This final chapter is dedicated to the wonderful Red Witch, not only because it was already planned but also because she requested it. An now, I give to everyone: The Bob & Tom Band's "It's Christmas and I Wonder Where I Am."

Chapter 8: Shipwreck's Christmas Party

"C'mon, Shipwreck," B.A. said as he tried to get the drunk man into the back of his jeep. "I'll take you home."

"Merry Christmas!" Shipwreck slurred loudly, a goofy grin on his face. "Do you want to know what I did tonight?"

"I already know what you did tonight," the cook laughed. "You got drunk. Now get into the jeep."

"At the General's Christmas Party, I started off with a Baccardi. I didn't get sauced, but right now I'm lost! It's Christmas and I wonder where I am," the drunken man sang, informing his unwilling listener of his evening.

"You aren't lost. You're at the Pit behind the mess hall."

"I had a beer at Low Light's, had eggnog at Airtight's. Then two bottles of wine, which automobile is mine? It's Christmas and I wonder where I am."

"You still aren't lost," B.A. groaned.

"Someone caught me dancing with a snowman. A policeman came and put me in his car. He said, 'Are you drunk?' and I said, 'No Man, but could you drop me off at the next bar?'"

"Why am I not surprised that you got picked up by the cops?"

"I guess my kids must be missing. Who's this dog that I'm kissing? They say his name's Spot and he likes me a lot! It's Christmas and I wonder where I am."

"You lost your kids? You definitely won't be winning father of the year."

"I was looking for a lady I could dance with so I stood beneath the mistletoes. Someone said, 'You'll have a better chance if you take the lampshade off and put back on your clothes'

"A lampshade, isn't that the best? Time to be going. I'm naked! Is it still snowing?"

"I wish you had put your clothes back on, you drunken nut. And it would serve you right if it did start snowing!"

"It's time I should leave, I'll be back New Year's Eve! It's Christmas and I wonder where I am. It's Christmas and I wonder where I am."

"Still at the Pit and still behind the Mess Hall. If you'd just get into the jeep, I'd take you home."

"Have you seen my hat? I wouldn't want to freeze. What a party! It's Christmas and I wonder where I am. Don't you wish you were me?" Shipwreck finished the song before falling over backward, passed out.

"No I don't," B.A. replied with a shake of his head. He turned and walked back into the mess hall and to the phone. "Althea will know what to do with you. And I don't think it will be pleasant..."

The End