A series of unfortunate 'sexual' events

Yugi: Wahh I am so sorry that I haven't updated since last year, I've been so busy in real life with school that I haven't had time and heh, I honestly thought no one would really care if I updated or not but thank you those who reviewed the last chapter and I hope this makes up for the amount of time you had to wait for me.

Enjoy oh and I will have special guests from FullMetal Alchemist in this chapter and I don't own those characters. Okays? Read and Review please.

Marik – Bold
Ryou – Italics
Yugi – Normal
Malik (Yami) – Bold Underlined
Bakura – Bold Italics
Yami – Underlined
'Thoughts and police scanner thingy'

Chapter 20: Ryou and Marik (Ra that many chapters already!)

Dark cloud's loomed in the sky as rain pounded down on the cold grey roads, flashes of red and white lights streaked along in between white lines, hums of windscreen wipers echoing in the air as the late night workers began their drive home. Some people going to greet mums that spend more of their time on E-bay, then doing work. Kids that attend schools were either the teachers loses their work or the student themselves tries to acknowledge the term 'work'. Yep it was just the usual evening rush hour, slow, boring and the loud piercing screech of a siren thundered along the motorway.

A chase was on.

Flashes of blue and red glowed in the darkness as cars that contained worn out mums and road raged dads beeped loudly as a people carrier whizzed in and out of the vehicles, the person driving the car like a madman. Screeches of rubber tires running over the heavily soaked road could be heard as soon following closely behind was a flash white car with sirens upon it's roof, a police car.

'This is code 182, 182 I repeat 182. We are on pursuit on the vehicle with registration Y4M1 H1K4R1. (An: I want that car!) We will catch up and intercede. Over.'

'Roger that. Proceed.'

The police driver nodded as he put his foot on the accelerator and sped after the people carrier, approaching the said car rapidly as the driver of the other vehicle continued to zigzag across the road, showing no sense of the driver having received any lessons at all. The policeman sighed as the thought of arresting another boy racer sprang to his mind, he soon blinked though as the car he was interceding began to slow down, soon stopping in a nearby lay by.

"What in the hell?" (A.n: The cops going to be like this for a while okay, but well this is going to be a sort of anime crossover cops.)
He ran his gloved hand through his black hair, glancing at his shorter partner in the driver seat who was absent-mindedly playing with one of his blonde bangs. "Let's go shrimp." The other cop glared at him as he turned to look at the parked people carrier, no signs of a single person exiting the vehicle. Piercing crimson eyes suddenly glaring through the darkness, reminding the lad of that scene from Jurassic Park, before the T-Rex made itself known. He snapped out of his daze as his taller, darker haired partner poked him. "Come on, let's book these kids." The other policeman smiled, playing with his clean white gloves. And soon they slowly approached the parked vehicle, the short and tall male, not expecting the danger within. (A.n: Can anyone guess who the two cops are? Yeah I lack in the idea department)

Yami glanced back at the police car behind, groaning as he saw two figures walk towards the vehicle they were occupying. Turning his heated crimson gaze to his right he saw psycho lilac and dark amber staring right back at him, both with equal size grins plastered on their face.

"Bakura, you idiot! Now look what you've done. You said you could drive a car!"

The ex-Pharaoh growled, as the asked Tombrobber just shrugged his shoulders, not caring. Malik on the other hand was idly playing with Bakura's white hair, stroking the soft locks and trying to make a plait out of it. The only sound heard was the pitter-patter of the rain hitting the vehicles roof as the tension between the three yami's began to heat up.

"He's driven more then a car Yami."

"Heh Malik's right you know. Maybe I could show you later..."

"Is that really all you two think about, Ra damn it. Now we're going to get arrested thanks to you idiots."

"Oh, so I wasn't even driving and now I'm getting blamed for this? Typical."

"It's your looks Malik, you look like a psycho killer to me... wait you are." Bakura chuckled as Malik blinked and nodded in agreement with him. "Heh well I've heard I look good in stripes but I just hope the lines are going the right way otherwise Yami's going to look fat. Wait Yami being fat? Is that even possible…?"

Yami rolled his eyes as he swatted the Thief round the head his Tri-coloured hair shook gently at the action, a gasp emitting from his lips as the tanned yami climbed onto his lap grinning happily.

"Malik! What in Ra's name are you? Oh… hmmm… d-doing? There's cops coming and aaahhh... oh—h-.oh… Hikaris!"

Bakura watched the pair shaking his head whilst suppressing a chuckle, his eyes soon looking at the window as a white gloved hand tapped at the glass rapidly, the white haired driver having no choice but to wind down the windows. Bakura's narrowed eyes soon spotting dark brown eyes, a slight shade lighter then black staring back at him, a sly smirk on the other figures face. (A.n: Okay I'm just going to make this clear, Bakura's in the drivers seat whilst Malik and Yami are also in the front with him, someone else is in the back…)

"Would you mind stepping out of your vehicle Madame?" The cop asked, the grin never leaving his face as water droplets trickled down his face, the weather seeming to worsen. Bakura on the other hand frowning dangerously as he growled, leaning his head closer to the policeman's face.

"Firstly I'm a male, and secondly I don't think so."

The officer turned to his shorter partner and shook his head soon facing Bakura once again. "Hmm, It makes sense why you where so flat then, anyway I'm sorry sir but you have to step out of this vehicle." He tapped his gloved finger impatiently on the car window, looking at the other two yamis and frowning.

"Er excuse me, you do know that a…" He pointed to Malik who was currently biting on the Pharaoh's neck. "That it's illegal to have sex in a public area and b..." he then pointed to Yami, who was trying to pry the tanned male off him. "He's under age."

Crimson eyes glared at the officer angrily as he managed to move Malik to the side of him, a growl rumbling in his throat. "I am not underage! I have you know I'm way, way older then the age limit, by a few thousand years in fact." The Pharaoh pouted as Malik began to pinch at his cheeks, chuckling madly at the same time. The policeman shook his head again, now starting to get annoyed and stepped back, clicking his fingers producing a faint spark.

"Ed, I think we've got ourselves here some drunks. I think the tanned male and some underage kid who thinks they are a few thousand years old give enough evidence."

The officer named Ed, grinned as he rubbed his hands eagerly whilst he ran back to the police car, grabbing a Breathalyzer and handing it to the taller cop.

"Here you go Roy."

Roy smiled as he took the equipment and attempted to open the door, sighing with frustration, as he couldn't open the locked door. His eyes narrowed as he saw the white haired yami grinning at him, a fang resting on his bottom lip.

"Urgh anyway sir can you put this in your mouth and give it a good blow."

Bakura stared at the object and shook his head, still grinning. "Ra no, I'm not blowing on plastic, I've got these lot to do it to and trust me they are better then plastic any day. Anyway by the looks of it that thing hasn't even been washed."

"You have no option sir, Blow!"

"Fuck.Off! No wonder you cops are so frustrated you want to watch us innocent bystanders blow in front of you. Why don't you ask the shrimp there to give you a good old job and then you'll probably be a lot more happier."

Roy glared as his eyes began to shimmer like a faint flicker of a flame was within them, his fists were clenching dangerously as he looked at his partner, who seemed as pissed off.


Ed's cheeks puffed up as Roy, Ed's boyfriend growled spotting the three yamis grinning and sniggering at them.

"THAT'S IT!" The blonde haired cop shouted as he brought out three pairs of handcuffs staring at the three males. "You three are under arrest for drink driving, having sex in indecent areas and finally trying to have sex with an underage hooker." Roy nodded as he pulled Bakura's hands off the steering wheel and put the cuffs over his pale wrists, the yamis watching intently.

"Well who knew the cops were into this sort of stuff, heh."
Bakura chuckled as he looked at Malik, winking whilst Yami growled angrily at the insults once again. "Well officers I think you made the wrong choice for trying to arrest us, and calling Yami a whore, he's nothing of the sort! He just likes to… oww!" Malik rubbed his head as Yami's hand hit him, frowning and then smiling slightly as Malik's wrists were trying to get cuffed.

"We have the ultimate weapon against all evil and even this sight will make you officer's crumble. Prepare yourself, okay I would do an evil laugh but I'm not qualified."


"Thank you Bakura." The Pharaoh sweat dropped as the white haired yami grinned and fiddled with the handcuffs intently, Malik's eyes starting to glaze over as little thought bubbles started to appear in his non existent mind. Yami just sighed heavily as the two handcuffed Yami's either side of him seemed fascinated with the handcuffs on their wrists, too fascinated for the Ancient Pharaoh's liking. His crimson eyes spotted the button he was looking pressing it, a grin spreading across his lips

"And now your worse nightmare, well okay er… nightmare but it's debatable but er..well…"

"Yami you will never make it as a bad guy, you can't just go 'er' and 'but'..."

"Does this really matter at the moment Bakura?"

"Exactly, now gentlemen meet you doom."

Ed and Roy exchanged curious glances as the heard a faint click, the back windows of the people carrier slowly winding down, to reveal."Er, It's pitch black and empty…" Ed sweatdropped as he stood on tiptoes, Roy chuckling slightly as he stood behind the short policeman and picked him up slightly, both seeing totally darkness in the backseat.

"What's that?" The Taller Cop asked as he saw a faint flicker of lilac. The flicker was joined by another lilac sparkle, Roy blinking and staring intently. The lilac was soon joined by two sparkling gems of amethyst and later doe brown gazed back at the two males.

"Roy? What is that…."

"Eyes…" Roy whispered, still staring as the 3 pairs of eyes moved forward, each of them glistening with tears, which had yet to spill. Faint whimpers could be heard from the things in the back of the vehicle yet no facial expressions could be seen just large watery eyes that seemed to grow more and more larger over a matter of seconds.

"Roy…" Ed glanced at his partner and tapped his shoulder, well tried but due to his lack of height settled to tugging on the males arm instead. "Roy…er…this is not good."

"Agreed, now how about I shine some light on the subject."

The cop known as Roy brought forward his gloved hand, a red symbol with a salamander on it could be seen. His fingers clicked briefly as the rain had now settled, allowing a faint flame to erupt from his finger tips and light up the back of the vehicle, what the cops saw shocked them.

Three exact replicas of the three teens in the front of the car were staring back at them, their eyes swelled up with tears and their lips pouting. All three of the young males were shaking slightly and looking completely innocent and harmless and also scared out of they're whit's.

"Ed…it can't be...it's the.." Roy's speech seemed to have started to stutter the more he looked at the three lighter versions of the males in the front.

"It's the slut, women looking male driver and psychopath, but…they…look…so……adorable..and….kawaii..and.."

Ed's eyes were widening and a grin was appearing on his face along with his partner, soon both of the cops had their arms embraced around each other as huge, happy grins appeared on their faces as they began to look like they were physically melting. Ed and Roy slowly slipped onto the floor, giggling slightly and were repeating constantly a choruses of 'Aww's and Kawaii's' before they both spoke at the same time.


A series of evil chuckles came from the people carrier before it wasn't seen anymore, apart from a huge trail of smoke followed as it once again sped along the motorway; the cops long forgotten in a pile of mush on the floor.


Amethyst eyes narrowed as he watched the cops in the distance, his eyes now back to normal along with Ryou and Marik's who he was sitting next to.


Yugi whined at his darker half who was currently being once again straddled by the tanned Egyptian yami. Hearing no reply he pouted and blew at the single blonde bang that had fallen before his face, he tried again.


With no reply once more he glanced at his other two hikari friend's, Ryou looking like he was scolding his yami via mind link whilst Marik, actually Yugi didn't want to know why he had that look upon his face. Sweatdropping the smallest hikari leant forward and blushed slightly at the liplock Yami and Malik were currently in.


The tri-coloured haired male leant back, a flush across his face as he looked at his hikari's angry features.

"Er, hi..Aibou."The ex-Pharaoh licked his bruised lips absent mindedly as Malik ran his hands along the leather hips, Yami shuddering slightly and started at Yugi still who did not look too impressed.

"Yami! How could you do that?"

"What Malik was touching me…ahh..up."

Yugi sighed as he tried to ignore the faint ragged breaths he was hearing. "Yami I don't care about that, Malik goes for anything these days. Anyway how could you put us in trouble like that!"


Bat like white hair flapped as harsh brown eyes glared angrily at the Pharaoh and his modern version, both 'meeping' at the Tombrobber.

"Listen here Pharaoh's Runt, you get back in the backseat and continue playing your Gameboy and rant on why Pikachu is some sort of alien that is corrupting children's minds."

Yugi nodded quickly as he disappeared to sit back with Ryou and Marik, both seeming like everything was normal.

"And you Pharaoh…"

" ….. "


Silence was heard as the other two Yami's blinked and nodded their head's faintly, Bakura now looking back on the road and noticing a sign showing that a drive and stop restaurant was nearby. He would pull over soon and maybe get rid of some 'tension'. With a feral grin he put his foot full on the gear and drove on, deciding to put the radio.'There once was a man named Gold Roger who was king of the pirates, he had fame weal-'

Yami's eyes blinked as he turned the radio off again and started at Bakura, who's grip on the steering wheel looked like it would snap the leather wheel or brake the pale yami's own hand.

"Who does he think that guy is, First his a CEO and now his doing bloody Pirate Narration!"

"Er Kura I don't think that's Kaiba…"

"So why does that sound like him the? Hey Hey!?! Explain that one Pharaoh!?!"

"I don't know, I just don't think that's him…"

"Just because you were Pharaoh you think you know everything right?"

"What's this got to do with it…"

"Nothing. Now let me drive Yami! Sheesh your such a distraction!?! It's guys like you who want to make a girl become a Lesbian."

The Ex-Pharaoh blinked as he rubbed his head confused, soon shuddering again as Malik's hand decided to remind the once royal one they were still there. The sound of a Gameboy being switched on the, followed by clicks was heard as they soon approached the drive and stop nothing but the sounds of Pokémon to disturb the silence.


Bakura sighed as he finally had managed to park the people carrier, Ryou telling him that Disable Parking does not mean Mental Disturbed people can park there despite the white haired Yami's believe; he found a spot and was all too happy to step out of the vehicle at long last.
He stretched and gave out a moan of satisfaction as the other two front passengers Yami and Malik stepped out. All three of them gazed at each other as they licked their lips hungrily, soon dashing into Little Chefs and leaving the three Hikari's in the vehicle.

"Well looks like we won't be seeing them for a while?"

"Hmm, guess you have a point there. Oh well they have urges like everyone else speaking of which, oh Ryou…"

"Er Hehe, No Marik. Anyway I have a question? When did Yaoi suddenly become so important in this fanfiction? I thought that this was meant to be non-yaoi etc"

"Er what fanfiction?"

"I think Ryou's been on the sugar Marik. The question you should be really asking is what is Bulbasaur's real motives with those vines he has…"

The other two Hikaris blinked nervously as Yugi continued to play his LeafGreen Game not paying attention as he spoke.

"Er, I'm not sure I guess it's simply so he can play better. I don't know."

Ryou blinked even more as he shook his head, soon opening the door and deciding to step out.

"Listen I'm going to go in and get some drinks, did any of you want anything or would care to join me?"

Yugi shook his head, tapping away like a madman on the hand-held console whilst Marik slipped out of the vehicle and stood next to the white haired hikari. Rubbing his sandy lock Marik sighed and spoke,

"Yugi if you need anything at all, just come inside and we'll be at a table. The other three…I'm not so sure about."

Yugi was still tapping away.

"You sure you'll be okay here, on your own. In a car park. All Alone. Doors Unlocked. Rap- OWW! Fine we are going. Bye Yugi."

Ryou sighed as he smacked the other hikari over the head, walking away. Marik right on his tail.

"Marik he'll be fine, you didn't have to say all that."

"I'm related in some weird way to Malik, of course I'm going to say something stupid. It's in the jeans…well okay in Malik's case I bet you right now it's not." Marik replied, a small grin on his face as his violet orbs sparkled with amusement.

The white haired hikari, on the other hand, rolled his eyes and walked in.

"Like Yami, Like Hikari…"

The distant cries of Yugi yelling Pikachu was the only thing that could be heard.


Hours and hours felt like they had passed to little Yugi as he finally had defeated the Elite Four, a happy smile was on his face as he saved the game and finally exited the car.

"Hmm, now what to do?"

Remembering the rest of his friend's had gone into the restaurant he quickly ran inside the building and looked around. Some people where already sitting quietly in their seats whilst others were ordering from the tills.

"Wow, busy place."

He sweatdropped and scanned the little amount of people in the building, not seeing the other two hikaris or yamis at all. Raising a brow his ears quivered slightly as he heard faint grunting. Confused the hikari decided to follow the noise.

"What's that…?"

Sighing his sight came upon a cleaning cupboard, the door moving slightly and the nose seeming louder as Yugi inched closer. His eyes blinking as he soon leant his ear against the door. A frown soon suddenly appearing as he swore he recognized one of the occupiers of the cupboard.


Yugi cried as he opened the door, staring at the sweaty, tangled up site before him and slammed the door shut again. His heart racing at catching his yami in such an intimate and yet slightly appealing state.

"How could he? With those two? Be still my beating heart…I did not like that site, much. WAH!!"

The organ seemed not to listen as a blush spread throughout his cherub face, his fingers loosening the collar around his neck. Yugi's eyes searching frantically for a place to hide. His amethyst eyes soon spotted the male toilets.


Ignoring the weird looks he was receiving the tri-coloured hikari sprinted into the male loos, running straight to the sink and began to throw water in his face.

"Ra that was, I don't know. It kind of looked…nice…and…WAH NO YUGI BAD THOUGHTS! Ra I'm glad I'm alone otherwise…"

"Oh Ryou…"

Yugi's eyes opened widely as he looked at one of the toilet cubicles behind him, seeing the sign saying engaged he walked forward and stood in front of the door, curiosity getting the better of him. He just had to double check he wasn't hearing thing's.

"Marik? Ryou?"

He gulped to himself as he listened more, echoes of shuffling and breathing could be heard whilst Yugi continued to listen.
Poor little Hikari not knowing that one of his fellow kind is typing this about him and wanting to see him eavesdrop. We all know that he really is not innocent but instead a kinky little minx, but that's a different fanfiction children. This one is about eavesdropping and sadly, Yugi's the 20th victim.

Inside the Toilet Cubicle with Ryou and Marik
"So you sweet little thing, what do you want to say to me? Hmm.."

"Well er, ahem. You look well, hot."

"Hmm, now that you mention it, you do to. Now how about I suckle on your pale cherry lips and show you how to have a good time?"

"...that's a new one."

"We haven't got much time Ryou, get on with it."

"Huh, oh sorry."

"Hush, hush pet. Come to Marik."

"You send shivers down my spine."

"Let me hold you, hug you, love you."

"Take Me. Lick me till I melt."

"If you say so."

"I think your taking this way to seriously but I must say this is pretty comfortable."

"I told you, now shall we continue?"

Yugi sat from outside, blinking several times as he swang his feet backwards and forwards as he was perching on the sink.
"Wonder what's taking them so long? Why are they even in a cubicle together?"
Shaking his head rapidly he closed he's legs together and continued to glance at the door, the occansional moan and shuffle could be heard. Glaring he folded his arms and covered his lap.
"Body, I really hate you today..you're working against me!"
Sighing his ears continued to work against him and listen to the noises coming from the cubicle.

"Oh... I can see why you and Malik are so alike. It's disturbing"

"Really? Shall I demonstrate how Malik like I can be?"

"No, no it's fine. MARIK, you said we couldn't do that. Look and no touching remember!?!"

"I couldn't resist, it's just those sweet words that are making me do it."

"Please stop it, Marik. Stop licking it so slowly."

"Aww, Ryou is something wrong with that then."

"If you lick it that slow I won't get a go."

"Hmm, I didn't hear that. You'll have to beg."

"Marik. Just swollow it please!"

"Since you asked so nicely."

"Urgh. Thank you."

"Hmmm..boy did that taste good. A little salty but I guess it was worth it."

"Well let's see if I can make you last longer hey?"

"How is it?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure."

"Lick it more then."

"Nope still not sure, I'll nibble it instead."

"No, wait that's cheating, lick damn it Ryou lick."

"Fine is that better. Wait, yeah I can taste it now, you just need to give it a really good suck."

"Urgh, Ryou please stop taunting me."

"Just giving you what you gave to me."

"Keep going I want another go."


"Ryou. Faster, please I can't last much longer."


The two hikaris gulped as they saw the cubicle door slam open, Ryou clinging to Marik as the fimilar sight of tri coloured hair caught their view.

"Guy's how could you. Ryou? Marik? ."
Yugi asked, a furious look upon his face, his eyes spotting the sweets that where in Marik's hands. Love hearts. A sweet that tastes a lot better if you lick it slowly, so said the label anyway.
Ryou's face sadened as he climbed off from Mariks lap, Marik standing behind him slightly confused. Yugi still glaring at the pair before opening his mouth again.

"How could you...leave me out of the fun, with sugary goodness!"

The other two hikaris blinked as the shortest light had a pout on his face and looking dissapointed. Ryou sweatdropped whilst the tanned hikari grinned.
"Aww Yugi there's always next time. I'll ask Malik to buy me another pair, because these are a lot more better when shared right Ryou."

The white haired male sighed and held his head in his hands as he watched the other two grin at each other. "How can I put up with you two. And Yugi we were not doing what you were thinking."

"What was I thinking?"

"Well er..."

"Don't confuse the boy Ryou, explain. "


"Er, well you see."

Marik smirked as he wrapped a arm round Yugi and pushed him and Ryou back into the cubicle. Both hikaris blinking, confused as Marik followed them with a Malik like grin on his face as he threw the empty packet of sweets into a nearby bin before he closed the door.

"How about I show you what he meant.."

(End of Chapter)

Well okay the end of that chapter seemed really, well bad but I couldn't think of anything else. I'm sorry but I shall back into typing this story as I've missed typing it for so long. I mean it was like ages since I had typed this so I'm going to try and get into the flow of it again and I hope the next chapter will be better.
But I hope you've learnt not to buy the dodgy packets of love hearts, I did once and the things you get on them, are instresting as it shows. hehe hope that was okay for you peeps.

That's all really.
I promise the next chapter will not be up a year later okay. Thanks for reading and please Review, it would be appricate. And sorry for any spelling or grammer errors, I'll correct them later. See yas!