A/N: Yay! Another update!!!
The four spun around. There stood Buffy, head to toe in black leather. Angel was dumbstruck.
Buffy gave him a look. "What did you call me?"
"Buffy…" Angel answered, "…you're Buffy."
"No, I'm not," Buffy scoffed. "Why would I keep that filthy name? It's silly. It's childish. And most of all, it's weak. I'm Star now."
"What?!" Star demanded, seeming insecure.
"Okay, okay, I understand the name changing part, but, I mean, honestly, Star? How do you expect to be taken seriously with a name like Star?!" Angel explained. Star reared back and gave him a good backhand to the side of his head, knocking him off his feet and flat on his back. Then she turned around and looked at Willow, who was standing behind her in long black robes.
"I told you we shouldn't have let Xander pick the name!" Star hissed. "I told you!" Willow shrugged.
Angel pulled himself up from the ground, rubbing his head. "So, what, the two of you are going to fight the four of us?" he goaded.
Willow gave a slight smile and snapped her fingers. Instantly, five people – well, technically, two people, one vampire, one goddess, and one demon – appeared out of thin air: Faith, Oz, Xander, Dawn, and some demon with curly horns and green skin. Dawn was wearing a flowing black gown that matched her now black hair. Xander was wearing a red duster and black jeans. Oz and Faith looked completely unchanged.
"Ugh!" Dawn huffed. "Would you warn us before you do that?!"
"Um… Dawn?" Angel ventured, wondering if she had changed her name too. Dawn's eyes glowed red and flames shot up from the ground behind her.
"YOU DARE ADDRESS THE MOST FEARED HELL GODDESS EVER TO EXIST BY
NAME?! I SHALL… um…" Dawn faltered, the flames receded and her eyes went back to normal. "Um… Willow, what was that hell-goddess-y word you told me to use again?"
"Smite?" Willow offered.
"Oh yeah, that's it!" Dawn remembered. She cleared her throat and her eyes returned to red and the flames came back. "…I SHALL SMITE THEE!"
And with that, Dawn extended her hand towards him, sending flames straight at him. Angel dove just in time, hitting the floor as the fire engulfed the chair behind him. Dawn looked annoyed.
"Insolent fool! Now you shall pay!" she raged. She was about to do something promisingly lethal to him when Star spun around.
"NO!" Star yelled. Dawn put on a pissy expression.
"You can't tell me no! You're just a little vampire! I'm a GODDESS!" Dawn shouted.
"Yes, and you're also my little sister, and you have to do as I say," Star reminded her haughtily. "Now, be a good little goddess and keep your flames to yourself." Dawn pouted.
"That's no fair! I wanna kill the funny human!" Dawn whined.
"You will! But you'll just have to wait, we can't kill anyone without a proper fight," Star explained. Dawn folded her arms and turned her face away, causing Star to sigh in resignation. She turned to Angel and muttered, "She's been like this since they kicked her whiny little ass out of her hell dimension…"
"I HEARD THAT!" Dawn screeched. She stormed out of the room, leaving a trail of fire behind her. As Oz was snuggling up next to Willow, Xander and Faith moved forward so that they were even with Star.
"So, uh, Star, when are we gonna eat 'em?" Xander asked nervously. He was continuously fidgeting and his left eye was twitching madly. "Huh? When?? Can we eat them now? How about now?!"
"Xander! Shut up!" Star commanded, annoyed. "Jeez, if I would've known you were going to be such a blood junkie I would have never turned you. And no we can't eat them yet! We haven't even fought them!"
"But, Star, I'm starving! I haven't had a hit- I mean, I haven't fed in days! Pleeeeeeease can we eat 'em? Pleeeeeeeeease???" Xander begged.
"But I said please!"
"Pretty please with sugar on top?"
"Pretty please with sugar and ice cream and cookies and hot dogs and walnuts and sprinkles and hash browns and Pez and grapes and bananas and baked potatoes and calzones and lamb chops and…"
As Xander was continuing his list, Star rolled her eyes and looked at Faith, who seemed equally annoyed.
"…and meatloaf and Pop Rocks and jelly beans and gummi bears and maple syrup and butter and tacos and egg rolls and peanut butter and…"
"Faith, would you…?"
"…and carrots and ranch dressing and tomato sauce and onion rings and Hershey bars and churros and canapés and pineapple and coconuts and whipped cream and a cherry on top?!!?!!!!?!!?!"
"Gladly," Faith obliged, sounding relieved. She whipped a stake out of her black jean jacket and stabbed it into Xander's heart.
"What? Huh? Can I eat first? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Xander insisted as he fell to a pile of dust on the ground.
"Hurgle garble!" the demon shouted.
"Oh, shut up, Giles," Star ordered.
"Frarma gurbgub ugrumbaraf. Umbrafkargbu arg bumar urgle ugraf gub!" Giles responded. He has a good point, you know.
"What's he saying?" Angel inquired curiously.
"No one really understands him," Star answered. "But he seems to keep threatening to move back to England. He's no good in a fight, but he's kind of nice to have around. You know, as a conversational piece."
"HERBUM FRUBGORN FRAGGLE BURGA!" Giles yelled indignantly.
"Oh, quit bitching and go find Dawn before she incinerates something expensive like last time," Star instructed him. He mumbled under his breath and trudged off in search of Dawn. William saw his chance and took action.
"We're even now, Star," William said, stepping up to the front. He brandished a wooden cross and waved it at Star in a very Wesley-ish manner. Star laughed, walked over to William, plucked the cross up out of his hand, and bopped him with it on the top of his head. "OW!!!!" William wailed. He slapped Star, and she slapped him back, and soon they were engaged in an all out bitch-slap war. Willow rolled her eyes at them.
"Well, I guess we should fight too," Willow suggested. She removed her arms from Oz and went over to Angel. Faith did a series of fancy acrobatic stunts and landed catlike on her feet in front of Drusilla. Oz morphed into his wolfy alter-ego and pounced on Darla.
Willow circled Angel, preparing herself for a fight.
"So, you plan to use your Wicca-good-love-the-earth-women-power powers to bring my demise?" Angel taunted. No sooner had the words left his mouth than Willow gave her finger a little flick and he found himself frozen to the spot, paralyzed.
"That was easy," Willow remarked, closing in on her enemy. She grabbed his arm and twisted his hand backwards, seeing the ring he was wearing. "What's this?"
"Protection… charm…" he sputtered. The spell was making it difficult for him to speak. Willow pulled the ring off his finger and examined it.
She seemed to be fighting back laughter. "This is a mood ring, stupid."
Meanwhile, Faith and Drusilla were exchanging glares.
"So you're the Slayer who went bad?" Drusilla asked, already knowing the answer.
"The very same," Faith smirked. What a stretch. She kicked Drusilla in the head.
Meanwhile, Angel noticed something strange in the next room… it looked sort of like a big swirling vortex sort of thingy. Realizing it must be the wormhole, he struggled to break away from the paralysis spell, but to no avail.
"SPI-WILLIAM!" he yelled. "Heeeelp me!"
William ran over to Angel, with Star in hot pursuit. "PARALYS CAPUTUM, FLECKNARD EFAVAVAN! IYAY AMYAY AKINGMAY UPYAY ANDOMRAY ORDSWAY ATTHAY OUYAY ILLWAY ISTAKEMAY ORFAY AYAY ANCYFAY ATINLAY INCANTATIONYAY!"
Suddenly, Angel emitted a huge puff of smoke that completely engulfed him. When the fog dissipated, it revealed a bunny with spiky hair and an insanely large forehead.
"Oops…" William cringed, looking down at Bunny-Angel. Bunny-Angel squeaked a stream of bunny-profanities at him before hopping off and leaping into the wormhole.
A/N: I hope you all caught on to Spike... um... William speaking pig latin up there. For those of you who don't speak pig latin, allow me to translate: I AM MAKING UP RANDOM WORDS THAT YOU WILL MISTAKE FOR A FANCY LATIN INCANTATION!
There you go!