(Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans. Yeah, you heard me.)
Beast Boy's voice echoed throughout the halls of Titans Tower, followed by the sounds of his hurried footsteps as he ran to the living room. Several muted thumps were also heard, as he collided with walls along the way—in his rush, he had miscalculated the sharpness of several corners.
He burst into the living room with a huge grin on his face, which was quickly replaced with a sly smile as his eyes darted around the room. Cyborg and Raven were the only ones there, but that was fine. As much as Beast Boy liked having an audience, letting Raven know about her fatal mistake was his top priority right now.
"Heeeyy, Raaavvveeeenn!" Beast Boy called. Raven sighed.
"What is it, Beast Boy?" she asked, without looking up from her book. Beast Boy chuckled nastily.
"Oh, just that someone kind of…left her door unlocked," Beast Boy said, his huge grin reasserting itself. "Can you guess who it was?"
"Gee whiz, Beast Boy, I don't know," said Raven, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "But since Starfire and I are the only "hers" around, and since you're telling me this, I'm guessing it's my door you're talking about."
"Oooh, you're sharp today, Raven!" Beast Boy said. "But unfortunately for you, not sharp enough to lock your door." A look of pure, unadulterated evil spread over Beast Boy's face.
"All your secrets, all your deepest, darkest secrets are now accessible to me," he continued. "And do you know what that means, my dear Raven?"
"Don't do it, BB," called Cyborg from the kitchen, where he was making himself a sandwich. "You know what happened last time."
"Stay out of this! How dare you ruin my moment of glory!" yelled Beast Boy. He then turned his attention back to Raven. "I said, do you know what that means, Raven?" Raven sighed again.
"No, Beast Boy, please enlighten me," she droned, knowing he was going to tell her no matter what she said.
"It means…" Beast Boy paused, for dramatic effect, "…PANTY RAID!"
Beast Boy then ran out of the room, laughing like a maniac. Once again, all that could be heard of him was his rapid footsteps and the occasional thump from a collision with a wall.
Raven calmly turned a page.
"Uhh…Raven? You know he's going to go through your underwear drawer, right?" asked Cyborg, perplexed by Raven's response, or rather lack thereof.
"Uh huh," Raven responded.
"Aren't you going to, you know, do something about it?"
"Because I have a plan."
Raven turned another page. Cyborg scratched his head.
"Are you going to tell me what this plan is?" he asked.
"Oh, I moved all my underwear," Raven said. "I put an illusion curse in their place."
"Illusion curse?" Cyborg asked. "What kind of illusion curse?"
Before Raven could answer, the tower echoed with Beast Boy's screams.
"AAAAUUUGGHHH! Scorpions! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!"
"Oooh, that's nasty," said Cyborg. Raven shrugged.
Beast Boy's screams suddenly became more insistent.
"NOOOOO! Not fire ants! It burns! It buuuuuurrrns!"
"Whoa! Fire ants, too?" said Cyborg.
"Oh, the curse will randomly cycle through any illusions that Beast Boy finds terrifying, just in case he gets used to one of them," Raven said.
"NO! Not the Spice Girls! Anything but the Spice Girls!"
"Wow," said Cyborg, visibly impressed. "That really is nasty. How long will this curse last?"
"I don't know exactly," said Raven. "I've never used this particular curse before. Maybe a few hours, maybe a few days."
"AAAIIEEEE! Thousands upon thousands of tiny, vengeful Ravens! They're all over me! They're biting me! Why won't they stop biting me?!?"
"Remind me to never go in your room. Ever," said Cyborg.
"I'll put up a sign or something," said Raven.
Author's Note: Right. So, for those of you looking for something like Duplomatic or my Apprentice Pt. 1 spoof (my only other two stories up), sorry, but as you can probably tell this is a bit different. As I said in a few of my (excessively large) author's notes to Duplomatic, I'm posting this while I work out my next serious story. So, enjoy.
Also, since I'm having some trouble working out exactly what to do for my next serious story, I might be posting some other humour pieces, done in script format, that are a bit more like my Apprentice spoof (no Marvel crossovers, but some random crap humour and cameo appearances by C'thulhu—I hope I spelled that right). They'll be posted separately from this one.
Sorry to not have any consistent output going on, but Duplomatic was something that had been bouncing around in my head for a while that I just had to get out, and the Apprentice spoof came to me in a flash of inspiration, so I couldn't just sit and wait to get it down.
Anyway, back to the Bag Cave!