The Feelings of The One Ring
LiL Pippin Padfoot
Disclaimer: I do not own the real Ring of Power, just a cheap plastic imitation. Movie-verse.
Hi. I am the most overlooked person; excuse me, being, in the Lord of the Rings.
Sure, Legolas has TONS of fangirls. Aragorn has followers. Faramir has people crying over him. People stare Frodo. Heck, even people feel sorry if not disgusted at Gollum. People don't hate me. They don't even care about me.
I mean, I just coincidently ruined Middle Earth, if not but for a little while.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not evil. Not really.
No, actually, if I had the choice, I would have been a wedding ring, or something happy. But like I said, it's not MY fault.
I made my first appearance when Sauron forged me, to rule everyone else. I mean I am a natural made leader; I enjoy large crowds and attention.
Okay, so Sauron takes me to a party, but not a lot of people are having fun, considering that hey, half of them are dying. Go figure.
Well then, this really rude guy chops me off Sauron's finger.
But I like this guy, because he keeps on this chain, and everyone can admire me. I am just that cool.
But of course, all my favorites die. So then I am trapped in a river.
Not good for my finish, I'll tell you that.
So then this freaky thing picks me out of the river. I mean finally!
Then hey, he's got a friend, I don't mind, they get in an argument. Over me! Guys, I'm like flattered, but, HEY! That dude just killed that guy. Oops, we all make mistakes.
The other creepy dude takes me. And then he eats raw fish, and keeps me for hundreds of years! In a cave!
For pities sake, no one like wants to go to a cave, not the best place to show me off!
Finally I get my chance to escape.
But I fall into the hands of another of these creepy critters, now called hobbits.
This guy, Bubo, gives me at least a little attention.
Then, comes the ultimate party killer, Gandalf.
Bubo gave me to his cute little nephew, you know, the one with the big, blue eyes?
Then Gandalf goes on and on that I'm evil, or something of that nature.
Which I'm not.
Gandalf makes this big eyed, cute, innocent hobbit on this kamikaze mission, along with his Gardner. Gardner! At least get me a body guard.
We meet up with two other hobbit dingys, Mary and Pippin, and both of them are guys. Hmmm. Right…..
So then we get to this place called Bree, and go to an inn, where I FINALLY convince the big eyed hobbit to show me off.
But then this scruffy man, (looking very much like one of my favorite owners), tells this hobbit that I am dangerous! Preposterous. Gandalf must have talked to him. And convinced him.
Then I find out that I may have some fans, only to find out my arch-enemies, the old Kings of Men, are after me.
Oops. Jeez, they can hold a grudge for a long time.
Then I again convince this cute lil hobbit to put me on. Not a good idea, he gets stabbed. Sure, I felt bad, but he didn't have to listen to me.
Okay, so then we get to Rivendell, and I am put on this block to be admired by all. Until this mean dwarf (Gimpy?) tries to like murder me!
Then they get in an argument over me.
Not again. This normally results in death.
So we leave with an elf (Degolas), dwarf (Gimpy), the 4 hobbits (Big Eye, Gardner, Mary, and Pippin), the scruffy man who is related to Izzy, my favorite owner, A dude from Gondor (Roromir), and party killer Gandalf.
Wonderful! A camping trip!
Well, everything is going great, especially when Gandalf dies. Then this ungrateful hobbit offers me to this freaky lady, but I would match her dress…
Then I was trapped with this stupid hobbit and his Gardner.
Well, it all started when Roromir tried to attack this ungrateful, big eyed, hobbit. I mean I was flattered, but this always results in death.
So this smart lil hobbits runs away with his Gardner.
Then we end up walking, until we meet up with my former owner, the slimy critter that made me stay in cave.
Apparently he still wants me.
Then we meet poor, pathetic, pitiful, Faramir.
And it's all, poor me this, and poor me that. My brother's dead. Blah, blah, blah, get a life. But I did like him because he wanted to kill the slimy lil critter. Sadly the big eyed hobbit wouldn't let him.
So Faramir lets us go, and then we start out to Mordor, where I was made. I was getting excited, I hadn't been to my place of origin in a LONG time.
Little did I know that I was going to be destroyed.
Well, nothing happened for a while, but I was mad at the stupid lil hobbit, so I made myself heavier.
Then we reach the cave of this GIANT spider.
Like it's mutated, I swear.
So then she almost kills this poor big eyed hobbit.
So I'm taken by his Stupid Garnder. Great.
Even though the lil hobbit is ALIVE!
Too late now, bucko.
Well, Garnder has to be hero-boy and save lil big eyes.
Then they both get to Mordor.
And they are ready to throw me over, then this cute lil hobbit turns evil.
He wants to keep me and rule the world. Yeah, right, a hobbit rule the world. As if.
Then that slimy lil critter shows up, bites that lil hobbit's finger off, and admires me.
But being stupid and slimy trips, and kills us both!
And that was my end.
But, I am misunderstood. Pity me, hate me, love me, as you would all the other characters. Thank you.
It killed me to write those things about Faramir. I feel bitter regret.