Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun. Not one bit.

Vash & the Old Folk's Home


(post series) When Vash returned with Knives, they were all surprised at how the town and it's newly sprung water well welcomed them with open arms. But, after explaining the entire tale to the mayor, a small problem came up—apparently there is a law covering all of Gunsmoke that requires all persons over 85 to report to an Old Folk's Home as a permanent residence. No exceptions, under a 20,000$$ fine. Oh, dear. Poor Vash. Bwa Ha ha!

It had been a bright morning full of hope. The well in the middle of the desert town had brought forth a refreshing rain of water. Milly and Meryl could hardly contain their glee as they watched the well erupt like a volcano of water.

Their hearts were further lifted into the stratosphere when they saw Vash waving at them from the outskirts of town. They could just make out his smiling face through the streams of water. But worry struck their hearts at the sight of the figure that lay unconscious.

But, it truly was a bright morning of miracles. The entire town greeted the weary travelers with open arms. Vash was met with hugs by Milly and Meryl, and the town mayor invited Vash and company into his mansion.

Things were going amazingly well, the mayor and townsfolk took the entire sad tale in as Vash and Meryl took turns doing the talking in telling the story. It seemed that the sudden strike of water had put everyone in a high and happy mood.

But, this bright morning was about to not be so bright.


And things had been going so well.

"WHAT did you say!?!" Vash exclaimed with a look of confusion, horror, and disbelief on his face.

Meryl also looked quite shocked, "You can't be serious, sir."

The mayor had just related a very strange law to the group upon hearing Vash's true age.

The mayor sighed, "I can't do anything about it. The law is the law. All persons over the age of 85 years are required to go live at an Old Folk's home."

"And…how old are you, again?" the mayor said looking straight at Vash. "And don't lie now, I already heard you say it once."

"I'm about 130," Vash said slowly and unsurely, "But, I'm not really sure of my exact age…I kinda lost count around a hundred. Plus I forgot what day my birthday is."

Vash smiled sheepily, "I don't even know what day today is." He laughed nervously. Whatever day it was, though, it was quickly going downhill for Vash.

"You don't really mean to force Mr. Vash to live at the Old Folk's Home do you Mr. Mayor?" Milly asked pleadingly.

"Yes," The mayor nodded, "Unless you want to pay the 20,000 double dollar fine…per month."

"NOOOOOO!" Vash was starting to freak out. "I'm too young to live with old people!"

Meryl turned and sternly looked at the mayor, "Why would there be such a ridiculous law, anyway!?"

"It's so silly!" exclaimed Vash.

"Well," said the mayor, leaning back in his chair, "It's a long sad story—

—Not long after we were all stranded on this stupid desert planet, there was an old man. This man was very old. In fact he was really, really old. He was so old and senile that he didn't know up from down, left from right, water from wine.

One day his great-nephew, Thomas, that he called his son, got lost in the desert. The old man wandered and wandered. It is even said that he came across a sandworm and asked for directions. But, he could not find his son.

Just as the senile old man was about to give up hope, he bumped into a strange unknown creature in the middle of the desert. He, thinking that the critter (that looked like a chicken-horse) was his son, dragged 'Thomas' back to town and walked into the bar with his shoulder slung over 'Thomas'.

A thousand so-this-guy-walked-into-a-bar jokes were born that day.

But, anywho…to make a long story short, 'Thomas' caused the bar to explode and the 85 year old man was at fault. Sure the guy discovered the chicken-horse things we now know as a Thomas, but there were several cats in that bar that day that spontaneously combusted.

That incident…and a few others involving old people…resulted in the passing of the law. It has made the world a safer place—

—from old folks at least." The mayor then propped his feet on his desk and looked over at his guests.


"Wake up, Vash!" Meryl yelled as she hit him with a book she found handy.

"Ow…" Vash wined.

The mayor then moved to stand up, "Well, Mr. Vash the Stampede…as it seems that you will be sent off to the local Old Folk's Home this afternoon…I will send in a request to have that 60 billion $$ business annulled seeing as legally 'no bounties are to be placed on old people, they are to be placed in old people homes'."

Milly sniffled, "At least you won't have to worry about the bounty anymore, Mr. Vash."

"I don't want to spend eternity playing bingo and cards!" Vash pleaded, "Plus, My twin brother is very dangerous and—"

"—OH Yes…I almost forgot," The mayor recalled, "Legally, your brother must also go to an Old Folk's Home."

"But—"Vash interrupted frantically.

The mayor patted Vash's shoulder reassured, "Don't worry about Knives…He will be sent off to a special Psycho Psychiatric Asylum Ward of the Old Folk's Home for the Crazy Old Folk's…

…Once there, he will receive the finest medical care, be gently tucked away in a straight jacket… receive special weekly visits by a trained shrink…and get plenty of healthy Psycho-tropic drugs and medications…

…He'll be good as new!" the mayor said as he cracked a smile.

"…" Vash seemed very unsure about all this. Even having that 60 billion $$ bounty removed was little comfort…but maybe…he thought, things will now be at peace—just maybe.

Vash looked wistfully around at Meryl before sternly looking at the mayor. "Alright…we'll…go peacefully…to the…Old Folk's Home."

"No Vash! Don't do it!" Meryl cried, "We'll fight for you!" She still had not had the chance to tell him how she felt about him. Now he was about to be taken away for all eternity.

Vash could only stare at her. "…"

Just then…two large men in white coats came and led Vash with Knives to a bus bound for the dreaded Old Folk's Home. He was determined in his decision to go peacefully.

Meryl and Milly could only stare at this terrible situation. Meryl waved sadly at Vash as he looked at her through the barred windows of the bus. But, then Meryl thought of something.

"You know, Vash," Meryl said slyly, "I highly doubt they serve donuts to old people! It's not good for them"

Vash's eyes almost bugged out of his head.



"NO donuts!?! Why didn't somebody tell me!" Vash screamed at the top of his lungs as he shook the bars of the window, "I would have fought harder to get out of this situation!"

Vash looked over at Meryl and Milly. Meryl was giggling slightly—giggling at him.

"Meryl! Save ME!!!"

That was the last thing he said as the bus speeded away.

Milly sniffled as she turned to face Meryl.

"Just think, Meryl," Milly cried, "You won't get to see Mr. Vash again until you're old and wrinkly and I have to send you off to the Old Folk's Home too…

…And then you'll be too old to have lots of cute children with Vash and I won't get to be an aunt and…


Meryl consoled her friend. "Don't worry Milly," Meryl said triumphantly, "We're going to rescue him…


Will Vash survive the Old Folk's Home? Will Knives go nuts even more than usual? Can Vash live without his donuts? Will he run into anybody he knows at the Old Folk's Home? Will Vash win the bingo tournament? Will Knives meet any interesting crazy people?

How do Milly and Meryl plan to rescue Vash?

Find out Next Time?

Please Review! so I can decide to continue this fic or not. I hope you like. More funny stuff could be ahead. So review!