SFF's note: This is a random story. It's random, so don't remind me when you review. Oh, btw, read and review. )

Disclaimer: Nothing except for Marshall Field. And Helga.


Chapter 1: Help!

Harry stands by Dudley's computer reading his e-mail from his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather's daughter-in-law's uncle's friend's dog's pet sitter's grandfather's great-great-great-niece's boyfriend.

Dear Harry,

Long time, no talkie, eh? It doesn't really help that I'm dead, but sometime in the near future (a.k.a. 72.5556633124 years) I'm thinking of being resurrected from my grave, that is, after someone digs me up from my dark, dark pit that is around 14.2569871325 feet below the ground. It's really dark down here, so if I have any spelling mistakes, that's not my fault. Right now, though, my spell-check says that I don't have any errors, which is good. I'm getting a lot better at this.

Anyway, my next door neighbor, Helga, brought me cookies today. Apparently she has electricity! The lucky duck! The only things I have are my expensive diamond rings, my wireless laptop computer, and 1500 tons of dynamite. You know, now that I think of it, I might use that in the very near future (a.k.a. 31.2564983256 years). Well, I have to take my computer over to Helga's house so I can recharge my computer, so I'll see you later!

Marshall Field

"Oh, no!" Harry thought, "Marshall is stuck in a hole that just so happens to be his grave!!!! I forgot that he died! I must contact Hermione at once!"

Harry found parchment and began writing immediately:

Dear Hermione,

I just got an e-mail from Marshall Field, and here is what he said:

Dear Harry,

Long time, no talkie, eh? It doesn't really help that I'm dead, but sometime in the near future (a.k.a. 72.5556633124 years) I'm thinking of being resurrected from my grave, that is, after someone digs me up from my dark, dark pit that is around 14.2569871325 feet below the ground. It's really dark down here, so if I have any spelling mistakes, that's not my fault. Right now, though, my spell-check says that I don't have any errors, which is good. I'm getting a lot better at this.

Anyway, my next door neighbor, Helga, brought me cookies today. Apparently she has electricity! The lucky duck! The only things I have are my expensive diamond rings, my wireless laptop computer, and 1500 tons of dynamite. You know, now that I think of it, I might use that in the very near future (a.k.a. 31.2564983256 years). Well, I have to take my computer over to Helga's house so I can recharge my computer, so I'll see you later!

Marshall Field

Hermione, we must help him at once! Please contact me, even if you are taking a bath or on a romantic cruise with Viktor.

Harry

Harry woke up Hedwig and tied the letter to her leg, saying, "Take this to Hermione as fast as you can, and remember, no flirting with other boy owls this time. I need this to get to her as fast as possible. Now, GO!"

Hedwig flew off as fast as she could.


Hermione was taking a bath on a boat on which she was taking a romantic cruise with Viktor when she saw Hedwig fly into her window and into the bathroom in which she was taking a bath on a romantic cruise with Viktor. Hermione untied the letter and gave Hedwig a couple of fruits and sent her to hunt. Hermione gasped as she read the letter.

"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed she, "I do not know who Marshall Field is, but I know that he is in danger and that I need to get out of this bath and dry myself off and get dressed so I can help Harry after I eat a few more chocolates," and that she did.

After Hermione got dressed, she went to find Viktor, and she found him attempting to play miniature golf.

"Viktor, dear, I must ask you a favor," said Hermione.

"Yes?"

"Well, you know Harry? Well, he has a friend. Well, this friend is in mortal danger. Well, actually, he's already dead, but well, he is caught in a hole which just so happens to be his grave and he might not get out for another 72.5556633124 years! Well, since I'm Harry's friend and Harry is his friend's friend, I must help Harry rescue his friend so I need to cut our trip short. I am so terribly sorry."

"When do you need to get back?" Viktor asked.

"Well, you see, I actually need to leave now."

"NNNOOOOO!!!! But we've only been on this trip for 56.335689 hours!"

"I know, Viktor, dear, I know, but just think…after I help rescue Harry's friend, I can come back and we can have more time to be together, but Harry needs my help. I really do love you, though."

"I love you, too."

"Good-bye, Viktor."

"Tata for now."


Back at the Dursley's, Harry was pacing back and forth across his bedroom. He had seen no sign of Hedwig, although frequent male owls were flying by his bedroom window.

Then, out of nowhere, he heard a small, long poof, and felt a rush of wind. The next moment, he heard a knock on the door.

"Hello, Harry."