Letonia climbed atop the tallest palm tree of the studio in the middle of the night, looking everywhere for Sesshomaru.
"Good, Mr. Prettyboy ain't here." She whispered.
"Hello to all and welcome back to the fourth installment of the blockbuster, Sailor H. From the great LuClipse85, she speaks in her SINCEREST apologies for thealmost year longdelay. Time passed her by so fast as she got involved in other things, mainly college. Plus, she was having a bit of a creative block which she has finally overcome. LuClipse85 gives her indefinite gratitude to everyone for being patient with her.
"There! I gave the intro and no Fluffy interruptions! Victory is mine! AHAHAHAHA-"
A rock slammed into her forehead. The force caused her to stumble and lose her balance off the palm tree.
"Must you make so much commotion at two in the morning, Letonia? There are those of us who need to sleep!" Sesshomaru yelled from his three story trailer, his hair in curlers and an avocado mask covering his face.
"Same can be said about you, Fluffy! Shut your fat trap!" Inuyasha hollered from his two-story trailer. He paused with a stare, then cackled at his half-brother's appearance.
"Silence, Inuyasha! Rin is practicing for her future in beauty school!" The taiyoukai retaliated, almost proudly.
The hanyou laughed louder. "Had a 'girls' night, did ya, Sesshomaru? HA HA! Hey, ask the kid to beat you a little harder with that ugly stick! It'll improve your looks!"
Inuyasha almost fell out of his windowsill laughing spitefully at his brother trying to look pretty.
Up until Sesshomaru leapt from his trailer and beat the hanyou silent.
LuClipse85 sat on her soft white bed sheets in her baby lavender spaghetti strapped nightgown, silk and reaching down mid-thigh length, displaying her smooth milk chocolate brown legs. A disappointed and almost saddened expression rested on her face and she twirled at her braids. Her spirits lifted a bit when a pair of strong arms lovingly enveloped her from behind and gently pulled her closer.
"My dear LuClipse85, why do you look so sad? Did that mean Sesshomaru give you any problems?" Miroku purred softy to her, embracing her close to his bare chest.
She looked behind her, taking a long glance at him. Miroku looked so hot in his black pajama pants as he flashed his diamond smile.
"No, he didn't. I just," LuClipse85 said quietly, "I just get the idea that you prefer Sango to me. The way you stare at her…"
Miroku chuckled and nuzzled the back of her neck.
"Yes, it is true that Sango is quite beautiful." He placed a feathery kiss on her bare shoulder. "But she is far from comparison to my Hershey's Kiss."
Miroku's affectionate kisses tickled LuClipse85's delicate skin, making her giggle in happiness. She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, gazing deep into his indigo eyes.
"Honto, anata?" LuClipse85 asked with a hopeful smile.
Miroku's smile broadened in affirmation. "For real, You know you be havin' me straight trippin', boo." (Line from "Bringin' Down The House)
He placed a lingering kiss upon her lips, then looked into her brown eyes with his trademark sly smile. "Now, come and give Miroku some of that brown sugar."
He eased his darling gently onto the bed, laying atop her. LuClipse85 smiled blissfully as her Miroku lovingly caressed her. He moved in to greet her lips with his. Her eyes closed as she awaited them.
"HEY! YO! WAKE UP, WOMAN! WE GOT A SHOW TO DO!"
The door loudly slammed open and was followed by Koga's thunderous voice. LuClipse85 was startled out of her bed and crashed onto the floor. She sat and looked around bewildered. When she realized she was awake, the fan-author mourned her lost dream.
"Yo! C'mon, woman, we ain't got all day! Let's get movin'!" Koga commanded, clapping his hands and snapping his fingers to get her up.
POW! BAM! PUNCH! CRUNCH! SNAP! CRASH! BIFF! SLAP! BOOT! ETC.!
Koga flew through the trailer wall and crashed nosily into the parking lot on the other side of the studio.
"CAN A SISTA FANTASIZE IN PEACE, YA DAMN WOLF!" LuClipse85 screamed as she slammed her door and went back to sleep.
Inside LC85 Intergalactic Studios, the cast gathered and griped as their year long vacation had come to an end.
"I wonder if LuClipse85 has been well." Mrs. Higurashi stated to herself as she ate breakfast. "It isn't like her to update this late."
Grandpa Higurashi sipped his teas and grumbled. "Knowing that youngster, she was probably gathering more disturbing material for this silly parody of hers."
"Hmph! And here I was hoping the woman was in a coma." Jaken muttered.
Inuyasha slurped his ramen noisily to ignore the pain from his beating earlier that morning. "It's goin' on 10:30 now, where the hell is that damn woman?"
The studio door opened and in walked LuClipse85, heavily bandaged and limping. Kagome and Akari helped her to her director's seat and asked what had happened to her.
The fan-author had felt VERY guilty about not updating in so long she had gone to apologize to her fans. She met up with Inuyasha Fan-san and to make her reviewers feel better, let herself get hit. After the beatdown from that one reviewer, a line from the others started.
"Surely, that is inaccurate." Sesshomaru taunted with a smile. "The mighty-as-an-ox LuClipse85 got, as they say, owned?"
The taiyoukai laughed spitefully. LuClipse85 slowly turned toward him with a sadistic grin.
"Keep it up, Fluffy; I got plans for you."
Sesshomaru blew her off, thinking she couldn't come up with anything more to do to him. The fan-author was about to get things underway, when the studio doors flew open and someone stood in the bright light from outside.
"The queen has arrived!"
The cast stared while LuClipse85 excitedly whipped out her Polaroid camera to take pictures. The woman approached the crew and posed extravagantly as the doors closed behind her.
It was Kikyo, making her entrance as Queen Beryl.
Everyone went back to what they were doing while LuClipse85 lowered her camera, looking rather peeved. Kikyo stood in her pose, teardropping.
"Hel-LOOO!" She griped in annoyance.
"We heard ya the first time, woman!" Koga muttered from his wheelchair as Hakkaku pushed him in.
Kikyo whined, stomping her foot down loudly, then met the fan-author's glare. "What?"
"You said 'the queen' was in the house, Kikyo!"
"I did: Queen Beryl!" Kikyo resumed her dramatics. "Who'd you think I meant?"
LuClipse85 answered sarcastically, "Oh I don't know. Maybe Elizabeth, Esther, Sheba….Latifah!"
"Well Queen Ki- Beryl is here! Ruler of the universe, you will all bow to me!"
"That's my line." Sesshomaru affirmed.
Toukijin sent Kikyo exploding, pieces of her sham body flying all over the set. Inuyasha held up an umbrella to keep clay dust from falling into his ramen. Letonia staggered into the studio, trying to coordinate herself on crutches while waiting for her leg to heal. She looked around and found pieces of Kikyo everywhere, her hair, still attached to her head, got caught on the ceiling fan.
"What happened here?" Letonia wondered.
"Kiln exploded." Sesshomaru coolly answered.
Urasue was summoned again, much to her displeasure. She vacuumed Kikyo's remains and went back to her kiln. Just then, a blue cloud of smoke streamed from the floor before Queen Beryl's throne. The cloud cleared and revealed a creature in robes standing three feet tall.
"Sesshomaru-sama arrived I have. Defeat the Dark Kingdom I will."
The cast's laughter sounded all through the building as Jaken stood impersonating Yoda.
"And just what in blazes are you half-wits, minus Sesshomaru-sama and Rin, laughing at?" The toad screamed.
Sango tried to calm down her laughing. "Misunderstood your role you have."
"Look a damn thing like Yoda sure as hell he do not!" Inuyasha added, joining Sango's burst of laughter.
Jaken snarled, veins popping onto his head. "Rrr! That impudent Kashiya told me my part and I appeared as ordered!"
LuClipse85 answered inbetween her laugher, "Your role was 'Jedeite'! Not 'Jedi Knight'!"
Jaken stood with a blank face, teardropping more and the cast continued to crack up.
"The half-wit now who is?" Inuyasha taunted, cackling.
Sesshomaru looked on in boredom as Rin hopped down toward Jaken, pulling hard on his ears to stretch them out and drawing on his bald forehead with white crayon to make him look more like Yoda. He looked up at the ceiling, his mind wandering.
Sesshomaru hadn't a clue why the thought came to him, it may have been invoked when newly fired Kikyo rejoined the cast. But, however its conception, the thought entered his mind and disturbed him:
What if Inuyasha had married Kikyo?
"Oh Sesshomaru-dono, thank you so very much for deeming us worthy to enter your lovely home. We are most honored and deeply privileged. Oh, I love this piece of art you have here, it's so life-like and detailed. Although, the finish is a bit rough and the glaze quite ruddy, and the figure is a bit deformed, I find it a wonderful porcelain. Please tell me, what is the title of this artwork, Sesshomaru-dono?"
Sesshomaru was thankful that never happened. The dishonor of having an undead woman for an in-law would be TOO great. Then the concept hit him that his half-brother was IN LOVE with the undead woman!
His golden eyes narrowed in disgust s he tried to restrain a shudder. "It is bad enough to have Inuyasha as my half-breed brother, but having him be a necrophiliac? And LuClipse85 says I require therapy."
Sesshomaru was busy with his thought and listening to Elton John playing on the radio, when it switched to a Queen CD playing, "I Want To Break Free". It brought him back to find the studio was empty. Getting uneasy, his eyes searched around, wondering why everyone had left without his knowing.
Standing on his side was LuClipse85, with her innocent know-she-up-to-somethin' smile.
Immediately, Sesshomaru looked around for an exit but found none.
"Don't be in such a hurry, Sesshomaru. I won't keep you long." She chirped. "Thank you for volunteering."
"Volunteering?" He inquired suspiciously. "For what? I offer service to no one."
"That wasn't the case last chapter when you graciously offered an ass-load of fan-service.
"If you have a statement to make, I suggest you make it, LuClipse85. I disapprove of wasting time." Sesshomaru growled.
"Very well, I just announced not to long ago that I was cutting today's shooting short cuz I can't really get into my work. MAINLY because Sailor Mercury shows up and the position for her is still open."
The taiyoukai stood still, figuring out where LuClipse85 was going with that.
"Well, you're right on the money, Sesshy." She responded. "But here's the deal,
"You recruit someone to play Sailor Mercury or YOU get it. Blue miniskirt, blue boots, blue dyed hair, the whole ten yards."
Sesshomaru's displeasure only brought LuClipse85 more humor. "One more thing," She continued, "In doing this, you can't threaten the people, co-erce, extort, bribe or anything you'd normally do to get your way."
He despised the fan-author for her actions; at the same, playing ANY of the Sailor Senshi would be even more disgraceful than the role pre-assigned to him.
"How is it I cannot perform those actions, yet you are free to do so?" Sesshomaru growled indignantly.
"I'm the queen, that's why." LuClipse85 quoted her favorite fridge magnet.
Sesshomaru took a step to leave.
"One MORE thing," LuClipse85 said with a Chinese accent, "I suggest you don't dawdle about it. You got a time limit."
"Tomorrow morning. 7AM."
She tried to restrain her laughter as the demon lord growled at her, his eyes flashing red as he positioned his fingers. He then stopped when was threatened with a garden hose connected to Spring of Drowned Jerry Seinfield water. He calmed and turned to leave again.
"One MORE thing…"
A vein popped onto Sesshomaru's head. "What now?"
"The first person you ask has to be your brother. That's all. See ya!"
Sesshomaru was left standing in the empty studio starting at the door, contemplating over which method he should handling that requirement.
Self-poisoning or seppuku?
In her trailer, Kikyo was in her walk-in closet going through her lingerie trying to see which one was best to entice Inuyasha with. She had been griping that she had missed the filming since she was being refired and out of irritation, Sesshomaru haphazardly ordered she "seduce Inuyasha or something".
"Inuyasha is my enemy and I normally think nothing of him….
"But maybe that was just TOO cruel." Sesshomaru wondered when he thought about it.
Kikyo looked at herself in a VERY revealing lingerie and giggled giddily. She imagined Inuyasha seeing her and pouncing on her, and laughed like a happy maniac.
"Oh my! Kikyo, you're such a naughty girl!" She said to herself, unable to cease her annoying girly giggling.
Kikyo found her favorite, her eye lighting up as she saw herself bringing out the passionate animal in him. She grinned ear to ear and slipped into a white bathrobe, the hem cut JUST above her thighs, displaying her long pale legs. She was about to head out to her beloved when she wondered what else could go with it. Kikyo looked around her closet again when she saw a shiny metal in the very back behind the rack, barely visible in the darkness. Curiously, she got closer, looking through the small space between the iron pole and clothes hangers at the metal.
"Ooh, how pretty." Kikyo whispered as the object shined.
She got even closer to see what it was, and just stared.
It was a metal hole!
Kikyo blinked in confusion, several question marks popping above her head as she tried to figure out what the thing was.
The metal teardropped.
Kikyo blinked again, then her eyes widened. Enlightment had finally smacked her.
"Hey, that's a-"
"50 million yen! Final offer!"
"I thought LuClipse85 said you could bribe."
"She said that accounted for people to do my bidding. With your rebellious self, you wouldn't glare at me if I ordered you to!" Sesshomaru rose his voice at Inuyasha, who only sat at his table, arms crossed proudly with a sly smirk as he had heard of his brother's dilemma.
"Well if my elder brother insists, who am I to argue?" The hanyou stated looking away in agreement. "I'll say it's a generous offer, Sesshomaru. For you, it's downright saintly.
"But, no can do."
Inuyasha looked back in time to see Sesshomaru's left eye twitch sharply, looking like it was almost closed.
Inuyasha tried to restrain his pent up laughter. "How does Sesshounii make his huge owl eyes?" He released it loudly.
"Silence, half-breed!" Sesshomaru roared. "You should show your brother gratitude for offering you redemption from your embarrassing role!"
"Keh! Open your eyes, you stupid jackass! You think I'd trade fire for ice? I may still be prancin' in a mini-skirt, but at least my powers are useful! With that fire power….."
Sesshomaru saw a rather amusing look on his brother's face, that "I could take over the whole frickin' planet with my powers" look.
"I could make hundreds of bowls of ramen in half the time! I'll be invincible!"
Sesshomaru crashed onto the table. Why am I cursed to be related to this no-wit half demon!
Inuyasha gloated throughout the remainder of the interview and sent Sesshomaru out the door, slamming it against the back of his head. He stared and then stepped off the porch, several feet before the trailer.
Then leveled it with Toukijin.
Sesshomaru smiled at his handiwork, then looked in the distance and saw a cloaked figure stealing off into the night. A thought came to him to hunt the figure down and cast her/him for the part, but in no time, it had disappeared into the dark.
He went about his way; it was beneath him to chase someone for a trivial matter. Sesshomaru looked behind him and saw Inuyasha peeking from the pile of rubble that was his trailer, wearing a taunting grin.
"HA HA! Screw you, hippie! Your precious Elton John CDs were in here!"
The cloaked figure stood atop the studio rooftop, looking down at the trailer park.
Kya ha haaa! My work is done here. I should head back.
The figure looked down at Inuyasha's destroyed trailer, where the hanyou fought off the taiyoukai, who mourned the loss of his autographed CDs.
The figure teardropped. Can't we all just get along? Then, leapt into the night.
I am SOOO very sorry to all of my readers! I got caught up with my other fanfics and then college has been SO demanding! Then I said, I can't take it no mo'! I gotta update this! There'll be another update soon, school's almost out and that'll leave me with plenty of time to work on fanfics.
Provided the 108 degree heat down here doesn't get to me in the summer. (weak laugh)
Anyway, I thank you all so very much for your reviews and interest in my little Sailor Moon parody. Well, everyone's trippin' over who Sesshomaru's gonna be playin', so I better get regular updates goin'.
Peace out, y'all! (peace sign)