Musings Over How To Carry A Girl

Disclaimer: Sasuke Sasuke Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun. SASUKE-KUUUNNNN! Sasuke Sasuke-kun -Don't get that? Neither do I. We need to get a translator for that Sakura-pokemon thing.


It suddenly hit Shikamaru. What if he just left Ino here? No one would know. Except the people in the bar that had already seen them.

Shikamaru gulped.

'I just need to walk away… casually.'

He stood up, pushing Ino onto the empty space next to him. Looking about, he made sure that everyone was minding their own business before stepping out of their booth. Shikamaru gave a quick glance at the girl still unconscious on the cushioned bench of the booth then made a quick, awkward stride out of the restaurant.

Once he was outside of the restaurant, he looked about cautiously to see if his sensei was still about or if the waitress was coming back. Only several people walked by, minding their own business. The Chuunin gave a sigh of relief. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he began walking away from the restaurant towards his home. It was getting pretty late, and his parents expected him to be with Asuma-sensei.

'No matter,' Shikamaru thought somewhat annoyed, 'Dad is probably out drinking again with his buddies.'

He gave a shudder. He just remembered that his dad's best friends were the fathers of his teammates. Which meant Inoshi would be out…

Shikamaru slowed his pace down as he occupied his genius mind with all the possibilities of Inoshi not being home.

'What am I thinking?,' the lazy boy asked himself, 'I already left Ino there! I don't need to worry about this troublesome stuff anymore.'

With a shake of his head, he picked up his pace and started walking faster so he could get home sooner.

A few moments later, Shikamaru began to slow down again. He felt terrible. How could he abandon one of his teammates like that? Of course, this particular teammate was loud, obnoxious, deafening, bossy, picky, unbearable, rude, whiny, vulgar, fussy, intimidating, meticulous, harsh, demanding, mean… Shikamaru's list could have gone on forever, but it really wasn't a good enough excuse for being such a coward and deserting her like that.

The cloud-watcher bent his head, and let out a huge sigh.

'I'm such a terrible person!' he thought to himself, 'I don't even deserve the title of coward- I'm worse than a coward!'

He slumped on the wall of building next to him and slid down to a squat. He tilted his pineapple head back to look at the clouds lit up by the light of the moon.

'What am I gonna do?'


Three minutes later, Shikamaru found himself tearing through the streets, back towards the barbeque restaurant.

'Seriously,' he reflected, 'I could really do without a conscience. How troublesome.'

Just as he approached the restaurant, he saw the one thing that he hoped he would never ever see- his family emblem flash through the crowd only a few yards away from the entrance of the restaurant. He froze.

'Oh please, Kami-sama,' he begged, 'Don't let it be them, let it be ANYONE but them!'

He flinched when he heard his father's laugh ring through the street. His eyes widened when he saw the flash of a darker blonde hair. He almost fell over when he felt the tremors of a certain head of the Akimichi family's walk. He felt like fainting when he saw a familiar tanned hand point at the restaurant sign that hung over Shikamaru's head.

Shikamaru wanted to disappear.

'Or just let me die!' he panicked, 'I just don't want them to see me.'

He forced himself to move, and made a funny sideways stumble back into the barbeque restaurant. Several people looked up again, surprised to see the weird boy come back in. Shikamaru practically ran to their booth, only to find it empty and clean. He gaped.

'Oh no…'

He looked about him in horror, searching for the blonde. He felt a tap on his shoulder that made him almost jump out of his skin. He turned around.

"Oy, Shikamaru!" his father greeted, clapping his son on the shoulder.

He returned a shaky greeting.

"How come you're here alone?" his father asked, unusually concerned.

"Oh. I… I…" Shikamaru stammered as he tried to come up with a lie, "I lost something and I came back to look for it."

His father shook his head as he mumbled something to his Akimichi companion about how it was so hard raising a girl.

Shikamaru narrowed his eyes at his so-called father.

"Hey Shikamaru," Inoshi said.

Shikamaru felt all his blood run cold.

"Where's Ino?"

The Chuunin gulped.

"Ah…" he mumbled, "She… already went home."

"Oh?" Inoshi raised an eyebrow, "She went home, alone?"

'Kuso!' Shikamaru cursed to himself- he had forgotten how overprotective Inoshi was.

"No! No, no! I, uh, we… erm…" Shikamaru tried to come up with something, when he was saved.

"Come on, Inoshi," his father placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder, "Give my kid a break. Let's eat- we're starving."

Reluctantly, Inoshi let himself be led into the same booth that Chouji, Ino, Asuma, and Shikamaru had be using no more than half an hour ago.

Shikamaru gave a small wave of his hand as he excused himself away from the fathers. He sauntered towards the men's lounge- thanking Kami-sama that he was still alive.

'Where did you go, Ino?'


Outside the restrooms, next to the door to the kitchen, a young waiter noticed the Chuunin slumping over on a wall and walked up to him.

"Hey man, are you lost or something? You look like you got robbed."

The tired boy looked up wearily at the new face.

"Sure, I was robbed. By a drunk girl that disappeared off to nowhere."

The waiter gazed the exhausted boy who was not much younger than he was. Then a look of enlightenment passed over his features.

"Oh! Hey! You said a drunk girl, right?"

Shikamaru rolled his head up and down against the wall.

"You know what's pretty funny?"

A grunt from the Chuunin gave the waiter permission to continue.

"I was cleaning up a booth when I saw this pretty hot chick- 'round your age I think- sleeping in one of the booths."

Shikamaru pushed himself off the wall and was fully listening to the waiter now.

"I think she was drunk or something. Really pretty funny if you think about it."

Shikamaru grabbed the waiter boy by the collar and pushed him against the wall that he had been leaning on.


The waiter boy gaped at the suddenly energized boy with shock.

"Whoa. Man. Chillax! I didn't do anything to her. The boss's orders were to bring her out back. I didn't know that she was your girlfriend or anything!"

Shikamaru let go of the waiter and dashed through the door, into the kitchen where all the chefs yelled at the random kid speeding through, and out through the back door.

"INO!" he called out as he flew out the door, and tripped over an object that squeaked and sent him flying even farther into a pile of trash.

"Eh? Zigamaru? What are you doing here?"

Shikamaru clambered out the smelly pile of trash and plopped down on the ground, exhausted from all the running he had done. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Oy. Ziggamawu," a pair of legs appeared in front of him.

Shikamaru looked up at the slurred voice.


The blonde-haired girl clumsily held out a helping hand. Shikamaru blinked for a moment, and then reached up to grab hold of the extended hand. However, instead of pulling the boy up, the girl let herself be pulled down on top of the boy. She drunkenly giggled.

"Gwomen, gomenn," she apologized to the boy who stared at her wide-eyed.

"I-Ino…" Shikamaru, who still stared at her wide-eyed, stammered as he turned 80 shades of red, "get…off…"

Ino looked at him confused, then became a bit grouchy and used him to push herself up and off him.

Well, to be exact. She didn't just use him… rather, she used a part of him.

As soon as Ino was standing again, Shikamaru scooted as far away in the alley as possible from the girl.

"Nani? Zhigamaru?" Ino stood with her hands on her hips, with a pout, "What're you doing all the way over there?"

Shikamaru, who was still beet red, stared at the blonde with a twitching eye.

'She did NOT just do that.'

"Shigwaamaru!" Ino whined as she started walking clumsily towards the poor boy.

"GET AWAY FROM ME INO!" Shikamaru shrieked, "YOU GRABBED MY GOO!"

Ino stopped in her tracks, as she looked at him confused.

"Your goo?"

"Yes!" Shikamaru growled at her, seething, "My. Goo."

An evil twinkle came to her eye as she smirked.

"Ooh… your goo."

Ino laughed as she came right up to the boy. A nervous and rabid Shikamaru kept scooting away until he found that he was against a wall. He slowly stood up, ready to make a run for it if Ino tried anything.

"Aw, Shigamaru is scwared." Ino taunted him as she advanced towards him.

"I-I am NOT!" Shikamaru threw back at her.

Suddenly, the blonde was up against his body, throwing her arms about his neck, leaning extremely close to his face. Shikamaru could basically taste the alcohol that reeked from her hot breath.


Ino being so close to him.

'Not so gross.'

"Are you scared now?" she huskily questioned him, pressing her body onto his.

'What is she DOING?'

The Chuunin tried averting his eyes, but it didn't work. Ino was too close to him, she was basically on him.

"Ah… Ino? Can you get off?" Shikamaru tried to get her attention as he tried pushing her away from him. She just pressed closer.

"Why don't you kiss me?" she whispered in his ear, seductively, "Then I'll get off."

Shikamaru face was red now. Extremely red. So red that if he turned any redder, he might have a blood clot and die. He gulped.

Right now, kissing her didn't seem like a bad idea.

'What! I can't KISS her!" Shikamaru's genius mind thought in panic, 'If I do, I'll be taking advantage of her! And if I did that, I wouldn't be any better than all those perverts out there like Iruka-sensei!'

Clear blue eyes that were somewhat hazed, gazed deep into Shikamaru's dark eyes playfully. The young Chuunin gulped again.

'This is really tempting…' Shikamaru told himself.

Her lips suddenly got his full attention. Shikamaru licked his lips.

'I wonder what they taste like…' Shikamaru wondered to himself.

No sooner did those thoughts pass through his mind, he found himself leaning in closer to the drunk girl. The blonde had no opposition and closed her eyes to meet his lips.

Just as Shikamaru barely felt his lips pressing against hers, Ino's body went limp as she lost consciousness again. Shikamaru looked down at the unconscious girl in his arms.

'What just happened…? Did I just almost kiss Ino?'

The blonde's head lolled over to the side as if in response.

The pineapple-head boy stood in a unsure silence for a moment.

"Ja…" the genius boy said to himself out loud, "Step One: Retrieve Ino is a success."