My Grown Up Christmas List
Author: Pumpkin Belly
Summary: Buffy's all along for Christmas or is she.

A/N: After the season finale of Buffy. The song is My Grown up Christmas List, by Kelly Clarkson I believe, I could be wrong though. All I know is it's not mine. Everything is pretty much explained in the story. Oh and Andrew and Dawn are dating.

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Buffy sat at the little window seat of her apartment looking at the lights of Rome. The snow was coming down softly, lightly coating the ground in a layer of fluff. It was Christmas Eve and she was all alone. Dawn had gone with Andrew back to California to visit his family. She had no one this year, but this was the year when she needed someone the most.

Well I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child but my heart still can dream

Buffy let her mind run wild as she sat staring out the window, not really seeing any of the beauty in front of her. All the memories she kept locked away came rushing to her. The flood of emotions that can along with the images brought tears to her eyes. Instead of pushing everything back like she usually did, she allowed the tears to fall.

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas list
Not for myself but for a world in need
No more lives torn apart

Buffy thought of her little family, if you could even call it that anymore. Her mother was gone, nothing left, not even a grave. That had been destroyed along with Sunnydale. Her father hadn't bothered to contact her or Dawn in what seemed like forever. Not even after the collapse of Sunnydale had she heard anything from him.

The tight knit group of friends she used to have was gone. Xander was grieving the loss of Anya. He was more like an empty shell than a person now. Willow was off being all coupley with Oz, who she had reconnected with on her search for slayers. Kennedy had seen the sparks that flew between Oz and Willow and gracefully bowed out. They had offered to spend Christmas with Buffy but she couldn't deal with that yet. She was happy for them but didn't need to see all the snuggling and what not.

That wars would never start

Buffy thought of the war she had been fighting against evil for what felt like her whole life. Even with all the other slayers all over the world, she still had to fight. It was just too much. It would never stop, no matter who many people were sacrificed for the cause.

And time would heal all hearts

Then her mind landed on Spike. It still hurt to say his name. A little sob escaped from her mind. It'd been over a year and she still loved him. He was gone now. No matter how much time passed she would still blame herself for his death. Buffy didn't think she would ever get over that.

And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, no
This is my grown up Christmas list

All the love that had been shared over the years had been painful. Angel, she sighed. She had loved him so much and he had left her. Not only in person, she had gotten word from Andrew that Angel had died, fighting a hoard of demons. Her broken heart had shattered a little more when she heard that. She may love Spike, but Angel had been her first love. It was hard to get over that. She wished that everything hadn't come crashing down on her at the same time.

As children we believe
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely wrapped beneath the tree

Her heart leaped a little when she heard a knock on the door. Wiping the tears away from her face she stood and walked to the door to answer it. Opening the door with hope etched into her face she let a little sigh of disappointment when she saw it was only a package.

"Sign here, please." The young man said in Italian.

"Thank you." Buffy said, signing where she was instructed.

"Merry Christmas." He answered her walking away.

"You too." Buffy called after him.

But Heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal a heartached human soul

Buffy opened the box finding a neatly wrapped present with a card on the top. She unattached the card from the top of the present, placing it on the counter top before putting the present under the small Christmas tree. She would open that the next morning, along with the gifts she had received.

The gifts looked nice under the tree. She flicked the switch turning on the Christmas lights that hung around the apartment. The other lights in the apartment were turned off, leaving Buffy illuminated by green and red lights. She sat at the counter playing with the edges of the envelope.

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

Buffy slipped her finger under the flap, opening the card. On the front was a small Christmas tree, covered in snow. She smiled at the picture. It was simple yet beautiful. Instead of a small saying and "Merry Christmas" the inside held a single line of neat writing. The writing was so similar to; no she couldn't let herself think that way. It would only get her hopes up and bring them crashing down. She put the card down trying to calm her breath.

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend

She calmed herself down, picking the card back up.

"Look out your window." The card said. Slowly Buffy picked herself up and looked out her window. Through the snow she saw a glimpse platinum hair and a black duster. Her breath caught in her throat.

"This can't be happening." Buffy breathed out.

The figure looked up and waved a hand. Buffy quickly put on a jacket and rushed outside to meet the person.

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked once she was outside, tears rolling down her face.

"You didn't think I'd let you spend Christmas all by yourself did I?" The man said with a British accent.

"But, how?" Buffy asked.

"I ran into Andrew and Dawn in L.A. They told me you were by yourself and that just wasn't ok." He explained.

Buffy rushed into him, throwing her arms around his neck."I thought I'd lost you." She cried.

"Never, luv. I'm too stubborn to leave." He laughed.

And right would always win
And love would never end, no
This is my grown up Christmas list

"I love you, Spike." Buffy sighed, pulling him in a kiss. She laid her head on his shoulder when the kiss broke. Buffy pulled away from him in surprised.

"Spike?" She looked questioningly at him, "How come I feel your heart beating?"

"I'm human." Spike smiled, "Merry Christmas."

Buffy stared at him in shock before kissing him again, "Come upstairs with me?" Buffy asked pulling him into the apartment building.

"Oh and Spike." Buffy said, "Merry Christmas."

This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown up Christmas list

A/N: Merry Christmas everyone. I was originally going to have this end without Spike coming back at all, but what I can say the Christmas Spirit came over me and you all got a fluffy Christmas story.