just want to be clear on this. She is evil.

FLASH BACK

Heero walked into Lady Unes office, as per her order earlier. Thinking that he had vague feeling that he was in trouble for something. He would soon learn just how right that feeling had been.

"Come in, Yuy." Lady Une stood up as Heero saluted. The salute was returned and she motioned for him to take a seat as did she. "Before you say anything, Commander Yuy, I want you to know that I have been looking at your service record and your duties of Community Service."

Heero knew then what she was up to. Damn. He should have covered his tracks better. He recalled a few acts of service that were a little too good to have been done by The Perfect Soldier.

"I did a background check on each and every service you have done since you first came in five years ago. And I learned that you did not do a single one of them." She continued in her usual clam and collected voice.

Heero meanwhile continued to listen with his game face on. Wondering just what kind of punishment would he receive for this. Most likely a dock in pay. That was how most punishments were taken.

"Why?" She asked with a single raised fine eyebrow in his direction.

"I don't like crowds or doing anything that makes me stand out from everyone else." He narrowed his eyes at her in emphasis as to how serious he was. Despite his normal monotone voice.

"Regardless of whether or not you want to, community service is required by all military Preventor personnel." Heero could see a strange glint in her eyes. A small smile starting to play itself on her lips. She was up to something and he wasn't going to like it.

"Therefore. . ." General Une paused dramatically. "You are going to do community service to make up for it. Starting tomorrow." Her small smile had turned into a smirk. HIS smirk. His trademark smirk had been used against him. "Here is your mission." She handed him a file from her desk.

Taking the file from her with a bit too much force, he opened it and glared at its contents. Gritting his teeth, he glared at the woman in front of him. "Your kidding."

"You are dismissed, Commander Yuy. And do not try to get out of it. I will have Preventor agents assigned at the Mall to make sure you do your job." She mocked waved at him as he left the office.

END FLASH BACK

And that is how he ended up where he is now. Surrounded by children at every corner. Some of them were afraid of him, even without glaring at them. Which he found really ironic.

You guessed it. Heero was playing Santa Clause at the local mall and sitting children on his lap so that they might tell him what they want for Christmas. Lady Une was evil.

A little boy with black hair hopped onto his lap. Thankfully padded. Looking to be around 7 or 8 years old. A calm expression on his face that would have done Trowa proud. Pulling a list out of his pocket, he looked up at Santa in all seriousness.

"Here's the deal Santa." The boy spoke and gave a tug on Santa Heero's fluffy white beard as confirmation that it was him. Thankfully he'd been smart enough to glue the fake beard on. "I want an 'Intel Pentium 4 Processor' Lap Top Computer with CD and DVD burner uploaded with the new Halo 15 game on it."

'Yeah, so do I, kid.' He had the near impossible urge to roll his eyes at him. He'd been spending too much time with Maxwell. "Ho-ho-ho! Santa usually deals with toys! Not tools! How about just the game?" He couldn't believe he was bargaining with a 7-year-old.

"Eh… okay. I guess that will do." The boy shrugged and grinned at him. Santa handed the boy a candy cane as he got off his lap. The boy gave his beard another light tug. Seeing that it didn't move, he seemed content that he was the real Santa and ran back to his parents.

He was going to have nightmares about this for a long time. Being forced to act like anything but the perfect soldier. At least no one he knew really well knew that he was here and what he was doing. And anyone that did know had already been threatened with death.

He could hear someone snickering behind his back. Trying to cover it up by coughing. Santa already knew who it was. "Shut up." He grumbled loud enough so that he could here him.

John Anderson. An Ensign with, in his opinion, too much Christmas Spirit. "What are you gonna do? Put me on your Naughty List?" John continued to snicker. He went to bring the next child over.

Santa groaned as he watched a little 6-year-old blonde girl run up to him and leap into his arms and lap. Cute, but way too much exuberance for him. He saw the little toy pony she carried around with her.

"Ho-ho-ho! I suppose you would like a Pony!" He said with an overly deep voice. Relena herself would never suspect him in this getup. But the little girl in his lap frowned cutely at him.

"I want a horse."

It was going to be a long day. A very long day. Eight more hours. . . Just eight more hours. . . Survive just eight more hours. . .

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Santa sighed as he pulled his red sleve up and glanced at his watch. 2000. Another hour before the mall closed and he could leave. Get out of this infernal getup. People were starting to finally leave. And the line was now almost non-existent.

A few children still came by from time to time. But other than that, all he had to do was wait for it all to be over.

The only things that had changed while he did this all day, were the children. He had to admit, there were some pretty sweet children he'd talked to. He didn't know about his Christmas spirit, but his dislike for children had lessened somewhat.

"Oh, no." Santa said quietly to himself as six people were walking down the mall. Walking down the mall in his direction. Six very familiar people walking in his direction.

'Damn!' Heero thought frantically. Forgeting for a minute that he was in costume and that they shouldn't recognize him. Hell, they shouldn't even suspect him in a million years. 'Think fast. I look like Santa, so just act like Santa and they'll never suspect that its you.' He reasoned with himself.

"Ho-ho-ho!" Santa gave his cheerful 'ho' laugh and overly deep voice and waved to them happily as they passed by. He realized his mistake too late as Duo's expression changed to one of pure glee. And like an over excitable 5-year-old he ran toward Santa.

Santa cursed his luck for not bringing his gun. He heard someone laughing behind him, but paid no attention to it. Looking instead with open horror that the line was completely devoid of people. Leaving a huge opening for Duo to run toward him. Santa visibly braced himself.

"Santa!" Duo said happily as he jumped into his lap with way too much exuberance. The other three pilots and Relena all winced together as they watched and walked closer. Duo tugged on his beard, and seemed happy when it didn't come off.

"Oh-ho-ho." Heero was glad no one could see the grimace on his face when Duo landed on him. Although his friends could probably guess. "Hello little boy!" Santa patted Duo on the head.

Quatre, Trowa, WuFei and Relena all exchanged amused glances at Santa's referral to Duo as a 'little boy.' Probably gave the poor Santa Claus a hernia.

Meanwhile Heero had to fight every instinct he had to jump up, point his gun as Duo's head and chase him across the mall. But that would give away his identity. And Duo would never let him live it down after that. "So, have you been a good boy this year?"

Duo scratched the back of his head uneasily. "Well, that all depends on your definition of good, Santa." He had to give Duo credit. He never told a lie. He just avoided the truth. The other pilots where all shaking their head's sadly.

"Ho-ho. Judging from your friends reactions, they might say differently." Santa looked back up to see them all now grinning. Taking hold of Duo's hand, he studied it closely, to the surprise of everyone else there. Santa was a palm reader?

"Ho-ho. You have been very mischievous, I can tell. Pulling pranks on your friends, ho-ho." Everyone had down right disbelieving looks on their faces. Even Trowa. Except for WuFei, who was clearly enjoying every moment of this. Told by his grinning from ear to ear.

"Does this mean that I'm not getting any presents this year from you?" Duo asked with a pout and a sad puppy dog look on his face that he had perfected.

"We'll see. Ho-ho!" He handed Duo a candy cane that he readily accepted and jumped off from his lap. "Who's next to sit on Santa's lap?"

Duo grinned and shoved WuFei forward, who tripped and fell forward into Santa's lap. Santa had to berate himself for saying such a stupid thing, but had gotten somewhat used to it after all the children he had dealt with today.

"I'm not even Christian!" WuFei protested as he stood himself back up and glared at Duo, who was snickering with Relena and the other four pilots.

"I'm Jewish myself, kid. Have a seat." Heero patted his lap while WuFei growled at glared back and forth from Heero's lap to his so called 'friends' whom were all sporting huge grins. Grudgingly, WuFei sat down on his knee. If he was going to do this, he might as well have a little fun in the process.

He distinctly heard the laughter behind him again. The same laughter he had heard moments before. Now he knew what was going on. This had all been planned. He was set up, damn it. He sighed. "Have you been a good boy this year?"

WuFei looked incredulously as him where everyone was trying their hardest not to break out laughing. Without waiting for a response, he grabbed his hand and pretended to study it while "Hmm."-ing thoughtfully.

"Ho-ho. You are very strong willed in your beliefs. A strong sense of justice. But not unforgiving to your friends." Heero tried not to look at the baffled looks on his comrades faces in fear that he too might laugh. "So, what would you like for Christmas?"

"I would like that baka, (gesturing to Duo) to not prank me on Christmas just once." He growled indignantly.

Ah, yes. Duo's Christmas pranks. He had been doing them for the past six years. One year, he had covered himself in washable fluorescent white body paint, and came to WuFei in the middle of the night, claiming that he was the ghost of Christmas yet-to-come. Last year, he had pulled WuFei under the mistletoe and kissed him on the lips while Trowa took pictures. Despite the fact that they were both strait.

"Ho-ho-ho!" Santa laughed merrily before dropping his voice too a whisper. "I suggest you prank him first then. I'm sure you know some people who would be more that willing to help." He watched a grin appear on WuFei face. He would talk to him later. Handing him a Candy cane, he sent him on his way.

Heero still had to wonder who set him up. Who arranged for Relena to go shopping coincidently on this same day. Stupid question. Of course he knew who it was. Who else could be that evil. He would pay her back for it later. Rest assured he would.

Now it was Quatre's turn to sit on his knee. The guy who was virtually perfect in every way. Trust him. This guy didn't even get parking tickets. So asking him if he'd been good was pretty pointless seeing as he didn't have anything on him. "Ho-ho-ho! Hello there little boy!"

Quatre sat down on his knee with a curious expression on his face while he looked at the Santa in front of him. 'Damn it!' He forgot about his empathy. Quatre's eyes widened considerably as he looked at Santa, looking more than shocked. More like he was about to have a heart failure and die. "He-Heero?"

The other three pilots and Relena all looked strangely at them to Quatre's strange statement. Santa clamped a hand over his mouth and whispered dangerously in his ear. "Tell anyone, and you'll be getting a lot worse that coal for Christmas." He brought his voice back to normal jolly level. "Ho-ho! What would you like for Christmas?"

Quatre got a strange glint in his eye and an evil smirk on his face. Yes, Quatre was smirking evilly. Quatre, the guy everyone knew and trusted was smirking evilly at him. "Well, I would like for Heero to come to my Christmas party this year."

He couldnt believe Quatre giving him the evil smirk. Even the evil glare. But he could not believe that Quatre was black mailing him to come to his Christmas party. Damn. He couldn't get out of it now. "Ho-ho! Santa will see what he can do."

Quatre looked downright triumphant as he got up, took his candy cane, which Santa had shoved forcefully into his hand, and walked away with his friends, all discussing the strange Santa Claus.

Heero sighed as he watched his friends and comrades walk away. That was out of the way. But he didn't look forward to going to Quatre's party. He was about to get up and take a break when he felt something tugging on his pant leg.

Looking down, he saw a little girl with brown hair and brown eyes. Maybe five years old. Her mother was a few feet away. And judging by their cloths, they'd come to a tight spot this Christmas. He smiled at the little girl and picked her up, setting her in his lap.

"Ho-ho-ho. Hello there. And what might your name be?" He asked softly the little girl. She was clutching a teddy bear and seemed a little shy about talking to him.

"My name is Samantha Johnson." She said quietly. Trying to avoid looking directly at him. Heero smiled to himself.

"And what would you like for Christmas?" He asked her. Noticing that she seemed a little hesitant about answering his question. The mother showed it too. Watching her little girl.

"I want to see my Daddy for Christmas." She blurted out. Looking up, he saw her mother looking sad and shaking her head at him. Telling him silently that it was impossible. He wondered what happened.

"And what's your Daddy's name?" He asked again. Getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't going to like this, he just knew it.

The little girl looked thoughtful for a moment. "My Daddy's friends call him Braker." She exclaimed happily at him. Looking too hopeful that Santa could do something to make her Christmas wish come true.

"Braker? Samuel Breaker Johnson?" He asked her, looking for confirmation. His voice loosing the over fatherly tone he was using for most of the kids. The little girl however failed to hear it.

"You know my Daddy?" She looked wonderingly at him.

"Yes, I remember him." He told her. 'Damn strait I remember him. I arrested him myself 5 months ago on drug trafficking.' He sighed, wondering what he was supposed to tell her now. "Santa will see what he can do."

The little girl gasped at him. Apparently amazed at him in thinking that he could do something. No doubt after told by countless people already that she wouldn't be seeing her Daddy for a very long time. "Yay!" She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a hug.

Handing her a candy cane, he set the girl back on the floor and let her run to her mother. Motioning to the woman to come over his way. It was Christmas after all.

He pulled out his Preventors badge and I.D. Showing it to the woman before he said anything. He took out a piece of scrap paper and handed it to the woman with a pen. "Put your name and phone number down there. I'll see if I can get you some Christmas visitation passes for you and your daughter on Christmas."

The woman smiled happily at him. Taking the paper with now eager hands. "Thank you. I don't know what to say. This will make my daughter very happy." Heero nodded to her. Watching with a small smile on his face as the two walked out of the mall.

"I always knew you had a heart in there somewhere, you Scrooge." A familiar and feminine voice said behind him. Heero turned his head around and glared at Victoria Anne Une. Or at least tried to. A little hard to do when she was wearing a somewhat revealing elf helper outfit that showed a lot of leg.

"Hn." He grunted at her, for lack of a better response. When she was out of uniform, he could argue with her. But found it a little difficult to do when she made herself comfortable on his lap.

"So, did you enjoy yourself?" She asked him. Sounding completely innocent in the whole ordeal. But the smile on her face gave her away. Heero just glared. Or tried too, but it seemed offset by the beard when she began to laugh. She gave him a kiss on the beard to make up for it.

Heero felt someone pull his red hat off, letting his messy brown hair stick out in contrast to the whiteness of his beard. Followed by a pair of arms swing around his neck.

Mariemaia pulled the hat on her own head and looked at Heero with a pleading expression. "So, since you're both Santa and my future father to be, does this mean I get more present's?" She asked with the puppy-dog-face look that Duo had taught her. She also appeared to have practiced it as well.

"We'll see." He told her. Smirking slightly. Glad though that the beard covered it up. The two women rolled their eyes at him. As if expecting that answer.

"Smile!" The photo guy at the shop near them jumped in front of them. Heero looked at him with a baffled expression as Victoria sprawled in his lap and Mariemaia gave a grin to the photographer. A flash went off in his face before he could say anything.

"And you said I would never get you to pose for a Christmas card photo!" Victoria squealed in his ear. Followed by laughter from her and Mariemaia. The confused look still on his face.

FIN