Ok this took me longer than what i expected but is finally finished! Yeah i present you with the final chpater of this fic and i want to thank the wonderfull people that send reviews!
And well i want to thank:
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And now i leave you woth the epilogue of this story... thanx for all the reviews!
Summary: ExtremelyAU Something happened in Tomoeda a long time ago and now it's all screwy and everyone's in a bad mood. Eventually SS
Epilogue: A Magician's Guidebook to Normal
By Sakura Kinomoto
The epilogue, this is where I give you closure.
Closure, this is where I leave you with that feeling of satisfaction that you've learned something new. This is where I leave you with that take home message, compacted into five words or less, that you can write on your notebook and read every day. Or maybe you can paint it above a sign and hang in on your doorway, or maybe you can do nothing and forget about it.
This is where I tie everything up, begging and end, into a perfect little package.
This is where I tell you how perfect my life has become, how the spinning never spun again, how I never lied again, grew up, had kids, how my grass never turned yellow, how my drains never got clogged.
Well I hope you're not too disappointed.
It's only been two weeks and my sense of insight isn't that great. This is a part of the process, you know, trying not to tell my own future.
So here we have it, if you listen hard enough you'll know that I lie again.
It's not as bad as it sounds.
Listen up: A lie is a judgement call, it all just depends on the situation.
I taught you how to lie before, step by step, now I teach you something new.
I don't know what it's called, but it has a process, a series of steps that will fit perfectly into that package that I'm calling closure.
Step 1: Repent
I'm working right now, so is Kaho, Rika, and Tomoyo. Friday night so only the regulars are here.
Notice how life settings always repeat themselves. Maybe it's tradition, maybe it's that I've lived here for so long that all the settings have to be the same, I'm not sure.
One thing I'm sure of is that traditions change after big mega-events like the one's we've all just had.
About the regulars...
The regulars are the people that feel sorry for the working class and decided to bring the party to the Magic Blast Cafe. Specifically, the regulars are the woman who sits in the corner (Her name is Debbie, she's not so insane after all, it's just that sometimes her dog talks through her... and her parents are Russian spies, it's true, she told me), Syaoran and his posse (which consists of Meiling, Eriol, and Yukito), Kaji, and Touya.
Of course, Syaoran is only here because he knows that I'm working.
Of course, Kaji is only here because he knows that Rika is working (apparently he found someone that turns him down more than I do).
None of us want to leave town all that bad just yet, there are certain things that Tomoeda needs to know.
Or, not know, as the case may be.
I'll explain later, right now I must pretend to work.
Me and Kaho lean our backs against the counter, sending googly eyes and evil smiles to our respective partners in crime.
It's enough to make everyone else want to hurl.
We're getting used to the teasing, the prodding, the all around confusion. Who knew Sakura Kinomoto would find love in Tomoeda?... not me... and now I'm down 20 bucks.
How's this for a moral: Never bet money on your love life.
I can hear Rika and Tomoyo having a sister fight, stacking tubs of ketchup in the backroom.
Kaho nudges me with her elbow, she says, "Are we having fun yet?"
Kaho, my one regret, and I think she knows it.
I say, "We went through a lot, to get here."
She sighs, "What happened, happened."
"Are you really ready for this, right here? Right now?"
She nods, because she knows what I'm talking about, because she's ready to listen. Me and Kaho, we have these cryptic conversations like this because, at this point, it's the only way she can talk about what happened to her. She can't use the exact words, the brutally honest phrases.
She says, "The butterfly flaps it's wings, Sakura, what would you do differently, where would you end up?"
She's talking about the butterfly effect. One situation causing another causing another causing another. What would I do differently? What if it changed the place where I was at today?
There's this one thing I would do differently. It may have caused Kaho to never become friends with Syaoran, she might never have made him feel worthy, which may have caused him to never go to that party, and so on, and so forth.
I say, "I would report him, the minute I knew."
Kaho, she shakes her head, she says, "I would have hated you."
"I would risk that."
"And you and Syaoran?"
I pause, "Yeah, I would risk that too."
"Because of the guilt?"
"Because of the guilt."
Then Kaho hugs me. She hasn't done this yet because she's still getting used to human contact and not feeling like a monster. She says, "You could still be miserable right now, you would have so many more regrets than you do now, you've still be killing yourself with guilt."
And I guess she's right.
See, how this all started was we all wanted something to kill.
We all wanted to kill the thing that was making us a magician.
For me and Syaoran, it was something inside. We became the guilt and the lie and the magician.
We embodied alienation.
Kaho wanted to kill the pain, the monster. She's dealing now that the monster is locked up.
You could say we're all dealing.
You could say we're all repenting and getting on with it.
Kaho, she says, "I owe you."
I say, "Someone I know needs freedom from guilt."
She says, "Done."
Step 2: Get therapy
"Did you move my lamp? Who moved my lamp?"
"Are we talking about you now?"
"We are if you moved my lamp."
"Syaoran did it."
Syaoran raises his eyebrows and gives me this look.
I smile, "Did you know it's Syaoran's birthday tomorrow?"
Dr. Reed says, "Who moved my paperweight?"
Syaoran says, "Sakura did."
Dr. Reed says, "I thought your birthday was five months ago."
I smack Syaoran on the arm.
Syaoran goes, "Did you know that Sakura has six toes? It's really gross, I try to convince her to keep her socks on at all times, but you know... sometimes... the clothing just comes flying off..."
Dr. Reed clears his throat.
I go, "Yesterday, Kaji inhaled a pixie stick, it was awesome, he's still blowing blue snot out of his nose."
Syaoran goes, "I think it's a pool thing, never take Sakura to a public pool, especially when there are young children present."
Dr. Reed moves his paperweight.
I go, "Ok Mr. I'm-just-doing-some-pull-ups, he walks around his house shirtless 24-7 saying, hey baby, look at my big manly muscles, then he's like, hey my parents are downstairs, then he's like, ohh don't you wanna touch my big manly muscles, then he's like, ohh too bad."
Syaoran goes, "I've never played the 'my parents are downstairs card'"
"Sure you did."
"Oh yea? When?"
"Umm... like... last Friday."
Dr. Reed moves his lamp.
Syaoran says, "Ok... you we're working last Friday."
"Oh yea... Thursday then."
"You gotta wear the antennas tomorrow."
"It's my birthday, you're supposed to wear the antennas all day."
Syaoran shakes his head.
I say, "Do you believe this guy Doc?"
Dr. Reed smiles at me.
Then it all goes quiet.
I go, "Hi."
Dr. Reed goes, "Hi."
Dr. Reed waves his hand around, "Oh, don't mind me, carry on."
"Oh Doc, not another hissy fit."
He shakes his head.
"Are you feeling unloved? We'll try harder."
Dr. Reed says, "I think we should start scheduling separate appointments again."
I throw my hands in the air, "OH, Doc, I forgot to tell you, turns out Syaoran is normal after all. You know, he's missing the telltale I'm-a-Merlin mark. I could have sworn I saw it but, poof, it's gone. Do you wanna see?."
Dr. Reed says, "No thank you Sakura."
I shrug, "It was really X-rated anyway. Hey Doc? I really think this therapy is helping me a lot."
Step 3: Freedom from guilt
Tomoyo is wearing her orange shirt, so it must be Tuesday. You know the drill.
She says to me, "You do realize that you don't go to school here anymore?"
I say, "Oh yea, did the school paper come out yet?"
"Yeah, they passed it out in first period."
"You didn't read it?"
Yukito says, "You smell like... paint."
I say, "Weird."
"You're up to something."
"Where are you going?"
"I'll be back."
I walk down the hall of the school that I don't go to anymore.
I need to find the school paper. The deal is that I'm no journalist so I hope I got my point across.
Syaoran sees me in the hallway, he smiles at me - that one smile - and he says, "What are you doing here?"
"Plotting against you."
"Well, you know me."
He grabs my wrist and tugs me a little closer, he says, "You smell like... paint."
Down the hallway, there's this tizzy and flurry of people. Kaji is passing out the school paper. He walks up to us and hands Syaoran a paper and says, "Did you hear it was a hoax?"
Syaoran goes, "What was a hoax?"
Kaji goes, "It's kind of depressing, I could have sworn I was one of them."
Syaoran, he goes, "What was a hoax?"
Kaji goes, "Party at my house tonight."
Syaoran goes, "What was a hoax?"
Kaji walks off.
Syaoran, he's looking kind of disturbed, he goes, "Sakura... Sakura Sakura... What was a hoax?"
I go, "Oh... you know... that magician thing... total rumor."
His face drops, he says, "Huh?"
I point to the paper, "Read."
So he reads.
The thing is that I should have thought of this so much sooner.
Oh well, what happens, happens.
So what is he reading?
A very hot story by yours truly, with all my claims to fame I really can't go wrong.
I'm president of the science club, I'm Kaho's friend, who isn't gonna believe me?
So in this story, the president of the science club does a very empirical study on the make up of the green light.
The president of the science club, what did she find? Well, she found that you can cause a pinch that will cause a blackout, if you overload the energy source of a switch, you put a green bulb near the pinch and just before it explodes it causes a big flash of green light before it causes a blackout.
Syaoran goes, "..."
Syaoran reads, "...metal you can find from a junkyard covered with paint, a couple kids probably fooled around in the park and made this big magician hoax, who knew?"
Here's the kicker: Even if there's someone out there that doesn't believe this, which I'm sure there are, It doesn't matter.
Because this is all something that Tomoeda needed to know.
It began as a rumor and it ends as a rumor. I'm just tying up the beginning and the end here.
Am I good or am I good?
Syaoran, he opens his mouth and he goes, "..."
Then, he pulls me into the eraser room.
I say, "What did they say about us being in here?"
Syaoran says, "You..." He cups my face in his hands and starts kissing all over my face, "are a genius!"
"I think it was more along the lines of... 'stop making out in the eraser room'."
"Do you think it'll work?"
I nod, "You know Kaho with all her power in society, she's helping me out, she thinks I did this for myself."
Syaoran smiles and bites his lower lip and leans forward so that our foreheads are touching, he says, "Sakura..."
I look up at him and I say, "So happy birthday..."
This is what me and Syaoran are like.
A third of the time we're like second graders, teasing each other relentlessly.
Another third of the time we're like this tragic Romeo and Juliet, drinking each other's air and looking into each other's souls.
Another third of the time... we're umm... uhh... use your imagination.
Step 4: Living in the world
Oh, how history repeats itself over and over and over with the smallest of variations.
A group of my friends sit in a circle before me.
Only this time, I'm in the circle too.
Only this time, nothing is spinning.
This is what I call living in the world.
It's not about going out and acting fake and changing my entire personality so that more people like me. It's about opening my eyes, looking around, finding things in people that I wouldn't normally see if I was stuck inside my head.
Tomoeda has changed, but not how you think.
It's changed in our heads.
We see it as it is now, it's just a place, a place where the people see it wrong and now they're starting to see it right.
It's still not so great, there's still nothing to do. But the hate that we heard, in between the words, inside the silence, we put that there, and then we took it away.
You could just trip on the healthiness of it all.
See, I'm still me.
Tomoyo says, "What about Humboldt."
Touya says, "That could work."
Yukito says, "Too college-ish."
Meiling says, "This is so unrealistic, are we really all going to move together?"
Syaoran says, "Yes."
Kaho says, "How are we going to find a college that's not college-ish?"
Yukito says, "Good point."
Eriol with a deadpan voice, he says, "This is so sweet, I think I'm gonna cry."
Tomoyo slaps him on the arm.
Kaji goes, "I need a kleenex."
Rika goes, "You're such a fucking idiot Kaji."
I go, "Hey, have you guys ever been nowhere?"
So me, I'm sitting here saying: Closure, you can shove it.
I don't think I'll give you my closure package. I think that this isn't over.
I think I'll just not close this off like some part of my life is ending or some part of my life is beginning.
I think It's just gonna keep on going, and spinning, and causing things to happen.
And over and over and over.
You know, like a wheel on a car, or a bottle, or someone's mind, or someone's life.
The ending, this is where I give you that five words or less deal, leave you with that warm, fuzzy feeling that you know something new.
Do you feel it yet?
So how's this for an ending: ...