Repost, crack!fic. Deviates from canon at chapter 390.

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In one shining, spectacular moment, Inuyasha believed Tessaiga still had something up it's sleeve. He thought his old man, or Toutousai, or both of them had crammed one more super special secret attack into the thing which would manifest itself, now, and win him the fight.

And then the battle reached its climax: Toushuu's Dakki struck it, stole its power, and Tessaiga fractured into a million shiny pieces of bone and ceased to exist.

Inuyasha gaped at the broken hilt still clutched in his hand, stunned. When Toushuu charged again and it became apparent Inuyasha wasn't going to do anything to protect himself, Miroku whipped the beads off his hand. Faced with the option of having his newly-powered sword sucked, Toushuu fled.

Miroku rewrapped his hand, staring down at the smashed Tessaiga with a shocked sort of expression. Kagome licked her lips and cleared her throat.

Um... Inuyasha...

Comforting him when he got depressed over his short comings was one thing - what was she supposed to say now? For once, Kagome's optimistic outlook failed her. Maybe... Toutousai could...?

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I TOLD you this would happen, you imbecile!

Inuyasha dodged another whack from the hammer, scowling heavily.

Oooo, the same thing happened to your father. I said to him, Leave the dragon alone. The dragon never did anything to you. Maybe it's not such a great idea to arm-wrestle a dragon.' But did he listen either? No.

Inuyasha glared, massaging his head, and jumped out of the path of a stray burst of flame.

Oh, Tessaiga, my masterpiece! I knew I should have given you to Sesshoumaru, no matter what that stupid old dog said about exploration of the self,' personal growth, and maturity! I'm telling you, it's no wonder Sesshoumaru turned out the way he did with the sort of parenting he got...Look, old man-At least he knows how to take care of his swords. Oh, Tessaiga!Would you quit bawling? Inuyasha hollered, stomping out the fire that had spread on his supposedly fire-proof clothing. And tell me if there's any way-NO, I told you! I warned you, you thick-headed moron! If you lose, and the youki energy of Tessaiga is absorbed, it will never be able to transform again!I know that! But... if there's a way to make a new one...

Toutousai snorted and sat down, his back propped up again the wide flank of his three-eyed bull.

Make a new one? Do you think I turn these things out like a machine? A tremendous amount of work went into the production of both Tessaiga and Tenseiga, a point the two of you seem to have missed entirely. Spoiled brats... This is all because your father was so big on positive reinforcement and learning from your own mistakes'...What sort of work? Inuyasha demanded, storming over and sitting opposite him.

Well, first, one needs a tooth from an exceptionally skilled youkai...

Inuyasha winced and rubbed his jaw painfully. I could--A full-blooded youkai, unless you want the thing to go haywire and run amuck. A hanyou's youki is too unpredictable. And I wouldn't call you particularly skilled, anyway...

He scowled. What, then?The only youkai that jump to mind is your father - and then you'd have to go grave-robbing, again, and the tooth still has to be alive to actually work - and Sesshoumaru.

Inuyasha groaned. I can just imagine how that talk would go. Hey, Sesshoumaru, you know that sword you've wanted for decades? Well, I kind of broke it. Again. Permanently. Would you help me make a new one?' He'd fucking castrate me.It's nothing less than what you deserve, Toutousai snapped, stroking Tessaiga's battered hilt. Oh, Tessaiga... he added with a sigh. Inuyasha clenched and unclenched a fist. Siiiigh, I remember when you were first completed. After all those rejects and faulty models and- Inuyasha shouted, on his feet again. Whatta you mean, he said, peeved, You can't expect me to make something like Tessaiga or Tenseiga correctly on the first try, can you?So, there're weaker versions, like the Dakki Mujina had? Do you still have them? Inuyasha interrogated eagerly. Toutousai scoffed.

Of course. Only a moron would leave his swords laying around for anybody to pick up.And they're all made from the teeth of my old man?Well, naturally. I'm not sure how many teeth I pulled, actually... his mouth was sore for days after I had finished...

Inuyasha frowned. So, couldn't you be able to use them to try and remake Tessaiga- Toutousai cut him off, shaking his head mournfully. Those swords are inadequate. You'd just get your hopes up and end up disappointed.What you need to do, you know, is find a new outlet for your aggression. Now that there is no Tessaiga, you could very easily transform again. You know what would work wonders? Heavy lifting.

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Exercise creates endorphins. Endorphins relieve stress. People who aren't stressed are less likely to commit a quadruple homicide. But why, Inuyasha wondered as he swung the axe down and split the log in two, would you give someone like that an axe in the first place?

Inuyasha, despite Toutousai insistence that it was impossible, was determined to get Tessaiga back. That sword had beaten Naraku, Ryuukossei, and Sesshoumaru's collective asses while covering his own innumerable times. He wasn't about to leave it in Toushuu's undeserving hands - he didn't care what he had to do.

Toutousai relaxed in his bath with a contented sigh, and Inuyasha groaned as he reached for a towel to scrub his back with. The old geezer could be a manipulative slave-driver when he wanted to. Inuyasha glared pointedly at the top of his head while he gave him a back rub, picturing Naraku's bloody demise at the point of his newly-made Tessaiga to take his mind off of it.

Couldn't you even try to melt the old swords down, or something? It-Nope, wouldn't work.How do you know?... Well. In any case, it would be very difficult and time consuming. And I have so many chores to do around here...

Inuyasha groaned, deciding that, at this point, he wasn't above begging.

Toutousai paused thoughtfully, thinking back to their past encounters. He couldn't say Inuyasha had ever actually asked for help whenever he came by with some sword-related crisis.

Hmm. I suppose we could work something out.

He continued to massage Toutousai's shoulders, resigned. What do you want me to do?

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The time-hopping school girl, who had been wringing her hands anxiously, jumped up at the sound of her name and squinted at the red dot moving toward their group quickly. She broke into a bright smile and brisk jog, relieved.

Inuyasha, you've been gone for more than a week! We were getting so worried; we almost sent Shippou after yo- IS THAT THE TESSAIGA?

He smirked, brandishing the long, thick, hard, furry-handled sword proudly. Miroku, Sango, and Shippou moved to join them, amazed.

But I thought Toutousai told you he would be unable to repair it, Miroku said, frowning slightly.

Keh, that old man still has some skill, Inuyasha admitted grudgingly.

What did you have to do to get it? Sango asked, lifting an eyebrow. I thought he'd deem you unfit for his swords after this.

Inuyasha flinched and scuffed his feet. I don't want to talk about it.

Kagome's smile dimmed slightly, confused. Inuyasha, what's wro-I said we ain't discussing it! he snapped, trusting Tessaiga back into it's sheath irritably. Now let's go track down that bastard Toushuu. No way I'm letting his stupid sword steal Tessaiga's power, he added, storming off.

Maybe Toutousai made him polish all of his swords? Shippou suggested, scratching his head. Kagome, Miroku, and Sango exchanged shrugs, puzzled, and followed after the miffed hanyou.

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End