Enter: Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.

Harry sighs.

Ron: Hermiiiiiioneeeee.....I hate these things. Harry does too. Why do you always drag us to them?

Hermione: Someone has to review these things Ron. And I'm sick of reading about Ginny and I, or Snape and I.

Ron: Snape!!?? (shudders and sits on the couch)

Hermione: Exactly! (plops down next to Ron)...how do you think I feel?

Harry: I forgot that you two are actually a popular couple.

Ginny: That's nothing. I'd rather read about myself with Snape then my brothers!

Ron: WHAT???

Harry: I hate every single one I read. They're rubbish....all of them.

Ron: I don't know what kind of fanfictions you two have been reading...

Ginny: No...there's a few good ones. Personally...I like the angsty ones. Like where Ron realizes he'll never have Hermione because she's either in love with Harry or Draco and he goes crazy and they lock him away in Azkaban.

Ron stares at Ginny blankly.

Harry: Yeah...those one's are all right. I don't mind reading the funny ones...like about my parents. But I hate when they over do it and make them come back and stuff.

Hermione: That's....odd....Ginny....(pauses) I like the fluffy ones.

Harry: (smiles evilly) Like the romance ones?

Ginny: Where Ron confesses that he loves you?

Harry: No! It's happens that there's a another ball...

Ginny: And Ron gets all flustered and asks her...

Harry: Or gives her a really "special" Christmas gift and they use the same corny line..... 'Oh Ron, said Hermione softly as she opened the box revealing a beautiful silver charm necklace.' And then she cries and-

Ron is turning redder and redder by the minute.

Hermione: (blushing almost as badly as Ron) Well you two sure seem to know a lot about them! And this from two who have an even more cliche, if it's possible, fanfiction relationship than Ron and I do. 'Oh Harry, I always loved you. Ever since I saw you on your way to Hogwarts', 'I've always loved you too Gin, ever since the Chamber-'

Ron: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE ABOUT ANYBODY AND THEIR FICTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS!!!!! .....I like the ones about me becoming Keeper for the Cannons...and that's IT. Apparently I am the only one who keeps it to a PG rating. Now let's read this bloody thing and get it over with.

Hermione: Ron's right. (steals a shy glance at Ron)

Ginny: How did we end up having to do this anyway?

Harry: (glances at Hermione skeptically) I can only guess...

Hermione: (pulls out her notebook, not meeting anyone's eyes) I thought it'd be fun.

Ron: (lets out a loud groan) Of course!

Hermione: Sorry, I forgot how difficult this task is for you, considering your reading level!

All the past fluffiness is blown to the wind.

Ron: I know how to read!

Harry: ENOUGH! (sinks into a chair)

Enter: Draco Malfoy.

Ron: Bloody hell....wonderful.

Draco: Weasel. (nods at Ron)

Ron: Did you invite him!?

Hermione: I had to! The beta people told me that if we wanted to review it, then all major characters involved had to be here.

Draco: (looks around and frowns when he sees Harry) If I read one word that might seem like it's slash....

Harry: Don't flatter yourself.

Ron stares at everyone blankly again.

Ginny: Slash Ron! It's where they pair guys together.

Hermione: (smirks) They're the most popular couple in slash, Harry and Draco.

Draco: (glares at Hermione) Not as popular as you and Weasel here, mudblood.

Ron: (gets ready to stand up) That's it Malfoy!

Harry: (sighs) This is quickly turning cliche...

Hermione: Ignore him Ron!

Ginny: Can we read the damn thing yet?!

Everyone is quiet for a moment.

Hermione: All right, let's get started. There's so many to choose from. (taps her chin)

Harry: Just pick one.

Ginny reaches in and grabs the top one.

Ginny: Ron Weasley and the Prefect Shower.

Harry: Oh....GREAT pun on words....

Draco: (snickers) This should be good...

It was a cold and stormy night. Rain pelted against the thick pane windows and the only noise coming from the Gryffindor boy's dormitories was a soft moaning noise.

Draco: So THAT'S what goes on in the Gryffindor dormitories....

Harry: Shut up Malfoy.

Draco: I always wondered. Hey...maybe this is one of those fics where Weasel here shags everyone!

Ron groans and looks disgusted.

Ginny: You'd better hope that's not the case Malfoy, because I have a feeling you'd be included in that list of conquests.

Draco shudders and glares at her.

Hermione: We don't know anything yet, and the opening sentences weren't THAT bad. I've read worse.

Harry: MUCH worse.

Harry Potter sat up and looked over at the four poster next to his. The moaning increased a bit in volume, and Harry sighed and rolled his eyes.


The moaning continued.



Groaning in frustration, Harry picked up his pillow and whipped it at Ron's sleeping form. "RON!"

Ron Weasley sat up abruptly. "What?"

Harry: (snorts) Ron wouldn't have woken that easily.

"You were doing it again."

"I was?"



"It's weird....and disturbing."


Hermione: Nice dialogue.

Ginny: I hate when like...six years old write this stuff.

Draco: Maybe they just write like six year olds.

Hermione: They wouldn't be writing fanfiction if they were six!

Harry: Embellishment Hermione....relax...let's continue reading. I'm on the edge of my seat. Right Ron? Ron?

Ron snores softly.

Hermione: (glares at him and smacks him on the back of the head very violently.) Get up!

Draco: (turns to Harry) You were wrong....he does wake up easily.

Ron: When Hermione bloody nearly gives me a concussion I do!

Hermione: Pay attention Ron!

"I just can't help it. All I can ever think about it is....

Draco: My sister.



Ginny: Called it earlier, didn't I Harry? That's three sickles you owe me.

Draco: I'll give you ten galleons to come by my dorm later.

Ron: Goddamn it Malfoy! I swear to God, I'll kill you!

Draco: Don't you mean, you swear to Merlin?

Harry: (squeezes his eyes shut) I HATE it when they use Merlin.

Harry nodded.

Ron scratched his head. "It was an accident, really. I knocked.....I knocked twice! But ever since I walked into the Prefects Lavoratories and saw her naked...I just can't sleep right."

Draco guffaws viciously.

Ginny: What the hell is a lavoratory?

Draco: I don't blame Ron though. If I'd seen Granger naked....I don't reckon I'd be able to sleep right either. That's enough to give a man nightmares for years!

Ron: Go to hell Malfoy!

Hermione: (glares at Malfoy, but places her hand on Ron's leg to stop him.) Ignore him Ron.

Draco: (in a high voice) Ignore him Ron.

Harry rubs his temples as Draco mimics Hermione like a parrot repeatedly.


Harry nodded. "Look....you have to talk to her about it. Just try to get some sleep and say something to her after breakfast tomorrow."

Ron swallowed and nodded, his face paler than usual. "Right....I'll try. Thanks old chap."

Ron sighed and settled back into bed, as visions of a naked Hermione danced through his head.

Malfoy laughs and slaps his knee as Harry and Ginny snicker.

Hermione: (blushes angrily.) Shut up!

Ron: Knock it off Malfoy!

Draco: What a lovely Christmas story....

Harry: Isn't the line...visions of sugar plums dancing through somebody's head?

Draco: (clears his throat) Well Granger does have her own set of sugar plums...doesn't she?

Ginny wrinkles her nose but starts to howl with laughter along with Harry and Ginny.

Hermione: Oh, well spotted pervert!

Ron: (a small smile twitches at the corner of his mouth) You were the one who wanted to do this.

Hermione: Shut up Ron.

Draco: (trying desperately to control himself) Hey Weasel, does Granger ever take magical rides in your sleigh?


Harry: This from the 'Hey Lavender, can I see Uranus too?' (starts laughing again) Wait.. (gasping for breath) What about 'old chap'?

The three start laughing again as Ron and Hermione blush and glare angrily.

Hermione: (tuts and puts the story down) Well....that's the end of the first chapter.

Draco: I can't wait to read the rest.