A/N: I don't own ER or any of it's characters. This story takes place during season 6 during "All in the Family." Yes, this is a Cary fic because, yes, I believe it that episode should've ended up differently. I'm a Carcy lover and if you aren't, that's fine too. Anyhoo, this is my interpretation on what should've happened. (if Kellie Martin didn't leave to complete college.) Also, all of the opening quotes are from the song State of Mind by Merril Bainbridge.

Just for reference, this chapter takes place in October and it's told in different POVs until the end when they actually talk. The order is:

SECTION 1: Lucy then Carter

SECTION 2: Dave then Kerry


SECTION 4: Abby then Carter

SECTION 5: Mark then Chen then Lucy then Dave then the actually talking commences

Chapter 14: Nazi Dyke

"Where do I go from here?
Or am I just like a clock spinning round
Everything seems unclear"

I thought today was going to be normal, like any other day. But I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong. I'd seen Carter briefly while still avoiding him. He was limping and I couldn't help but laugh. Not at his pain, mind you, but at the thought of him with a cane like Kerry's. Mark came around and asked me what was so funny. I just pointed to Carter and made a snide remark. This, apparently, clinched it. Everyone stopped their gossiping and polls about how Carter and I were a couple. In a small way, we were but little did I know that this day would go from laughing at Carter to hurting him.

Anyway, while Cleo and Peter work together to treat a patient, Peter told her about the trouble that he was having with Reese at night. He, apparently, was waking up and looking for his mother. Dave interrupted them to tell Cleo that he has treated one of her patients, a girl with a prolapsed rectum. He told Cleo that the girl was in a lot of pain and he used sugar to reduce the edema in the area. Cleo wasn't thrilled with either his treatment or the fact that he treated one of her patients without her asking him to. She was going to yell at him some more later but she didn't get the chance.

Later, Dave seemed eager to ask Mark a question but was quickly distracted by a good looking female paramedic who walks by. He forgot about his question and followed the paramedic into the elevator that was already over crowded. As soon as the elevator doors closed though, the elevator came to an abrupt stop and got stuck. Dave tried to assure the other elevator passengers that they should be out of the elevator soon and that the elevator getting stuck was something that happened all the time. Even though that wasn't true, the passengers believed him and remained as calm as they could trapped in an elevator with no idea of when or how they'd get out. One of the passengers told Dave that his doctor believed he had an ulcer. Then, another passenger complained of the heat and said she wan't feeling well. The doctor was evidently right about the ulcer man because just then he started vomiting bright red blood.

At least that's how Dave told me it happened.


The day started off normally enough. Everything seemed fine, everyone seemed fine. Lucy was still made me and avoiding me. But it didn't work to well since we kept "bumping" into each. A little joke from the nurses, Jerry and possibly Dave too at our expense. Now, when I say "bumping into each other," what I mean is that they, the accused above, would keep us together in Traumas and even on minor cases. They seemed to think that if we were always together then we'd have to talk out our problems. They couldn't have been more wrong.

I decided that I was going to apologize to Lucy and try to make amends. I mean, I love her. I have to try and keep her here for a long as humanly possible. I can't lose her, not again. But my...reconciliation with Lucy was going to have to wait. I'd been having some back problems. Not unusual when you consider what happened a year ago, but unusual when you considered the fact that it happened a year ago. Are you with me so far? Good, thought I lost you back there. Anyway, that matter wasn't helped when Abby asked me to help move a new fish tank into Luka's apartment to replace the one she accidentally broke while moving out. Great. Sounded like a real bitch at the time and, boy, was I right.

Meanwhile, as I later found out upon returning to the hospital that evening, Peter encountered problems finding a sitter for Reese when Jackie decided that she couldnt do it. He was making calls and talking to people on the speaker while performing surgery! Now, I love Peter, I do. He was my teacher for crying out loud, but when someone calls my hose the last thing I expect when I pick up is someone yelling "4 CCs of atropiene, 6 liters of O-Neg, a Crash Cart and a Thoarcotomy Tray! Now!" while asking for help at the same time. that's gotta be awkward. Anyway, Chen was starting to have trouble with Kerry "helping" her with patients. I got the whole story when Abby I returned from our "aquatic mischief" charge, as she called it. Cleo's HIV test results come back negative and she was more than relieved. Poor Mark though, his life wasn't getting any easier. His older daughter, Rachel, showed up at the hospital after running away from Jenn and wanted to stay with Mark for a while. Meanwhile, Elizabeth accidentally fell asleep in surgery and Dave got stuck in the elevator with a cute female paramedic and a guy vomiting blood. Needless to say, I think Dave had the best worst day of everyone.

"Confusion is raising its head
And I can't make a sound
I feel it tearing at my soul"

The ulcer man collapsed on the elevator floor and the hot paramedic and myself quickly went to work. Luckily the she had a med kit with her and because I determined that the man was no longer breathing, he needed to have an airway inserted. I had some trouble inserting the intubation tube because of all the blood remaining in the man's Trachea. But with some more quick work, I got one of the other elevator passengers to help me by getting him to push on the man's neck using Cricoid Pressure. That poor man, I felt so sorry for him. But what else could I do? If he didn't do it, I wouldn't have been able to perform the intubation and the ulcer man would've died. Also, the hot paramedic would've thought me a lousy doctor. I couldn't let her think that, now could I? Anyway, I was still unable to see and had the other passenger start bagging him. I told my paramedic that I was going to try a Retrograde Intubation. She seemed impressed. But how could she not be by Dr. Dave? I asked her about the biggest Angiocath that she had in her bag and when she handed it to me, I inserted it in the patient's neck. I then inserted a Catheter into the Cath Tube and ran Saline through it to clear the area of blood. With the area clear, I was able to insert the Intubation Tube. Everyone seemed very impressed with my efforts. My paramedic was evidently really impressed with my efforts because she decided that the best use of her "off" time would be to get--oh, never mind. You know what I'm saying, hopefully.


I opened the doors to an ambulance, expecting to have a patient but, instead, I find Malucci on top of a paramedic in a rather compromising position. Disgusted with both of them, I slammed the ambulance door and headed back toward teh hospital. But I thought a moment. Why am I leaving? Something has to be done! If I just walk away, he'l think he can do it again. Something has to be done. So I opened the door again and Malucci seemed upset with my interruption. So, equally angered, I fired him. He tried to explain it away by saying that he was on "break" and the tramp paramedic piped in suddenly with "I'm between calls," but I was undeterred. I told Malucci to go home, told the paramedic to remove her rig and I returned to the less disgusting situations I had to deal with inside. Malucci followed back inside and found me erasing his name from the patient board. But, when I walked away, he re-wrote his name on the patient board and had the audacity to ask me if he should issue a formal apology. He then suggested a suspension, but I'm steadfast in my actions and the punishment remains.

"While I'm asleep I feel it driving me to something I'll regret
What if I make the change?
What if I loose all my courage
This time?"

That's where I found him on the bench. I was coming out to meet an ambulance but I ended up comforting Dave. He told me everything; from the elevator breaking down to the "hot" paramedic, as he called her, to Kerry firing him. I couldn't believe it. It was unfair and unjust for Kerry to fire him on the stop with any evaluation whatsoever. At first I thought it must've been a spur of the moment thing, but I thought again and realized how much Kerry hated Dave. She never really like him and always yelled at him and his methods.

I told him I'd help him with anything he needed, anything at all. But, surprisingly gentlemen like, he refused to accept my help. He then proceeded to tell me that he was sure he'd get his job back after he talked to Kerry. I wasn't so sure on the other hand. Dave is my friend and I worry about him, like I do with anyone else in the is hospital. He ranhis hand through his now long hair once before getting up at the sound of the ambulance. As it came into the Bay, he ran up to it to get the patient but I told him that it may have been best if he didn't consideringhis current situation. Dave just laughed and agreed going back inside to his other patients.

"Everything seems so strange
Try but I can't seem to make a decision
That's right
I feel it pounding like a drum
Inside my brain
I feel it
If it doesn't stop
I'll go insane I feel it
Tearing at my soul"

I had returned to Luka's apartment, picking up what was remaining of my things. I was looking through still unpacked boxes of clothes when I found the sweater that I'd went for. I folded the sweater, picked up my box of things and moved to turn off the stereo. Turning off the stereo suddenly reminded me that the CD that was playing belonged to me and I decided to take it, along with some others, and I put them in my box. As I removed my jacket from a coat rack, the coat rack tipped over, striking Luka's new fish tank. When I stooped to pick up the coat rack, I noticed the water on the floor and traced it back to a large crack in the tank. I'm not at all happy. This was just what I needed to complete my day. Later, at the hospital, I called and inquired about buying a new fish tank, but evidently knowing nothing about fish or tanks, I had a little trouble. I ended my conversation quickly when I heard Luka approaching. In fact, I ran and hid just about every time Luka came near.

As I was backing into a treatment room to once again dodge Luka, I found Carter trying to remove a piece of glass from his foot. I offered to help him remove the piece of glass and while I'm donning my gloves I told Carter that Luka and I broke up. Carter seems surprised and asked me why we broke up. I simply responded that we both seemed to realize some time ago that things weren't working out and that neither of us had wanted to end it. When Carter responded "Then it was amicable?" I told him "No." I started to tell him about the broken fish tank, but we were interrupted Haleh who was calling Carter to help Chen in Trauma One.

Luka later found me and were forced to worked together on a patient. The atmosphere between us was very chilly, and I barely responded to Luka. Before leaving the room, Luka asked me if I found my sweater. I had to think. Had he seen the fish tank and know I did it? After brief moment of silence, I told him that I did and didn't tell him anything else. Luka actually apologized to me and said that he was sorry he "hurt" me and that he didn't mean to at all. I quickly responded that he didn't hurt me at all. He then told me that he only wanted me to be happy, but I was cold with my replies. He turned to leave and I had to ask him the questiom: "So what now?" He responded by saying "You tell me." I wasn't sure how to anwser so I asked him a question about the patient, he answered and then turned and leave the room.


Abby found me limping down the hallway and again volunteered to remove the glass from my foot. While working on the removal, Abby told me how she smashed Luka's fish tank and asked if I wouldn't mind going with her to replace it since she'd have trouble getting it up to his apartment by herself. At first I wasn't enthused. I couldn't just leave the hospital to halp Abby replace Luka's fish tank. I had patients! So I told her that she should just tell Luka what happened. Abby then reminded me, or blackmailed me, that she just helped me out by removing the glass from this foot.

The next thing I know, Abby and I are arriving at Luka's apartment with the fish tank in hand. Abby realizeed that she left her key to the apartment in the apartment when she left earlier. How stupid can you be? Honestly! She told me that Luka always leaves a window open and she attempted to climb onto the fire escape and gain entry into the apartment. So I lean the fish tank against the wall in order to give Abby a boost and when I turn my back to help her, the fish tank starts to fall and I leave Abby, who is hanging from the fire escape, in order to catch the falling fish tank.

We finally make it into the apartment and succeed in setting up the new fish tank. Se, not me, evidently kill one of the fish during the switch and after some "debate," decide to put the dead fish back into the tank. Luka wouls just assume it died of natural causes and Abby, and certainly not me, would never me suspected. As we were preparing to leave, a knock came at the door. Abby looked through the peephole and into the eyes of one of Chicago's finest. Who the hell called the cops?! Abby auggested that if we didn't make any noise, they might go away.

So much for that plan because Abby and I end up sitting downstairs in a police car. I pull out my cell phone to call my lawyer just as Luka arrives. Abby turned and noticed that Luka looked really mad. But who woulsn't be? Someone breaks into your apartment and you'd expect them otherwise? The policeman came to tell us that our..."friend" has cut us loose and that we can be on our way. Neither of us say anything to Luka before we leave. I accompanied Abby home and along the way she regaled stories of her youth, including being busted for "borrowing" a car. I thought about sharing the tale about how I was arrested in the ER but decided not to. I didn't want her thinking she could use me again the next time she needed some somewhat illegal help. When Abby asked me if I'd has ever been in trouble, I lied and told her no. What would you do in my situation? She inviteed me in, but I decline telling her that I have to get back to the hospital. That's when I found out what had been going on while I was gone.

"While I'm asleep
I feel it
Driving me to something I'll regret
I feel it
Pounding like a drum inside my brain
I feel it
I feel it If it doesn't stop I'll go insane"

Kerry found me in the hall later and I asked her what was going on with Dave. She told me that he was insubordinate and had no respect for anything. When I responded that she couldn't fire him just because they didn't get along, Kerry told me that she didn't have to justify her opinions to me. Kerry is my boss and even though we've butted heads a few times, I still have to respect her and her opinions. But if she keeps going down this path, she won't have anymore doctors. She's the least of my problems though, Elizabeth and I are...well...let's just say that we're going through a bit of a rough patch.


I saw Lucy head off with the Trauma that just came in and I, like her, found Dave outside, considering his future. We talked about our patient that died and he apologized to me. He said he should've caught the problem but I told him that I should've looked at the X-Ray closer. Doctors, we can be so silly and depressing sometimes. I talked to him about what he was going to do. Lucy quickly mentioned on the way in that Kerry fired him. I couldn't believe it. Sure, Dave was a little wilder than the rest of us but that didn't make him a bad doctor. He told me that he was going to be a doctor, that it was the only thing he'd ever been good at.


He re-entered the ER, hoping to gain his job back as he told me earlier. Chen had just pasted me with a new Trauma, and Dave did too with a chart and I was leaving the one I had to Romano up in the OR. Coming up to Admit Desk, taking off my scrubs and gloves and throwing them away, I saw Carter some in. I went behind the desk and he said that he needed to talk to me later and that we should meet up at Doc Magoos after their shift. I nodded agreeing with him. We really did need to talk. We were reviewing charts when it started. All of us there listened and watched out of one eye as the best-worst day moment of mine and Dave's lives comenced.


I went back to work, examining a fire-eater that has singed his nasal area. When Kerry saw me working on the patient, she took the chart away and told Malik to give the patient to someone else outside of the Exam room. I tried to make a case for myself, telling Kerry that she can't fire me without going before a Resident Review Board. I thought I had her there and my job back when she acknowledged that to be the case, but then she told me that, regardless, I would never work in the ER again. That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. So I followed her to Admit Desk where everyone was at: Lucy, Jerry, Frank, Carter, Luka, Mark, Haleh, Chuny, Lydia and Yosh. Malik soon joined to give the fire-eater's chart to Kerry, thinking she should do it because everyone else was busy. I didn't care that they were all there. I let her have it.

"I am a good doctor and I've made many great saves in my career, even today in an elevator!" He said continuing to follow her as she weaved through Admit Desk.

"There is more to being a doctor than that." She said taking the fire-eater's chart and replacing Dave's name on the board with hers.

"So, what?" He asked not letting her get away from him. "What do you want me to do?" Lucy put down the chart she was reviewing and followed Dave. She put her hand to his forearm in comfort to get him to stop for a moment ot her her out.

"Dave, cool down. It's not worth it." Lucy whispered to him in a failed attempt to calm him down.

"My job's not worth it?" He echoed in shock. What Lucy meant to say was "She's not worth it." But she didn't get a chance to remedy that mistake. "The way I see it I've got two choices, Lucy: sit back and stay fired or get my job back by doing waht she wants me to do."

"The only way you're getting your job back, Malucci, is by--"

"By, oh, what, adopting your cheery attitude and sparkling bedside manner?" He asked rhetorically interupting her and following her, Lucy close behind. By now, everyone was listening, even a few patients that were sitting in chairs. Dave had done it; he's proded Kerry into saying all he needed to hear.

"I don't like you, Malucci, and you don't have the goods to back up your brand of cowboy medicine!" She shouted at him from the middle of the hospital entrance.

"Dr. Weaver, please! I need this job." He begged her in as nice a tone he could muster at that moment. "I need the money to support my son!"

"I didn't know you had a son." Kerry said silently at the news. Lucy looked at Dave from behind the desk and, like everyone, was shocked to hear this too.

"Not surprising since you don't know anything about me." He said going back into his bad-ass form. "Wanna know why? I'll tell you why! Because you're a sad cold-hearted bitch that nobody likes!" Lucy came out from behind the desk to stand on the left of Dave and tried to calm him down. But it wasn't working. He'd finally snapped. "Why is that? Because you don't have anything! All you have is this stinkin' hospital and you can't even run it properly!"

"Security!" Kerry started shouting repeatedly until an officer came up to her. Dave went on and on though while Kerry spoke with the cop. "Escort Dr. Malucci off the premises!"

"No! You can't do this, Kerry!" Lucy said pushing the cop away forcefully. Mark came around from the desk to calm Lucy down this time.

"Lucy, you have patients to see. Go tend to them. Now." He wasn't trying to be mean, he was trying to give her warning of what would happen if she kept her actions up.

"No!" She shouted at Mark. "She can't do this! It's not right! She can't fire Dave because she diesn't like him!" Mark nodded and was about to tell her some more comforting words but Kerry butted in.

"Oh, really, Lucy? And why is that? This is my hospital and you're gonna stand here and tell me how to run it?"

"Dave just told you he has a son and I know for a fact that if anyone else here told you that, you'd re-hire them in an instant." She said pointig at her angrily like she'd done to Carter months ago. "But not, Dave. No, because you hate him!" Carter came out from around the desk to take a turn at calming Lucy while Mark talked to the cop, telling him everything would be fine and that they could handle it themselves.

"Lucy, what are you doing?" He asked in her ear.

"Stay out of this, Carter, it's none of your damn business." She replied, eyes still fixed on Kerry who was yelling at Dave agian.

"It's none of yours either, Lucy." Everyone was shouting now, putting int their own opinions. The noise was so deafening that Lucy did the only thing she could to hear herself think.

"Shut up, Carter! Dave is my friend and I'm going to stick by him because that's what a friend does. Something you know nothing about!" She shouted at the top of her lungs, finally looking at him. Hearing that, everyone stopped and listened to her tell off Carter. Lucy then turned her eyes toward Kerry, ready to let her have next. "As for you, Kerry, if you fire Dave you'll be losing a great doctor. Sure, his methods are different from yours but that doesn't make them wrong."

"Lucy, stop right there or--" Kerry started to warn her but Dave came to Lucy's aid as she had done for him.

"No! Let her finish, fetus!" He shouted at her using the nickname he gave her, calling her it to her face for the first time.

"And another thing!" Lucy continued. "If you're too close minded and set in your own stupid and idiotic ways to see Dave for the truly great doctor that he is, then you can go piss on yourself and die for all I care!"

"That's it, Lucy! You're fired!" Kerry shouted and Mark left the cop to pull Kerry off to the side and calm her down. She was being rash and hot-headed, two things that never mix well with Kerry.

"Oh, I'm fired now? I'm fired?! Let me tell you something, Dr. Weaver--" Lucy said pointing at her, but Carter interutted again, taking her left arm and trying to pull her back. Lucy didn't even look at him as he did it. Her eyes were fixed on Kerry while Dave tried to stop Carter.

"Lucy, stop! You've said enough! Just--" Lucy suddenly gave Carter a right hook to his eye. As he fell to the floor, he released her arm.

"Screw you, Carter!" She said confidently as Luka, Mark and a confused Cleo went to help carter up. Lucy returned her steel gaze to Kerry. Now nothing could stop her. "Kiss my ass, Kerry. I'm not fired. I quit!" The pair angrily went to Admit Desk and turned in their stethoscopes and IDs. Lucy didn't even look at Carter as he rose to his feet.

"Nazi dyke!" Dave shouted over his shoulder while hitting both doors open so he and Lucy could stride out. Kerry lowered her head and sighed. She'd just lost two great doctors and, more importantly, at least to her, they hurt her feeling which everyone thought were non-exsistant. She looked up and saw Cleo examining Carter's eye. Lucy got him good, his nose was even bleeding and he'd definately have a shiner.

"All right. That's it. Show's over. Let's get back to work." She said starting to walk away to the fire-eater patient. As she entered, she put on a smile and as she started the man interupted her. He asked, "Where's the doctor that was here before? Dr. Malucci?" Kerry didn't even answer but told Haleh, who came in to tell her Carter was going to head home, to order in some tests. She nodded and did so silently. Kerry excused herself and went into the Lounge and sat down. She just at there looking out the window into the cold October air. One thought ran through her head: I was right.

A/N: Okay, this is the final chapter to State of Mind. There is a sequel in the works that'll be titled Peace of Mind. I don't know when it will be out but I'm working on it and I already have the whole thing plotted it out so it should be here soon.

Hope you liked the way I ended this. For those of you who are mad that I only made Carter and Lucy kiss, don't worry, they will...uh, "consumate" their...uh, "friendship" in the sequel. That may be NC-17 so I'll write that as a seperate chapter for those of you who would read that and for those of you who don't can just skip over it and onto the next chapter.

Anyway, thanx to everyone who took the time to read this and actually review it. I rpobably wouldn't have continued if it wasn't for you. Wow, I sound like I'm accepting an award or something. Oh, well, I feel like that right now so I'm gonna go on to the "thanx" part:

(in order of appearence, just to be the total dork that I am)

Sky Spade, Sharon R, psych21, Lili, LucyBethFan1, Cartergal131, Allie O'Brien, Sabrina!, Magical Me6666 and last, but certainly not least, Alicia (who gave me the longest review ever! XD loved it!)

Thanx to all of you and see next time!