Second fic to go up. Written by Redd and edited by the ubber-awsome Monster. This is an AU fic, which means it is an Alternate Universe; no ninja stuff. :( This is a Yaoi story, which means sooner or later two guys are going to screw each other's brains out. If that offends you, there is something located on your window most likely in the shape of an arrow. It will take you back to what you were previously looking at and keep you from bothering me. The warning is up here and now. If you flame me, you better be ready for me to flame you back because sending me a review that complains about how gross I am is just idiotic behavior in my opinion. I'm warning you upfront so I have every right to pummel you with words you'll have to look up if you flame me. There is nothing else to say on that issue.

Pairings: KakaIru for now. When it comes to romance stories I came up with, I don't like to go straight into things, so don't look for smut in the first chapter . Updates Fridays, RIR updates once a week.


"Don't Pick Up" by closet-monsters

When a high school story is told, it is usually about the students. Children growing up, losing baby fat, and gaining heartbreak is the popular version. All part of stereo-typical blabber one lonely adult scribbles down on a rainy day, or a hopeless romantic trying to feed themselves.

Who has ever written about the teachers?

Now, Umino Iruka was a sensible man, an advanced literature teacher, and a dedicated father. He had entered college at a young age and graduated top of his class. He could have had almost any job out there, but he settled for a job where teenagers stared him down like he was a cop that had caught them smoking behind the school. Instead of having any time of his own, he graded papers.

Iruka understood. Iruka was kind. Iruka was...


The young teacher was literally tripping over his own feet as he raced down the stairs and for the front door, doubling back to grab his coat and tripping over a misplaced skateboard.

"Naruto!" He yelled, though his son was surprisingly on schedule this morning and had headed for school. Iruka grumbled about what a mess this place was; and he had just cleaned yesterday! Did I mention dear Iruka has an obsessive. Compulsive. DISORDER?

Grabbing his coat, the brunette rocketed out the door, not bothering to lock it behind him, just closing the door. Brown strands of hair streamed out behind him as he ran full-force down the street, expertly slipping on the coat while keeping pace. He looked much like a girl with his hair down (The dark scrunchie that held it up in its neat ponytail was strapped to his wrist) and his features were soft as well. The only thing that messed up his appearance was a nasty scar cutting horizontally across his nose.

He hadn't even bothered pulling out his green van; traffic would only slow him down and he wasn't old yet! He threw open the doors of the school and hurtled through the halls, not slowing when the hall monitor called out 'No running!' The only thing that stopped him was running into solid matter; a person, actually. He wa spitting out muttered apologies until a familiar voice spoke.

"Good morning, Iruka."

He looked up to see one eye staring down at him under strands of ivory hair.

Hatake Kakashi.

"Kakashi-san, sorry about that." Iruka mumbled in a rush. Was he blushing? Oh, dear god please don't let him be caught blushing in front of Kakashi.

Kakashi was one of the two gym teachers of the paticular highschool who sported a blue head-band that covered his entire left eye and an a blue scarf that was so big it covered from nose down. The man had white hair, yet Iruka had heard he was only in his early thirtys and that he had actually been born with it.

In Iruka's mind, the guy was so -what was the word the kids were using- hot. Did I mention Iruka is gay? In fact, half the student body knows this fact, even some of the teachers. The only one who didn't seem to know was Naruto, Iruka's son.

Naruto was an adorable blonde boy with big blue eyes. Despite his good quallities, most of the student body shunned him for reasons Iruka wasn't sure. It might be because Naruto had a fetish for pranks.

If it was outrageous or crude, Naruto was responsible. He wasn't really Iruka's son, Iruka had saved him from the streets one paticularly rainy day and Naruto had just…never left.

Back to the real world. Iruka carefully went around Kakashi and scuttled off to his class, not even daring to look back. Kakashi blinked his one eye, chuckling beneath all the cloth and then heading for his gym class.

"Pencils down." Iruka called out to the class. The test was over and he'd have to rake in papers again. "Naruto, pencils DOWN!"

The boy in the eye-catching orange jumpsuit put his pencil down with a grumble. Yes, Naruto was in advanced English, but not for the fact Iruka was the teacher. The blonde was smarter than everyone thought, though it was Naruto's fault.

"Pass all test papers to the front row...Kiba, do NOT scribble down answers once you get the papers; I caught you last week. Ino, no make up in class, this is not a salon. Spit out your gum, Ten Ten." He mumbled, ignoring all the glares sent his way. The bell rang for lunch, dissmissing the class. Naruto remained.

"What is it, Naruto?"Iruka asked as he picked up papers from the front desks. A long green pen was perched between the middle and index fingers of his writing hand, the pen that everyone in English class dreaded. Some teachers used blue, most used red, but Iruka used green; funny little fettish he had.

"My paper isn't in there." Naruto mumbled.

"What?" Iruka didnt understand.

"Kiba ripped it up when I passed it to him," Then, after a while, "It was an accident."

"My foot!" Iruka snorted. "You let everyone step all over you, Naruto. It's gotten to the point where I'd rather see you being dragged to the principle's office for giving him a bloody nose rather than drawing obscene scenes on the bathroom walls." He sighed, shaking his head and putting down his papers.

Naruto lowered his head a bit. "He probably doesn't mean it, I hear he has trouble at home."

"Come here, Naruto."Iruka set down the papers and took the boy under his arm. "I'm proud that you can just walk away from a fight, but you really should speak up. Want me to talk to Kiba?"

"No." Naruto said, quickly pushing away from his adoptive father's hold. "They already tease me because we live together. I can take care of myself. Forget I mentioned it and just give me a 0 for the test; I missed half the questions anyways." That said, he quickly left the room.


Iruka glared at the soda machine before him, which refused to spit out a Pepsi for his deposited sixty-five cents. Teachers got a discount on drinks in the teacher's lounge, but what was the use if the thing wouldn't even give up any of it's contents?

"Ya know, there's a trick for that," Said a voice behind him, causing Iruka to nearly jump a foot.

"Oh? Mind showing me, Kakashi?" The brunette grounded out, about to attack the soda machine.

"Of course," The gym teacher replied, brushing up beside Iruka and tapping the right side of the machine twice, pushing the money return button, then delivering a nice kick to on of the ice cubes painted under the place where the sodas emerged.

"Nothing happened." Iruka smirked over his shoulder.

"Wait for it..."Kakashi assured him.

A small humming came from the vending machine and then sixty-five cents fell into the money return slot as well as the sound of an aluminum can hitting plastic. Kakashi leaned down and picked up one of the sodas (the machine had spit out two) and stared at it boredly.

"Pepsi? Aw... Oh well." The white-haired man muttered as he began walking away.

Iruka stared at the machine, dumbfounded. He picked up his soda but left the sixty-five cents.

"Kakashi, how'd you do that?" He called, scrambling after him. Kakashi glanced over his shoulder at him.


Iruka gave him a flat stare.

"Why don't we sit down?" Kakashi suggested, taking a seat at an empty table. "Do you usually get mad at the drink machine?"

"What kind of a question was that?" Iruka sat down across from him, opening his soda. "It's Naruto."

"Naruto? What'd that brat do this time?" A women's voice interrupted them. Tsunade, the school's advanced algebra teacher took a seat next to Iruka, setting a salad before her. "Was it worse than drawing two hookers on top of each other on the bathroom walls?"

"Tsunade, please." Iruka blushed, embarrassed at the mention of his 'little brother's' newest prank. "No, some students are picking on him, tore up his test."

"Write 'em up." Tsunade commented; that was her solution to just about every sudent problem.

"No, Naruto would get teased because they think I give him special treatment." He replied, sighing and beggining to swirl his drink.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure no one bothers him in my class," The blonde said. "And if they do, I'll write 'em up."

"Extra laps on track." Kakashi muttered, mouth hidden behind his soda can.

"Thanks," Iruka smiled softly.

"Kakashi!!!" The door flew open and in tumbled a man in a green jumpsuit. "My rival."

"Good god, he found me." Kakashi moaned, lowering his head band even more over his eye.

"Gai!" Tsunade scolded, throwing a carrot at the thick-browed second gym teacher, "Stop making a scene. We're teachers!"

"That's why his team sucks, he's immature." Kakashi whispered between the three at the table. Gai scrambled over.

"What was that?" He asked, sitting in the chair on the other side of Iruka. "Just because you beat my team in basketball yesterday doesn't mean anything! Today we will play...jump rope!"

"We will not; we're playing kickball. I won, so I get to pick the game." Kakashi snorted, not about to jump rope. Iruka tried not to laugh at their antics, though Tsunade was obviously not amused.

"What's going on over here?" Yet another voice cut in. Jiraya, the school's Health teacher slid into a chair next to Tsunade, flashing a deviant grin. "Looks fun."

"We were discussing Naruto," Tsunade grumbled, scooting away from the white-haired old pervert.

"No we weren't, we were discussing how I was going to beat Kakashi and his team at jump-rope!" Gai cut in.

"Kickball!" Kakashi corrected.

The teachers became a sort of swarm as more and more teachers came over to find out the news. The table creaked under the weight of them all and Iruka thought it was high time he escaped -eh- left.

The English teacher clawed his way out of the mass and tumbled out into the hallway, only to walk into one Saratobi; the principle.

"S-S-Saratobi-san! I'm so sorry." Iruka sputtered out. The old man stared at him.

"Hello, Iruka. Heard you were late this morning." He mumbled thoughtfully around the pipe in his mouth. Iruka flushed red.

"I'm sorry, sir, my alarm clock didn't wake me and-"

"Good to know that you're normal." Saratobi cut in.


"I was beginning to think you were some sort of robot. Early to school and attending every teacher planning day. You've never missed a day of school, either." He carried on. "It's alright, Iruka, it happens to everyone. Now that gym teacher Kakashi…He hasn't been on time since his job audition... Have a good day, Iruka."

The principle, which Iruka had gotten to know through not only work but also Naruto, continued on his way towards the teacher's lounge where doom loomed. Naruto had spoke of him only as 'the crotchity old man' but it was a wonder the blonde prankster hadn't been expelled yet.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Could be heard down the hall in the teacher's lounge. Iruka winced.

"Sorry, Saratobi-san." Came a chorus of a reply from the teachers. Iruka shook his head and headed for his room to grab test papers.


Iruka wished the gym suit would just fall off the man's hips. Seeing Kakashi run around in pants too big for him without the pants falling down was irritating him. He sat in the stands, a stack of papers stacked to his chin in his lap.

It was his free period and it was also Naruto's gym period, so he had a perfect excuse to be outside watching the game of kickball in action. Kakashi's team was offense and Gai had defense. Naruto was on Kakashi's team and up to the plate, hopping on one foot.

Uchiha Sasuke stood behind Naruto; he was on deck for the next kick. While Gai was talking to the pitcher, Lee, Sasuke came over and whispered something to Naruto and smirked. The blonde looked like he was about to deck the school heart-throb right in his pretty face. Sasuke dodged the blow, laughing before stepping out of reach back to where he was supposed to stand.

Kakashi ran over and began whispering in the still angry Naruto's ear. Slowly, Naruto nodded, mischief twinkling in those blue eyes of his and a grin set on his features. When they were ready, Lee pitched the ball. Naruto let it pass him, shaking his head and throwing it back.

"Ball one." Kakashi called.

Lee threw the ball again and Naruto caught it again; too high.

"Ball two"

"I see what you're doing!" Gai yelled and motioned over his shoulder for the fielders to move in. "Naruto cant kick, so you'll have him bunt."

Kakashi looked put out and Iruka looked like he was about to come down and kick Gai for what he believed was an insult about Naruto. Gai chuckled and motioned for Lee to pitch.

This time, Naruto did kick, and he sent the ball flying. The fielders scrambled to catch it, but they were too far in so it bounced once to count it as a good ball. Naruto was an orange and yellow blur on the field as he sprinted for first, then second base.

"Go for home!" Kakashi yelled. The dugout was going nuts. Naruto skidded to a halt on the home plate; all grins and sticking his tongue out at Sasuke. Sasuke smirked, watching Naruto limp towards the dug out. That's when he stuck his foot out and had the blonde trip. Everyone laughed.

Up in the stands, Iruka was fuming, pen pressed hard on a paper, making a green splot. Kakashi glanced up towards them to Sasuke, calling the boy, then pointing to the track. Sasuke shrugged and lazily sauntered to the track, picking up to a trot once he got there.

The kids in the dugout forgot Naruto had made a home and booed him to the back of the line, some of them still laughing. Iruka sighed and marked down all the wrong answers on Inuzuka Kiba's paper in green.


Walking home with Naruto was depressing; the blonde stared off into the distance sadly, looking absolutely pitiful without noticing it consciously. Iruka reached out and gently laid his hand on his son's shoulder.

"What?" Naruto mumbled, a bit lifelessly, blue auds staring up at him.

"Are you alright, Naruto? I saw what happened in kickball..."

"I thought I told you to stop protecting me, they all blamed me for sending Sasuke to track." The blonde sighed, picking up his pace and disappearing into the unlocked door of their house.

Iruka was about to call out to him when he got in the door, but the ringing phone distracted him. The English teacher sighed, hanging his coat up before going over and picking up the phone.

"Hello?" He asked the phone.

"Is this Iruka?" Came an odd voice from the other end of the phone.


At that, panting breaths followed. "You make me horny."

"Excuse me?" Iruka took the phone and looked at it like it was a writhing snake.

"I just wanna get you out of your pants and-" The next words came in a whisper. Iruka promptly hung up the phone at that, blushing like mad. It must be some prankster student calling him. That's it, just a prank....

Or so he thought.


That's it. Notice: There might not be a update in RIR until I get off my lazy ass, sorry.