I'm about to go on vacation. I can't leave you guys hanging! So here it is! The grand finale! Where's Gaara and Kankurou? What's become of the jounin? WHEN WILL THIS INSANITY END!
All of these questions SHALL BE ANSWERED!
Been a blast writing this. Over 200 reviews...Wow, I'm full of joy and glee!
Kankurou yawned loudly and stalked the pool for some entertainment. He saw a few of the others but he didn't want to hang out with brats. They'd ruin his image. But he couldn't help but to wonder where Gaara was. Now that he could tease him with no threat of being killed, he kind of enjoyed being around the little twerp.
"Tee-hee! Do you think he's a natural red head?"
"Tell us, Gaara-Gaara? Are you red all over?" This was followed by a lot of giggling and a few squeals of delight. This made the puppet user raise his eyebrows in confusion.
"Uh...yeah." There was much excited squealing that ensued. Kankurou blinked dumbly and walked around the large pipe to find his brother surrounded by gorgeous women. One was sitting in his lap holding a drink up for him to sip from. Another was massaging his feet. Gaara looked up. "Oh, Kankurou. Where've you been?"
Kankurou forced a grin. He walked over and knelt beside his littler brother. "Gaara? Can I...talk to you for a second?" He smiled and looked around. "Now?"
Gaara shrugged. "Sure. Excuse me, girls. I'll be right back." He gently nudged the model on his lap off and stood up. There was much protest as he walked away and sexy pouting. Kankurou took Gaara far from them so that he could throw a proper fit.
"WHAT THE HELL?"
"What? The girls?" Gaara asked, nonchalantly. "Oh, there real nice."
Kankurou blinked. "Okay. Let's try that again. Gaara, why are you surrounded by gorgeous women?"
"Uh, dunno. They kinda fell in my lap." The short Sand ninja looked back at his entourage. "I got stuck in the water slide as they were coming down. I had to give Emi mouth-to-mouth. So since I saved her life we started hanging out together."
The sexy blonde in pigtails called out to Gaara. "Hurry back, baby. I sitting in your lap!"
"Aww, it's my turn to sit in his lap!" complained a curly-haired brunette.
"You, uh... gave...mouth-to-mouth to..." Kankurou couldn't spit the words out, they were so unbelievable.
"Emi. The girl with black hair and blue lipstick." He waved. Emi waved back and blew him a kiss. "Nice girl. Did you know lipstick came in flavors?" he asked genuinely interested.
Silence passed between them. "Well, that's a swift kick in the balls. I've been looking for hot girls this whole trip and they just... fall into you lap...literally. Hey, Gaara? Care to continue in crushing my WILL TO LIVE?"
Gaara considered this. "I'm not trying to. They're models. Lingerie models. Akiko is an 'adult film star'." He crooked his fingers in quotation marks. "And Haruka and Haruki, the twins, let me hold the quintuplets."
"Quintuplets? Wow, they look fantastic for having had four kids..." Kankurou looked over at the two twin girls who were trying to tickle each other. This illicited drooling from the older Sand ninja.
"No. No, Kankurou, the quintuplets aren't kids... They're... " He coughed and motioned to his chest. Gaara had to grin to see his brother in so much pain.
Kankurou whimpered, his bottom lip quivering. "They're boo...boo... Awwwww! Why are good things happening to you and not to me? It's not fair!"
Gaara patted him on the shoulder. "Red heads have more fun." He went back to his temporary harem, leaving his brother to sob sadly at his plight. The girls all pounced and pawed on him.
"This day could not get any worse..."
Gai sighed as he walked down the halls of the spa. He was all alone. Even Lee, his prize student hadn't bother to spend any time with him. What was a jounin to do? He harumphed at his sorry condition and looked out of a window to see a woman with a large puffy hairdo and flashy pink glasses sitting on a stone bench looking equally sorry for herself.
He considered her for a moment before walking through the doors to greet her. He flashed his classic Maito smile and sat beside her. "A beautiful woman shouldn't look so sad. It dulls her radiance."
The woman sat up and looked at him with surprise. She seemed about to say something but silenced and went back to sulking. "Don't tease me. I just can't stand it! I was invited her by my friends and they've done nothing but ditch me...Hmph."
Gai nodded sympathetically. "Me too. That bastard Kakashi tricked me into getting his girlfriend and I've barely seen that one-eyed bastard the whole trip."
"Why does everyone have someone but me?" they both whined in unison. The unexpected chorus made the both laugh in spite of themselves.
"Maito. Maito Gai," he introduced as he kissed the back of her hand.
She blushed and turned away slightly. "Hyuri. Hikari Hyuri." Gai grinned and as he stood up still gripping her hand delicately.
"Come, my Blazing Light! Let us cast off our depressing weights and show this spa what a good time is!" Hikari covered her mouth and began to chuckle. Her reactiong made Gai doubt himself for a moment until she erupted in a raucous laugh.
"My dear, Gai..." She stood up and with lightening fast movement, pulled him into a twirl that ended in a dip. "The shackles of solitude have fled from us! We are two shining shooting stars that have collided and now the cosmos shall see our might!" She righted him and put her hands on her hips. She grinned, her teeth glimmered.
Gai's eyes turned to all hearts. "You...YOU...WAHAHAHA! You have the shining splendor of a passion explosion!" He took her in his arms, in a mock dance step. "Hyuri Hikari."
Patrons passing by stopped in shock and stared at the peculiar pair. The way they sounded they all half expected something lewd to be going on but they appeared only to be hugging.
"Drunk?" a man asked his companion.
"Oh yeah. Definitely."
Kankurou sat on a bench and glared at his brother. He puzzled and puzzled and puzzled until his head ached. How? How was Gaara considered more attractive that him? He was tall, strong, and suave. Gaara was short, weak, psycho, and as smooth as sandpaper. How? How! "HOW!" He gritted his teeth as Gaara stood up with his harem.
They were walking towards him, his face contorted in fierce envy. He pretended not to be watching them as they passed by but his arm shot out like a rocket and grabbed Gaara by his arm.
Gaara wrenched his hand away. "What?"
"Where are you going now, brat? Filming a porno?"
His little brother gave him a condescending look. "I'm underaged, moron. And if you must know I'm going to a hot spring with the girls. They here the mud is good for the skin."
There was a stabbing pain in Kankurou's head. "You, the girls...mud?"
Stab. "So...you're going to be in hot mud with naked girls."
"Hot models...and one porn star...rubbing mud...on each other?"
"I'll probably do some rubbing too." Kankurou went limp, his eyes blank. "I'd invite you but there's not enough room... Sorry. Maybe I'll come get you when we go back to their room. I hear they booked the lover's suite because it was biggest. Have you ever been in a vibrating bed?" There was a high-pitched whine that ended in Kankurou sobbing. "K...Kankurou?" The older sand ninja shooed him away.
Kakashi slipped a strawberry in Kurenai's mouth, both dreamy eyed. They were relaxing in the rose-scented waters of the lovers' springs. They were glad to have finally escaped Gai and his delusions. Kakashi watched the red fruit slip past her full lips and thought of how Icha Icha he was gonna make her paradise, when they heard the familiar sounds of...
"G-gai!" Kurenai sputtered, almost choking. Kakashi grabbed a kunai from a potted plant and held it tightly, knuckles going white.
The bowl-cut bearing jounin walked in front of the bamboo divider. Kakashi's muscles released and the kunai headed straight for his head. He expected Gai to catch it but his expression was of surpise. For a split second he thought he was actually going to kill his old friend...And for a split second...or three...he didn't care but a feminine hand shot out and caught the weapon. Gai blinked.
"Kakashi?" He turned to look behind him. "This one is full too." Kakashi and Kurenai tilted their heads in confusion. Had he finally lost it?
Hikari poked her head from the behind the divider and pouted. Her glasses were gone and her large hairdo reduced and falling around were shoulders. She was really rather attractive when she cleaned up. Which confused the Copy Ninja and the genjutsu kunoichi more.
"Are you all right, darling?" she cooed hugging him close. She gave Kakashi a dirty look and flipped the kunai in her hand. In a split instant it was imbedded in the potted plant behind him. "How dare you attack my Shining Knight! Prepare yourself, for I-" Gai grabbed her outstretched hand and flashed his grin. Hikari was all goo.
"My guardian angel! This is Kakashi and Kurenai. Kakashi, Kurenai, this is Hikari Hyuri." They stared not understanding. "My girlfriend!" Kurenai's eyes rolled back into her head and she fell into the water with a splash. The towel around Kakashi's face almost fell off but he caught it and tied it back on.
Gai turned his date around and waved. "Don't expect me in the room toni-ight!" He sang with a wave as he left.
Kurenai rose from the water. "I'm sorry, I blacked out. I had a horrible dream."
"I think it was a genjutsu. Now where were we!" Kakashi turned to her with a smile. He was still itching to Icha-Icha.
The cock crowed and the Leaf ninja were all packed up and some were already waiting outside the spa for some of the others. Sakura sat on her luggage beside Sasuke. Sasuke made it very clear to her that he didn't 'do' public displays of affection. Sakura made if very clear that he better be real sweet to her in private if that was the case. And so the Uchiha and the Haruno compromised.
However, Temari did do public displays of affection and she was draped around Shikamaru's neck from behind, half alseep from being wakened so early. The lazy genius didn't seem to mind as long as she wasn't choking him. He couldn't wait to get him and talk to his best friend Chouji. He would be excited for him. Shikamaru secretly wished that his friend could find someone.
Neji, Ten-ten, and a sulking Lee were ready to go. They chatted and wondered where their jounin was. Probably in the weight room, they decided. They weren't surprised to see a grinning Gai, practically skip out of the door towards them. He set his luggage down and hugged all three in one embrace tightly. "Have a good time?"
"Uh...yeah," Neji said trying to push Gai away. Why did he smell like perfume?
Next out were the other two jounin. Kakashi had his typical bored expression on his face. He went over to Hinata and Naruto. The latter was draped backwards over a duffle bag, snoring like no tomorrow. Kakashi nudged him with his toe to wake up. The young boy snorted and hopped to his feet, rubbing his eyes.
"Aaah. Where's Gaara and Kankurou? They're taking forever." He looked at his jounin and then at Kurenai. "Heeeeeeeey, did you get some?" Whack! Kakashi punched him on his head, momentarily losing his temper. He cleared his throat and composed himself.
Kiba grinned, glad to see Naruto getting smacked around for stealing his girlfriend. Well, not really getting smacked around...And not really for stealing his girlfriend...And Hinata wasn't really his girlfriend to begin with... But still! It was funny, so he laughed. Naruto growled at him and Kiba growled back. Hinata stood between them, pleadingly looking at them both to stop fighting over her.
Kankurou soon came out, glaring as though he had be slighted in a cruel way. Following was Gaara and a troupe of sad, sobbing girls. The others looked at the group with disbelief.
"Gaaraaaa!" whined Emi. "I'm gonna miss my little Sand mouse."
"Gaara, sweety. Say you'll visit me?"
"Don't forget to call me too!"
"Do you have to go so sooooon?"
Gaara sighed and regarded his girls. "Don't be so sad. If I'm ever you way, I'll drop by to say hello. Don't cry. I mean, you'll always have the picutures."
Kankurou gritted his teeth and clenched his fist.
"Okaaaaaaay," they chorused like a class of school girls. Gaara bowed to them and walked over to the group.
Kakashi checked out the girls before getting an elbow to his ribs. He glanced and Kurenai and chuckled nervously. "Well, let's go!"
And so they began to walk away until one of Gaara's women called out for them to stop. It was the busty blonde, jogging their way. Kankurou rolled his eyes and gave his brother a look that could freeze water. Gaara smirked.
"Wait!" Akiko stopped before Gaara, panting breathlessly. She looked at Kankurou and the back at him. "Is that...your brother?" Gaara nodded. She grinned and walked over to him. She put a piece of paper in his hand and leaned in close to his ear. "Mmm, call me if you're ever my way, Bozo. I wanna see how big your 'puppet' really is." She gave him a passionate kiss and shivered before skipping away. Kankurou's brain shut down before he had a heart attack.
Temari picked her jaw from the ground. "What was that about!"
Gaara shrugged. " 'Atsui'Akiko Watanabe. Adult film star. With a secret fetish for clowns and puppets."
Kankurou slowly turned his head and regarded Gaara with empty eyes, the shock not completely gone. "Shall I call you master or god?"
The young Sand ninja considered this for a second. "As appealing as those are... let's just call us even..." He paused and pulled Dodongo from his sash. "One more time?"
His older brother grinned. "Gladly."
Dodongo hopped on Gaara's shoulder and hugged his head. "Gaara-kun is the bestest best brother in the whole world! He is awesome, and smart, and-"
Kakashi shook his head. "Tsunade's not going to believe this..."