Ode to Alchemy (FMA Drabbles)

A fanfiction by Erin Lightning


DISCLAIMER: I don't own FullMetal Alchemist. If I did, you would not see Roy Mustang (a.k.a. Sexy Fire-Snappy dude) in any of the episodes? Why? He'd be too bust trying to keep my clothes company in my closet.


EPISODE ONE: Reindeer

Alphonse and Edward apply alchemy to Christmas. And we learn Roy's secret identity....when a certain someone is too busy to remember his job!


Al rolled over in his bed, his eyes catching on that dusty white stuff that kept smacking soundlessly into the window of the quaint, yet tiny little room. He looked over at the little figure on the bed next to his, noticing that Edward wasn't asleep yet either.

"Oniichan?" asked Al. "Is something wrong?"

Edward had one of those "thinking-about-the-universe-and-trying-ever-so-hard-not-to-think-about-Roy-but-still-adding-the-colonel-into-every-theory-just-'cause" looks. He rolled over to look at Al when called. "I was just thinking," he said. "How can reindeer fly?"

Al blinked. "It's because they're magic," he answered with child-like innocence.

"There's no magic involved! It has to be some form of alchemy! I mean, things just don't fly, something makes them!" He sat up suddenly, punching a fist in the air. "If we could harness the power of the alchemy that allows objects to fly, then we will be able to TAKE OVER THE PLANET!!! And then I will no longer have to obey that-!" He paused, coughed into his hand once to stop himself from saying what he was about to say, sat down on the bed, and then dropped the knife he had picked up during his tirade. "I mean.." he said, "It'd be…um…cool to figure out what kind of alchemy makes that work.."

Al blinked, then nodded. "Yeah it would."

Silence.

"You think maybe that Santa's an alchemist?"

"I dunno, Al. What if he was?"

"That would explain the reindeer." Al shrugged.

"Yeah it would."

Silence.

"Goodnight, Ed."

"Goodnight Al."

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At the North Pole…

Santa stood in the midst of the North Pole, trying to shove his sleigh, reindeer and all, onto a giant transmutation circle.

"Ho,ho,ho, this thing gets heavier every year! You'd think jolly old Santa Claus would have lost a few pounds by now!" Santa joked with some of the gathered elves, who just shook their heads sadly.

"Just.a…..-heave, heave- little….bit…..furth…" There was a loud SNAP of wood against ice, and then a stream of jolly expletives, followed by a "uh-oh."

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At the State Alchemy Office…

"Roy?"

"What is it Maes?" Roy looked up from his paperwork.

"Santa called. He'll be a bit late. He couldn't get it on the circle again, broke the sleigh, something like that," Maes replied with a shrug.

"Right then." Roy went back to his paperwork.

"He says you'll have to replace him this year, maybe," Maes added.

Roy froze, shivered, gulped. Oh, not again, there was no way he was going to dress up in the old fat man suit and go around acting all happy-happy while breaking his back. "R…right, Maes. Call him back and tell him to get his ass down here NOW with that thing, or he'll be stripped of his permit…and we'll lower his salary."

"Whatever."

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(a play-off of the fanfiction "Wazzup"….)

"Santa?" Maes drew in a breath. "Wazzzzup?"

Santa paused. "Wazzup!"

"Wazz…..z.zz…up??!!"

"Wazzup!"

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4 hours later..

"Wazzup!"

"Wazz…z…zzzz..u…p.."

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(Play-off finished)

Two days later..

And Christmas wouldn't have come that year if it had been left entirely up to Santa. He was too busy having a chat with Maes to remember to finish his job. And Maes was too stupid to remind him.

However, the story didn't end there. A mysterious, raven-haired fat boy in a jolly red suit managed to pick up the slack and get all of the present-delivering finished just in time.

Hawkeye found Roy on this day, lying on the ground outside only five feet from the Alchemy office, face-first in the snow, with a giant, broken pile of wood behind him.

"Colonel?" Hawkeye asked.

Roy, twitching spasmodically, muttered, "Too…much….alchemy…cannot…even…move…finger….owch…"

And that is how Roy Mustang saved Christmas.


END of Episode One


Authors Note: Just me, being stupid, got bored in class. Please review!