Hey all, hope you found this before chapter 7 came out. But if not, that's good too because you got to read two chapters at a time -gasp-. And if you're just finding DPU, you've gotten to read 6 full chapters, congrats. Hopefully everyone finds this good enough for the wait. I've probably become the Kakashi of fanfiction by now(and you've complimented me on how well I've written him).

And for all who are wondering: No, I will not be explaining the SasuNaru relationship in this story. If I were ever to explain how they ended up kissing on Iruka's van, it would be as a side story. This story is Iruka-centric, if you haven't already noticed. Everything Iruka finds out, you will find out and SasuNaru will be a side thing, something our English teacher runs across. Whether or whether not I write this side story on Naruto is entirely up to you people, who will write in their review for this chapter whether they'd like that or not. My self-esteem needs boost for inspiration.

I'm happy I can keep you all on your toes /and/ lace in my own sense of humor. Thank you a lot for your patience. Also, the 100th reviewer was Polka-Dot, but since they did not reply to my email the prize went to the nearest active email(you know who you are). They themselves requested a SasuNaru one-shot, so be sure to go check that out when it comes. And yes, I did giggle when I said the word 'spooge' out loud, thanks for that.

I'll be working on formatting soon, as ff-net crapped up my usual '-' spacing signs. My apologies for the scene switches without warning, those will be worked on right away.

DPU will not be updating for a span of three weeks while I'm away at camp. However, when I get back, I expect to be finished with it. The one-shot may have to come after the span of three weeks as well, as even this chapter almost didn't make it in beforehand. My sincerest apologies are all I have to offer; you'll just have to put up with me. I have neglected to even look at this fanfiction for weeks and have been working on three others, which I really shouldn't have been doing... So, yes, I am a lazy bum to whoever called me that in the reviews so illiterately. You'll just have to deal with it and stop riding me about it. It is a pass-time to write these, as it's not like I'm making any sort of money off of it. Thank you for your time and patience.

(Story)

"Don't Pick Up" Chapter 6: Something Dark

"I like you." He had stated simply, leaning over the table towards our English teacher. The one dark eye seemed to sparkle with mirth.

Iruka was absolutely shocked, at a loss of words. Either he didn't realize or he didn't care his mouth was hanging open and his eyes were widened unattractively.

"Surprising, eh? I genuinely like you, unlike that Jiraiya or Gai." Kakashi continued, hand slowly sliding what was rightfully Iruka's sugar packets away while said man was still in his stupefied state. "You would make a good friend."

Iruka mentally inserted his foot into his mouth. Friends? Just friends?

"You'll catch flies like that, Iruka-sensei." Kakashi said boldly, pushing the other's jaw back into place with the tips of his fingers. The brunette flinched, pulling back and giving a sheepish smile.

"Something wrong?" Kakashi asked, stirring the sugar into his tea.

"Not at all!" Iruka said, recovering quickly with a smile. "Are you asking me to be your friend?"

"Of course. Why? Were you expecting me to say something else?"

Yes. "No, not at all. I'd like to be friends with you." He bit his lip to keep the quivering of his hand under control as it picked up the mug of tea and brought it to his mouth. In a way, he was shattered, but in some way he was happy; happy that at least Kakashi liked him enough to be friends.

"Thank you, Iruka-sensei." Kakashi smiled.

"Iruka."

"Excuse me?"

"Just Iruka. If we're going to be friends, you shouldn't have to add casualties like that. Besides, I'm not /your/ sensei." The brunette replied, sipping his tea. It didn't matter if his tongue was burning in the process.

"Ah, I see. Well, then I'd prefer you to do the same for me." Kakashi nodded.

"Fair enough." Iruka smirked at him as he lowered his cup. "Do you always steal your friends' sugar packets?"

"If they're not using them." The other snorted softly, nonchalant to the thought the English teacher just might be mad at the theft of his sugar. Lucky for him, it was quite on the contrary and Iruka was amused.

"Liar, you just like sugar. I bet you have a sweet tooth worse than most of our students."

"Now what would give you that idea?" The gym teacher asked, looking rather smug.

"Well," Iruka paused to take another gulp of tea, "I saw the way you looked at that pie they set out at the counter and... well, no one I know would pick up one box of 'Sugar-frosted Sugar Doughnuts with Chocolate Puffs' cereal, much less three boxes. Unless, you know, they wanted to have an immediate heart attack. Even Naruto stays away from that stuff."

"...Touché."

(Present Time)

"Whatcha doin'?"

Iruka sighed, rolling his eyes skywards as he heard this. Currently, he was on his knees behind the table that held the phone, cable in one hand and instruction manual in the other. Behind him, Naruto was bent at the waist with his hands on his knees. It had been like this for the past half-hour, the blond asking the two-worded question over and over.

"I told you before, Naruto. I-"

"I wasn't listening last time." Naruto interjects.

"Yes you were. I'm setting up the new caller ID system and I /didn't/ get you an Xbox, so stop making faces at me like I don't see them." Iruka's brow furrowed as he read the instructions over yet again and plugged the cord into the socket, leaning back to look at his finished work.

"Whatever," Naruto huffed, obviously not hearing what he had wanted. It was as if he had forgotten the earlier events of that day and it was that characteristic Iruka envied. Naruto never stayed mad for long, because conflicts came and went with him almost every day. He forgot quickly; one might say he had a one-track mind. "I'm hungry."

"Order some pizza." Iruka replied. The blond gave him an odd look. Normally, Iruka always cooked unless he was too tired from a day of work. Naruto had to /beg/ him for ordering out most of the time. So what was the matter with Iruka?

"A-alright Aniki. Do you want any?"

"I'll make something later." The brunette replied, giving a reassuring smile. He just needed to think for a little while, that was all. In a way he was kind of thankful when Naruto left. Then the phone rang, and he had left just as quickly as Naruto. "Oh, wait, I'll catch you now and call the police and..."

He picked up the phone quickly once he saw the name, and spoke as clearly as he could. "Hello, Kakashi." On the other line, someone coughed in surprise.

"How did you know it was me?" Came the voice on the other end; Kakashi's voice sounded a bit strangled.

"The new phone system I bought today has a built-in caller-ID accesory."

"...Sounds like you're talking about a Barbie doll."

"You disappoint me. I thought you'd say something more vulgar."

"What!" Kakashi coughed again on the other line. Iruka quickly covered his mouth to keep from laughing. For once, the other sounded distraught and thoroughly surprised; a nice change from that lazy, nonchalant manner.

"Did you call for something?" Iruka finally asked.

"Oh, yeah, what are you doing tomorrow?" What /was/ he doing tomorrow? Nothing, really. He had told Naruto to call Sasuke before he had set up the new phone and to ask him over to finish the project -and also to apologize for the issue with the hose. The blond had told him cheerily that Sasuke had accepted the invitation and would be over at noon.

"Well, the boys will be working together tomorrow and I'll have to watch them..."

"You don't /have/ to, do you?" Asked the other.

"Why?" A question for a question, though his tone was undoubtedly suspicious. "You have a better suggestion, I suppose?"

"Anything is better than baby-sitting, in my opinion." There was a cough on the other line. Laughter? "I'm headed out to the movies tomorrow. After all, it is Saturday. Want to come along?"

"Sure," The English teacher replied, walking over and sinking into a chair located in the living room. Another great aspect of his new phone was that it was cordless. "What's it rated?"

"Oh, it's alright. It's R, but then again, most of the good horror movies are. I'll pick you up at noon?" Wow, wasn't that convenient?

"That's fine. See you then."

"Bye." Iruka had to wait until Kakashi hung up before he could finally bring himself to do so as well. He sighed, sinking back further into his chair and covering his eyes with the back of his hand.

"You're pathetic." He told himself, fighting a rack of shivers that had decided to take hold of him. Kakashi is just a friend, he told himself, and he didn't need Webster to know the definition of that. He jumped slightly, snapping out of his trance when the phone rang. Automatically he hit the talk button, regretting it soon after.

"Hello, Iruka." A chuckle came from the other line, as well as a breath of air. You know, the noise that happens whenever someone blows air into the phone?

"Oh, it's you." Iruka cringed.

"Why did you get that Caller ID system, Iruka? Did you think I'd let you go just because you could see the number?"

"I'm going to put you in jail for sexual harassment."

"Not right now you won't, you picked up the phone far too fast. No one will show up on the history but Kakashi. So, where are you going with him tomorrow?"

"Well, you knew that Kakashi called, you should know where I'm headed. How did you know Kakashi called?"

Laughter came from the other end, but it was a bit bitter. "Your eyes light up when he talks to you. You sit up straighter. I also read your lips when you answered the phone."

"You read my- how!" Iruka sputtered, looking about. The stalker didn't need to answer. The window, the large one in the living room that over-looked the driveway and his roses. "Oh. Still, how?"

"The same way I watched you sleep at night and the same way I watch you pace your room as of late."

"How?" He felt himself shuddering, thumb reaching for the button that would turn off the phone.

"Binoculars-click." Dammit, he hung up the phone too quick to get the rest of it! Oh, well. He flipped through the call history just to spite himself, only finding 'Hatake, Kakashi'. A sigh at that. He rose to his feet, heading for the kitchen.

"Naruto," He hailed the boy who sat at the table, undoubtedly waiting for his pizza to come. Iruka dug into his pockets, setting a few bills on the table. "Here's money for the pizza. Listen, I'm going out again tomorrow."

"But Sasuke's coming over." Naruto argued, eying the brunette as he sunk down into the chair across the table. "Whom are you going with?"

"Kakashi."

"Again?" The blond whined, reaching over to slide the money towards him. "What is he to you anyways?" That made the English teacher jump, made him sink his nails into the table.

"We're... friends." That was the term, wasn't it? "Just friends."

"Tsunade-baba doesn't come over and take you out." He complained, now quirking a golden brow at Iruka. "She just stays for tea and cleans my room and sometimes complains about our Health teacher's porn."

"Well, Kakashi offers to take me out, Tsunade-sama doesn't. She hardly has money anyways with where she goes on weekends." Oops. Did he just spill that? "But anyways, I'm sure Sasuke will not mind my being gone. After all, he probably thinks I'll be waiting for him with the hose tomorrow. He'll never look at me the same."

"That's for sure," Naruto snickered. "But he forgives you. He told me so."

"I am trusting you not to make another scene like that."

"Well, we're sure as hell not doing it on the car again! I'm never looking at that the same..."

"Naruto!" He twitched, giving the now-laughing boy a hard stare. His hands were raised and a sigh escaped him. "You know what? I don't care. No sex. I'm going to bed now." And with that he rose, balling up a napkin on the table and throwing it at Naruto, who was still laughing. Right in the mouth! Ten points! He was up the stairs before the blond would stop yelling, into the safety of his room.

(Next Day... I have to resort to this, you see, for the time skips. I don't know what the hell is going on with fanficnet, but it doesn't take the dashy-thingeh anymore.)

Iruka never did get around to eating that night, so the next day he was downstairs, donning an apron over his clothes so he could fix breakfast and prepare to go wake Naruto up. The teenager had undoubtedly stayed up the night before, either on the computer or hunched over his gameboy. And when he opened the door to the blonde's room, he was able to easily dodge the pillow thrown at him.

"Come on, Sunshine, breakfast." He smirked, waiting for the normal response.

"I'll kick you where the sun don't shine if you don't go away." Covers were drawn over the lump on the mattress situated on the floor. Yup, he'd stayed up.

"I will send Sasuke up here while you're still in your pajamas, Naruto." THUMP! Naruto rolled right out from the safety of his covers, grumbling and rubbing sleep from his blue eyes. The next hour passed smoothly while Naruto packed away his food like a garbage disposal and trotted off to go take his shower. Iruka was just finishing his coffee when the doorbell rang, signaling the Uchiha's arrival.

"Naruto!" Iruka called, but got up anyways. Naruto was still in the shower, doing... whatever. So he went to the door, unlatching and undoing the locks before pulling it open. "Good morning Sa- Oh, hello."

He had not been wrong in saying Sasuke, the dark-haired boy stood before him with a stoic expression and a notebook tucked under one arm. However, someone was standing behind him, towering over him. The resemblance was uncanny; they must have been related.

"Good morning, Iruka-sensei." He was a beautiful specimen, Iruka would not deny that. The young man lifted his chin slightly, a sign of defiance and pride. Sasuke also had done this before and perhaps this is the being he had gotten it from, the one who stared down his nose at Iruka with wine-colored eyes. Contacts, they had to be. "I gave Sasuke a ride today, I hope you don't mind? I am Uchiha Itachi, Sasuke's older brother. He mentions you sometimes and, honestly, I was rather curious to see an English teacher who is neither withered or equipped with a ruler."

Charming, Iruka thought, but he felt himself quiver on the inside. Sasuke was grumpy, disturbed, and easily irked, but he'd still have a long way to go to compare with Itachi. It wasn't as if he did anything wrong, there was just something about the boy the English teacher didn't particularly like. Something dark.

Over Itachi's shoulder, Iruka spotted the black trans-am that signalled Kakashi's arrival. It slowed before his house, and then continued on to pull up in the driveway across the street, incognito. It was then Iruka became aware of the pale palm offered over Sasuke's head.

"It's nice to meet you, Itachi-san, Sasuke is a good student." Iruka confirmed, reaching out to grip the hand offered to make-up for his lack of attention. "Of course I don't mind you bringing him over. Why should I?" The ghost of a smile that appeared on the older teen's lips unnerved him a little, as well as the cold grip of his palm.

"I'll be off then. Thank you for having Sasuke, you and Naruto are welcome to come over to our house as well. Oto-san will give you directions. Be good, Sasuke, and call me when you're ready to leave." Itachi nodded, slipping his hand away and turning. Sasuke just grumbled, waiting until Iruka moved aside to brush past.

"Naruto's in the shower, Sasuke. Please make yourself comfortable. You don't mind if I leave you two alone again, do you?" He watched in amusement as Sasuke twitched visibly. One part of him wanted to laugh at how Sasuke might be remembering the hose issue, while another part of him wanted to reach over and strangle him at how the boy might be thinking of Naruto in the shower.

"No." Sasuke replied with a casual shrug, but he would not turn to look Iruka in the eyes. It didn't matter, he supposed. The brunette slipped out of the house, closing the door soundly behind himself once he was sure Itachi had driven far away. He made his way across the street, counting the steps as he went, how many steps it would take to reach the passenger side of Kakashi's car.

"You're going to make us late." Was the first thing the white-haired man had greeted him with. It made Iruka tumbled headfirst into the car and knock his head against the steering wheel and into Kakashi's lap.

"You're in a position to talk." Iruka grumbled at him, groaning miserably at the pain that was finally beginning to tap at the part of his skull that had hit the steering wheel.

"Oh yeah? Well I'd say you're in a much worse one." The gym teacher teased, patting Iruka's ponytail sympathetically and laughing at the mad blush that possessed him at that comment. "Eager to go, eh?"

"Oh, be quiet and drive." The English teacher retorted, sitting up quickly.

"Not until you pull in your feet and close the door."

(End Chapter Six)

It's extremely short. However, the plot thickens! Right? So, this time in the reviews, why don't you all put who you think the stalker is? The suspects as follows: Kakashi, Naruto, Gaara, Sarutobi, Gai, Orichimaru, Itachi, Sasuke, The Radio-shack shopkeeper, Jiraiya, Tsunade, or (insert other name here).