summary- One shot about Sirius and how he feels about Lily. While he was in school, she was James' girl, but he had interests. Now they are engaged, but Sirius loves Lily, but he will never take her…she loves James and he was just unrequited love.

This is the written down thoughts of Sirius Black. They were written before Harry was born and before James and Lily were hiding or at any risk, but the first war with Voldemort was brewing. He is out of school at the time.


Lily Evans, I can not forget how her name used to always be on my mind in my school days. She was the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts. Of course I could never have her; she was James' girl, even when she yelled at him almost everyday of our fifth year. She was James' girl, everybody knew it, everybody knew of his infatuation with the red-head girl that scolded him for taunting Snape and found no greater pleasure then stopping us from pulling a prank. No other guy dared try to go out with Lily. James was my best friend and I was not about to ruin our friendship over a silly crush, over a girl.

I thought James would get over Lily. That one year he might find another girl he fancies or just gives up. I never thought it would last for I do not even know how many years. Maybe it was because James had a short attention span, he had to be entertained constantly. It was a miracle that he was able to pass classes, let alone sit still in class. Never was he so persistent in anything before, James and I would have never done our homework if Remus had not made us. I thought he would give up after the first rejection or two, but no, he kept going. I all along was thinking, this for sure will be the last time, he be over it before the end of the week, but week turned into month, and month turned into the end of term, which turned into next school year. Yada, Yada, Yada.

I believed that if James got over Lily, I could ask her out, she would probably snub me just like James, but at least I would be free to have my try. I should have not been so naïve. Then came seventh year, James was more mature, 'deflated his head', as Lily would have put it. Then Lily said yes, all hope was gone. If and/or when they broke up, it still would not work. Ex-girlfriends are forbidden territory. But they did not break up. Yes, they had their fights and a lot of them too, but in general they were the couple all other couples should aspire to.

Then James asked Lily to marry him. He told me before it happened. He told me how he felt about her, how he loved above anything in the earth, in the entire universe. How when she smiled it made him feel breathless, and when she looked at him he felt weak in the knees. I know exactly how he feels, but I dare not tell him it is for the same person. I encouraged James, he was in love, and I would never hinder that.

When James proposed, he did the whole enchilada. First he asked permission from Lily's father. Then he set up big dinner plans, a fancy restaurant with dancing, invited Lily, had a dozen red roses sent to her at work the day of, with the help of me of course. James had already talked to the DJ ahead of time, so when he finished their meal, the DJ dedicated a song to them, their song. He lead out onto the dance floor, were they slow danced. At the end of the song, James got down on one knee, pulled a ring from his pocket and popped the question, Lily sad yes. I knew this is how it happened, for one I helped James plan it and two mixed in with the complete strangers that had their reservation for that night, were me, Remus, and Peter, both Lily and James' parents, few of Lily's friends, and some close relatives. This was also my idea, thank you very much.

The wedding came, James asked me to be best man. How could I refuse, how could I not want to be? It was the happiest and saddest day of my life. I was beaming with joy; James and Lily were now eternally bonded together by love and law. It was sad, the woman my heart secretly yearned for, was forever gone, forever out of my grasp. But it is okay, James and Lily were meant for each other, they complimented each other, one wild, and the other mild.

When I was watching their wedding I could only feel that if only I had asked Lily out, if I had not kept my feelings hidden, if maybe I had out my friendship with James aside, I would be the one standing t the alter right now, but the thoughts were quickly silenced. I would have never deserved Lily, no one can, but James is the closest to a deserving person, I have ever met. Lily is beautiful, kind, finding the good things in a person that people disregarded, James is loyal, brave, and the best friend any one could hope for. A match made in heaven.

I was always taught that their a perfect person out their for everyone, that there is a person your destined to be with, your "true love" if you will. The only girl I ever really loved has been Lily, but I have not told her, I never have and never will. She is in love with James now and I will not place my unrequited love on her, it would just be unfair.

As long as Lily and James are together and happy, I will be happy. I may not be able to be with her, but as long as I know she has a good life and is safe and fulfilled, I will be content with the situation. I will protect her with all my being and I swear here and now that I will not let anything happen to her, her or my best friend, James.

Sirius Black