By: Kuroi Neko-kun

Summary: When you already lost someone you love, how would you deal with a similar situation where you almost do?

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: NY.

Warning: Slash. Duh.

A/N: Okay, I have nothing to say. Mac's POV. Continuation from 'Do You Hear Me?' and 'Sensitivity'.


I stood in the waiting area of the Angel of Mercy Hospital as I resisted the urge to pace about the small hallway outside the operating room. Danny was in there, struggling for his life as the doctors operated on him. I looked down on my bandaged arm and let out a painful sigh. I didn't know how things could go out of control in a matter of seconds, especially in this situation. Danny and I were called in by Flack. It was a confrontation gone awry in the middle of a road. The both of us were processing the scene when a car came up on the curb, spraying bullets at us. I managed to get down and reach for my gun. Flack and the other officers were already shooting at them. A moment later, the dust settled. My first thought was Danny. I couldn't lose him. I already lost Claire. For a month now, Danny became my life and I knew that I couldn't lose him. But then I saw Flack, bending over him, bleeding and unconscious. He was hit and my mind was only processing that. Flack used his jacket to apply pressure to him wound. I couldn't do anything. I froze. Flack was screaming about getting medics and saying something to me. I don't remember what he said. I was staring at Danny. My heart wrenching so hard, it hurt. This was doubled by the stinging pain in my arm, I blacked out. Sad really because I could hear my marine pals laughing about this if they ever found out. When I woke up, Flack was with me, saying that the doctor said when I came to I could leave. I asked about Danny but he didn't answer at first. Until I was shouting at him, he told me that Danny was still in surgery. The bullet hit his chest. He knew what Danny meant to me so he took me to where I was now. He would've waited with me if he wasn't called in again. And now I waited. I don't even remember how I got hit and I truthfully I didn't want to know. All I wanted was that Danny was alive and safe.


My mind was racing as I tried to gather information about the shooting. Only the image of Danny down, bleeding and unconscious was playing in my head. Damn. I froze on the spot, thinking I lost him. Like I lost Claire, there was nothing I could do about it. I knew that I should've at least bent down and done something but I didn't. Guilt crept into my skin, sinking in. I could've done something.

"Mac?" I looked up to see Aiden standing over me. "Hey, you okay?" In all remorse and hurt I felt inside, I gave her an answer.

"No," I spat out. She sighed before taking a seat next to me.

"Stella sent me here, thinking that you might need someone to talk to," she explained.

"I don't, Aiden but thanks for the offer."

"Mac, I know this thing you have with Danny is there but you look like you're beating yourself up because of today," she said. I sighed. Telling Adien was Danny's idea. Since Stella and Flack knew, it was only fair to the woman. Besides, Danny was Aiden's 'lil brother', as much as he hated being called that.

"I am. I'm supposed to be there for him…"

"Look," she said, cutting into my sentence," It's not your fault. You didn't ask those guys to shot at you or the team. You didn't plan all this. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

"Except the fact that I didn't do anything when he needed me the most…" I muttered.

"Well, yeah, Flack told me about that. I figured that you were scared to lose Danny. I mean, you lost Claire and the fear of losing Danny to a gunshot wound would be tragic." Despite the fact that she was intruding, I knew she was right. Aiden had always made a point to be straight arrow, the reason I hired her, and these are the times that I appreciate it.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

"Don't mention it. I don't think Danny would like you being all guilty," she said, smiling. I was about to smile back when the doctor burst out of the operating room. I stood up and walked to the doctor. Please say he's okay.

"Detective Taylor?" The doctor asked. I nodded. "He's fine. The bullet missed his lungs and heart. He's weak at the moment from the blood loss and still asleep. You can see him though." I thanked the doctor before letting out a sigh of relief. Aiden looked at me before cocking her head to the side.

"You seeing him?" she asked the obvious question.


He looked peaceful considering what had happened to him. I walked up to him and touched his face. His warm breath comforted me, assuring me he was alive. Danny… you don't know how scared I was… I held his hand and kissed it. I swallowed at the lump forming at my throat but it refused to budge and stayed there.

"I thought I lost you," I whispered, forcing back tears," I'm sorry, Danny. I really am. I should've done something. But I stood there. I'm sorry…" I closed my eyes, feeling my tears stream down my cheeks. I haven't cried since Claire died and knowing that meant a lot. The hand I was holding moved up to my cheek and wiped away the tears. I looked up to see Danny's blue eyes staring at me.

"Danny?" He tried to smile but only managed a weak one. I touched his face again, my thumb caressing his cheek. He looked at me.

"I don't blame you, Mac," he said in a hoarse voice," I really don't. So stop crying." Not able to bear with the pain and the guilt, I buried my head in his chest and cried. I felt his arms wrap around me.

"I can't live without you Danny," I said," I can't lose you."

"You won't. I'm not planning to go anytime soon," he said, cupping my chin, just to look at me. I kissed him on the lips gently.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too." He smiled at me before kissing me again.


It had been a week since Danny was discharged from the hospital. He was given sick leave for the month and was already complaining about it.

"Come on, Mac!" he said, fighting hard not to whine at me as I came into our bedroom. I moved in with him when he suggested it three days prior to our relationship. I agreed knowing how much he meant to me.

"One month Danny. Then you can't get on the field for another month. No strenuous exercise until your doctor approves of it," I said, not liking the idea.

"Just because I'm on sick leave doesn't mean I'm bedridden for the month, Mac." He grinned at me. "Though I don't mind being bedridden if you're joining me." I gave him a mock-glare despite my desires of jumping into his suggestion.

"No strenuous activities remember?" I intoned, smirking at the end.

"I know but when did you listen to a doctor?" he asked, the grin still on his face. I bent down and kissed his lips.

"When you got shot, Danny," I answered. He looked at me with love in his eyes. As much as I hated to say it,

"Mac…" he whispered before placing his arms around my neck. He was about to speak when I claimed his mouth. Kissing him tenderly as I gently pushed him on the bed. When we broke off, he smiled.

"I'll be a good boy and stay home, take my meds, get some rest…" My smile mirrored his. Danny was everything to me. I don't think I can take it if I lost him.

"Once you're okay, you can be the bad by I fell in love with," I whispered in his ear. I slid his arms off me and kissed his forehead. I had to get to work and it just pained me to leave him home alone. But he insisted that I did. So, I picked up my bag and left the room. But not without looking at him one last time. I turned back, looked in the room where he had been snuggling.

"Mac, get to work," he said, eyes still closed.

"I love you," I said before closing the door again. I took a breath and left the house, knowing that when I came home, Danny Messer would be waiting for me, safe and sound. And alive.




Okay, officially in love with this pairing. Definitely.