Title: Alexander's Erestor

Author: fazy


Pairing: Erestor/ Glorfindel, Haldir/ Alexander, Erestor/ Colin Farrell

Rating: PG

Summary: Erestor gets offered a role in Alexander The Movie! XD XD XD!!!

A/N: this ideacame about when my friends and i were fooling about, saying that one of the characters from Alexander looks just the way we imagine Erestor to be. honestly. he was a perfect incarnation of the beautiful Noldor. and then i thought, hey, there's no reason why it cant be Erestor...

A/N: no offence intended. this is meant to be a wacky, silly fic. if you want serious Tolkien, you're better off looking for something else. :D

Chapter 1


Erestor crossed his arms. "But why ?!?!" he demanded hotly. "Its my free time, Glorfindel, i should be able to do whatever I want, curse it!"

"Because!" the Golden One replied, "the last thing I need is you shaking your little..." he waved his arms dramatically to prove his point before continuing, "...ASS in front of the camera for the whole world to see!" he shouted. Erestor pursed his lips and simmered. There was no arguing with Glorfindel when he was in this sort of mood. Giving in for the moment, Erestor turned sullenly away.

Glorfindel sighed. "Erestor," he said seeing the other's silent resentment. "Erestor, please. Don't be that way," he said softly, comming up to embrace the fair Noldor from behind, but Erestor wriggled free and spun arouund angrily.

"I dont intefere with your life, Fin, and i expect the same measure of respect for mine. You spend all your time outside doing whatever strikes your fancy and all I'm asking is for three stupid months to do what I want to do and here you are kicking up such a big fuss! I mean, what the..." he trailed off, too modest to blasphme openly.

"You know what? I dont even get why I even asked for your permission in the first place! Its my life! I should be telling you my plans, not asking you to approve of them! I mean, I stay at home all day and look after your blasted cats and make tea for you when you come back and you wont even let me three months for myself? Valar! Fin, you wont even BE here, Fin, you'll be at your Vancouver conference! You wont even know I was gone-- wait, what are you doing?! Fin! Stop! Just let... me... GO!" he said, struggling as Glorfindel pinned him to his chest.

"No!" Glorfindel boomed, then softened his hold on the Noldor. "No, meleth," he said, "Please." He sighed heavily and drew Erestor close.

"Why?" Erestor said, but his tone was no longer confrontational. "Why does it bother you so much, Fin?" he asked gently.

"Because..." he bit his lip, unsure of how to continue. "Because... well, because I love you, Erestor. I love you so much... and you're so... so..." he trailed off and fingered Erestor's long dark hair while he thought of something to say. "You're an angel, Erestor," he said at last. "You are the most wonderful, beautiful thing-- person--- I know of... And I just... dont want to share you. With anyone. I love you."

Erestor sighed. How could he continue to protest now that Glorfinel had stated his reasons so clearly? Biting back his disappointment, Erestor sighed and curled up against his lover's chest.

The sex was hot and furious, just as it always was after an arguemet, but something felt different that night. Something felt missing. And Errestor lay awake, pondering over things long after his lover had drifted off to sleep. Something was missing. Something was not right. He felt incomplete. Heaving a deep sigh, Erestor rose from the bed and made his way to the telephone.


"Haldir?" Erestor blinked in confusion and checked the call against the number listed in his phone book.

"W'sup baby?"

"Haldir?!?" he said incredulously. It cannot possibly be the right number. Maybe the Guardian had moved out. Perhaps this was a new tenant.

"No, its Little Bo Peep speaking."

"Excuse me?"

"Well of course it's me, silly! Enough with the 'Haldir?!?'-ing already!" the Lorien blonde snapped.

"I'm sorry," Erestor stammered. "You sound odd over the phone."

"And you sound ever the same, Erestor, my old friend. So. How can I help you?"

"I was wondering..."


"I was wondering.... whether.... you've ever felt the need to well... assert your rights?"

"By that you mean to say that you want to do something that he'd rather you not do?"


"Well yes," Haldir replied. "It happens to all of us."

"And what if you want it really badly?" Erestor said tentatively.

"...Because you need to redifine your worth and prove to yourself that you still exist?" Haldir guessed.


"Well, we would would have to start at the beginning now, wouldnt we?"

"Do you remember Alexander?"

"Which one?"

"Tall chap. Blonde. Greek. Lived oh, say... about two thousand three hundred years ago give or take a few? Constantly up to his elbows in blood. Conquered most of the known world?"

"Aha! Now we're going places! What about him?"

"Remember how I used to be his scribe?"

"Yeah, it was so ultimately cool, running into you at Babylon. We really should meet up more often, you didnt even recognise me then!"

"Yes, well, the last time I checked, the Haldir I knew hadn't yet permed his hair and dyed it black."

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. We have got to start meeting up more often. Besides, that was just a phase."

Erestor laughed nervously. Talking to Haldir these days was like talking to a nutcase! "But anyway, getting back to the subject. Do you remember how I was working for Alexander and you were working for your Darius?"

"Dari-who? Oh, you mean the Persian chap! Yes, go on. Its just been so long, and there are so many names.. I cant even remember the name I went by back then."


"Who? Oh you mean my name? Oh, right! I always did think it was a silly name," Haldir laughed. "And its been aaaaaaages since I last heard it. So. Tell me. How is it that you're suddenly calling me and sprouting ancient names over the telephone?"

"Well, remember that thing I want to do that Fin thinks I shouldnt?"


"Well, I got a call from Oliver Stone this morning."

"The director guy?"

"Yes. He's making a movie about Alexander."

"Wicked! And?"

"Well, he wants me to play you."