Sev got up, showered, and dressed. Combing his hair, he was pleased that it was stick-straight again, which meant it would be greasy by the end of breakfast.
He rehearsed the scene he was to play out in his head, trying to determine what would be the best shock factor that would get tongues wagging all over the school within ten minutes of inception. He knew Penderdandis would slap a detention on him and that his roommates were going to try to jump him, but those were trivial. He HAD to find out who and why these persons were setting them up.
He felt his stomach tense as the scene played itself out in his head again. He hoped the Protection Spells worked, or else the prank would go off in directions he was not quite ready to contemplate yet.
Sev made his way downstairs and entered the common room, finding Martis by the window open to the interior of the lake. Striding across the room, he was next to her in less than two seconds.
"Here," she breathed, pressing a notebook to his side. "A way for us to communicate."
Sev opened the notebook, the inside cover reading, 'Instant Message Notebook', and he grinned as he placed it in his robe. His arms drew around her and he breathed into her ear, "Ready, Spirals?"
"Ready, Snips." She began wriggling out of his grip.
Sev narrowed his eyes. "What's the matter?" he asked aloud.
"I'm not in the mood," Martis answered clearly enough for everyone to hear as she pulled away from him.
"You never objected before."
"Don't touch me!"
Everyone was now staring at the duo, surprised by what was going on.
Sev cupped her chin, making her stare up at him. "You've been leading me on all this time, Miss Vox, what do you think I was supposed to think?"
"Leading you on, Mr. Snape? You didn't ask my permission!"
"Permission to do THIS - ?" His hands cupped her breasts and his mouth dove for her neck -
Not only was there a shower of ice water, there was also two Quidditch players that tackled Sev and sat on him.
Evan Ryper approached and demanded, "What the HELLS is going on, Snape??"
Martis broke into tears and wailed, "He - he tried to - !"
Akiko and Fallon had pulled Martis into a hug, trying to calm her down, while someone went to get Penderdandis.
Sev snarled, "What do you expect me to do, be a eunuch ALL the time, especially after the way she was flirting with Igor Karkaroff??"
"Still no excuse to not be a gentleman, Snape," Evan remarked harshly.
"Shut your hole!"
Penderdandis entered the room, saw Sev pinned under two Quidditch players, Martis crying, and asked, "Do I want to know the details or the highlights?"
By the time breakfast started, the news of Severus Snape trying to force his attentions on Britomartis Vox had circulated many times into a story of abuse, molestation, and a vat of chocolate pudding somehow being involved.
Official version was that Snape took something the wrong way and that Vox was not quite ready for it.
Whatever it was, Sev ended up with three days' detention with Penderdandis, complete shunning by his House, unofficially kicked out of his dormroom, and not able to be close to Martis for the whole time.
It was going to be a crappy weekend if X does not rise to the bait.
The Marauders spent the afternoon in the Library, doing research and studying, but also making fun of various other students.
"So it really happened," Potter said, carving a heart and the initials 'JP' and 'LE' inside it on his Transfigurations textbook. "Snivellus and Vox had officially split."
Black sprawled in his chair, his feet on the library table. "It means we won't be tossed down stairs in trash cans. Still need to pay him back for those trips he sent us on."
"Maybe we should wedgy him then toss him down the stairs in a trash can?" Pettigrew suggested. "Covers it all, don't it, Padfoot?"
"Just about." Black smirked. "Of course, this also means Brito-tart-is is no longer his bitch."
"So?" Lupin asked cautiously.
Black's smirk turned up another notch of evilness. "I think it's about time I tried to pursue the busty snake of Slytherin."
Potter laughed. "'Busty snake'! Snakes don't have busts."
Ignoring the commentary, Sirius commented, "After all, I do believe that it should be a Marauder who discovers if Miss Vox is a Moaner or a Screamer."
Lupin turned twenty shades of pink to red. "I can't believe you said that."
"Thought you'd like first jump, Remus," Potter snickered. "Bosomy Greek blondes seem to be your thing."
Pettigrew posed heroically. "If you're not up to the job, Moony, then I selflessly volunteer!"
Potter made a rude noise. "You're the only one of us to claim 'most-kicks-to-the cods' by her."
"Only because I'm the most honest one of the lot of us!"
"Enough!" Black said. "I'll go first! And rest assured, gents, I will - like a good pack leader - share the booty -"
Unfortunately (for him), his sentiment was never finished, because of the interruption caused by his head popping off and rolling across the table and on the floor.
The rest of the Marauders stared in shock at Black's head as his eyes shifted around and he finally said, "What happened?"
Lupin was first to speak, "Your ... head fell off."
Black was silent a moment, then snarled, "Well - ! Put it back on!"
Potter and Pettigrew looked at each other, then Potter picked up his best friend's head and plopped it back on Black's body.
The head rolled off and hit the table. "OW!"
Potter picked it up and plopped it back on again.
Again, the head rolled off and hit the table. "IDIOT!"
"Lemme try," Pettigrew said, picking up the head and placing it on the body. He pounded his fist on top of Black's head, while their leader grunted with every hit.
Lupin pointed his wand. "Finite Incantatum."
Nothing happened, save that Pettigrew dropped Black's head back on the table.
Potter picked his head up. "Maybe if we screwed it back on? Oi! Get back here!"
"Get my body back!" Black cried.
Black's headless body dashed away from the group.
The Marauders got up and chased after the stumbling body through the Library.
"Hey get back here!" Pettigrew yelled.
"Don't lose my body!" Black ordered, being jostled around in Potter's arms.
"It would be really disgusting for your genitals to be running off on their own like that!" Potter commented.
Black exclaimed, "They ARE, you stupid goit!"
Lupin shrieked, "OH MY GOD - WHAT'S IT DOING TO MADAME PINCE???"
"Oh, Gods ... !" Black groaned in horror. "I DON'T want my body back now!"
"At least only half of you will be expelled!" Pettigrew offered helpfully.
"Or arrested," Lupin muttered.
"Shut up," Black snarled.
Potter twisted his face up. "You know, Padfoot, she's not ... fighting your body much."
"UUGGGHHHH! If I had any cookies right now, I'd be tossing them!" He shifted his eyes, then yelled, "WHY AREN'T YOU PULLING MY BODY OFF???"
"Oh, sorry," Potter said, placing Black's head on a table. "It was like watching a horrible accident."
"How do you think I feel??? UGH!"
The rest of the Marauders carefully disengaged Sirius Black's body from on top of Madame Pince, who seemed to be quite dazed and confused.
"She's still disoriented!" Lupin whispered. "Run, I'll make up some excuse!"
"Buy that man a butterbeer," Black stated. "Thanks, Moony!"
The Marauders took off with Black's body and head while Lupin turned around and helped the Librarian up. "Madame Pince, you poor thing, did that monster owl hurt you in any way??"
The rest of the school was now abuzz with the separation of Sirius Black's head from his body while the teachers tried to fix him back to normal. The only ones who were now concerned with the 'break-up' of Snips and Spirals was Slytherin.
Sev knew this. He knew there was no chance of going back to his House while he and Martis were 'fighting' because of various Quidditch players who were threatening to turn him into a grease stain for what he did to their 'Miss Spirals'. He was going to have to camp out in the Conversation Room until he could finally catch X or X's House-Elf.
He hoped it would be worth it.
Martis drew her curtains around her bed closed, propping up her wand and whispering, "Lumos."
The wand-light provided enough light for her to open up the notebook and see what she was writing. She was quite pleased with herself for picking up these Instant Message Notebooks in Flourish's and Botts' last summer; Mr. Botts' son Taliesin was in her year (a Ravenclaw) and he knew all the really neat stuff in his dad's shop. The boy was also staring at her chest the whole time, but at least he was able to keep his mind on the conversation they had about published mythologies in the Wizarding world.
Martis dipped her quill in the inkpot and wrote, 'Snips? You there?'
After a moment, her writing faded and Sev's spidery handwriting appeared, 'Spirals? You all right?'
'Yes, although it's lonely without you.'
'It's been hell on this end. I've practically been ostracized.'
'I'm so sorry, Snips. I didn't mean anything I said.'
'I know. I'm sorry, too.' After a moment, another sentence appeared, 'I know this will sound perverted, but you felt REALLY good. It's been a rather distracting memory.'
Martis smirked, thinking of several things she could respond with. Finally, she wrote, 'Thanks, although you didn't squeeze hard enough, I hardly felt it.'
'Robe, sweater, shirt, and bra; I think I felt more with my Quidditch armor.'
'Granted. Anybody approach you about our "break-up" besides the usual?'
'Mostly the usual. Karkaroff tried to "console" me, but I began ranting about all boys wanting sex, and that cooled him off.'
'I'll have to hex him later. Perhaps something involving algae?'
'Ooh, that would be lovely! Any sign of the House-Elf?'
'Not at all.'
'I hope they hurry up! I can't stand this!'
'I know. Fractured bones are preferable to not being with you.'
Martis grinned, wiping tears. She placed the quill to the paper and began to write something, then stopped herself and finished with, 'I was so sure it was my sisters.'
'I wasn't. The twins don't know what's going on; they were being used. Martis, I refuse to allow people to dictate THAT part of my life.'
'As you should. When we decide to do hoppi-hoppa, it'll be because we want to.'
'Spirals, how can you write that with a straight face?'
'It's not straight - in fact, it has a very goofy grin. Snips, where are you?'
'In the Conversation Room. Why?'
'Just wondering; making sure that you won't be smothered in your sleep by the Quidditch team.'
'Smother? Nonsense - they'd want me awake and screaming.'
'Ha-ha-ha. Yes, the team rarely does things behind anyone's back. Soul of Tactfulness, them. That was sarcasm.'
'I'm tempted to ask you to come up and visit later on tonight.'
Martis inhaled deeply. 'I'm tempted to suggest it myself. But we have to appear to be having a fight. Our Adversary knows about the Conversation Room and will probably be watching it.'
'I know. Besides, if you do come up, I won't let you go.'
She grinned to herself. She had an idea she would not let him go either - arms or otherwise. She slapped herself to get her mind out of the gutter. 'The offer is becoming more tempting, then. However, this plan has to work.'
'It doesn't have to be. Although it's hard talking with you this way - I prefer to cuddle.'
'Right. Please - no, you can't come up here.'
'I know. Good night. Be safe.'
'Take care of yourself. Good night.'
Martis waited a few moments, then scribbled in the notebook, 'My Dark Prince and Brave Knight.' She shut it quickly and tucked it under her pillow, laying back and staring at the canopy ceiling.
The idea that someone was going to these lengths to get her and Sev together did not bother her. She was only disturbed by the fiasco with the fertility potion because she was not sure why she had been dosed with it. However, if they intended Sev to be the one to ... donate the material, then she had no real problem with it. It was a pain in the rump to fight an enemy when you wanted to lose.
Martis rolled over. Damn - no hiding and no denying it now. She wanted him all to herself in all ways possible. Why, though? He was backward, damaged, bitter, and not the greatest specimen of male.
But he was a great friend, had gorgeous liquid black eyes, and his intense moods made her all shivery.
No, that was just lust talking. Lust can be understood - it was biological and indiscriminate and can be quite enjoyable when applied.
In lust with Severus Snape? Come now, Martis, is it only lust?
She had no answer for that, except the strange notions from a month back of seeing both of them surrounded with children that looked like them. Lust would usually not throw such images around, would it?
Martis hugged her pillow, wishing all the world it was Sev.
This weekend was going to be the hardest weekend of her life.