Authors Note: This is not like my usual fics but I need to vent a little.


Whenever I think about her my mind is filled with contradictions.

I love her and I hate her in equal amounts.

Whenever I see her I want to kiss her and kill her at the same time.

How can someone so beautiful be so hideous in the same instant?

Our every conversation seems to be as much about confrontation as it about foreplay, and at the end of each one I am both angry and aroused.

I have saved her life countless times but lately whenever I do so, in the same evening I think about taking it myself.

My confusion would end if she would just show me the smallest amount of genuine affection.

In the beginning everything she did was genuine, now it is all just a means to an end, where I am concerned at least.

I know she loves her sister, I can see it in her eyes whenever she looks at her.

I know she cares for the others, I can see it in her every movement.

With me however I can see that it is false, as though one day she simply decided to simply stop trying.

She keeps me around only because I have my uses, throwing the occasional crumb of affection. Although I can tell they are counterfeit, I still snatch at them like a man who is dying of hunger.

She leads me around like a dog on a leash and I follow willingly, with a smile on my face and a knife in my heart.

I know nothing is ever going to change and it disgusts me, but I will never leave her side.

I love her.

I hate her.

I hate myself more.