epch1 It has since been but a few hours that we last saw our famous crew, stranded in 600AD. Tonight, we see something rotten afoot, as someone makes their way to the Poyozo Palace and establishes their place as an unwelcome guest... and I, the Storyteller, will lead the way...

The Day the Epoch Ran Out of Gas

"Gas? Since when does the Epoch run out of gas?"
"Well... shouldn't you know this? I mean, you did start to build the new Epoch back when Ozzie and the others stole the first one..."
"Yeah, but I didn't remember to add a fuel source..."
"That's real smart, Lucca. How the heck are we supposed to get back?"
"I'm thinking, damn it! Shoo! Go away! I need silence!"
"Fine, mud bath. I'm gone. Crono, come on."
"No. Meesa no like Marle NO MORE! Marle need switch decaf."
"What? That's it... I swear, Crono, the first words I hear out of your mouth and already I don't like them. I ought grind you up into little pieces and blast you into oblivion!"
"What are you people doing quoting The Phantom Menace?"

Over walked Magus, dressed in all of his usual clothes except for his muddy cape, which was on his arm.

"Meesa like Magus. Magus no have stick up behind!"
"What? Fine, then, Crono. You just go ahead. Have your little gay duo with mister romantic over there."
"I AM NOT GAY! And since when were you talking, Crono?"
"Meesa like hard balls."

Glenn started laughing.

"Glenn! Hard balls yummy."

Glenn was hysterical.

"Okay Crono. Stop talking like Jar Jar Binks. He pisses me off." Magus said.
"Meesa? Jar Jar Binks? Daewoo! Who Jar Jar Binks? Jar Jar Binks like hard balls?"

Magus started laughing alongside Glenn.

"MEESA NOT FUNNY!!! Meesa throat hurt. Meesa eat hard ball."

Glenn fell to the floor, dying of laughter. Magus was laughing also, until he saw Lucca, standing in the Epoch.

"What are YOU still doing here?"
"I'm trying to get this damn thing to work!"
"You broke it? Smart move, genius."
"EAT ONE!"

Marle shushed Lucca. Glenn was still laughing like crazy on the floor.

"That's it, guys... I'm leaving. I'm going to burst a vein or something if you guys keep this up... he he he..."

Glenn stood and stumbled into the castle, laughing. He walked into the room holding the Media Crystal, and switched it on.

"Yes! Kids in the Hall!"

Suddenly, he heard a sound behind him. As he turned, he was barely able to catch a glimpse of long, flowing light green hair before he fell to the ground, unconscious.

* * *

"Who? What?"

Glenn stood carefully. His green hair fell over his face, and he tried to move it away with his hand. Only he didn't have a hand anymore. He had an unidentifiable limb.

"What? What is this bleedin' mess on meh? And why do I sound like a bloody Brit?"

Glenn hopped forward toward the door. He noticed his legs were gone. It seemed as if he was a frog again. But it wasn't a frog, oh no... it was something else.

* * *

"Okay..."

Lucca examined the front of the Epoch. She grabbed a screwdriver from her back pocket and started to pry out the hundreds of screws that surrounded the exterior of the large time machine.

"If Belthasar didn't tell us about a fuel source, there might not be any." Lucca said, grunting to pull out one of the screws.
"Come on, Lucca. How can anything run without a fuel source?"
"Marle, please. It might be possible. You never know..."
"Be real, Lucca. What would it run on? Air?"
"Yeah! Air! Why not? It could work on air."
"Maybe with the wings, but what did it go on before Dalton put the wings there?"
"Well why don't you ask someone who knows, you stupid, annoying, airhead!"
"What? What did you call me? I am SO not the airhead around here, you raging doofus!"

Magus couldn't help but intervene to prevent a battle...

"Come on, kids. Relax, okay? Not in front of my castle."
"THIS ISN'T EVEN YOUR CASTLE! THIS IS THE GAY YOU'S CASTLE!" Marle yelled.
"I AM NOT GAY!"
"Yes you are!"
"No, Marle, he's not. Trust me. He may be an annoying, arrogant, loud, tall, good looking... stupid, devious wimp, but he's not gay."
"What makes you so sure?"
"I JUST KNOW, OKAY?"
"Girls! Girls! Quiet down!"
"SHUT UP!" Marle and Lucca screamed in unison.

Suddenly, from behind, two figures appeared from nowhere.

"Flea, remind me never to trust your spells again..." said Slash, who was lying on the ground, with a large piece of equipment on his stomach.
"Oh quiet, Slash. Hello all... I have a gift for you."
"BeBo!" yelled Lucca, who saw Flea had the robot in his arms.
"ITS SABOTAGE ITS SABOTAGE ITS SABOTAGE"

BeBo kept repeating "Sabotage" over and over again. Lucca ran to it and shut it off.

"I'm afraid its right, Lucca. It's sabotage."
"What the hell are you talking about, Flea?"
"Slash, show her."

Slash pushed the heavy box like item off of him and stood.

"Listen up, four eyes. As if it wasn't bad enough you had to screw with our singer, someone else f-d us over last night. Look!"

Slash positioned the large item, so Lucca could see the small cut in its side. It was about a centimeter long, and less than half a centimeter wide, like an extremely thin sword cut.

"What is this supposed to mean?"
"Look."

Slash turned it to the other side. There, was another cut of the exact same size. The item had been cut straight through.

"That's why BeBo was screaming about sabotage... that's why the tarp ripped! That's why BeBo got his voice back! That's why Marle lost the stage equipment! Someone's sabotaging us!"
"Sabotage? Meesa dunno bout sabotage. Sabotage yummy?"
"Have another hard ball, Crono, and keep quiet."

Lucca went back to the Epoch examining its hull. She found a cut, the same exact size. Then, she had an idea. She motioned for Crono to come over.

"Yousa need help?"
"Crono, give me your rainbow."
"Deesa? No! Meesa like wainbow. Meesa keep!"
"Hand it over!"
"NO! MEESA LIKE WAINBOW!"

Lucca grabbed her wondershot from her side pocket and held it to Crono's stomach.

"Give me the wainbow-rainbow!"

Crono hesitated, but passed her his sword. She swiftly cut open a large piece of the hull, revealing hundreds of wires and various pieces of unidentifiable equipment. She noticed the large box in the center. It was gold, and on it were words in an odd language...

"What is this gold thing supposed to say?
"Meesa no lika. Deesa shiny..."
"Shut up, Crono."

Magus approached the box, reading it carefully.

"Its in English. Can't you read English?"
"We're not supposed to read English. We're supposed to read Japanese."
"Lucca, what's my name?"
"Magus, the big eared long nosed gay person."
"Shut up. Now my name is Magus, right? If we were speaking Japanese, what would my name be?"
"Ohh... okay, Jacky..."
"Don't call me that."
"Man that name sounds gay..."
"I AM NOT GAY!"

* * *

A large ship suddenly flew away into the distance, disappearing from sight. Below it sat Spekkio, in the form of a kilwala. In his arms, he held a box with a note on it.

Dear Spekkio,

I'm sorry I couldn't deliver this to you earlier. The item you requested is here, in this box. Of course, this, at one point, was a person. Unfortunately, we ran into a little problem with our Infinite Improbability Drive, and... well, you know the rest. Enjoy.

I still don't like you.
Zaphod

"Yes! YES YES YES! I have to go show the others!"

* * *

Marle and Lucca sat before the Epoch, staring in wonder at the golden box that stared them in the eye. It was very pretty, but complicated. After some short lessons in reading the language that she somehow spoke fluently, Lucca discovered that the odd golden box read "Infinite Improbability Drive." Lucca managed to dismantle the large box from the Epoch's interior, and examined it. Inside there was a strange golden colored substance.

"Tea."
"What?" replied Marle, astounded.
"Tea. It has tea inside of it."
"Deesa have tea? Deesa no teapot."
"Shut up, Crono, you sound like Ayla!" said Marle.
"Meesa no Ayla! MEESA CRONO!"
"Yousa sound like a friggin idiot. Go inside."
"Why don't you go, too, Marle." Lucca said, sighing.
"Why me?"
"Because I can't concentrate."
"Fine. Come on, Crono, we'll have a party!"
"I'll have none of that in my home!" yelled Magus, behind them.

Magus, who was at that point standing near Flea and Slash, approached the Epoch to see what was the matter. Flea and Slash followed, to Magus's discontent.

"Get! Go! Go back to Ozzie!"
"You are so rude, Magus!" Flea yelled.
"That's my job. Back! Go!"
"Fine then. I'm scheduled for a makeover anyway. Come on, Slash."
"I'm NOT getting a makeover!"
"I never said you were getting a makeover. Unless you want me to fix that complexion of yours... I should hope its just my eyesight but you're starting to pale..."
"What?"
"You're almost a sky blue..."
"SKY BLUE? Help me! Help me!"

Flea chanted a small incantation, and they both disappeared.

"And thus, the start of a beautiful relationship..."
"Quiet, Magus." said Lucca.
"I wasn't talking to you."
"I didn't say you were talking to me."

Suddenly, a small white figure started running toward Magus. As it approached, it ballooned into a running red ball.

"Magus! Magus! I have it! It's here!"
"What? What do you have, Spekkio?"
"It's a visitor... open it!"

Magus took the package in his hands and tore off the note, without reading it. He opened up the box. Inside was a small model truck, red, with fire decals all around it.

"It's a car! What are you giving me a car for? Get this junky toy away from me!"
"It's not a toy!"
"I don't care. Take it inside. And I get the Media Crystal first!"

Magus shoved Spekkio in the door.

"Magus, go inside."
"I'm afraid it's not your place to tell me where to go on my land."
"Magus, please... don't bother me. I still don't like you."
"I didn't ask for you to like me. I asked you to be courteous."
"Magus, just leave! Please! I have to take this damn thing apart and your babbling won't help."

Magus snorted, and turned to go inside the castle.

"Are you PMSing?"
"What?"

Magus ran inside the castle, just as Lucca realized the remark he made.

"Damn him!"

* * *

"What time is it?" asked Marle.
"Its Miller time. Get me a beer." said Magus, as he walked into the kitchen.
"Get it yourself."
"Get me the beer or get out."

Marle cursed silently, but then grabbed the drink and threw it to Magus. As she returned to her seat, she felt a crackle beneath her feet. Looking downward, she saw the shards of a shiny white teapot decorated with flowers on the ground.

"Uhh, Magus, someone broke your teapot."
"I have a teapot?"
"Correction, you had a teapot."
"Who cares... after everything else that has happened, teapots are the least of my worries."

Spekkio walked into the kitchen, coming from the bedrooms.

"Hello all... I'm proud to say that the visitor I told you about has arrived."

Nobody responded. Magus stood in his corner and sipped his beer. Marle stared at the table. Crono sucked on a cough drop.

"Hello out there, anyone wondering who the visitor is?"
"Nobody cares, Spekkio. Me and Crono can't get home, and Magus has his own problems."
"Are you referring to the lady Lucca?"
"Spekkio... please. Just back off." said Magus, tired from the day's events and the lack of sleep that didn't help his condition.
"Fine then. I left the package on your bed. I hope you enjoy it!" said Spekkio, angrily. He ballooned into a Nu and walked outside.

* * *

"Hmm..."

The young girl looked around the room. It was plain, very white. Nothing like she expected. There was a bed on the door farthest from the wall, with windows providing light and a lower level view of the courtyard. There were large closets, where the girl was able to find refuge when the odd looking figure with the box came into the room and left the package. The girl took out the tie holding back her hair. She felt it fall to the small of her back before she adjusted it and tied it up again. She then adjusted her cape, a small, knee length cape, made of blue leather. She then adjusted her belt, which held a sheath. Inside the sheath was a long, thin blade made of pure diamond and filed down so far it was only a molecule thick at any edge.

After fixing her clothes, the girl cautiously approached the box sitting on the bed, without a sound. She took the box in hand and opened it, taking out the contents. She held in her hand a small toy car, shining red with flames jumping out the sides and from the top. There were small windows surrounding the sides.

"A toy car. He likes toy cars."

She grabbed the car firmly by the wheels and threw it at the marble wall above Magus's bed. The red covering of the toy car shattered, the sharp pieces falling on Magus's bed. The wheels separated from the bulk of the car and flew in all directions. The main part of the car dropped on top of Magus's pillow and stayed there.

"Hot wheels leading the way..."

The girl opened one of the glass windows and jumped out of it, from whence she came.
_______________________________________________________

Hmm... who is this girl? What are her intentions? Why is she going out of her way to bother the occupants of the Poyozo Palace? We'll see, next chapter...