Stupid to Love Him- An Outlaw Star fanfiction-by masamune

Stupid to Love Him- An Outlaw Star fanfiction-by masamune

Disclaimer: YAOI. In layman's terms, gay love. If you don't like that kind of thing, fine, just don't go and tell your parents on me. I don't own Outlaw Star or any of the characters. This is my first Outlaw Star fic so don't be too hard on me ne?

-----------------------------

-----------------------------

I really must be a fool.

Sure, I'm rich and live a life of luxury, but I'm constantly plagued by a problem. I am a good businessman, I try to be good-natured in negotiations, but no negotiation can help me now.

Me, Fred Lowe. Rich, powerful, handsome, with enough money and bodyguards to solve anything… But I can't solve this problem.

I'm in love.

Sure, it's a beautiful thing right? Being in love's great right? Would there be so many movies about it if it weren't?

Being in love with a person that doesn't love you back is the most painful thing in the world. Lately I've found myself drinking away my sorrow at the local pubs, trying to drown away the picture, the thought of Gene Starwind. It never works but that's probably what I'll be doing after I leave the office tonight.

Gene Starwind… I sigh just thinking about him. He's everything anyone could ever want in a man. Funny, good looking, strong, adventurous… I think I'm wasting my breath trying to list all of the qualities that make him so wonderful.

…I must be stupid to be in love with him. Everytime I see him I make it so obvious. He knows, knows I won't ever give up on him. If I had half a brain I would…

It's killing me slowly. Everyday I wake up after having dreams about him and look at myself in the mirror. I can't help but think, "Look at me, I'm miserable. Gene doesn't want me, so what am I worth at all?" Depression seeps in and I can't stop it. It hurts me when I catch snippets of conversation about me, when I see Gene and Jim give each other little sidelong glances, I know I'm the butt of jokes between them.

And it eats away at me. Each day I feel worse and each day I'm more and more in love with Gene Starwind.

I am stupid. I know it hurts me but I love him still. What does that say about my intelligence ne?

I could sit and complain all day, but it won't do any good. There's work to be done. I have to talk to Gene later about some weapon parts for his ship… I'm both dreading and yearning for that time to come.

I hate to have to look into his eyes. I love him so much.

I must be stupid.

~owari

Note: Okay… before you all go jumping down my throats let me explain. I just did this little angst ficcy here as my first experiment with Outlaw Star fanfiction. I know it's probably pretty poor but every hallway has its first step. Hopefully I'll start producing some good stuff in the near future…

Send feedback to MasamuneEHS@hotmail.com