Malfoy-Lockhart Bash-a-Thon:

Live from Disneyland Park, in Anaheim, California!

Kitty: Hey, all, and welcome to the second annual Bash-a-thon! I'm the1koolkitty-

Engie: (waves) -and I'm egyptiankitty-

Kitty: -and we're your hosts for this wonderful celebration! Because I am in California and have finally met up with my online bud Engie in person, we have decided to work together to make this Bash-a-thon as unique and crazy as magically possible.

Engie: You know, we had problems deciding which ride to host this silly thing on.

Kitty: (nods) Our first choice was Pirates of the Caribbean, but unfortunately, the ride was experiencing technical difficulties…according to the authorities, it was all thanks to an Egyptian dude with his hair died pink…

Malik: (runs past, his hair a light pink and holding a bunch of wires and a mechanical parrot, a bunch of security guards running after him)

Engie: Then I suggested the Haunted Mansion, but Kaiba forbade it. (glares at Seto)

Seto: (glares back at Engie) You were the ones who insisted Mokuba come with us. You scared him half to death!

Engie: (raises an eyebrow) And who, pretell, was the one who purchased an evil eye afterwards as to protect himself from the ghosts?

Seto: (blushes furiously as he hides an evil eye necklace around his neck under his shirt)

Kitty: Then I suggested the Dumbo ride…

Harry: (from the sidelines) I liked that ride! It was almost as good as being on a broom! (smiles in an adorable, chibi-like way)

Kitty: …but a certain Gryffindor bookworm ended up wimping out on us. (rolls her eyes)

Hermione: (from the sidelines) You guys know I'm afraid of heights! Why the heck did you even suggest that ride?

Ron: (next to Hermione) Well, it was cute to see you cling onto me.

Hermione: (blushes)

Engie: Then I suggested the Indiana Jones Adventure ride-

Marik: (shakes his head) -and you scared Kitty half to death.

Kitty: (trembling from head-to-toe) No…trapped…snake…coming…eat me…help…

Yugi: (gives Kitty a nuzzle on the cheek) It's all right, Kitten: I promise, I'll never let anyone mention that ride again.

Kitty: (still shivering)

Engie: (sweatdrop) It seems that Kitty is temporarily unavailable to help with the next part of the story, so I'll just go on. After that fiasco, Ryou suggested a "milder" ride…

Ryou: (laughs his head off) It's a Small World. It drove my Yami crazy.

Bakura: (from the sidelines) HEY, THOSE DOLLS WERE READY TO KILL!

Engie: Yeah, and now Disneyland is ready to sue us for not stopping you from jumping out of the boat and ripping the heads off those killer-dolls. (sweatdrop)

Marik: We were running out of rides, and when Tea the Bitch and my Pink-Haired Yami found themselves joining our group, we thought of the Enchanted Tiki Room.

Yugi: (holding Kitty close to help calm her down) We just left those two in there so they could finish strangling each other in their shared bout of madness brought out by the annoying Tiki Room song.

Ginny: Looking at the map, I suggested Space Mountain, since Kitty's scientist stepmother said she really enjoyed it.

Engie: We had Joey the mutt test it out…

Ryou: …which turned out to be a mistake.

Joey: (running around, pretending to be on a spaceship) SWOOSH! CRASH! ZOOM!

Everyone: (sweatdrop)

Seto: Then my stupid Yamisuggested Mickey's Toon Town.

Seito: (from the sidelines) Oh c'mon, Hikari-chan, how was I supposed to know we'd run into Pegasus there?

Seto: Maybe because he's obsessed with toon rabbits and the first ride inside of Toon Town is Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin?

Seito: (sweatdrop) Oh…yeah, that's a good point.

Marik: Then I suggested Star Tours-

Kara: (from the sidelines and not pleased about it) Which I automatically said no to. You're obsessed enough with Star Wars, and I'm not going to give Kitty's friend another excuse to glomp you.

Engie: (is indeed glomping Marik as we speak, a grin on her face)

Yugi: So right now Neko-chan, Engie-kun, Kaiba, Ryou, Ginny, Marik and I are all squished into a teacup on the Mad Hatter's Tea Party ride, ready to answer your reviews and activate your torture ideas on Malfoy the Ferret and Lockhart the Dog.

Kitty: Speaking of those two, where'd you put them, Engie?

Engie: (still glomping Marik) Look up.

Kitty: (looks up, and sweatdrops) You hung Malfoy off the top of the Matterhorn Bobsleds Mountain?

Engie: (shrugs) It's right there…and he's hanging by a bungee jumping cord, so whenever he tries to escape, the cord will stretch and bounce him face-first into the mountain.

Kitty: (grins evilly) You are a genius. And where's Lockhart?

Engie: (points to the now-chiming clock in the It's a Small World ride, and hanging the giant clock hands is a whining Lockhart)

Kitty: Why didn't I have you help me with the first Bash-a-thon? (shrugs) Anyway, I think it's high time we start working on the reviewer bashing.

Yugi: Indeed. (picks up a box of basher reviews) Hey Ginny-kun, you want to pick the first name?

Ginny: Sure. (reaches over and picks a name out of the box) SGCred, a.k.a. Claire!

Kitty: (smiles) For this, we will need Malfoy first. Engie, will you do the honors?

Engie: Gladly. (pushes a button, and Malfoy falls from the top of the mountain)

Malfoy: AHHHHH- (is thrown face-first into the ground) Ow.

Kitty: And now… (looks over at Marik) Do you have the costume?

Marik: (grins evilly) Yep. (waves his wand in Malfoy's direction)

Malfoy: (suddenly in a ferret suit)…huh?

Engie: Ryou, do you have the trumpet?

Ryou: (grinning just like Marik) You bet. (blows the trumpet, and a ferret-hunting club appears with hunting dogs)

Malfoy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (runs away as fast as he can, the club and barking dogs chasing after him)

Kitty: (looks at Engie) How long do you think it'll take for them to circle the park in a full loop?

Engie: I bet my fast past to Splash Mountain it'll be less than five minutes.

Kitty: I bet over.

Engie: (smirks) You're on!

Yugi: (sweatdrop) Alright, now it's time for Lockhart. (snaps his fingers and Lockhart appears on the ground)

Lockhart: (starts chasing a squirrel)

Kitty: (picks up the telephone) Hi, Puppy Beauty Boutique? Yes, a friend of mine scheduled an appointment for my dog, but I'd like to move the location to Disneyland, since I am not at my vacation home address. (pause) Gilderoy, but he may be marked as Lockhart on register. (pause) Yes, after the famous wizard writer. (pause) He's a purebred golden retriever. (pause) Thanks. (hangs up the phone)

Stylists: (appear two seconds later with loads of grooming equipment)

Lockhart: (snatched by the collar by the stylists while still trying to catch the squirrel) ARF!

Stylists: (snip, curl, wash, style, snip, snip, curl, dry, die, tie up, wash, condition, dry)

Lockhart: (looks like a poodle with pink bows in his curly, purple-streaked hair) Woof?

Engie: Now that he looks so nice he might get… (goes white)…get a girlfriend. (gives Kitty an anxious look)

Kitty: Don't worry: Claire made sure that even if Lockhart does get a girlfriend, nothing will come out of it.

Vet: (comes out of nowhere with all sorts of doctor equipment) Alright, Gilderoy…time to get neutered.

Lockhart: (looks terrified, but in a dog way) BAAAAAAARK! (runs away as fast as he can on four legs)

Vet: HEY! Wait, doggy! Come back! (runs after him)

Yugi, Marik, Ryou and Ginny: (rolling over with laughter)

Engie: (grins broadly) Ah…that was great.

Malfoy: (runs past them, and starts climbing the Matterhorn Bobsled Mountain as to avoid the hunters and their dogs)

Seto: (looks at his watch) Five minutes exactly.

Kitty and Engie: WHAT?

Engie: But I bet less!

Kitty: And I bet more!

Yugi: (takes Engie's fast pass to Splash Mountain, smirking) Well then, it looks like neither of you are going on it. See you in a bit: I have to get on before the pass expires! (runs off)

Kitty and Engie: (both fuming)

Engie: Kitty, I am going to seriously hurt your boyfriend when he gets back.

Kitty: Don't. I'll handle him myself.

Ryou: (sweatdrop) Can we please pick the next name now?

Marik: I'll do it. (picks the next name out of the box) Zelda-Ally!

Kitty: (talks through a radio communicator) Alright, Basher A-45, you may now begin your descent.

(A helicopter lands right next to the teacup ride, and a group of muscular men come out, carrying huge boxes and loading them into the Storybook Land ride)

Lockhart: (runs past, before hiding in a bush to escape from the vet)

First Man: Miss Kitty, everything's set up.

Kitty: (smiles) Thanks a lot, Walt. Zelda-Ally will be delighted to know that all of her torture devices were shipped safely and arranged specially in a Disneyland ride.

First Man: It was my pleasure, Miss Kitty.

Second Man: Uh…Miss Engie?

Engie: Yeah?

Second Man: (takes out a piece of paper) May I have your autograph? It's for my daughter: she loves your stories.

Engie: Oh, that's sweet. (takes out the piece of paper and signs it) There you go.

Second Man: Thank you so much, Miss Engie. Gina will be delighted. (boards the helicopter with the rest of the strong men and the copter flies away)

Kitty: Well…it seems that we need Malfoy and Lockhart to board the boat going into Storybook Land…but how are we going to do that?

Engie: I've got an idea. OH, MR. VEEEEEEEEEET!

Vet: (appears out of nowhere) Yes?

Lockhart: ARF! (runs away in fear and jumps into the boat)

Kitty: (grins) Awesomeness!

Seto: But what about Malfoy-baka? He doesn't look like he's going to come down from the mountain anytime soon.

Kitty: You've got a point there, Kaiba-kun. (frowns in thought)

Ginny: Ooh, I know! (whispers something in Kitty's ear)

Kitty: (grins evilly) You rock, girl! (whistles)

Abominable Snowman: (peaks its head out of a hole in the Matterhorn Mountain) RRRRRRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRR!

Malfoy: AHHHHH! (runs down the mountain and jumps into the boat)

Kitty: Hey, dude! Thanks for the help!

Abominable Snowman: No problem, Kitty! Anything to help with your Bash-a-thon!

Engie: What a nice Yeti. It's really too bad that not a lot of people get to meet him.

Kitty: Start the boat!

Ron: (pulls a lever to make the boat Malfoy and Lockhart are in move down the river and into the darkness of the giant whale's mouth) Sayonara, suckers!

(Screams, barks, high-pitched whistles and other creepy, torturing sounds come from the whale-mouth cave)

Kitty: It sounds like they're having fun.

Yugi: (wandering back to the teacup, his face white)

Engie: (leers) Hi, Yugi. Had fun on Splash Mountain with MY fast-pass?

Yugi: (shakes his head weakly, before leaning over the side of the teacup and throwing up)

Seto, Marik and Ryou: (look disgusted)

Kitty: Oh… (brings her sick bishie into her lap, kissing his face and cuddling him close to her chest) My poor Yugi-chan…

Malfoy and Lockhart: (come out of the Storybook Land ride, clothes ripped, avoiding the snakes trapped inside their boat and screaming at the top of their lungs)

Engie: (snaps her fingers, and the two are lifted out of the boat and dropped on the ground outside the teacup ride) Alright…next bashing.

Seto: (picks a name out of the box) How fitting that I end up picking Setoglomper.

Kitty: Very ironic. (looks at Harry) Well, dude? Is the D.A. ready?

Harry: Hey, Neville, you ready?

Neville: You bet, Harry! (yells) Alright, members…on your mark…get set…CHASE!

The Entire D.A.: (runs at Malfoy, yelling at the top of their lungs)

Malfoy: (eyes wide) NOT AGAIN! (runs down Main Street to try and lose the vengeful D.A. members)

Lockhart: (barking like a human would laugh)

Engie: I wouldn't be laughing if I were you, Lockhart.

Kitty: Your bashing will start at the count of three.

Lockhart: (looks up in confusion) Woof?

Engie: (waves a hand in Lockhart's direction, throwing into Sleeping Beauty Castle) One.

Kitty: (snaps her fingers and all the castle exits are shut) Two.

Both: Three.

(Sounds of barking, growling and whining are heard from inside the castle)

Ryou: (looks at Ginny) Do you know what's in there?

Ginny: (shakes her head) Marik?

Marik: (shakes his head) Kaiba?

Seto: (shakes his head) Yugi?

Yugi: (still burying his face into Kitty's chest) Mrph.

Kitty: (smirks) Hey, what better to give Lockhart a dog friend?

Engie: (smirks too) Who cares if he's outnumbered three-to-one?

Kitty: Both Fluffy and Lockhart will get a nice amount of exercise.

Marik: (looking scared) Uh…next review?

Ryou: I'd be glad to. (takes a name out of the box) Rainbow Guardian Angel!

Yugi: (smiles a little) Ah…it'll be good to see what she and Mizumi will be doing this time around.

Kitty: (stroking Yugi's hair) Yes, it will.

Malfoy: (barely escape from the D.A. members by hiding behind one of the teacups nearby the one where Kitty, Engie and the co-announcers are sitting) Whew…lucky that's over.

Rainbow: (appears out of nowhere, her mallet raised above her head) DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!

Malfoy: Oh, shit. (runs again, with Rainbow whacking him along the way) OW! OW, STOP THAT! OW! STUPID MUD…OW!

Lockhart: (stumbles out of the Sleeping Beauty Castle, his clothes trashed and scars all over his once-idolized face)

Atem: (on the sidelines, holding Kyte's machine gun, Isis) Ready, Mizumi?

Mizumi: (grins evilly as she holds up her flamethrower) Ready!

Lockhart: (jumps at the sight of the two evil-grinning Yamis) BARK! (runs for his life, a flamethrower burning and bullets shooting after him)

Kitty: (rolls her eyes at the sight of the crazy Pharaoh) I apologize, Kyte, for Atem again stealing Isis, but it was requested by Mizumi that Atem use her to help bash Lockhart, so really, he had no choice. I shall get it back by the time they run around again.

Yugi: (picks a name from the box) Speaking of Kyte, her bashing is next.

Engie: How fitting.

Lockhart: (runs by, with Atem and Mizumi behind him)

Yugi: (snatches Isis out of Atem's hands and gives her back to Kyte) Alright, Yami-kun, that's enough.

Atem: (pouts) Aw…

Lockhart: (looks relieved) Woof.

(Kyte appears and whacks him so hard that Lockhart is smashed flat into the ground)

Lina: (from the sidelines, looking excited) Is Kyte's guess to the person in Bakura-chan's love life right, Kitty?

Kitty: (sighs) Unfortunately, no. Lina is not in my fic. The person has been mentioned: it's only her past that has not gone into detail. Pretty good guess, though. Anyway, it's time for Kyte's bashing of the Malfoys.

Lina: (pouts) I suppose you want me to go get Lucius?

Kitty: If you please.

Lina: (claps her hands, and Lucius appears in the middle of the road next to the teacup ride)

Lucius: What on earth-?

Malfoy: (runs right into Lucius trying to get away from Rainbow Guardian Angel) Ah! (sees Lucius) Oh…hey, Dad.

Lucius: (pushes Malfoy off of him) Draco, what the hell is going on here?

Malfoy: You're in the middle of Mutou's girlfriend's bashing party.

Lucius: (glares) Meaning?

Malfoy: A reviewer wants to do something bad to you. I've been chased three times already today.

Lucius: (smirks) I doubt that anyone would be able to do anything to me. Now, come along, Draco, let's get out of here.

Malfoy: (sweatdrop) Uh…Dad?

Lucius: (looking annoyed) What?

Malfoy: Mutou's girlfriend and her friend are authoresses.

Lucius: So?

Kitty: So anything Engie and I say GOES! (drenches Lucius and Malfoy in gravy)

Lockhart: (immediately jumps to is feet, 4-D once more) BARK! BARK, BARK!

Lucius: What the-?

Malfoy: Dad, I suggest you run.

Lucius: Why would I?

Malfoy: Because Lockhart thinks he's a dog and will try to eat you now that you smell like gravy.

Lucius: That's ridiculous, no one would- (Lockhart bites him in the butt) AH! MY ASS!

Malfoy: I TOLD YOU SO! (runs away, Lucius and Lockhart right behind him)

Engie: Well…I think that taught Lucius a lesson about authoresses.

Kitty: (nods) Yeppers. (picks the final name from the box) Oh my! It seems that Blackcat16200 also wishes to have some dogs chase Malfoy. Sadly, I'm not keeping up with Pokemon, but Fluffy is still here, in Sleeping Beauty castle. (whistles)

Fluffy: (bounds over and rolls over on his back so that Kitty will scratch his belly)

Kitty: Hey there, Fluffy-chan. Wanna go chase a ferret?

Fluffy: (growls)

Kitty: Okay…go on and get 'im!

Fluffy: (runs to catch up with Lockhart, Lucius and Draco) WOOF! WOOF, WOOF!

Engie: I see that Lockhart and Fluffy can put aside their differences as to get back at Malfoy.

Teacup Ride Operator: Hey, kids! Your ride time is up! Get out so the other people in line can get on!

Yugi: (eyes turn to flames) SHUT UP AND LET MY KITTEN FINISH HER PARTY!

Kitty: (smiles) Alright, Yugi, don't scare the poor man too much. Anyway, thankies so much for your wonderful bashing, y'all!

Engie: (glomping Marik and earning a jealous glare from Kara) We had tons of fun using your ideas.

Kitty: Signing off: I'm the1koolkitty-

Engie: -and I'm egyptiankitty-

Kitty: -saying, "Until next fic, ja ne!"