Part 10 - the Last
Farfarello had been sent to the garden with a blanket and a thermos and instructions not to come back in until he'd stopped polluting the atmosphere at exactly 9.13 and 12 seconds. Aya hadn't stopped singing but now the rest of the assassins were sprawled all over the couch groaning, Schuldig had gone so far as to unbutton the top button of his pants.
"You still haven't said what super hero you'd be." Crawford said turning to the stuffed German.
"Professor Xavier." Nagi suggested brightly, "he can read minds."
"Hello." Schuldig said, "he's bald." He touched his own luxurious red mane, "and I am so obviously not."
"So," Yohji said, "we need a red headed telepathic super hero."
"And good looking." Schuldig added, preening just a little as Omi cough-laughed into his hand.
"So," Yohji said, "we need a good looking red headed telepathic super hero."
"Jean Grey." Aya said, "fits the bill perfectly."
"One of the x-men." Crawford said, "I can see that working, Schuldig is some type of mutant."
"And there is that streak of evil, what with the phoenix force." Ken said, surprised for once to know little details about the conversation, normally he just uhmmed and ahhed and pretended to understand.
"But he's called Gene." Schuldig said, "don't you think that's a bit girly."
"Not really," Nagi said. "Because Jean Grey is one of the most powerful of the x-men." He was determined to drag this out as long as he possibly could.
"And there is another super hero name." Crawford said with a laugh.
"really?" Schuldig said, he didn't know much about super heroes.
"Yes," Omi said, "but it's not as famous as Jean Grey. They don't even use it in the film."
"There's a film?" Schuldig asked, digging the hole deeper and deeper with every step. "Who played me, I mean who played this Gene?"
"It was that actor from the bond film." Aya said, "what was the name of that character, Ivana Vankoff."
"No, I'm sure it was Jerkoff." Omi said.
"No," Ken said, "it was Ivana Topov."
"I love bond names." Schuldig said, "but who was the actor?"
"Funny name," Crawford said doing his best to swallow his grin, "it'll come to me, umm."
"Boris Karloff?" Schuldig asked.
"He's dead." Nagi protested.
"I'm not sure he's not dead."
"I've got it, Famke Janssen." Crawford said clapping his hands together.
"Famke Janssen was in X-men?" Ken asked, "wow, in the leather suit and all. I really should have gone to see that movie on the big screen."
"But Ken," Schuldig said. "I thought you were the token straight guy in Weiss, like Far."
"I am, Famke Janssen's really hot though."
"What else was he in?" Schuldig asked.
"I can't think off hand, but she's a really good actress." Aya said, "and she really is stunning."
Schuldig took a moment to do the math on that, Ken found the actor attractive, Aya was referring to her as she and an actress, this meant only one thing, Gene Grey looked like a girl. "I can't believe you say I'd be a cross dressing super-hero, surely that would be the Geisha Fujimiya." Aya bristled, it was the first sign of a bad temper they'd had since they went out earlier that day.
"Schuldig," Omi said patting him on the arm, "Jean Grey's Marvel Girl."
"I wanna be bald!" he cried. "I don't wanna be Marvel Girl."
"I'll get the razor." Farfarello called in from the window, "we can do it in the bathroom."
"Farfarello." Crawford said in a dark tone, "we are not letting you cut anyone's hair after you made that mockery of Nagi's." Nagi threw his arms over his head. "And close that window, you're the opposite of grounded for another twenty three minutes until those vile vegetables are done with you."
"Okay," Aya said, standing up and running his hands down the lengths of his thighs to straighten out the leather, even Ken was affected by the show, being confident enough in his sexuality to find another man attractive. "Who wants coffee and Christmas pudding?"
"I couldn't eat another bite." Yohji protested.
"I've got custard." Aya said brightly, "and it's highly alcoholic, I've been feeding it since August, it's drank more this season than you and Schuldig put together."
"I suppose I could squeeze in a small portion." Yohji managed, "but it'll be a strain."
"Are you coming, Crawford? I'll just need a hand in the kitchen."
Yohji went white, then grey, then red, then purple before settling on a sickly yellowish green.
"Wow," Omi said noticing it, "who needs to know that Richard of York gave battle in vain, when you can just offer Yohji custard to learn the colours of the rainbow."
"I think he might be traumatised." Ken said as Aya and Crawford went into the kitchen. "Maybe it's a repressed childhood memory. Hey, Schuldig, you're psycho, read his mind."
"Psy-kick!" Schuldig enunciated carefully, "psy-kick not psy-ko."
"Well, read his mind, I wanna know if Yohji saw Mommy kissing Santa Clause." Ken badgered.
"Mistletoe." Yohji managed, his eyes were very wide, it looked like he might actually cry.
"Look, Schu," Nagi said, "I don't know about you, but the curiosity is eating me alive, what did he see?"
"Something nasty in the woodshed?" Farfarello asked from the window.
"That's not even funny, and no one gets it." Schuldig said closing the sash again. "Fartarello."
"Here we go." Aya said coming back into the room with a tray with eight tall glasses of dark rich coffee topped with whipped cream, he laid it down on the coffee table then took one and carried it to the window. "An Irish Coffee for our Irish guest." He said.
"Thank you, have you ever thought of getting married?" Farfarello asked, clutching the glass, "because gay marriage hurts god and I could treasure you."
Aya grinned and laughed a little, reaching forward he kissed Farfarello on the cheek. "I'm flattered."
"What happened to Schwarz's token straight guy?" Ken asked as he picked up his coffee and dragged his finger through the cream and bringing it to his lips.
"Have you tasted his cooking?" Farfarello asked, "I'd marry the pope if he could cook like our dear Aya-san. How about as a thank you, I'll hurt Takatori for you. I'll kill a family member or something."
"Thank you, now I'm going to have to close the window before Crawford shouts at you." Aya said, pulling the sash to again.
Schuldig took a sip of the Irish coffee and coughed as the alcohol burned its way down his gullet. "Woah," he managed, "more like Irish whiskey with coffee than the other way around."
"I got the recipe from Farfarello." Aya said, "I didn't put too much because I talked Crawford into letting Nagi drink some too."
"How in the hell?" Nagi asked, "I'm not allowed to drink until I'm at least thirty five."
Aya just smiled, Yohji started banging his head against the table.
"I have pudding." Crawford said coming in with another tray, this one laden with bowls of rich dark pudding and sweet custard. "Here you go," he said handing one to an obviously traumatised Yohji. "This should make you feel better." Yohji lifted the spoon to his lips.
"It's been made with an extra portion of Christmas love." Aya said with a smile, "And a lot of cream." Yohji spat the custard across the room.
"What's wrong with him?" Crawford asked sitting down, "Schuldig, you're psychic, read his mind, there must be a childhood trauma we could be laughing at."
"Mistletoe." Yohji stammered.
"Oh, is that all?" Aya said with a laugh, licking the cream off his finger just like Ken had, but when Aya did it they all watched, closely, except Farfarello who was paying close attention to his watch. "He must have seen me giving Crawford a Christmas kiss, he was stood under the mistletoe." Put like that it sounded much more innocent than it had been.
"Yes," Yohji said, "Christmas kiss," his eyes were still wild, "that'll be it, a Christmas kiss." He spooned up a portion of his pudding and put it in his mouth.
"Be careful with that, there's a silver sixpence hidden in the pudding for luck." Aya said.
Yohji found it, he coughed once, twice, then thumped his chest with his fist. Nagi, rolled his eyes and picked him up with his power, and gave him a mid air Heimlich manoeuvre. Yohji caught the coin in his hand, "Hey, is this really silver?" Aya nodded. "Cool." He said pocketing it. He took a drink of the coffee. "wow." He said pulling a face, "Is this the Jack Daniel special recipe?"
"No, it's Farfarello's."
"He has no sense of taste." Nagi said, "but this is good." He took a huge swallow of the coffee.
"Is there enough liquor in it that Crawford will get drunk and start singing show tunes? because I'm the only one that's never seen it." Ken said, ignoring the death glare that Crawford was sending his way.
Crawford put his hand to his forehead, "no," he said, "not going to happen."
"Far just proposed to Abyssinian." Schuldig said conversationally.
"Really," You could polish diamonds on the tone of voice Crawford used.
"He likes my cooking," Aya said, "and he promised to kill a Takatori for me."
"Can we make dibs on Ouka?" Omi asked, "because she scares me."
"And who's Ouka?" Nagi asked.
"She's this mad girl in the shop," Ken said, "she thinks she's Omi's girlfriend, but she's a real space case, she keeps buying him flowers and making him listen to her, she's scary."
"She was that girl you shot at, remember." Yohji said, "the one with the curl."
Nagi's face hardened into a very dangerous expression, then he smiled, "yes, I remember, I will talk with this girl who is interested in my boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?" Crawford asked.
Nagi went paler than usual, then took a large swallow of his coffee flavoured alcohol. "I mean buddy." Nagi stammered, "yes, buddy, he's my partner in the buddy system." Then he looked at Crawford, "why didn't you kill her when you shot at her?"
"Because I was aiming for the twit with the really annoying voice." Crawford answered.
"The one that was shouting Aaaaaayyyyyyyaaaaaa?" Schuldig asked, picking Yohji's mind for that information. Yohji was banging his head on the table again.
"Her voice could cut through steel." Aya said.
"I'll remember her." Schuldig said with a wicked smile. "Your little Saki-chan, Abyssinian." Aya's eyes went wide.
Crawford managed the dangerous expression that Nagi had tried for earlier. "Saki-chan?" He asked.
"I'm going to bed." Aya said in an arch tone. "I don't like the tone this conversation has taken." Schuldig giggled. "And for your information, Nagi and Omi have been going out for a whole year." Omi made his Christmas wish in that moment, for the couch to open up and swallow him.
"We promised," Omi said, "that you wouldn't tell Crawford and I wouldn't tell Yohji."
"Tell Yohji what?" Yohji asked interested.
"That Aya's mystery customer in Kyoto was Crawford." Omi snapped.
"Schuldig told me that." Yohji said.
"But Schuldig didn't tell you that Crawford was determined to get into Aya's pants until he found out that he was wearing briefs and not lingerie." Omi shouted.
"I wasn't wearing underwear in Kyoto." Aya shouted back.
"Apart from the bra." Ken said helpfully.
"You stay out of it." Aya and Omi shouted at Ken in unison.
Yohji went back to banging his head on the table, and somewhere a Christmas fairy sat back to survey the scene, Aya and Omi were screaming at each other, Crawford was in a foul temper at being lied to, for a whole year and that both his boyfriend and Nagi had kept this secret from him, and Nagi was crying. Ken was scared, Schuldig was amused, and Yohji was banging his head on the coffee table. This was a family Christmas well done.
And the blood red sun had gone burning down
And the lights were lit in Tokyo town
outside in the gloom and the twilight red
Farfarello froze cause they'd gone to bed.
And Christmas came to an end. I can't believe I dragged out that cheap Jean Grey joke for two pages, now that's padding.