A/N: I don't own ER or any of it's characters. This story takes place during season 6 during "All in the Family." Yes, this is a Cary fic because, yes, I believe it that episode should've ended up differently. I'm a Carcy lover and if you aren't, that's fine too. Anyhoo, this is my interpretation on what should've happened. (if Kellie Martin didn't leave to complete college.) Also, all of the opening quotes up to chapter 5are from the song State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge

State of Mind

Chapter 1: Dreams

"Where do I go from here?
Or am I just like a clock spinning round
Everything seems unclear."

"Two stab wounds to the left flank. First one is at L2, 4 centimeters of the midline. Second one is L5, in the midscapular line." Luka said while Carter was being wheeled into Trauma.

"He hit the spinal cord?" Abby asked in shock.

"It depends on the angle." Luka replied with a hint of anger.

"BP's 70 over 50, pulse is 120." Lydia informed them from a monitor.

"Squeeze in two liters and prepare for a subclavian." Luka said as everyone prepared to save Carter's life.

"Good breath sounds bilaterally." Chen said after leaving his chest with her stethoscope.

"Pulse ox 93." Abby shouted over the beeping monitors.

"Should we incubate?" Lydia asked unsure of how to help handle the situation.

"No, 10 liters by mask for now." Luka replied while watching over Carter. "Send a trauma panel, type and cross for 4, and get X-ray in here for a chest. And a one shot IVP."

"I was just talking to him." She said softly remember how Carter was preparing to leave but noticed Sobriki's name was still on the board. He took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and cursed Lucy for being so lazy about waiting for a Psych report while Sobriki waited for 4 hours.


"Carter." A sweet female voice whispered while Carter lay on a bed with his eyes closed. "Carter." She repeated sweetly and he opened his eyes to find Lucy hovering over him. "Hey, stranger. How are you?"

"Lucy?" He asked sitting up slowly with her help. "What are you doing here? More importantly, where is "here?""

"Cook County General. You're being operated on right now." She pointed to the room next to them and there he saw it. Luka, Abby and Chen were moving around frantically to save his life in the OR. Benton just stormed in and joined them while Luka left after talking to Benton for a second. Carter noticed they were all covered in blood and knew it was his. He suspected he lost a few liters.

"Oh my god." He said getting off of the bed slowly. He walked to the door that led to his operation and put his hand to the glass window in awe and fear. He saw Benton and Dr. Anspaugh are operating on him.

"More lap pads. The kidney won't taponade." Benton ordered in a hurry. He was so scared on the inside.

"You didn't have time to get a three-way or IVP?" Anspaugh questioned suspiciously.

"His crit was falling, I didn't want to chance it." Benton explained impatiently.

"The colon is lacerated all right. Three-O silk and a G.-I. Needle."

"Dr. Anspaugh, there's blood welling in the hylum."

"All right, all right, all right. Isolate the renal artery and get a clamp on it." Suddenly, one the many machines is heard beeping in the background.

"Hypotensive, heart rate's up to 120." A nurse informed slightly paniked.

"Ok, we've got to get this kidney out of him before we lose him. Move!" Benton barked.

"Hold on. Let me finish suturing his colon before we do something drastic."

"I'll dissect out the arteries and tie them off. Come on, come on mister, move!" He shouted at Anspaugh impatiently yet again. he was acting as if it was anyother person.

"I said wait, Peter!" He shouted back at Benton furiously.

"Why? He's lost too much blood, his hylum is trashed."

"Dr. Anspaugh, he's getting shocky, his pressure is 78 palp." Another nurse told them.

"All right, we've got to get clear." Benton said ready to move Carter on and into recovery.

"We still have some time."

"No we don't!"

"Peter! Will you calm down and you listen to me! Before there's no turning back, let's check the source of the bleeding one more time."

"Too many vessels are injured."

"Squeeze in another unit. Let's be sure!"


As he stood there and watched for about another second, he realized something. "What about you?"

"Benton just left me to come to you, as you can see. Luka, Mark and Kerry passed me off to Elizabeth and Romano. I'm upstairs with them now. He's actually a very nice man." She had a smile on her face as she referred to Romano but it faded as she inclined her head toward the ground. "He's scared." She said softly with sorrow in her voice.

"Lucy, are you okay? Are you--" He said turning toward her.

"Dead?" She finished looking up at him with tears forming in her eyes. "I don't know. I know you aren't though, so that's something." She said looking back at his operation for a second before moving away from him. "Carter…I'm…I don't…" She couldn't seem to speak.

"What is it? Something wrong?" He asked following her to the Exam doors. Turning her to face him he saw the blood running down her chest. "Oh my god, Lucy! Come here. We'll fix you up and everything will be okay." He said trying to pull her to the bed but she placed her hand on his hand holding her wrist.

"Carter." She said softly and he looked at her. He was shocked to find she had a small smile on her face.

"Ignore this. It's nothing."

"Nothing?!" He exclaimed in shock. "You're bleeding from your chest! Lucy, get over here right now so I can fix you!"

"You can't fix me, Carter. I'm not broken." She pulled his hand off of her wrist and walked up to him slowly. "Besides, this is a dream. Or haven't you figured that out?"

"I guess so." He said looking at his operation for a brief moment before looking at her again. "But you're…" He was at a loss for words and he really didn't wanted to say what he was thinking, fearing it would come true.

"Remember how I said I wasn't sure if I was dead?" He nodded starting to worry, as the tears in her eyes became thicker. "Well, I still don't know but I'm pretty sure I have to go now."

"Go? Go where?" He asked as she stopped in front of him. Tears were appearing in his eyes now.

"You have to wake up, Carter. This is your dream." She put her hand, untouched by the blood on her chest, to his cheek. "So…wake up." She finished with that same happy, small smile.

"Lucy--" He said, some tears started to cascade down his cheek, putting his own hand to hers.

"Paging Dr. John Carter." She quickly said interrupting him, tears now falling from her eyes. "Wake up, Carter." She let go of him and took a few steps back toward the door.

"Lucy?" He said trying to go after her but found he couldn't move his feet.

"Wake up, Carter." She said still walking backwards crying.

"Lucy!" He shouted furiously as he reached out for her, desperately trying to pull his legs from the ground.

"Wake up…" She said reaching the doors and pushing them open. "…John." She smiled as him and sobbed for a second before leaving him alone. Carter's feet finally moved and he ran to the doors. Pushing them open, suddenly closing his eyes and he covered his face with his arms from a bright light clouding his vision. The light faded and he opened his eyes to find himself in a hospital bed plugged into monitors and an IV drip. He looked next to him and saw Dr. Peter Benton smiling at him.

"Hey, man, glad to see you decided to wake up."

Chapter 2: News

Preview: Carter learns about what happened to Lucy.