"Geez Raven, aren't we jumpy this morning." Beast Boy said, picking himself off the ground from where he had fallen after his collision with Raven.
"Sorry Beast Boy." She mumbled and quickly hurried past him.
"Raven, you ok?" He called after her, but the violet haired girl was already gone. He stared after her for a moment, trying to place the strange metallic smell he had smelt on her. Then he shook his head and continued on his way into the kitchen for some tofu.
Raven paused around the corner of the hallway, her heart thumping. 'That was close. Too close.' she thought to herself 'What was Beast Boy doing up this time of night anyway?' she wondered, irritated, then realized that the sun had been rising when she was outside and it was morning, the Titans usually woke up early for breakfast and training. As if on cue, she heard foot steps down the hallway and the overly cheery voice of Starfire as well as the calm voice of Robin. Quickly, Raven ducked into a storage closet, unwilling to face her fellow Titans. She left the door open a crack so she could see them pass.
"Oh, Robin, that would be just joyous! Will you really take me to the mall of shopping?" Starfire was saying, her face lit up with joy.
"Uh, sure Starfire, its no problem" Robin replied, giving her a half smile. She hugged him enthusiasically only letting go when he protested that he couldn't breath.
Raven sighed in relief once they were past, a strange feeling coming over her. With a shock, she realized she was jealous. 'Jealous? Of what?' Before she could ponder that further, she once again heard footsteps and dove back into the closet just as cyborg went past, muttering something to himself. As soon as he was gone, Raven fled back to her room, though first taking a detour to the bathroom to grab some first aid things, and then slammed the door behind her, panting.
Looking down, she realized the sleeve of her bodysuit was soaked in blood. Cursing softly, she tossed her first aid supplies on the bed and got to work. It only took her a few minutes to bandage her arm, and then she paused staring at her work critically. It was a little bulky, but it worked.
'And it was not as if any of the others will notice. They never noticed anything about me before, why should they start now?' she thought to herself, changing into a fresh leotard. 'good thing i do my own wash' Still not wanting to face her teammates, Raven grabbed her favorite Edgar Allen Poe book and spread out on her bed, instantly absorbed.
Raven passed through the next few weeks in a haze, only seeing the other Titans when there was an emergency, then disappearing back to her room, never saying so much as a word to any of them. It wasn't as though she was avoiding them on purpose, but merely that she didn't feel like talking, and didn't notice the fact that she now spent twenty-four/seven locked alone in her room. The other Titans did notice, though. And worried. But none of them knew what to do about it, so they just left Raven alone, because that was obviously what she wanted.
Raven's full powers returned in just a few days, as she always was a quick healer. However, for once in her life, she didn't have trouble with her emotions. They were locked deep inside and she moved through each day as if she was in a trance, not feeling anything, not caring about anything. In fact, most days she forgot to even eat and just lay in her bed all day staring at the ceiling, not thinking, hardly even sleeping, for when she slept she was tortured by nightmares of pain and her father, and death and destruction, instead she just waited for the next time the Titans would be called. It was her uncaring attitude about eating that finally forced the other Titans to take action.
"Is it just me or does Raven look thinner than usual?" Beast Boy asked, after Raven had disappeared just after completing their mission.
"She has not visited the place of eating in many days" Starfire added, a concerned look on her face.
"Maybe she keeps food up in her room?" Cyborg said doubtfully. Robin frowned and the others fell silent for a moment, staring at the ceiling, the floor, anything but each other.
"Should we do something? I mean she seems to be ok...she hasn't lost control of her powers at all in at least a month..." Beast Boy trailed off, knowing that Raven was obviously not ok.
"She hasn't left her room in the last month." Robin commented quietly, obviously worried. But for once, their fearless leader didn't have a clue what to do.
"She doesn't want to talk to us...If we try she just slides through the wall or ceiling or anything and disappears. We can't exactly force her." Cyborg threw himself down on the couch, frustrated.
"Our friend is in need we cannot just give up!" Starfire protested "We must go and make Raven better and happy! We must cure her problems immediately!"
"I don't think its that simple, Star." Robin said, shaking his head, then sitting down next to Cyborg. "We'll talk to her...tomorrow...we'll talk to her tomorrow."
Meanwhile, Raven paced her room, whispers and half thoughts running through her mind.
'Come on...you know you want to...destroy...you have the power...destroy it all..'
'No, you must be free and happy and joyous, it is a WONDERFUL day!'
'Its night you idiot.'
'ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP' "SHUT UP!" Raven yelled at her babbling emotions, not even realizing she was shouting aloud. Suddenly her arm had this tickling itching feeling and Raven ripped up her sleeve, staring at the perfect white scars. So beautiful and straight. Perfect lines that lined up and made perfect sense. Nothing else made sense everything was all jumbled up inside and everything in her head was screaming and pulling her in all different directions. Calmly, she walked over to her desk and opened her draw, routing around for a few moments before finding a pair of scissors. She sat down abruptly on the floor and brought the cool metal to her skin, enjoying the feeling of utter calmness and quiet that came over her as it dragged over her pale white skin, the pain making her gasp, yet it felt so very good. Her skin parted and soon was stained crimson and she brought the cut to her mouth, licking off a little of the blood. Then she got back to work, playing with the blood and each time the flow began to slow, opening a new rip, a new tear. The blood flowed out of her, purifying her, freeing her. The pain she could feel, it was better than the numbness, yet without the insanity of her emotions. It was beautiful and pure and freed her from all her burdens.
When she ran out of room on one arm, she switched to the other, slowly and meticulously cutting straight parallel lines across herself. Her order, her sanity. Everything made sense as long as she kept making straight parallel lines. Eventually she moved on to her upper thighs, but didn't get far before becoming exhausted. Without bothering to clean up, she fell into bed and into a deep dreamless sleep, a peaceful, restful sleep that she so desperately needed.