I just want to say thanks again for the reviews! The reason why I updated was because of a reviewer, Ukchana, that was so nice of you to say. The pointers were so helpful and were brought to my attention. As far as the two who said that I shouldn't be begging for reviews, I thank you too for your reviews, but you might want to see what my nice friend Ukchana said in my review. No reviews, no clue if you guys like them. P:S: I'm not BEGGING for reviews, I'm nicely asking for any pointer for the reader, aka: youBut don't worry, I'm still going to update, with or without your reviews. Even if I get one review like the one I got from Ukchana, it'll inspire me enough to continue to write. Thank again for the others who took out the time to review, it helped me a lot!
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Chapter 3: Freeing myself
Relena didn't know she was holding her breath until Trowa spoke.
"How are you, Heero?" He asked calmly, unafraid of the consequences of Heero catching him practically make out with Relena. Relena still stood, now breathing but short of breath, in front of a masked cold Heero. His eyes never failing to show the maddening jealousy within him. The slight smirk of the clowns face made Heero want to push Relena out of the way and crush Trowa throat with his bear hands. Damned would he be if he showed his feelings. Especially in front of the acrobatic soldier. Especially in front of Relena. Had he went with feelings, he would have made her feel his pain right now. But then again, it was the pain he caused himself. He wasn't a foolish man. He knew what he was doing with her. How he was slowly killing her. How he would come home whenever he felt like it. How he would leave her without a word, a hug, a kiss, a goodbye. Nothing. He would come like nothing and leave like nothing. But the way he would feel around her was far from nothing. It was a something that scared him. Made the silent soldier quiver when he was alone. Made him want to forget his training and give in to his heart. May it take it to any direction it took him. He knew it would take him straight into Relena's arms. Into her bed, in her life and never leaving. Duo continuously asked him to stay, to forget about the missions. Wu fie would disappointedly scowl at him, not saying a word to him about it and only giving him directions involving the mission. It was all wrong, he knew it. But he couldn't help but run. He couldn't help but to hurt her over and over again.
"Heero." Relena's quiet voice interrupting his thoughts and staring contest with Trowa. She looked down at her shoes in obvious shame. Walking away from Trowa and Heero, she entered the elevator. Looking up at Trowa, she gave him an apologetic glance before looking at Heero's back. "Will you accompany me home Heero?" Her voice just as quiet as before, maybe even lower. It was a guilty shameful quite voice. A voice that both Trowa and Heero heard.
Without a word, he turned around and stepped into the elevator, closing the door but not before saying his own goodbye to Trowa.
"I'm sure you have plans to sleep after leaving the building." Before Trowa could respond, the elevator door closed before him.
The ride home was quiet. An unnerving quiet that left her in anticipation. What would he say? What is he waiting for? Why won't he say anything? Duo was driving the car and Heero was in the passenger seat as Relena quietly looked out the window from the backseat of the four door car. Duo hummed every now and then or he would tap the steering wheel, but he dare not say anything to either of them. When he went to get the car he swore he caught a glimpse of Heero getting into an elevator, but ignored it. When he saw a deathly pale Relena being lead by Heero, he knew something happened. Trowa wasn't down yet, and Duo knew about his little crush with the pacifist. There was no doubt in his mind that Trowa acting on his emotions and ended up doing something stupid. He just hoped that Trowa was still alive to tell him the juicy details the next day.
Heero looked out his window, watching the trees whiz past by him. The darkness of the sky was welcoming. Inviting him to blend in with the darkness. Away from the situation. Away from the argument that was coming. He couldn't let it go. It was still in his mind. The way she was kissing him, the way she held him. Like she was hold Heero, himself. The way Trowa was kissing her pouty lips. The way she was lowly moaning in the back of throat. It unsettling. She couldn't even look at him. The both of them were wordless. Speechless. Thoughtless. As if they did not where to go from here. As if they were heavily thinking, contemplating something. As if the shame was so great it was suffocating them.
The car stopping signaled that they were home. Heero opened Relena's door and took her hand when she stepped out. Duo honked and drove away, glad that he was away from the tension. Silently they both walked up the steps of her home and entered. Again without a word they went up stairs, and into her room. Almost automatically, Relena's lip trembled from the sobs that were daring to come out. She, in front of him tried not to crash on her now weak knees.
"Why are you so quiet?" Heero hissed through his clenched teeth. A sarcastic question. A question he already knew the answer to. A question that made her gasp. Not so much because of the question, but the way he said it. So bitter, indifferent. Enough was enough. Even in a relationship she was passive. She didn't say anything, she was just hoping for him to say something. The air around the room was thick with confusion, questions uncertainty. Relena turned around, showing Heero her regret. The tears in her eyes were wavering, ready to spill.
"Do you even realize how much you're hurting me?" Relena croaked out, her words shaky like her fists. This was it for her. How could he be mad? "What else did you expect, Heero? Did you expect for me to wait for you?" Her voice was now bitter and angry, demanding for a response. When he didn't give it and just stood there waiting for her tantrum to finish, she ran up to him and pounded on his hard chest. Now screaming in his face full of anger and never stopping tears running down her cheeks. "You're fucking killing me! Don't you understand? What the fuck are we? What the fuck am I? Am I some toy for you, Heero? Am I?" Even though she was a petite girl, her punches were making his chest sting. It hurt to see her like this. He thought she would be rational. But right now she was downright hysterical. Maybe he pushed her too far. Maybe he pushed her away. Pinning her arms to her sides, he turned her body around to pin it against the closed door . His knee in between her legs, and his body pinning her against the door so she would stop struggling. With his face mere inches from hers, he for once screamed in her face back, forgetting about his well known cold demeanor. Always the one who never lost control. But thanks to his feeling for Relena, he couldn't help but to.
"How was he Relena? Anything like me?" Heero sarcastically asked, his mask melting and revealing the jealousy in his eyes. His hands let go of hers , making sure she stayed put by pinning his body with hers. Her hands went up to her arms, and she looked away from him, helplessly pushing him away in vain. His hands made their way to her waist, one traveling upwards to her neck and her chin, making her look at him. "I couldn't help but notice that you held him like you do to me. Did you imagine that he was me?" Heero's lips were now hovering over hers, his blue eyes intently on hers. "Tell me." He whispered before passionately kissing her. A whimper escaped her, making Heero pin her against the wood door even more. Relena's hands found their way to his hair, grasping it for dear life. When she had enough of his hair, she touched his face, his neck, his sides; anywhere her hands could explore. He drove her crazy. He was a legal drug for her. A drug that consumed her, and made her want more no matter what the outcome. She drove him even more crazy. That's why he kept coming back. She was addicting. Her kisses, her looks, her touches, and God her moans. Picking her up with one hand on her waist, he threw her on the bed before she even realized they were no longer standing. He crawled on top of her, one hand holding her cheek mindlessly kissing her lips roughly, as the other laid below her breast, barely cupping it.
It's been a couple of months since he last had an sex. It wasn't with Relena of course, they would never dare cross that line. But tonight, that line looked pretty friendly. He thought if there was no other way of showing her he cared, if he even wanted to show that he did care, it would have to be through sex. Even as a soldier he was taught that sex was something that had to mean something. With the other ladies it meant no strings attached, he would never see them again. But the woman laying below him was something and someone he would see again. He couldn't risk it professionally. He knew it had to mean something in order to except that kind of relationship. The one they had now though was confusing. What were they? Her question made him stop for half a second before she whimpered from his decreasing kisses on her neck. The sound made him forget about her question and go right back to her neck. His butterfly kisses on her neck made her stomach flip and her legs intertwine with his. Wanting more of him, she held the back of head and crushed his head towards her neck more. More was not enough. A knock on the door made Heero growl and get off the bed and Relena in one swift movement towards the door. Relena sat up on the edge of the bed, smoothing the wrinkles of her jacket. The whole day her hair was pinned up with a clip, so she took it out to release her hair down on her shoulders. Now her scalp hurt from the position her hair was in all day.
When he opened the door, he gave another growl. "Oh. Hello Heero. May I know where Relena is?" Dorothy asked politely. Heero looked back at an alarmed Relena. Quickly, Relena tiptoed to her bathroom, giving Heero the okay to tell Dorothy some excuse so that she didn't see her.
"She's in the bathroom getting ready for bed. She's tired so I don't think she'll be seeing you tonight. Have a goodnight." Without a word from Dorothy, he shut the door on her face and walked back to the bed. His hands were running through his hair, pushing it back from his now confused eyes. A moment later, he heard her come out of the bathroom with a sigh. She walked to the side of the bed and laid across it on her stomach, hiding her face in her arms, her golden hair fanned out on her back and arms.
"What was that Heero?" She mumbled into her arms, almost inaudible, but he still caught it. He could even hear her start to cry all over again. Inwardly he prayed that she wouldn't get hysterical again.
"It was what it was." He answered grimly. It was me trying to show you that I do care for you. That I don't want you to be with anyone else but me, he thought.
"Heero?" She looked up at him with determined eyes and sit up behind him. Close enough to reach her hand out to his shoulder, she leaned towards him and whispers in his ear. "I hate you." His eyes widen and he stands up to look at her. Relena's small figure was still, her hands now on her lap. Her hair was down, and her jacket was off, revealing a black tank top. Her eyes were sullen , still looking up at him. No longer were her eyes green, but now of a hazel. She was serious.
"I know." He croaked out. The emotion was getting to him. The emotion of hurt. In a way he knew, but still didn't understand what she meant by that. Did she really hate him? Truly honestly hate him? He knew she was angry with him because of what he did to her, but to hate him?
"Then." She stopped. Getting up from the bed and walking towards him, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He not knowing what to do. "Then again, I can't stop being with you. Wanting to be with you. Why are you doing this to me?" Shaking his head, he pushed her away.
"I don't know why you have to make this so complicated. Why can't you just leave it as it? I come to protect you, I come and.."
"And I wait! Is that how it works, Heero? Is that how your sick little trainers taught you? Use people? Cheat on people? Kill people? Well good job, Heero! You're doing a good fucking job!" A wide eyed angry Relena shouted. She stepped back away from him and walked around him towards the door. "Get out, Heero." She gritted through her teeth. His back turned to her, he sighed in defeat. He was utterly confused. In a way he knew what he wanted, but then he would do something else. "I'm almost begging you, please get out. You are losing me Heero. Slowly you are losing me, and I can't wait anymore. So please go." Head down in defeat, she wouldn't even look at him. He couldn't let her go like this. He had to do something, anything to make her understand. It wasn't that he was trying to push her away, he was confused. Unsure. If he left her, then another man, most likely Trowa, would take his place. No one could take her away from him. That he was sure of. That showed him that he had to be with her. That he cared enough that he wanted to kill his partner for touching her. The look of her lips looked appealing to him again. How he loved bruising them with his kisses. He just needed her as much as she did. All he had to do was say it. Showing it wouldn't be enough. He knew she couldn't wait forever. But there was still a chance that she still would. Walking up to her, he pulled her away from the door and closed it back again. Closing in on her face, he once again hovered over her lips.
"But you said it yourself; you can't stop being with me." He whispered against her lips. Weakness. Her weakness. He was it. She was it. They were each others weaknesses. But he controlled the situation, partly. He decided when he could come back and when he could leave.. The times he was around her alone, he would lose control. That was the only part that he could not control, as much as he tried. She on the other hand, could not. It was the opposite of what her people would expect from her. What kind of Prime Minister was she then? A weak one for the boys? For the Gundam Pilot who was far from a pacifist? A boy who knew how to play her like a fiddle. Pushing him away this time, she opened the door once again.
"For my sake, Heero. For my damned sake, leave." She whispered shakily. Her words returning to him, he understood. He was killing her. Using her, and using her like some toy. Or that's how it looked like. But she would never know. Because he would never tell her. With a nod, he walked out of her room down the stairs. She, on the edge of a breakdown, shut the door and leaned against it. What did this mean now? That she was free? It was a step towards freedom. It was an act of selfishness. It was an act of saving herself from him. The sound of her front door slamming echoed throughout the house, including her room.
"It was an act of freeing myself." Relena whispered to herself miserably.
Just how long this act would last was anyone's guess..
Ahh!! I finished this in one day! Can you tell? wink I wanted to finish this chapter as fast I could because I knew I lacked in updating. Hope ya'll liked this chapter, if not then poo on you. I know she turned into someone who was trying to be strong, but don't worry, she'll stop that. I just didn't want her to be completely weak. I wanted her to be fed up with him, in front of him. Now it's time for this one to go to sleep so I could go to school. Review please!