The 'OMG! We're caught in a snowstorm, this if the perfect opportunity for some fluff!' routine has been done so many times that I feel that it's my moral obligation to write a self deprecating parody to accompany my fic, A Storm in a Tea Cup. There's no need to read Storm to understand this fic, but some knowledge of the blanket scenario might enhance your reading experience. With no further babble:
A Storm in a Parody
By Bat the Wood Elf
After having wandered around conveniently in the snow for hours without any luggage save for Chrno's ammunition case, our dynamic duo are exhausted.
"Rosette, why do you have to be so violent? We could be killing some demons right now if you weren't so trigger happy." Chrno muttered, then realised the irony of his statement.
"Shut up. Be thankful that I forgot our luggage and that you don't have to carry that around too!" Rosette shot back.
Both walked. And walked some more.
They finally happened upon a shack in the woods.
Chrno eyed the shack wearily. "This is too convenient. We've been walking for hours without any sign of civilization and there's suddenly a shack in the woods? Who would be stupid enough to go and spend the night in a shack so obviously strategically placed to lure helpless travellers?"
Chrno's monologue was interrupted by the sound of Rosette gunning down the door to the shack and running in.
"…" Once again, fate is proved to be inescapable.
Knowing well that this was a potentially volatile situation, Chrno approached the shack carefully. He peered inside, only to see Rosette sitting by a roaring fire.
"Talk about lucky! We find a shack in the middle of nowhere after having been caught in a snowstorm for hours and there's a shack fully furbished with a fireplace and some wood that isn't rotting or bug infested!"
"…" Chrno looked around the open room in the shack wearily, expecting a villain to ambush them at any time.
"If you were older and this fic had a higher rating," Rosette continued, "could you imagine the possibilities?"
"I'd rather not, thanks." Chrno muttered. Those kinds of fics were often scarier than parodies.
Both sat by the flames, Rosette stretched out leisurely, Chrno jumping at every sound. He was well aware he was trapped in some warped being's web, and that fics like this rarely ended without considerable stress being put on one of the characters, whether it be emotionally or physically.
And how right he was.
The door to the shack burst open, the damages caused by Rosette's gun conveniently forgotten, as an attractive demon with glasses made a dramatic entrance.
"Oh no. I'm in a nightmare." Chrno groaned.
The white haired demonmerely flicked some offending snow off his immaculate suit. He straitened out his coat and walked over to the flames.
"Nice weather we're having." Aion noted dryly.
"Oh, it's you." Rosette noted with distaste. "I didn't recognize you without the bird."
"Hm. It would seem that I'm lost. I was on my way to the 'Evil Yet Tragically Misunderstood Antagonist' convention and all of a sudden found myself stranded in the middle of nowhere." Aion stated. "I'm very vexed, my idol Sephiroth is a guest speaker and will be holding a panel on how to destroy the world using the planet's life force. Instead of discussing tactics with intellectually superior individuals, I'm stuck in a shack with my arch nemesis... Oh, the irony."
"Where's my brother?" Rosette cried out, "Give him back to me right now you Machiavellian war monger, or I'll make your stay in this shack very unpleasant!"
"What god is against me?" Chrno moaned.
"Shut up Chrno, it isn't always about you." Aion stated, looking rather irritated. "You're always bitching and moaning about how cruel I am, but you never take my feelings in to consideration. Destroying the world means a lot to me. If you had just shut up and agreed to be my minion, we'd all be a lot happier."
Chrno glared at Aion, "How come you always make yourself out to be the victim?"
"Because I can. I'm an attractive enough villain that my evil mastermind plans and creative evilness are understood to be for the greater good by the majority of the female population."
"That's funny, I always thought your plans sucked." Rosette noted dryly.
"You don't count." Aion shot back. "You don't understand the intricacies of the female mind the way I do."
Rosette's temples twitched. "Is that so?"
"Yes. I understand there is a shortage of suave, white haired demons that plan to take over the world. It's my duty to be evil and calculating. For the ladies."
"This from the guy whose master plan involves a blond kid in a suit and a psycho maid." Chrno muttered.
"Shhhh!" Aion cried out frantically, "Don't call it that!"
"I hardly think Fiore is an 'it', though she does seem detached from reality and any moral foundation that might have been impressed into her by her family…" Chrno paused. "What did you do to her besides dressing her up in a maid outfit, by the way? Do you have some kind of kinky fetishes I don't know about besides your obsession with Pandemonium?"
"No! I wasn't referring to Fiore! My plan! My plan, don't call it that!" Aion cried out.
"What? You don't want Chrno to call it a Master Plan?" Rosette asked quizzically.
"Ack!" Aion cried out, as though he'd been shot. "Don't call it a Master Plan, Master Plans always fail!"
Rosette and Chrno looked at each other with identical blank expressions.
"What do you want us to call your evil plan to destroy the world then?" Rosette asked slowly.
Aion straitened out his glasses. "Call it a 'Servant Plan'."
Both Chrno and Rosette muffled laughter and tried rather hard to keep a strait face.
Just then, the shack's door burst open again and a dark form immerged. The fire flicked briefly due to the flow of wind that entered the shack. Aion, Rosette and Chrno all turned to look at the new arrival.
There, in a black cape was a cat-man.
"Serge, I am your father." Lynx rumbled dangerously. "And you are the Chrono Trigger."
"Look, you've got the wrong series buddy." Chrno stated, eye twitching.
Lynx stared at them evilly. "I don't see how that's possible, I'm looking for a boy with blue hair and a violent blond girl. You two fit the description."
Aion frowned and grabbed the cat-man by the collar, punting him out of the shack. "There's only enough room for one tragic villain in this shack, and that's me."
"This is Chrno Crusade, try looking in another shack for the Chrono Cross characters." Rosette called out, trying to be helpful.
Chrno rubbed his temples. "I'm starting to have a headache."
Aion rubbed his hands together as though shaking off something dirty. "Perhaps I should have asked him if he knew the way to the conference. Oh well, it's an annual event, if I miss it, I'll attend next year."
"No you wont, you'll be dead." Chrno muttered.
"That's what you manga supporters would like to think." Aion laughed fiendishly.
Chrno and Rosette backed away from him, aghast.
"What?" Aion asked, straitening out his suit, "Why are you looking at me like that? Is my suit creased?"
"You're one of those warped anime supporters, aren't you?" Chrno pointed at him accusingly.
"I'm a masochist, what do you expect?" Aion stated simply. "Well, it's been fun kids, but I have to get back to making your life hell."
With that, Aion stepped out of the shack and made his was to the 'Evil Yet Tragically Misunderstood Antagonist' convention that was just up the hill.
Chrno and Rosette stayed behind after Aion had made his dramatic exit and stared at the flames.
"I can't believe we let him get away." Rosette muttered.
Chrno shrugged. "I wasn't going to stop him."
"This never would have happened if this story had a higher rating."
"..." Chrno rubbed his temples but looked as though he were taking this into consideration. "Wasn't there supposed to be a blanket somewhere in this story?"
Review and feed my ego. I might write about Aion's convention experience.