Treize raced to his monitors when alarms started going off all over base. More than a dozen screens showed blond teenagers running around screaming a word he didn't recognize and slamming a perfect sphere of spinning light into something, causing it to blow up. An older man was lazily riding upon a red and black frog, occasionally throwing something into a room or a group of soldiers that exploded spectacularly. Then there was that young buxom woman that just punched or kicked her way through walls, soldiers and mobile suits alike, going wherever she pleased using nothing but her bare hands and feet.
If that wasn't bad enough, all of the captured pilots seemed to not only be loose, but heavily armed. Leading the group seemed to be Duo Maxwell, a pilot he had thought long lost. Whipping out his arms, the brunette silently ordered the others to scatter, which they did, creating more areas of destruction just about everywhere. After that, the levels of destruction seemed to amplify exponentially. He couldn't refrain the groan when the first message was screamed to him over the intercom.
"Some blond woman is using a mobile suit like a baseball bat! We can't get anywhere near her!"
"There's a swarm of naked blond women clogging the armory and the men are too distracted to get their weapons!"
Well, at least that was a new one.
"Um… sir… the walls are covered in… muscles I think… GOD, IT'S MOVING!" The transmission promptly went dead.
"Uh… Maxwell just passed us and we shot at him, but a black dome blocked the bullets and he got away. He dropped something though and… OH SHIT!"
The explosion nearly blew out the speakers on Treize's system and he sighed. Duo had warned him that if he didn't give in that he was coming back. Thinking that the brunette was gone, he had proceeded to take out the other pilots, but true to his word, the damned teenager was back. Not only was he back, but he had fewer numbers. In place of quantities of soldiers, he was meaner than ever. He turned on an open channel to hear the communication between officers.
"Watch it everyone. Winner has napalm grenades."
"Where the hell did Barton get a machine gun like that?"
"Fuck! Yuy has a hand-held buster rifle!"
"Forget that! Winner just pulled out hand-held thermal scimitars!"
"Hell, Chang has a pulse rifle over ten times as strong as ours!"
"Oh God! I'm blind! Maxwell, you bastard!"
"There are frogs in the halls bigger than bulls!"
"Screw the frogs! My men were just attacked by an army of ten-foot slugs!"
"Those are tiny! That two hundred foot frog is back outside smashing everything!"
"So is that damn slug!"
Treize thumped his head against his desk. "Not again," he moaned.
"And what did I tell you, jackass?" a familiar voice asked. When Treize reluctantly raised his head, Duo plunked his butt down on his keyboard, ignoring whatever damage he was doing to the computer, and pulled out a remote, thumb hovering over a red button. Without waiting for a response, he pushed down, creating almost a hundred explosions all over the base. A snicker alerted him to a blond teenager in the corner he had not previously noticed, one that was still on dozens of channels, riding toads. "What was it you told me?" Treize spoke immediately before he lost more men.
"I said I'd surrender!" he said desperately. Seemingly bored, Duo jabbed the key again, creating another set of explosions.
"You didn't surrender," he said, running his tongue repeatedly over one tooth. He pushed the button again, destroying more of the base. "You tortured my friends." More explosions followed. "And now, I'm back, I'm pissed, and I want a truthful answer." Another series of blasts followed to emphasize his point.
"And if he doesn't surrender, trust me, I can do more than my share of damage," Naruto added on amiably. "Have you ever seen what a hundred of us can do with Rasengan?"
"No, and I don't want to," Duo muttered. "Not until I'm long beyond L3."
"Do you surrender?," Duo asked, turning back to Treize. "Honestly this time? Because if we're still at war, I'm about to get downright mean about this."
"I'll show you mean," a new voice hissed, followed by the crack of a pistol. The bullet bounced harmlessly off of a black chakra shield thrown up carelessly by the brunette, one of the few ninja tricks that he could perform properly.
"Zechs, you coward," Duo called scathingly, almost maliciously. "Drop the gun and go sit in the corner or I'll show you fucks what I can really do." When the blond lieutenant didn't immediately move, he continued. "Starting by plucking every hair off of your body, one by one. And when I say every hair, I mean every hair."
"So we'll be hairless," the blond snapped, though he had lowered his gun a bit. "All you have is your four pilots and three ninja friends."
"I can easily bring that up to a few hundred by my lonesome," Naruto mused. Zechs glared at him, almost retorting before he remembered the chaos sweeping the base.
"What? You want me to bring more of them?" Duo asked in all seriousness. "At least another three hundred of the blond midget, and then add back all the weirdo freaks I had here the last time. Oh, but what I could destroy…" To his ultimate surprise, Treize started to laugh hysterically. He arched an eyebrow at the man who was supposed to be commanding Oz, but seemed to be placated with cackling in pure insanity.
"What was it again?" he gasped. "Your credo. 'I run, I hide, but I never lie.' Was that it? You promised to bring them back and you did. You win. Call them off, you win."
Duo nodded. "Give me the intercom." Treize handed it to him wordlessly. "Attention Oz! Treize has surrendered! Remember the drill from the last time this happened! Lay down your arms and surrender and we will back down!" The explosions almost instantly died out. He flipped off the intercom. "See? Simple and painless, not to mention that it involves much less body wax."
"And let me guess," Treize grunted. "If we don't do as you say, you're coming back with those… peculiar… friends of yours."
"Nope," Duo chirped. "They're going home. You're problem is now me. I know things after spending so much time with those weirdo ninja freaks. Not to mention that I have a few things I've been tinkering with that the guys won't let me play with since they're so dangerous, especially after what happened in Greenland."
"That was you?" Zechs half yelled. Duo flapped one hand at him dismissively.
"That was just some idle speculation on what was originally intended to be a prank. Besides, it only took out half of the country," he said. "I'm talking weapons now, and I have some really cool ones."
"Cool ones?" Treize parroted as if in a trance.
"Yeah! The fusion-fission grenade will be a blast! No pun intended," Duo snickered.
"Oh hell, I surrender too," Zechs said. He knew perfectly well that Maxwell could be bluffing, but he didn't dare take that chance.
Staying just long enough to make sure Treize held up his end of the bargain this time, the three ninja who had followed the braided pilot headed back towards the area where the portal let out. Amazingly, the area had sustained little enough damage that they could get back without digging the way back in.
"I suppose this is goodbye," Naruto said, eyeing the five pilots sadly. Duo's eyes softened and he offered him a small smile.
"Not forever," he said, pulling out a singed notebook from some hidden pocket. "I kept track of coordinates, remember?"
"Then you'll come back to visit?" the blond ninja asked, almost bouncing on his feet.
"Kami, no," Tsunade and Jiraiya muttered simultaneously. Duo smirked.
"What if I promised not to bring anything that explodes?"
"And the chemicals?" Tsunade asked warily.
"You heard about that?"
"Half of Konoha saw their prize jounin sprinting down the streets with a boner that could have stood in for a flagpole," the Hokage said flatly. "What do you think?"
"That Kakashi is deformed after reading all of those dirty books?" Naruto smirked.
"Watch it, brat!" Jiraiya snapped. "I wrote those!"
"Yeah? And I know where you got the material for it too!"
"Really?" Duo asked enthusiastically. "Where?"
"You're not strengthening your position on being allowed to visit," Tsunade sighed. "We don't need a second Jiraiya running loose."
"Make that third," Duo chuckled. "I've met Kakashi, you know."
"Don't forget that closet pervert, Ebisu," Naruto chimed in helpfully.
"That settles it!" the brunette said cheerfully. "Konoha is already full of perverts, so one more won't matter!"
"I'm seriously considering blowing that portal of yours to pieces," Tsunade muttered.
"Like I can't make another one," Duo smirked.
The Hokage sighed in defeat. "Then I guess we'll see you sometime soon." Shaking her head, she led the way through the amazingly intact portal.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't," Jiraiya called over his shoulder. "Oh wait, that doesn't leave out much, does it?" With that, he followed the blond Hokage back home.
"That doesn't leave out anything," Naruto snickered, hopping through to the sound of Duo's laughter.
The three ninja back in the hovel of a shed that was barely standing, Tsunade glanced once at the milky surface before turning the device off. Whether or not she wanted to admit it, Duo reminded her of a young Jiraiya, only much smarter. She resolved to have the shack fortified in case they ever wanted or needed to go back to the boy's world, for help of just to visit, something that Naruto would certainly want to do.
"Let's go," Tsunade said. "Naruto, I'm sure you have a mission waiting for you. There's no way Sasuke wouldn't have arranged one by now. Jiraiya, you are in serious need of a bath, and that does not mean the women's bathing house."
"And you?" the frog hermit asked, smirking at the snipe to his nonexistent integrity.
"I need to type up what will be something of a rather interesting mission report," she said wryly. Silently, she memorized the set of coordinates showing on the gateway before leaving to the Hokage tower.
Wow! Finally, I finished a story! Now I have a bit more time to focus on the others, and they definitely need the attention. R&R!