Das Kätzchen, Dass in der Dunkelheit Verloren Ging
Chapter 11: The Kitten Who Saw The Light
After two more days of staying at the hospital, Omi was allowed home. His doctors had toyed with the idea of placing him on anti-depressants and in the end decided not too, mostly due to the pressure of Weiss' informant, Manx and the rest of Weiss. The fact that often anti-depressants lead to an increased risk of suicide did not sit well on their minds. The three men had already been down that road and were in no hurry to walk down it a second time anytime soon.
The five days that the once cheery, full of life teen had been away had left a heavy effect on the atmosphere within the Koneko. Youji was smoking somewhere around a pack and a half a day, Ken was constantly preoccupied with thoughts about Omi and off in his own world. Both these things made Aya short tempered. When Aya got fed up with Ken being lost in space, he would start to yell at the brunette, Youji would then join in yelling back at Aya till Ken joined in yelling at the both of them. When the teen however did return, it was if a heavy cloud had been lifted.
Omi was still tired from the amount of blood lost, despite a blood transfusion and that as well. There was the possibility of having a second transfusion if his anemia didn't right itself in a week. Till then, Ken was allowed to bring him home under the watchful eyes of their two other teammates.
The blonde hair teen was glad to be home and away from the nursing staff, which was mostly female. He still did not like being around women and the way they cooed over how cute he was made him uneasy whenever Ken, Youji or even Sho weren't there. It was a nice feeling to be sleeping somewhere familiar, the mission room couch mostly in his case. Omi wasn't ready to actually step into his room yet. He could barely walk by the closed door where he had almost left the world. For now, he preferred a spare mattress in Ken's room for it was he who found out that Omi had been sleeping in the basement. He couldn't say the urge to cut had completely gone away. Omi was adapting to not having cut for a few weeks by now, but there was still the underlying suspicion that he would do something to himself again, hence why he now slept on a mattress in Ken's room.
Despite all of this attention put onto him, there was still emptiness in his heart, and a burning question in his head. Why? Why was he still alive? Ken had answered the question of how he was alive, but he didn't care much about that. He wanted to know why they brought him back when it should have been so clear he did not want to live. He needed to know this answer; it was burning into him like the thoughts of Mastermind had. He needed to know, or else he would try a window.
Youji and Ken sat in the kitchen simply talking during their break in the shop. Even Youji had to admit he needed a break from all of the under aged girls draping off his arms, or trying to at least. There were the sounds of footsteps on the stairs and Ken glanced over, knowing that it probably was Omi, as Aya was still in the shop. However he did a quick double take at the teen that was wearing a t-shirt. His eyes stayed, however, lingering on Omi.
It was slightly shocking to see Omi suddenly wearing a t-shirt. He hadn't in months now and they were all used to his long shirts. Always covering the secrets he kept under the cloth. The small cuts running horizontal up the hacker's wrists and a long slash stitched up with blue thread stood out strongly on his pale arms.
Three simply stared at each other for what seemed to be minutes, but where only short seconds.
"Why?" The teen asked breaking the silence, looking as if his confidence might fail.
"What are you going on about, Omi?" Youji asked looking up at the teen, slightly taken-aback at his sudden openness by wearing the shirt.
"Why did you save me? What am I still alive?" He began to plea, tears starting to well up.
"Omi," Youji breathed unsure of what exactly he should say. Ken was just as stumped.
"Why did you save me, Youji-kun? I wanted out. I wanted to die. I can't escape what's in my head. I can still hear his voice I can still feel her hands. They won't go away!" the hacker's voice was becoming louder as he spoke, "I'm so filthy and dirty and it won't wash away. I can't cover it up.
"The pain won't stop. Every night I see it over and over again and it hurts. It hurts so much. I can't take it anymore. I need an escape. I tried, but you kept me back. Why? Why? Why?" The blonde teen demanded to know, sinking to the floor as tears finally began to fall down his cheeks. "Why can't I just die? I can't keep going on like this."
"Then don't let yourself get this way."
"Talk to us, Omi." Youji, then Ken said to him both lowering to his level, which was now the floor. Ken was to Omi's side while Youji was crouched down in front. The brunette tried to look into the other's eyes but only seemed to find a void of nothingness in them. Youji, meanwhile, made a gesture to reach out and touch the hacker.
"Don't touch me! Just leave me alone and let me die!" The said hacker cried, smacking the hand away. He then made a move to try and rip open the stitches lining his wrists. The oldest Weiss, however, blocked this, holding both wrists still and held closely together, probably causing some pain while the soccer player tried to calm the clearly emotionally distraught teen wrapping him in a large bear hug.
"Omi," Ken spoke directly to him, "we can't just let you destroy yourself like this. Please, let us help you."
"Why do you even care? You never seemed to give a damn about me being raped a second time!"
There was a silent look exchanged between the two trying to calm the teen down. They had all been to wrap up in learning of Omi's self-destruction to pay nearly any attention to the second rape.
"Get him out of my head... just get him out of my head! He won't shut up!" The archer cried, beginning to lose any form of reality in his head, his voice cracking from stress and exhaustion. To say he was a wreck at the moment was much too mild. "Weak, dirty, useless, burden… why won't he shut up!"
"You aren't any of those things, Omi." Ken stated, hating the sound of those words to his ears.
"Who raped you, Omi?" came Aya's voice from the doorway, somehow walking in quietly, hearing all of the commotion and yelling of the teen.
There was a long pause. The boy seemed to tremble even more with the memory and just seemed to only be able to take one deep breath, one after another. "Schwartz," he finally said. "Mastermind of Schwartz."
There was a stream of several not so nice words from Youji as he released the blonde's hands and turned to Aya with a vengeance in his eyes. As he stood, Omi turned into Ken's chest, tears still silently streaming down his face. The other let him cling to his shirt, soaking it with tears.
"We can't go after him," Aya stated with a slight sound of anger in his voice. "They are too strong and we don't even know where to find them if we wanted to." Youji nodded in understanding, the redhead did have a point there. It still didn't change the fact that next time he saw Schwartz, he would want to rip the one who caused the teen so much harm to shreds. Omi was the team's heart, as much as anyone wanted to admit.
Ken had moved so that Omi could rest more easily against him, his crying slowly dieing down to a soft whimper. After a while, Aya and Youji both left to look after the store, life would have to move on, no matter what. He sat there, alone, being held onto as if he was a lifeline of some sort till the teen's breathing evened out and softened, showing the hacker had fallen asleep.
Legs stiff, Ken stood with Omi in his arms and moved to the teen's room. From the bathroom, there still was the fading sent of cleaning chemicals from cleaning the blood from the room.
When Omi was settled, the second youngest of Weiss turned to leave, but stopped when a cracked voice from behind him spoke. "Will this shame ever go away, Ken-kun?" he asked though blood shot eyes.
"Of being raped? I don't think it will. I don't think it is supposed to." Ken stated, looking down at him. "But you can count on us, whenever you need some support. Mastermind was wrong about you, very wrong. And we'll show him that next time we meet."
The blonde nodded slowly, his eyes closing. He then drifts off to sleep, whispering a soft thank you as he went.
'Anytime, Omi. I'm glad you found the light.' And with that he left the room, shutting the door as he went.
I would have liked to translate this last title, but my friend in Germany has been busy with exams and I wasn't able to ask her to translate the title. Oh well, life will go on. Overall I had much fun writing this and hoped everyone enjoyed reading in. This last chapter, the ending of it was the hardest to write. To me it just seemed so cheesy and clichéd, but Inferno (friend off of was nice enough to tell me it was just fine, and cute.
Final thanks: To BlazingInferno and FLCLboy off of GaiaOnline where I met them for helping me with this. FLCL beta read and Inferno assured me that everyone was in character and that everything was just fine. Wouldn't of finished without you both. To those over at for also hosting this story and lastly to everyone who reviewed, especially DreamingToThis who reviewed the most. Thank you thanks to you all. I hope to have more stories up soon (I am working on a few), though they might have to wait till all my essays are done.
Thank you everyone.
Mistress of Anime