Hey everyone! I know I'm meant to be finishing off my Lost in the Wild fic, but I seem to have writer's block for that right now... -.- So here I am, starting a brand spankin' new HP fanfiction, and I really hope you guys like this. -Crosses fingers and mutters feverishly-

Also, some of this idea of mine was thought up after I read the hilarious and wonderful fic by Ari Munami, called Seamus is Seamus and You are Yourself. Go read! You won't regret it.


PS: This story will be in the POV of different characters each chapter, so make sure you see whose thoughts you are reading about before you get confused.

PPS: Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Not me. OK?

& here it is...


10 Ways to Kill Draco Malfoy

Chapter One



Now, I don't want you to go think that I'm dangerous or anything like that. Definitely not. I'm a perfectly normal 16 year old witch who despises violence, and has no intention of ending up in Azkaban ever. I would never even think of jinxing anybody, unless they were just so annoying and irritating that no one can stand them any longer. That's when I would get up, calmly take out my wand and perform a hex on them.

And I know a lot of hexes and spells, believe me. If you don't, ask anyone who knows me. They'll confirm what I just said.

But there is one person and his two croonies who my friends and I jinx regularly. He completely fits into the category of people that I described above - and more. He's unkind, he's a liar, and plus he's a cheat. Once he and his followers tried to pretend to be a Dementor to scare Harry Potter into losing a Quidditch game, but Harry took care of them. Another time he got himself mauled by a hippogriff on purpose and nearly lost Hagrid his job (and for the hippogriff, its head). Again, Harry, but with me this time, just managed to save them both.

So you see what kind of person I'm talking about here. And you should have already guessed who it is.

That's right. Draco Malfoy. We've made him sprout little slugs, we've made his nose hang like a melon, and we've watched him being transfigured into a white ferret and bounced around the hall. All of this we did without feeling the slightest remorse or pity. Well, maybe remorse that he got turned back to normal every time.

I first met him on my first ever train ride to Hogwarts. He was kind of short, and had white blonde hair and unfathomable grey eyes that bored into you. He always either drawled or sneered (except when he was scared, hehe) and his face was just about permanently scowling. His lackeys, Crabbe and Goyle, certainly lacked something vital; intelligence. They were as dumb as they came, but somehow managed to scrape a pass in the end of year exams.

Anyway, Harry and Ron immediately made enemies of him and his minions, and I made friends with the former two, so basically Malfoy and I were not on good terms either. In the second year he let me know how much he hated me by calling me a Mudblood (a witch/wizard with muggle blood). The next year I got back at him by punching him squarely in the face. That had been extremely satisfying.

Now you should have a slight idea of why I hate him so much.

Well, right now, I'm on the Hogwarts Express, sitting in one compartment with my best friends, Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived-and-Keeps-Escaping-Voldemort, and Ron Weasley. Ron's little sister, Ginny, is here as well, plus Neville Longbottom, a rather forgetful boy who is forgetful no longer. Ever since his Grandmother, who got tired of him leaving things at home and having to send them to him by owl, performed a complex but effective memory gain spell on him, he remembers things that most of us have forgotten.

"Remember the time when you put me in a full-body bind to prevent me from stopping you getting out of the common room in the first year, Hermione? When you were going to that trapdoor?" He laughs. "That was excruciating. But I guess it had been for my own good, eh?"

You see what I mean about remembering things. I squirm, embarrassed, in my seat. "I hope you didn't mind too much. I did apologize."

"Oh, it's not that I'm blaming you for it. After all, it had been more than four years ago."

Has it really been that long since we helped Harry get to the Philosopher's Stone? This year is my sixth. Oh, right. It is more than four years. "Hmm," I say absently. Neville sees that I am not responding properly and starts to engage Ginny in conversation.

"So, how's your holidays been?" Harry asks me, leaning over the table piled with food (half eaten pumpkin pasties, a few chocolate frog wrappers and an unopened bag of Every Flavor Beans). He's grown taller, finally, and stands about half a head higher than me. Ron, however, being the gangly one, is taller still.

"It was alright, same as usual. Did you receive Ron and my letters?" Harry had not been allowed to go out of the Dursleys' house this past summer, and we knew how much that would torture him, so we kept him up to date with the wizarding world by sending him newspapers and stuff.

"Yeah, thanks. They really saved my skin. Dudley's not much of a companion," he grins. Ron, who has seen Dudley before, nods in agreement.

"Bloody hell, he's definitely not," he says. "I could tell from just one look. And from what I heard, he hasn't changed much since I last saw him."

"Don't be unkind, Ron," I say. "I'm sure he's, uh, trying his best to go on a diet now, isn't he? Didn't you mention he went on one two years ago, Harry?"

"Yeah, but I don't think it worked that well. He threw tantrums everyday and just about wrecked the house."

"Oh. I see."

The scenery flies past outside the windows. The train driver announces that we would be there in 40 minutes, and I look outside. The meadows that were there a few hours ago are gone, replaced by inky darkness. Night is falling.

"Let's get changed into our robes," says Ginny. We nod and when we come back, we find a strange scene; Malfoy is sitting in our seats, without Crabbe and Goyle. He takes an Every Flavor bean and grimaces to himself as he puts it in his mouth. Ron clears his throat loudly and he looks up. Ginny and I take a sudden breath. His face takes on the usual scowl again, but somehow now it doesn't hide how good his glowing, pale skin and his clear, light blue eyes look. Or the way that his blonde hair, which is not so tidy anymore and has grown longer to his shoulders, falls just above his eyes. His eyes. With their long lashes and icy intensity -

Someone please punch me. I am disgusting myself. What am I thinking? That Malfoy is actually good-looking?

Ron does. "What are you doing, Hermione! You were staring at him with an odd look on your face," he says, looking horrified. I notice that Harry is pulling Ginny away sharply, a look of amazement on his face. It seems that Ginny couldn't control herself as well as I did and had tried to leap onto Malfoy.

"So, it's true." Draco's lazy voice drowns out my thoughts. Ah! His voice! It's no longer the annoying voice we always knew, but a slightly deeper, more sexy dra -

I seriously need therapy. Right now. Where are those psychologists when you need them?

"All the girls have been staring at me for the whole train ride. At first, it was only Pansy, so I thought that was normal. Then she left and came back with more girls, most of whom decided to jump me."

So that explains the messy hair. I grin. He glares at me.

"That's why I'm decided to, er, stay in your compartment for the last few minutes. No one goes in your compartment, anyway." He reaches for another bean.

"What makes you think that we would let you stay?" says Harry coldly.

"And what makes you think that I want to stay in the same compartment as Potty, Weasel, Mudblood and their friends?" Draco snaps. "I'm close to desperate. That's why I'm here."

Ron clenches his fists in anger. Harry holds him back while Neville imprints this event into his brain.

"Just pretend he's not there and sit down," he mutters darkly. We do so. None of the boys want to be near Malfoy so Ginny is sitting beside him while I am forced to sit opposite him. Ginny is blushing furiously at sitting next to Draco but all I feel is dread and longing for the train to be at Hogwarts.

"How long until we arrive?" I ask. Malfoy's been looking at me for the past five minutes - glaring, no doubt - and I am feeling more than a little nervous and annoyed.

Harry shrugs. "Dunno."

The next twenty minutes is spent in nearly unbearable silence, except for the occasional munching of Ron, who has given in to his hunger and is scoffing down the last of the pasties. Draco is still watching me, occasionally turning his head to glare at someone else or to examine his Every Flavor bean carefully before throwing it away or putting it into his mouth.

I try hard not to look at him and instead stare out the window, but it is so dark outside that the window turns into a kind of mirror and I see Draco's face now looking at the window too. We exchange glares and when he does the finger to me I give him a rough kick in the shins. I am rewarded with a barely suppressed 'oomph'. My friends turn and give Malfoy the combined glare of all of them together, though Ginny chickens out halfway and looks down.

"We will arrive in approximately 10 minutes," the train driver says over the intercom. We heave a sigh of relief and after eleven minutes of silent insults exchanged between us, Malfoy gives me a painful kick and leaves to go to the great hall with Crabbe and Goyle, who had been looking for him on the train.

I am so angry with him that I punch the nearest thing hard. That thing turns out to be Ron's back and he is propelled forward by the force of the hit. "Ouch! What was that for, 'Mione?" he complains, rubbing his back, as he returns.

Harry pats me on the back. "I know how irritating Malfoy is. Just take it easy, OK? He's not worth punching Ron about." I hear the hint and look at Ron sheepishly.

"Sorry about that. I guess I got carried away."

Ron nods and stops rubbing his back. "You're forgiven," he says, smiling.

At the great hall we sit in our house tables. Most of the Slytherins are bunched together into a tight crowd and I have a feeling I know who's at the centre. Some of the girls from other houses stare longingly at that table, as if wishing they could be there as well. Ginny is one of them. I shake her and she looks at me. "Huh?"

"Don't look at the Slytherins like that! You're a freaking Gryffindor, for goodness sakes."

"Oh. I was?" She blushes and looks in the other direction. "Thanks for telling me."

I look at the teachers as Dumbledore clears his throat and the Slytherins return to their seats. Most of them are surprised as Draco is revealed. The female teachers raise eyebrows and exchange glances. The new DADA teacher, a young, pretty witch called Professor Anderson looks especially fluttery. I see them mutter to one another, before becoming silent as Dumbledore spoke. Then the plates filled up with delicious food, and everyone tucked in.

Ron is the first to stuff his mouth with food, as usual. The pumpkin pasties on the train didn't seem to have even slightly eased his hunger, and he piles his plate up with more food as he eats. Harry is watching, laughing, and dives under the table to retrieve something so that he doesn't die laughing as Ron chokes and turns red. He glances at me with a pleading look. I sigh and wave my wand. Instantly he looks normal again and continues eating.

When the feast is over, the student body begins to disperse towards their own house areas and only the teachers are left. I walk with Harry and Ron as we head towards the painting of the Fat Lady. The current Head Boy, a tall 17 year old with short brown hair tells us the password (major fortuna). The painting swings open and we clamber inside.

"Ah! It's good to be back," says Ron, flopping himself down onto the closest squashy armchair. Harry and I follow suit.

"Back to a comfortable, four-poster bed," agrees Harry.

"What, did the Dursleys make you sleep in the cupboard again?" grins Ron.

"Nah, I'm too tall to fit in there now." Harry shakes his head. "No, they made me camp outside some nights when they couldn't stand Hedwig flying in all the time and rattling her cage when there was mail."

I laugh. "From us."

Ron stands up and stretches. "Well, I'm going off to bed. Lessons start tomorrow, remember?"

"Oh, that's good," I say happily. "What?" I ask when the other two stare at me.

"I still can't believe you actually enjoy lessons," grumbles Harry. "But at least that means you can check our work."

We bid each other goodnight and I head up to my dormitory. When I get inside Lavender and Parvati rush towards me.

"Did you see Draco, Hermione?" Lavender says excitedly. "Did you see him? He looks sooo gorgeous! I can't believe I didn't notice it all along!" Parvati nods in agreement.

I head over to my bed. "But he's still a stinking Slytherin," I say as I climb under the blankets. I see Parvati shrug.

"Well, at least now he's a really sexy Slytherin," she says, giggling, and starts whispering with Lavender.

I have a feeling that I'm going to have some trouble falling asleep tonight, with those two around.


Good? Bad? Delete? It's all up to you readers to decide!

And I'm sorry for the unimaginative chapter titles, but I can't think of better ones... -.-;; Please tell me if I have made any grammatical or spelling errors. Thanks!