Disclaimer: I don't own anything, J.K. Rowling does.
Warning: Slash, though nothing too graphic. Mild language. Flamers can go take a running jump into a lake. Yeah, that's about it. Constructive criticism is always welcome, as are nice comments.
Author's Note: This is a Harry/Ron/Draco story. I have no idea how these three got together, but I like them that way. I guess it's sort of AU, since Draco is friends with everyone, but it does take place in seventh year, so something could have happened. I dunno. Also, I don't know if wizards have CDs, but the album I mention is what I was listening to when I wrote this, and I wanted to include it. So yeah.
Harry Potter, walking up the stairs to his dormitory, met Seamus Finnegan coming down.
"Is Ron in there?" He asked.
"Um, yeah, he's actually having a masculinity crisis at the moment."
"Oh. Is it serious?"
"I think he'll get over it."
"Did Dean ever go through anything like that? I mean, what should I do?"
"I don't think it's as bad as you seem to think it is. Just go talk to him." Seamus patted Harry's arm reassuringly, then continued towards the Common Room. Harry, suddenly anxious about whether Ron was having doubts about their relationship with Draco Malfoy, was somewhat startled to find him sitting on their bed, surrounded by wrapping paper and ribbon, looking disconsolate.
"Haaarrry," he wailed as soon as the dark-haired teen appeared in the doorway, "I'm supposed to be gay, why can't I do something as girly as wrapping Draco's present so it doesn't look like troll shit?"
"I don't think it looks like troll shit," Harry said. To himself he commented, 'So that's what Seamus meant. I'm going to kill that stupid Irish git for getting me so worried.'
"What did you find for him, anyway?" He continued.
"A CD. Dire Straits, 'Communiqué'. I hope he likes it. At this rate, I'll never know, because I can't wrap the bloody thing! Oh, and new eyeliner, he said he was running low."
By this time, Harry had crossed the room and was surveying the damages.
"Nice paper," he said hopefully.
"It was before I screwed it up," was the dark reply.
"God, Ron, you're such a drama queen sometimes. All the time, come to think of it. But look, it's not so bad. There's a big enough piece here to wrap both of them together. Unless you want them separate, in which case…Do you want me to do this?"
Ron was looking pathetically lost. 'Yes, please."
Harry soon had both gifts wrapped, labelled, and lovely.
"I feel like such a stereotypical straight guy right now," Ron complained. "Will you prove to me that I'm not?"
"Hey, anything for a friend," Harry said happily. "I don't think a stereotypical straight guy would get turned on by this, for instance."
He kissed Ron on the lips, threading one hand through his bright red hair and resting the other on his thigh. Ron put his arms around Harry, pulling him into his lap.
"Thanks, Harry," he murmured some time later, "You're a real pal."
Meanwhile, in the Common Room, Dean and Seamus were talking to Draco Malfoy. He had climbed through the portrait hole to find them gazing at each other across a textbook- and parchment- covered table, and had greeted them with,
"Exactly how long have you two been together? You look like you're on your first date."
"Hey, Draco," was all that Dean said, but Seamus came back with,
"Well don't think you and Harry and Ron aren't exactly the same. It must be difficult gazing at two people at once," he added upon reflection.
"I manage," Draco replied loftily, seating himself next to the fireplace. "Where are they, by the way?"
Seamus and Dean exchanged a knowing glance, before the latter replied,
"I think they're both upstairs. Don't get any ideas, though," he added, seeing the glint in the Slytherin's eyes. "They're wrapping presents, and I think it's secret."
"All right. I don't want to spoil the surprise."
Eventually Ron and Harry came downstairs, where they greeted Draco warmly. To put it politely. Then Harry remembered his earlier death threat and stalked over to Seamus, whom he punched lightly in the shoulder. Well, relatively lightly.
"Thanks for making me spaz out, bitch!"
"You said Ron was having a, quote, 'masculinity crisis'! I got worried!"
"And exactly how long did you have to endure the anxiety of uncertainty before you figured out what I meant? Two whole seconds?"
"That's not the point!"
"Ah, the melodrama," Draco sighed. "Come let Draco soothe your ruffled spirits, lover boy."
Harry obediently did so, with one comment.
"Did you just call me lover boy?"
"Yes, I did. Ron is sexy hunk, and you're lover boy."
"And you are extremely silly."
"I try, darling."
And they all lived happily ever after.
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