A/N: Hi guys! Yes, I'm aware that I haven't updated my stories in quite a while now. I've been really busy with school so it will take some time for me to update. Right now I'm busy with assignments and researches and reports and stuff that I have to do and write but I hope this excerpt for the next chapter of Piercing Silence will tide you over until I have more time. Don't worry I haven't forgotten my stories, I'm just really pressed for time right now.
He loved her, that much was clear. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted to see her smile. He wanted it so much it was almost an ache in his heart and a pit in his stomach that got bigger and bigger and threatened to consume him. He would do anything for her. If she asked, he would kill for her, just so she would smile at him. That was dangerous.
Kenshin knew Kaoru was not the kind of person to even think about killing another human being, but that fact that Kenshin knew, he knew he would willingly do it if she but asked it of him…it freaked him out. It wasn't right and it wasn't normal and it shouldn't be.
But it was and oh god, he didn't know how to step back from the line of insanity he was painfully treading closer to each and every day. Love wasn't supposed to be like this, but there was something screwed up in him, in his genes that made something so pure and so beautiful become ugly and menacing. He didn't want to hurt Kaoru and he was scared that he would.
He knew with perfect clarity that Kaoru would be better off without him. He was damaged, broken, and the pieces of himself he'd managed to scrape back together again didn't quite form a human whole. There was something skewed in him whether it was there from birth, a legacy of his parentage, or if the experiences he'd had growing up had instilled that 'wrongness' in him, Kenshin wasn't sure. He just knew that it was there and he was scared for Kaoru. He was scared of himself. He was scared for her. He was scared that the past he'd worked so hard to free himself from would come back and take everything precious away from him.
Kenshin had worked so hard to distance himself from everyone and everything. He didn't want to be close to anyone because that would put them in danger. If he was alone, encased in his own bubble with nothing but himself…then the taint of his past wouldn't be able to touch him.
I'll take everything away from you…
But what if there was nothing to take away?
Kenshin had worked hard for that to be a fact. He wouldn't be hurt if nothing could be taken away from him. He pushed everyone away. He didn't need them. He needed to be strong, to prepare. Nothing would hurt him again. He would protect himself from pain.
But Kaoru had shown him that his existence, his forced isolation was a different kind of pain altogether. From the moment he'd seen her, he'd felt something inside him clench in response. He was prepared to do anything to be with her. He'd broken his self imposed rules and ignored the warning bells that rang shrilly in his mind.
And now, he was even trying to change himself. To change the aura of forced isolation he had around him. He didn't want to see her in pain because of him anymore. She deserved better but he refused to let her go. He couldn't.
He was scared of what being with her was doing to him.
But he was scared of losing her more.
A/N: Okay, that's what I have so far that is coherent but I have more notes. Just be patient and thanks for your encouraging words and support.
(The same situation goes for all my In Progress storiesif you also read Back Home To You, Only With You, The Logical Conclusion and the others. Just be patient.)