Random Events

Emzies: And today I feel like being cruel…O SO CRUEL! Fear the cruelness

Mat and Mog: (--);

Disclaimer: do not own ff9 so there!

Claimer: (eating a flower) mmmmm

Chapter 1: Christmas is so evil!

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"Silent night, Holy night, all is calm, all is bri…"

"WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" Zidane screamed from inside the hideout! He was with the rest of Tantalus plus Vivi and Carol singers decided to knock at their door. When Baku shut the door in their face, they decided to sing extremely loud.

"Away in a manger, Where …" Baku then chucked a watermelon out the window and it landed on the tallest man's head.

"Gwahahahahahaha, Right in the head." The older man and Marcus gave a high five before the youngest girl in the group shouted at them

"You shall pay, we will tell our master."

"You really did it now Baku!" Zidane gasped.

"Your Christmas shall now be a living nightmare." The girl continued before they vanished into a puff of smoke. Vivi looked confused.

"Baku, where did that water-melon come from?" The black mage asked.

"Why, in this closet!" He stated opening the door to find all the water-melons gone. "Noooo my precious water-melons!" Zidane quickly vanished into his room and came out with a mask and underwear on his head.

"This looks like a job only Monkey boy can do!" The genome proclaimed sticking his fist in the air. Vivi sighed he then looked over to see a cup of coffee making his eyes grow extremely wide.

"COFFEE!" He screamed running over to it and drinking the hot liquid.

"Don't worry sir! Me and My trusty side-kick Vivi will find out about your missing Water-Melons, let us go to Alexandria!" Zidane saluted and jumped out of the window following shortly with a whiny voice squeak 'I'm okay'.

Meanwhile …

"They're everywhere, looking at me!" Dagger shrieked referring to the blobs of snow in the form of a man (Snowmen-DUH!). "They're evil, burn them BURN THEM ALL!"

"Brudda, we burned them all, Init!" Beatrix said in her sleazy way. Beatrix Steiner had on a cap back to front and dark shades covering her eyes (There was no eye patch)

"Are you sure! ARE YOU POSSITIVE!" The young queen screamed shaking Beatrix. "How can you be sure Beatrix?"

"Hey hey hey, none of this Beatrix stuff call me Stein-Trix!" Dagger kept a blank expression on her face, making Beatrix walk away back wards slowly. Steiner then burst into the door.

"It's TERRIBLE!" He screamed like a girl

"What, More snowmen" Dagger worriedly asked.

"NO, MY TEDDYS GONE!"

"No not…"

"YES, BOBO THE BEDTIME BEAR IS MISSING!"

"I know who it is!" Dagger screamed running to the corner with shifty eyes. "It was the Snowmen!" Steiner just ignored her and continued.

"AND IT'S CHRISTMAS TOMORROW! How will I get to sleep now?" He wept.

"Lighten up Brudda, You still have Mr Snuggles!" Beatrix explained causing a smile on his lips. "Respect"

"Respect!" Steiner replied banging his fists with hers. At that moment Eiko walked in. Dagger started to hallucinate, she saw Eiko as another snowman.

"Ahhhhhh get it out get it out!"

"Really My liege it is only a purple piece of cheese!" Steiner reasoned.

"Really Steiner that is no way to treat a lady! Anyway Dagger may I ask you a question."

"Whose Dagger?"

"Okay then, Is Santa Evil?"

"Well my Purple piece of cheese friend." Dagger stared scratching her chin. "It depends, if this 'Santa' you speak of likes Snowmen."

"Yeah he does."

"BURN HIM, LET HIM PLUNGE IN HELL! MAKE HIM SUFFER WITH THE BURNING PEOPLE AND FORCE THEM TO LICK PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF ODIN'S …."

"Your majesty!" Steiner screamed bringing Dagger back to her senses. "Don't worry cheesy, Santa is good, why ever would you think he is bad?"

"Because 'he sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake' isn't that just a LITTLE disturbing or am I imagining it?" They had a minute of silence.

"Whom did you hear this from?" Steiner asked.

"People are singing outside!" Eiko explained with shifty eyes. "They're scaring me!"

Meanwhile down the corridor…

Amarant was spinning in a pink tutu singing 'I'm pretty' from west side story when Freya suddenly came out of nowhere.

"Freya, Darling what's the matter?" The red haired man asked in a girly voice. Freya remained quiet. "Freya?"

"The fairy tells me to burn things!" Amarant suddenly screamed and ran down the corridor and into the front hall where he bumped into Zidane and Vivi. Freya then continued down the hall the opposite way singing like a spastic. "Blah ka ma ya da ge yia pa ra , Now Burn to music!" While with Zidane…

"Look Vivi… Mr pinkie by by!" Zidane said referring to Amarant while pointing his fist in the air. Vivi just stayed Quiet staring at Amarant who was getting extremely scared…again. "Tell us Mr pinkie by by where I may find the Nice lady."

"Oh, Darling do you mean Dagger."

"Whose this Dagger you speak of?"

"Garnet, Dagger, Sarah, was-princess, Now-Queen…" Zidane scratched the back of his head. Amarant sighed. "The girl you always make love too."

"Oh yes, that is who I am talking about,"

"Well she's in the throne room darling!"

"Thank you Mr pinkie by by!" Zidane saluted and ran to the throne room with Vivi wobbling behind.

With the author…

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha" A young girl cackled staring at her computer screen and typing words on with her Keypad. "First, Final Fantasy 9, but I want stop there, no, I'll destroy 7 then 8 and then 10, and who knows maybe even 12, mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Anyway back with Zidane who is now in the throne room…

"Are you Santa?" Dagger asked the newcomer.

"No it's me Monkey Man!" Zidane once again does the strange stance. "Respect Stein-Trix!" He added noticing the gangster-wannabe.

"Respect!" They banged fists together. "So who has you been Brudda!"

"Brudda? Brudda? I am not your Brudda! Just your neighbouring Monkey Man wanting a bit of publicity!" Zidane once AGAIN did the stance. "And we are on a mission? Have any of you seen the disappearing Water-Melons?"

"Water Melons" –Dagger

"Water Melons?" – Steiner

"Da Water Melons?" – Beatrix

"Water Melons?" –Eiko

"W-Water Melons?" – Zidane (Don't ask)

"WATER MELONS!" –Cloud

"Huh?" –Everyone except for Cloud. He then disappears into a puff of smoke.

"Random!" Vivi said making everyone stare at him. "Anyway, Have any of you seen the water melons?"

"Water Melons?" Zidane asked receiving a glare form the young Mage.

"No, I'm sorry Monkey Man and Pointy Hat boy but we have seen none of these Water Melons." Dagger stated.

"Maybe you need a better mirror then." Zidane said in trance staring at Dagger's umm…. cough. Dagger giggled. Vivi sighed.

"Well." The young black mage started. "It is time for us to go then." He then tried to open the door but it wouldn't. He tried a bit harder, still it wouldn't budge. "WE'RE TRAPPED!"

"YAY!" Screamed Dagger the only person who was not freaked out. "No more Snow-men can get me. Now if you excuse me." Dagger suddenly did a headstand, put her toes in her ears and waved her fingers around.

"Monkey Man reckons that looks like Fun." Zidane told the queen once again doing his gay stance before doing the same as Dagger they then stared to sing in unison.

"I feel pretty, oh so Pretty, I feel pretty and Witty and Gay! Oh so pretty.." They continued. Later on the group was getting bored. Dagger and Zidane had stopped and decided to poke each other instead.

"Poke!" Dagger said spastically while poking Zidane in the shoulder.

"Ow that hurt! I'm going to tell my Sister of you!" Zidane cried.

"How boring." Vivi sighed. "I wished I had coffee." Just the thought of coffee brought a smile to Vivi's lips and made him look incredibly scary once again. Randomly Freya burst through the wall and rolled onto the ground. She dusted her self of, opened the door (Turned the knob the other way round unlike Vivi) and walked outside into the corridor. The rest of the group hadn't noticed this and continued to do there on things. Then suddenly Kuja crashed the door open and walked in but stopped ad frowned.

"This isn't Pink fluffies 4 u!" He sighed and walked back out. Zidane and the rest ran through the doors and kissed the floor outside.

"mmmmmm, that was tasty, I wonder what it was?" Steiner wondered looking at the wet patch on the floor where he had kissed He shrugged and continued to kiss it. Eiko was doing the same only on a dry piece.

"Wonderful, Wonderful Freedom!" The purple girl shrieked. The group stopped and looked at each other.

"I'm scared, Let's go back into the throne room." Dagger admitted after not even a minute being out of the room. So they walked back into the throne room.

Meanwhile somewhere else…

"Here you are master!" the cloaked figures gave their purple master the water-melons. These cloaked figures were none other than the carol-singers. And there master was…was…was…was…

Anyway… meanwhile somewhere else…

"So what is the matter Timmy?"

"I keep pee-ing myself, once I even did it just outside the throne room, but didn't tell anyone."

"That's okay Billy, as long as no-one knows."

"My name is Timmy."

"I know it is Bob, it disturbs us all!" Timmy raised an eye-brow to the doctor.

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Emzies: (--); I don't know if I should continue this! If I do my next even will be Easter.

Mog: Please R & R, or we will not continue this fic!