It was early morning and we sat on the hill, like we had times before, in silence. I knew I had to leave again tomorrow, it was something that was commonplace, and I knew I'd be back in a day's time. Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking when he looks like that. So stone-faced and statuesque. I giggled at the thought. He turned his head and looked at me peevishly like I had interrupted his very important thinking – or lack there of. I smirked at him out the side of my mouth, my eyes turning mischievous. His expression showed slight confusion but he didn't move from his meditation position.
"Inuyasha, you've really got to lighten up and have some fun, you know." I said with a chipper voice. Now I could tell he knew something was up.
He growled slightly at me under his breath.
"Really, c'mon, I know…" I bit back my joyous grin.
I don't think he expected me to pounce on him.
"What the- you really are a cat aren't you?" he, to my great satisfaction, asked in bewilderment.
That caused me to burst into uproarious laughter like someone was tickling me ferociously.
He still looked curious beneath me, and I had to clench my eyes shut to block out the sight that had me almost in tears from laughing so hard.
Why I didn't think of my next action until I had actually done it, I'll never know. With all the strength I could muster, I pulled at his weight, and swung him over me, causing enough momentum for us to begin rolling down the hill. I have no clue as to why he didn't stop me. He could have easily. Maybe he was just curious as to what I was doing. My eyes peeked open and took a look at him as we began our descent. As I thought, he was looking at me with wild-eyed confusion. I had to clamp my eyes closed again and peals of laughter sprouted from me.
When we rolled to a stop at the foot of the hill, I thought I would die of laughter. Then I thought I might die from Inuyasha killing me. That made me laugh too.
"Kagome," he called for my attention. His voice sounded neutral, so I was unaware of how he would react.
I slowly opened my right eye a slight amount.
"You're a fool, you know," he said, but his tone betrayed the statement because he didn't sound angry in the least.
He actually looked, well, amused.
I couldn't help myself; I was so happy with his reaction that I balled up my fist and messed up his hair on the top of his head, giggling the entire time. His ears twitched a bit.
"Good boy," I laughed in slight embarrassment, a blush heating my cheeks.
He didn't seem to mind me petting him, actually, his body reacted quite favourably to it, and his one ear started again, as he leaned into my ministrations.
Inuyasha's face remained a mystery to me however; he'd somehow learned to conceal whatever it was he was thinking from me and everyone else – something he chose to do often. I don't think I'll ever find out why. At this time I stared at him, wondering, imagining just what it could be occupying his thoughts. Was it a guilty, shameful joy at being unable to control his own body – or was it the extreme annoyance that he typically exhibited towards me, just threatening to burst forth? Either way, I figured that I was going to be scolded for it.
It was when I stayed my hand that he finally made a self-controlled move, and I thought that it was going to be a recoil away from me in order to haul me over the coals over my behaviour that had discredited him - the pride he had was threatened.
Instead, what I was witness to was a brief display of colourful expressions mimicking that of my earlier ones, dance across his face. His eyes glistened in a way that intrigued but scared the hell out of me.
"You think you can just do that to me huh? Do ya?" Inuyasha's hands dug at my sides and my face contorted from shocked to strained as he tickled me aggressively. I wailed for mercy, tears forming in my eyes, words coming out jumbled through the laughter.
"Inuyasha! Please… stop!" I managed to cry out as his claws digging into my skin was getting more rough and painful than laugh-inducing.
"Hm, sure just a minute…" he paused his attack in order to pin me to the soft grassy ground. "Better?" he breathed out from above me, his warm breath against my already flushed cheek.
I nodded slowly, keeping my eyes in contact with his amber ones. Something about the way he was looking at me made me suspicious.
"Now you can't do anything else crazy, woman." he stated, boring his gaze into me with as much return suspicion as mine held.
"I won't, don't worry." I smiled weakly, as my breathing was slightly laboured from his crushing weight. He continued to look at me and his face shifted back to its veiled manner. All I could notice was that time was slowing as I inhaled and exhaled slowly, and cautiously.
"Good," he commented simply, unchanging. His breathing was normal, slightly faster than mine.
"Um, Inuyasha?" I meekly let out.
"What?" he asked in a demanding, impatient tone, as if my calling for his attention was a waste of his time.
"Can you get off of me?"
He blinked once before what I said registered. "Yeah," and he lifted himself up and sat beside me.
I rested, propped up on my arm and looked over to him. I think we were both equally curious about what had just happened. He might not want to delve into it, but I felt some definite tension building between us then. I hadn't meant it to be that way; I was only trying to lift the atmosphere and joke around a little. Something had happened just then. Inuyasha may be stubborn, but he is definitely not unobservant.
I felt my obvious blush still incriminatingly on my cheeks, and hoped that he would think it was from the tickling.
I leaned back down, putting my one arm behind my head and resting my other on my stomach and occupied myself with looking at the clouds like there was something very interesting about them.
Expecting that I was going to be the one to have to break the silence that Inuyasha seemed to like so much, I was a little surprised to hear his voice call for my attention not a minute later.
"Kagome uh-" he cut himself short, apparently deciding that it was much better when he didn't want to initiate any sort of conversation between us.
"What is it?" I asked, looking at him passively and expectantly without being too pressuring.
As I was used to getting the silent treatment, and although I was very interested in hearing what he had to say, I didn't take it too personally when he didn't follow up on it.
I sighed softly in slight disappointment and looked back up at the sky.
I could hear Inuyasha busying himself with more sitting – well it was more like heard nothing which is practically the same.
"I have to say something," I said softly, unmoving. I didn't see any movement from him and he answered with more silence which I took as my cue to continue. "I've been feeling a little weird lately," I began.
"Are you sick?" Inuyasha turned to me, and I could hear sincere concern of some sort behind those words. Maybe concern that I may have to stay away for more than just a day, or maybe it might have had a whole other meaning all together. I could never be quite certain.
"No, I'm not sick. It's just, the way I've been feeling. I'm not sure I should be feeling this way, I don't think…" I trailed off, not wanting to accidentally let go of too much at once and cause undue stress to the entire situation.
"Feelings are feelings because you can't control them. You aren't supposed to. It's useless to even try, so don't spend too much time analysing them." Inuyasha advised, looking away from me.
That made me wonder what he was doing when he meditated – his head must be full of completely nothing to not even think about feelings. But then… I knew why he wouldn't want to think about them… it was understandable.
"But, what am I supposed to do? Ignore them?" I asked shyly.
He looked straight at me this time, turning his body to face me, "Kagome, if you're talking about what I think it is you are, you know as well as I do that's impossible."
He said it in the most informant way.
"Act on them then? I don't know if it's right or wrong to be feeling these things…" I couldn't stand to look him in the eye. "Is it… right or wrong?"
He stood up and I heard him breathe out deeply, as if he was going through something with me that we'd been over time and time again. "Look at me," he instructed.
I looked up at him a little, through my bangs, with my head still tilted downward, like I was about to be lectured, but fearing what the lecture was – and not knowing this time.
"Kagome," he reprimanded, grabbing my arms near my shoulders and pulling me to a stand towards him, "Look at me," he repeated, his tone insistent.
My eyes wide and staring at him, waiting, and slightly startled, I did as he had wanted. I tried to steady my footing.
"The matter of right and wrong is, that it doesn't matter with feelings. You can't change them. And I don't know if they're right or wrong.
"All I know is what I feel is the truth. There's no one thing any more truthful than feelings. It's no use trying to hide them, or fight them, or justify them. Those things just don't matter." Inuyasha spoke calmly, rationally and firmly. But it was the gentleness in his expression that made the real impact.
I nodded in understanding, and his grip loosened on my arms. My gaze fell to my feet, where they were shifting beneath me out of nervousness. We all have our personal truths.
He ran his hands down my arms and seized mine in his. I instinctively leaned into him and he let my hands go so he could wrap his arms around me. I sighed into the folds of his kimono, as my nostrils were filled with the scent of him. The smell that was familiar but most often distant and only secretly desired to get more of. He smelt like a pine air freshener. I suppressed my giggle at the thought.
I felt his hands press on my back and the side of his face nuzzling my hair; likely he was doing the same as I was. Only his nostrils were probably used to me because they were much more adept.
"Hm, Inuyasha," I lamented into his chest, "It's okay then? We can't be sure of anything but the way we feel, right?" I asked, not so much for reassurance, but more for myself to accept.
His answer was nothing more than a slight squeeze accompanied by a muffled grunt.
We parted shortly after that, and he led me to sit beside him again on the grass. I looked at him a few times, wondering about his hand that he had placed on mine as if he hadn't noticed.
I decided to be bold and I leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder. I couldn't fight the things that were built up between us; and taking Inuyasha's advice, didn't attempt to.
He was being the most pleasant and approachable to me that I could remember. I knew by that that everything was right, whether it mattered or not. He cared for me, and that set my heart at ease most of all. Well, I had always known to an extent, but the actions he showed towards me were most rare.
His hand moved from where it had rested atop mine, onto my knee. My bare skin tingled at the unfamiliar touch, and I felt a want growing from deep in my gut that I had to suppress a little, though I could barely do the same for the whimper that followed it that was audible enough to Inuyasha's ears.
He looked intrigued, and moved that hand slowly up my thigh, but stopped there as if to test what my reaction was. I think he was aware of what he did to me, because he seemed to revel in it. I shivered with the cold heat that accompanied my nerves responding to his touch. Otherwise I stayed completely still.
I closed my eyes as he began moving his fingers slightly, and felt his hand creep slowly under my skirt. I took in a sharp breath as he touched me, and turned a little to accommodate where he was. I tried to say something, but my throat was dry.
"Inuyasha…" I managed, although it came out very breathy.
"Kagome," he said in return, his voice guttural but inhibited.
His hand left my thigh and he guided me to lie down while he relocated slightly below me. While I rested, reclined on my elbows, he wove his steadying arm around my back and his other lifted the hem of my shirt. His hand didn't stray much farther than my stomach, but his cheek found my bosom, and he seemed content to leave it there while he traced my trembling abdomen.
I giggled a bit, as his touch tickled me slightly and he nuzzled his face against me and wrapped me in a half-hug. He made the funniest little sounds muffled against my shirt which only provoked my laughter.
A slight movement caught my eye from near the top of the hill where the well was, and I heard who it was before I saw.
"Hey guys!? Where'd you go? Huh?" it was Shippo, bounding over the crest of the hill, before the little kitsune spotted us.
"Uh…" I fumbled, realizing the compromising position I had seemed to be in with Inuyasha, noting that he had at least opened his eyes but was avoiding moving at all – he was well aware it was incriminating either way.
"What are you guys doing down there?" Shippo asked, meaning that it was not where he had expected us to be.
Inuyasha took it a different way however when within a split second, he was seated several feet away from me, leaving me nearly toppled over and both of our faces rising with redness.
"Nothing! We're doing nothing!" Inuyasha spat out, a glare fixated on the unsuspecting Shippo.
I fumbled around for words – an excuse – anything. Instead I came up with the closest method of escape.
"Uh, I better go and get an early start on my studies!" I scrambled to my feet, and without even thinking of saying goodbye to Inuyasha or the startled Shippo, I dashed up the hill at a mad speed, and jumped down the well.
Hey, it was impulse.