It's such a little thing to say.
So very little to say, and yet it would change everything my world is built on. Everything my world is meant to be and has to be would be thrown upside down if I actually came out and said it.
It's what I am, you see. I have to oppose it. There's certain things about this world that are. You are it, I oppose it and humans are fools for it.
When did I become a fool, dear angel?
When did I stop worrying about what my superiors thought and only worry about what you would think of me? At what point did I stop thinking of you as the other side and thought of you BY my side?
When I did first let this happen to me, this thing that I cannot feel and should not want?
There are things about us I can admit. I want you, you have to know that. I want to feel you under me, clinging to my body and screaming that word that I cannot say. I want to see you snuggled against me in the morning, wide awake before I even really stir.
I can tell you how much I need you. I need you to be the Enemy, I need you to be there to bicker with, to hold, to brush noses with in the silliest manner when we eat at the Ritz. I need you like I need nothing else.
But I can't tell you what I want to say. It's one step too far, something that I'm scared of. It took this long for me to admit that there was more than need and want, and I still haven't dared to think the word.
I'm scared of what it would do to me to say it.
I'm selfish, angel. I don't want to unmake myself, denying what is an integral part of my being, even if it is something that fights another part of me. A part that I would never surrender.
I'm rambling, angel, because I want to tell you what you deserve to hear. Want to tell you so bad it's making my head spin and my wings ache.
I can't tell you those words. I can tell you so many things, so many things that don't mean as much.
But you know what I mean when I say I want you, angel.
I need you.
But, I can't say more than that.
Even if it such a little thing.