CREDITS AND BLOOPERS AND DELETED SCENES

The Tiny Toons characters, Chicken Boo, The Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister) were created by Tom Ruegger, Glen Kennedy, Dave Marshall, Ken Boyer, and Rich Arons, I think.

However, Duncan Duff, Amanda Duff, MacArthur 'Mac' Duff, Emily Duff, and Queegee Bananaho were created by Deanna Oliver, I think.

Nasty Canasta was created by Charles Mendelson "Chuck" Jones, I think.

Granny "Emma" and Yosemite Sam were created by Friz Freleng, I think.

The names of Santa Claus' reindeer were conceived by Clement Clarke Moore.

Rudoph, however, was created by Robert L. May.

Bugs Bunny was created by Tex Avery.

Honey Bunny was created by Robert McKimson

Lola Bunny was created by Leonardo Benvenuti, Timothy Harris, Steve Rudnick, and Herschel Weingrod, I think.


"No, Tex, it's NOT over. Not until J or J.A.M. are gone. I WILL win. I'm RICH. I HAVE to win. No (CENSORED) felines are going to get the best of me, EVER! I WILL DESTROY THE J, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

With that, she threw him out of her way, and—

(KATHUD!)

—tripped over his footpaws, sending both to the floor.

"CUT!"

"Sorry there, Tex."


Suddenly a scowl replaced her smile. "J was a (CENSORED)! We could have made beautiful music—and profits—togeth—" Nothing. "Togeth—? Together?"

"CUT!"

Dakota called out, "UNCLE! YOU MISSED YOUR CUE!"

The door creaked open, "Someone needs to cue me a bit louder, don't you think?"


She jumped back with a start. The raspberry had come from the wall! But there was no one there, either! Just the portraits—

"PHHHLLLBBBTT!"

"PA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"CUT!"

"I'M—HA HA HA HA HA—SORRY, BUT I WOULDN'T LAUGH IF HE DIDN'T LOOK SO FUNNY!"

"Can we get another Scrooge here?" quipped the portrait.


(By Rottin Kid)

The ghost loosened the bandage on his head, and much to Dakota's fright, that caused his jaw to swing down to his chest, allowing a horrifying shriek to explode from the apparition—

(WHAM!)

—Causing Dee to go flying into the wall of the set.

"CUT!"

"(groans) Could we turn down the wind machine, a wee tad?"


(SHOOF—WHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…)

Dakota dashed to the rampart, quite shocked at seeing the ghost fall off the balcony like Professor Wile did in his old shorts. As soon as she looked down, though, Hughes' ghost suddenly shot back up to her face—

(BONK!)

"CUT!"

Dakota staggered back, holding her nose, while Howard held his head, both in agony. "You leaned too far there, Dee!"

"(CENSORED)!" was all she could say.


All characters are © Warner Brothers/Amblin Entertainment (and used without permission, but it's doubtful that they mind) EXCEPT FOR:

Nolan Carrotte, Talleen Carrotte, Lionel Carrotte, Nigel Carrotte, Lizbeth Fox, Adam Junior "A.J." Fox, Sir Rupert Carrotte, Lillian Carrotte, Viktor Norka, Amanda Norka, Soho Prep, and Jessimyn Wolf, who are © Jennifer Cleckley. Used with permission.

Adam Fox is © Eric Richardson. Used with permission.

Roberta Rat and RuBarb Carrotte, who are © Jerry D. Withers and Lee M. Withers. Used with permission.

Miranda Carrotte, who is © Jerry D. Withers and Zachary Zulkowski. Used with permission.

Erik Wolf, Jason Wolf, Jasmine Wolf, and Lillian Wolf, who are © Erik Ahlstedt. Used with permission.

The M, who is © The J.A.M./Jennifer Cleckley.

THE FOURTEEN: Team Aleph (first litter): Buster Junior Bunny, Alexandra "Alexi" Bunny, Miriam Bunny, Tex Bunny, Isidore "Crazy Friz" Bunny, and Shotsy Bunny. Team Beth (second litter): Mortimer "Morty" Bunny, Rebecca "Bekki" Bunny, June Bunny, and Hunni Bunny. Team Gimmel (third litter): Barbara Ann "Anni" Bunny, Melvin "Mel" Bunny, Buck Bunny, and Charles "Chuck" Bunny; who are © The J.A.M.

Dakota Dee, the wives, husbands, fiancée, sons, and daughters of the Duff family, Beauregard, The J.A.M., The R.I.C.K., The T-M.A.N., The R.R.O.S.I.E., and The E.M.M.Y., who are also © The J.A.M.

I suppose that the representations of Christmas Past and Christmas Present are public domain.


(Also by Rottin Kid)

Without a word, the Ghost grabbed Dakota by the back of her shirt and hoisted her off the bed.

(ri-i-i-i-ip!) Suddenly the pyjama top gave way.

(fwoomp!) And Dakota landed back on the bed, where she quickly wrapped the comforter around her torso. "What IS this? Torture Dee week?"

"…cut…"


"But what about all the dealings that I still have pending?" she protested.

"Oh, don't worry. Your dad sent a chicken with me to deal with those. Trust me, he's the—no, wait—"

"CUT!"

"Buckawk!"

It took Dakota and the students a while to stop laughing.


"J! I will find out your name, J! One way or another, I WILL know! AND ON THAT DAY, I WILL CURSE YOUR REAL NAME AND YOUR RELIGION!" By the time Dakota finished screaming, the young onça was out of sight. "I WILL TAKE YOUR HIDE AND USE IT FOR PYJAMAS!"

"…and…cut—"

"YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME, JOR-EL! EVEN IF IT TAKES AN ETERNITY! YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! AND SOMEDAY—YOUR (CENSORED)!—I mean—'heirs'—ha ha ha ha!"

"That's enough, Dee, just get ready for the next shot."


"I—um—if you want to—well—I'd like—to continue the workouts—and—and all the competition. I know—I know now that you're—you're—(grunting)—better than me—but—but—that doesn't mean—well—that we can't—we can't—um—train—with each other."

"Sounds fine to me. I never knew you could take so much, and I'll tell you, I—I—never knew you could—take so much—and make me forget the rest!—I—"

"CUT!"


Props by Acme Co.

Bicycle furnished by Montero.

Soho Prep was established by Jennifer Cleckley.

Soho Junior Academy was established by The J.A.M.

Loony Elementary was also established by The J.A.M.

The CPNM² Hybridisation Research Foundation and The Norka-Carrotte Hybridisation Research Foundation were also established by The J.A.M.

Club Swank was established by Jennifer Cleckley and Jerry T. Withers.

Mary Melody's wardrobe furnished by Oscar de la Renta.

The J.A.M.'s wardrobe furnished by Yazbek and Casio.

Dakota Dee's wardrobe furnished by Pierre Cardin.

Elmyra's wardrobe furnished by Miss Take.

Soho Junior Academy's uniform designed by Jennifer Cleckley

Santa Claus' wardrobe (and his appearance in general) was designed by Thomas Nast. Additional designs by The J.A.M.

DIP was created by Gary K. Wolf.

The term "aniplasm" was coined by Abel DuSable.

International Nekkid Day was established by Pepe K.

Looney Toon consultant: Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman


"A waste?" asked the ghost. He reached into his bag, and pulled out—not a present—but a handful of gold dust.

"GOLD!" screamed the teenager, lunging for the bag.

(WHUMP)

And grabbing it, making everybody laugh.

"CUT!"

"A bit slow there, grandpa," she giggled.

"Sorry."


"Well we certainly can't call it the (CENSORED) Band. Unless we only wished to play rough clubs," chuckled her boyfriend, and host, tuning his—

(POINK!)

Nolan exhibited the guitar to the camera while everyone laughed.

"THESE ARE THE WORST STRINGS IN THE WORLD!"

"Oh, just cut already…"


The older rabbit looked blankly at all of them, then he resumed his teeth grinding. "Well—with what Dee did today—she—she made Scrooge look like Sister Teresa."

The band stood still at that (but eyeing each other), while Dakota just crossed her arms. "What, she only made it to 'sister', Tex?"

"CUT!"

"Say what?"

"MOTHER Teresa!" screamed everyone, laughing.


"Because," he replied, shutting the closet and locking it, "she knows her presents are here. All she has to do to receive them is (CREEEEAK) come here and—" he turned and tried again. "—and help me lock this stupid door!"

"CUT!"


Before she could put her jaw back in place and reply, a swift kick suddenly burst open the door—

(THUD!)

—and the door fell to the floor.

"CUT!"

Anni looked sheepishly at the fallen door while Tex laughed, "Tee-hee—I'd better go easy on the leg bench presses, don't you think?"


Both cousins looked at him, and then A.J. looked at him in the eye. "Prayer, my friend. Lots and LOTS of prayer," and he too scrambled up the ladder—

(SLIP!)

A.J. barely managed to grab a rung, but he definitely slipped.

"CUT! You okay, Adam?"

"Just barely!"


"'If these shadows remain unchanged'," he proclaimed solemnly, "I see a new nursery, new baby furniture, new baby clothes, and new baby toys, all new—" Dakota sighed in relief, "—and unused, carefully preserved, yet gathering dust. If these shadows remain unaltered in the Future, the baby will die." Dakota gasped slightly. "But," added the ghost, business-like, "Perhaps you're right. 'Why don't they let evolution take its course and eliminate that freak before it's born, geez'!" She whirled at him, as if she had just been slapped in the face. Then, with a sternness never seen on someone so jovial, he leaned down to her face and scolded, "Child! 'If a child you be in heart, not adamant, forbear that wicked cant until you have discovered who the Freaks are, what they are, and where they are. Will YOU decide what toons shall live, and what toons shall die? It may be that in the sight of Heaven, you are more worthless and less fit to live—"

"Cut…"

"What was wrong with that?"

"Nothing, Santa—it's just that the couple behind you can't stop smooching for a moment."

"We just can't help ourselves!" giggled Miranda.


Original casting by Steven Spielberg.

Additional casting by Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty and The J.A.M.

Voice direction by Andrea Romano.

Mary Melody is Cree Summer Franks
Dakota Dee is also Cree Summer Franks
Duncan Duff is Whitby Hertford
Granny is June Foray

The Fourteen are:
Team Aleph:
Junior is Charles Adler
Alexi is Tress MacNeille
Miriam is Candi Milo
Tex is John Kassir
Friz is Frank Welker
Shotsy is Sherry Lynn

Team Beth:
Morty is Nathan Ruegger
Bekki is Nancy Cartwright
June is Russi Taylor
Hunni is Kath Soucie

Team Gimmel:
Anni is Francesca Marie Smith
Mel is Luke Ruegger
Buck is Richard Beals
Chuck is also Richard Beals

The J is The N.I.M.H.
The M is Keisha Knight-Pulliam
A.J. Fox is Frankie Munez
Roberta Rat is Alyson Court
Nolan Carrotte is Daniel Radcliffe
Talleen Carrotte is E.G. Daily
Howard Hughes is Terry O'Quinn
The ghost of Christmas Past is Dick Van Dyke
Yosemite Sam is Noel Blanc
The ghost of Christmas Present is Chuck McCann
The Clerk is Casey Kasem
Elmyra is also Cree Summer Franks
Mac Duff is Matt Frewer
Emily Duff is also Tress MacNeille
Amanda Duff is Soleil-Moon Frye
"Baby" Duff is James Earl Jones
Cousin One "The Artist" is Yeardly Smith
Cousin Two is Toran Caudell
Cousin Three is Tara Strong
Cousin Four is B.J. Ward
Cousin Five is Luke Ruegger
Cousin Six is also Pauline Renniee
Babs Bunny is also Tress MacNeille
Buster Bunny is also Charles Adler
Miranda Carrotte is Laraine Newman
Lionel "Leo" Carrotte is Rob Paulsen
The J.A.M. (cub) is The N.I.M.H.
The R.I.C.K. is also The N.I.M.H.
The R.R.O.S.I.E. is Herself
The T-M.A.N. is Himself
Nasty Canasta is Himself
Janitor One is Mike Myers
Janitor Two is Hank Azaria
The Auctioneer is John Moschitta
Wakko Warner is Jess Harnell
The Pen-pal is Phyllis Diller
Gogo Dodo is Frank Welker
The Minister is also James Earl Jones
Montana Max is Danny Cooksey
Dizzy Devil is Maurice Lamarche
Mel's Son is Bill Murray
Nigel Carrotte is Jeff Glenn Bennett
Amanda Carrotte is Emma Watson

and

The J.A.M. as himself

Special appearances by:

Bill Cosby as The Doctor


(Yet another by Rottin Kid)

She whirled toward the source of the sound—and immediately fell to hands and knees. "Okay...somebody stop the floor, I wanna get off!"

"Cut!"


"You do realise," she explained, turning to him, "that I'm underage, and I can't go into bars for several years yet."

He insisted with his gun.

"Listen, dummy! I can't go in there! I may be evil, but I'm NOT an alcoholic!"

Suddenly Canasta dropped his arm and chuckled.

"CUT!"

"This would be easier if you didn't make funny faces, Dakota!"

"ME?"


(Still another by Rottin Kid)

The Caucasian pushed open the swinging doors, making them creak on rusted hinges—or at least TRIED to push open the swinging doors. She heaved and grunted for several moments before hanging off one of the doors, and panted a bit. "A little help here?" Dee asked with a grin.

"CUT!"


The brunette had enough. She pulled away from the window and demanded, "ALL RIGHT, CANASTA! JUST WHOSE STUFF ARE THEY AUCTIONING OFF!"

The ghost just stood there.

She raised angry fists. "(CENSORED) it, you—hee hee—just have—HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"CUT!"

"WHOSE MAKING THE FUNNY FACES NOW, CANASTA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"


For a moment, the ghost twirled his gun, as if thinking something, and then backed out of the room. The girl followed him—

(click-click-click-click)

Dakota rolled on the floor with laughter while Canasta chuckled, "Heh heh, forgot to reload between scenes—"

"Cut…"


Music directed by Steve Bernstein and John Van Tongren.

"O Fortuna" ("Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi") from the album "Carmina Burana" is © Deutsche Grammaphon. Arranged by Carl Orff. Performed by the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Directed by Herbert Von Karajan. Used without permission.

"Red Letters" is © 1998 Achtober Songs / Out of Twisted Roots Music / Blind Theif Publishing / Fun Attic Music, from the album "Supernatural", © 1998 Forefront Records / Virgin Records America, Inc. Words and Music by Toby McKeehan, Michael Tait, Kevin Max and Mark Heimermann. Performed by Charles Adler, Tress MacNeille, Candi Milo, John Kassir, Frank Welker, Sherry Lynn, Nathan Ruegger, Nancy Cartwright, Russi Taylor, Kath Soucie, Francesca Marie Smith, Luke Ruegger, Richard Beals, Keisha Knight-Pulliam, The N.I.M.H., Alyson Court, Daniel Radcliffe, and E.G. Daily. Used without permission.

"Hallelujah" is © 2001 Dreamworks Records. Written by Leonard Cohen. Performed by John Kassir. Used without permission.

"War" is © 1985 Scotti Bros. Records. Written by Vince di Cola. Performed by the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Used without permission.

"It's My Party" is © 1986 Broken Records. Written by Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin. Performed by Frankie Munez. Adapted lyrics by The J.A.M. Used without permission.

"The Lost Christmas Eve" is © 2004 Lava Records, from the album "The Lost Christmas Eve". Written by Paul O'Neill. Performed by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Used without permission.

"Last Daze" is © 1990 Dayspring (Word) Records, from the album "Beyond Belief". Words and music by Bob Hartman. Adapted lyrics by The J.A.M. Performed by The N.I.M.H., Francesca Marie Smith, Frankie Munez, and Daniel Radcliffe. Used without permission.

"I'm with you" is © 2002 Arista Records, from the album "Let Go". Written by Avril Lavigne. Adapted lyrics by Jennifer Cleckley. Performed by Cree Summer Franks. Used without permission.

"The Reason" is © 2003 Universal Records, from the album "The Reason". Written by Douglas Robb. Performed by Hoobastank. Used without permission.

"Cry For Love" is © 1995 Reunion Records, from the album "I'll Lead You Home". Written by Michael W. Smith and Brent Bourgeois. Performed by Cree Summer Franks and John Kassir. Used without permission.


"Hello, Dakota," he replied. His voice had deepened over the years. He looked at the lab coat that covered his daughter, in contrast to his charcoal business suit. "This is a big project you're working on, isn't it?"

"…………that's a good question, Dad."

"CUT!"

"Sorry, I got spaced out there. What was my next line?"


"Uh—if we were all invited at different times, how is it that we all arrived at the same time?" asked Buck, slowly. Everyone looked around, and stood still.

For quite a while.

"CUT! Who didn't cue the doors?"


"THEY WON'T!" screamed Buster. "You can have them! You can raise them and make them your employees, servants, sidekicks, ANYTHING! But—but—it seems that #19 needs a change!"

"CUT!"


(Hey, another one by Rottin Kid!)

Then, like the proper toon she was, she began bouncing all over the room a-la Daffy Duck, with the required, "WOO-HOO! WOO-HOO! WOO-HOO! WOO-HOO!" that normally accompanied such celebration—

(WHAM!)

And promptly slammed into a wall. "Dang, what's the deal with these walls?"

"CUT!"


(What do you know, here's another one by Rottin Kid!)

Her bare feet, in contrast to the rat's Wellingtons, stiffened under the chill of the snow, sending shivers all over her —"(CENSORED), that's COLD!"

"CUT!"


(Oh dear, one more by Rottin Kid!)

Suddenly the brunette grabbed his paw and proceeded to dance around the sidewalk, with the bewildered albino rat in tow—until they tripped each other and landed in the snow, with both Dee and Nigel laughing themselves silly. "Man, when did I become such a CLUTZ?"

"No clue, old girl, but it was rather funny."

"(sigh)…cut…"


The "Search your feelings" line was, of course, originally written by George Lucas and is © 1980 Lucasfilm. Used without permission.

No copyright infringement is intended or implied. I did all this for the fun of it.

All of the characters, places, and events portrayed in this fanfic are fictitious. Any resemblance to any real persons, places, or events is unintentional and purely coincidental, except in cases of severe self-insertion, I suppose, but even then the similarities are controlled, hee hee.

SPECIAL THANKS

To WE-haul.

To Milton-Bradley, for Pictionary®™.

To Professor Nathaniel T. Freeman, Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, Jerry Withers, and Radar Foxbat, for providing vital character information.

To Abel DuSable for a few obscure references here.

EXTRA SPECIAL THANKS

To Charles Dickens.

To Rottin Kid/The Incredible Werekitty, for all your help and suggestions, especially on Stave Four.

To Chris Silva, for helping me get my data back. You're the best.


"The heliport is on the roof—just take the elevator down the hall—HA HA HA!—wait, did you say you didn't prepare dinner? Don't worry—HA HA HA HA HA!—I'll take care of that, too! NOW GO! YOUR NIECE NEEDS YOU! AND YOU CAN KEEP THE SUITCASES!" She practically shoved him out the door—

(THUD!)

And he fell at the entrance.

"…(sigh)…cut…"

"Oi fell on moi tail, wot…" he groaned under the suitcases.


She was leaning into his face, making him lean back. Slowly, he reached behind him, preparing to brandish a mallet. "D-Dee, what are you talking about? I can't help you anymore!"

"'HELP'?" she blurted, as if she had been asked for a weasel. And for no reason, both began dancing:

"Help! I need somebody—

Help! Not just anybody—

Help!"

"…cut…"


(Ack! One more by Rottin Kid!)

Oh, I could DEFINATELY get used to this, thought the female, now getting quite thoroughly lost in the kiss as it deepened. Tex leaned Dee back, and they were both suddenly interrupted by both Tex's and Dee's feet slipping in the snow (fwoomp!) and they both fell in.

"CUT!"

The humanmaid just laughed.


"PUBLICITY STUNTS!" Dee uttered in pure disbelief. "Bekki Bunny, if this was a publicity stunt, would I be here, instead of at a press conference, forgetting my lines and wondering why the cue card guy just went on a coffee break!"

"CUT!"


She didn't get to finish her request, because suddenly her uncle picked her up and carried her on his shoulders—

(BONK!)

—bonking her head on the top door frame, making everyone laugh.

"CUT!"

"Uncle, you forgot to duck…!" she groaned, nearly falling off him.


(Don't panic, but there's one more by Rottin Kid!)

"AAAHHH! ELMYRA!" screamed The Fourteen, and immediately hid—behind Dakota.

"MO—"

(KATHUMP!)

The fourteen rabbits were now on the floor, on top of Dakota.

"CUT!"

"All right! WHO didn't study their Toony Evasion and Hiding 101!" demanded Alexi.

"Hee hee, we dog piled Dakota!" giggled Buck.

A muffled Dakota groaned from the bottom "Who's wearing the 'Baby Loony Tunes' underoos? This was NOT a view I wanted!"

"PFFT! I had somebody's FOOT in my mouth!" hissed Shotsy. Elmyra, meanwhile, was holding onto the doorframe laughing herself silly.

From somewhere in the pile, Bekki cursed, "And it went so (CENSORED) well in rehearsal!"


(This is insane! Still another by Rottin Kid!)

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Fourteen lagomorphs bounced/stampeded out of the room.

Dakota and her cousins—were nowhere to be seen?

"CUT! What happened here?

From the floor, a flattened Dakota groaned, "Medic..."


Just in case you're wondering, the various ways of saying "The End" are written in English, German, Afrikaans, Dutch, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Italian, Romanian, Polish, Russian, Latvian, Finnish, Greek, Hebrew, Malay, Hokkien, Seneca, Chinese, Japanese, Norwegian, Swedish, and Mayan, respectively.

END TAG:

Talleen comes out of the TTA rings and proclaims, "God bless us, everyone!"

Until next time, remember:

I AM THE J.A.M.

Good evening.

(WARP!)


DELETED SCENES

It could be said that from the ending of Stave Five to the conclusion of the first encore is a deleted segment in itself, as that was my original idea for ending this story. Rottin Kid had other ideas, of course, and after VERY long nights of discussion, I gave in and thusly prepared the second ending. There was one other idea that I had scrapped: I had originally intended for the Ghost of Christmas Future to be another character instead of Nasty Canasta. Basically, this is what the end of Stave Four and the beginning of Stave Five would have looked like if I had gone along with that first idea.

Suddenly, the silence was broken.

Despite the sound being infinitely hushed, lower than a whisper, the surrounding silence made it sound like a sonic boom that pounded in Dakota's brain and chest. It took her several seconds to identify the sound as a very soft crunch of gravel, almost too soft, but as it increased in volume she also heard some very deep breathing, almost a growling. She whirled toward the source of the sound—

—and fading in from the mist, walking toward her with only the sound of his footfalls, was The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come.

STAVE FIVE - THE LAST OF THE SPIRITS

Dakota Dee had never been so scared in her life. The sight and sound of the ghost tore at her innermost recesses, ripping away all the presumption and pride and greed and hate that she had built for herself. As the ghost came closer, she began to distinguish him from the surrounding darkness. It was a monster black panther, 2 metres at the shoulder, with muscles rippling as it padded closer and closer to her. It wore no textile whatsoever. As it moved closer still, she saw that the face wasn't covered by anything, either, in fact, she could see the face—

"I don't believe this," she commented with an involuntary crack in her voice. For a moment, she thought that J's, or even his father's face, was the same face of the panther in front of her, but a permanent scowl and baring of fangs indicated otherwise. Also, there was a faint red glow coming from the eyes. The breathing was definitely mixed with growling, characteristic of non-toony feral panthers. "Now isn't this ironic?" she scoffed. "How fitting that the personification of the future just HAPPENS to be a blatant reminder of my nemeses, while remaining completely unknown, and also having the ability to scare the (CENSORED) out of me!"

The panther stood in front of her, his unblinking gaze tearing down the insolence of the humanmaid below. His glare tore at her so much that she had to turn away. Trying to drown out her own terror, she commented, "I suppose that you're not going to say anything?"

Breathing/growling.

"That's what I thought. You'd think that Whoever did this would just THINK of having you use an incredible invention that has revolutionised communication everywhere: it's called SPEECH. If you try that, you could get your message through to me much more efficiently."

The ghost showed no amusement or surprise at her suggestion. She continued, "You're really freaking me out, more than the other two, you know."

Silence.

She didn't know what would be more horrifying: a demonic voice, a mechanical breathing a-la Darth Vader, or the infernal breathing/growling that was consuming her, broken only by her own cries. Seeing that she wouldn't get any dialogue from him, she sighed with defeat. "Okay, okay, so you're the Ghost of Christmas Future. You're here to show me what could happen later on. But how are you going to show me anything here? We're in the middle of nowhere!"

Finally, the ghost gestured. He turned his head toward a building on Dakota's left. It only took her a moment to deduce that he was telling her where to go. She turned—

—and saw that he was pointing to a saloon.

"You do realise," she explained, turning to him, "that I'm underage, and I can't go into bars for several years yet."

He insisted with his head.

"Listen, dummy! I can't go in there! I may be evil, but I'm NOT an alcoholic!"

Without saying a word, the ghost leaned over and picked up Dakota by her pyjama neck, and padded over to the saloon. "HEY! WHAT—! You know, that is getting reeeeealy old." The ghost's head pushed open the swinging doors, making them creak on rusted hinges, and unceremoniously dropped the Caucasian on the dusty wooden floor.

The saloon looked like any abandoned and decrepit western saloon, except that there were no tables, chairs, or barstools. There was a bar on the opposite side, but there was nothing behind it. A seemingly endless wall with countless windows completed the front side. Dust, dirt, and sand were everywhere.

"This place looks a lot bigger from the inside than from the outside." She stood and turned, "Okay, we're here, and I doubt you're going to buy me a drink. So now what?"

The ghost then did something odd. He padded to the first window next to the door, raised a paw, and slid it open. Dakota didn't think that to be anything special—

—then she did a double take when she noticed light coming from outside, but only through that window. Cautiously, she approached it, and looked outside—

—and looked back inside with a raised eyebrow. She looked outside again to make sure that she was seeing what she was seeing. "Now this is decidedly strange," she said to herself, as she examined the scene "outside".

"Outside" was actually "inside"…

That was basically it. I hope you enjoyed this story!