April's Fool APRIL'S FOOL: FINALE

INT. KENNEDY HIGH - OUTSIDE THE LUNCHROOM - DAY

NICOLE waits outside the doors to the lunchroom looking hopeful. VERA KRUPPS walks by, as do a couple of other lunch ladies...then SHAGGY.

NICOLE
Mom -- Shaggy.

SHAGGY
Nicole! I was worried...when I got up to go
to work this morning your things were gone.

NICOLE
Yeah, there's a reason for that.
(pauses)
I...I've moved back home.

SHAGGY
Oh?

NICOLE
Yes, you see...I've been thinking about all
of this and well...I have a home, and it's a
home that I'm used to.
(pause)
This doesn't mean I *don't* want to spend
some time with you, or get to know you and
the rest of my family. It just means that...I
think right now I need to be somewhere
familiar so I can sort out my feelings about
all of this, among other things.

SHAGGY
I understand, Nicole. You see...there is a
good reason why things are the way they are.
(pauses)
You seem to understand that now.
(pauses)
You're always welcome to visit. I'm sure Aunt
Tee'll miss you.

NICOLE
I bet.

SHAGGY
You know...I won't miss you.

NICOLE
Excuse me?

SHAGGY
I won't miss you because I'll get to see you...my
little girl grown up...every day -- doing so good for
herself.

She leans in and they hug. Shaggy holds back tears.

NICOLE
Aww, now, now. After a while I'm sure you'll get
sick of seeing me every day.

SHAGGY
Never.

They break the hug.

NICOLE
(wipes tears from her cheeks)
Well, say hi to Tee for me. I've got to do touch up
after this Gillmore Girls moment here.

SHAGGY
You take care of yourself, o.k.?

NICOLE
I promise.

Shaggy steps back away from Nicole before eventually turning to leave.

Nicole turns towards the direction of the Novak.

NICOLE
(to herself)
One down, one to go.

Nicole starts walking down the hall.

AN ARM pulls her into the open SUPPLY CLOSET.

INSIDE,

HARRISON smiles widely and pulls her into a deep, searching kiss. She pushes him away in surprise.

NICOLE
What the hell are you doing?

HARRISON
(still smiling)
Where's your sense of spontaneity, Nicole?
Or...did our triste last night crack the
"unbreakable" shell of Nicole Julian?

He spots the horseshoe pin right on her outfit -- right above her left breast.

HARRISON
Wow, I must've *really* tired you out if
you hadn't realized that this clashes with
your choker.

Nicole's eyes volley between his eyes and his lips. She yanks him down for a kiss and pushes him away harder.

NICOLE
No way. I don't think you have what it
takes to wear me out.

Harrison smiles.

HARRISON
Is that a challenge?

NICOLE
Oh, I *dare* you.

Boxes topple in onto the floor of the closet as Harrison fiercely accepts the dare.

INT. KENNEDY HIGH - HALLWAY - SAME

BROOKE walks down the hall and by the supply closet. She startles for a moment when she hears thudding inside, then proceeds. She rounds the corner and finds SAM coming her way.

BROOKE
Sam.

SAM
Brooke.

BROOKE & SAM
Have you seen --

BROOKE
You first.

SAM
Have you seen Harrison? I think I need
to talk to him.

BROOKE
Um, no...why?

SAM
I think I just need to at least let him know
that I'm happy for him.

Brooke sighs.

SAM
What?

BROOKE
You know, it amazes me, Sam, how you could
be so darned stubborn sometimes. You haven't
talked to your *best friend* since the big kiss-off
and the first thing you're going to say to him
is a lie?

SAM
Brooke! I *am*! I'm like, totally over it.
I'm with George, he's moved on, everything's
fine. I really don't want to get into this and
besides, I really *do* have to find him, at least
for April Tuna's sake.

BROOKE
Whatever. Wait...what does April Tuna have
to do with this?

SAM
I can't say. It's a surprise. Anyway --
you were gonna say something before...?

BROOKE
Oh, yeah -- Nicole. Have you seen her?

SAM
Thankfully, no.

Brooke sighs in frustration.

BROOKE
You know, there was a time when Nic and I
were inseparable and we *knew* where the
other one was at all times. These days she's
like a needle in a haystack.

SAM
More like a thorn in everyones' sides.

BROOKE
Sam.

SAM
Okay, okay...if I find her, I'll let her know
that you're desperate.

BROOKE
Thanks.
(turns, turns back)
Oh, and Sam --

Sam turns.

BROOKE
-- I'm really glad that you're *at least* willing to
talk to him.

Sam nods and continues down the hall as Brooke heads around the corner.

Sam passes the door to the supply closet and hears some rough thudding noises coming from inside. She stops to listen for a moment.

HARRISON
(from inside, between thuds)
Say my name!

NICOLE
(from inside, unrecoginzable to Sam)
Harr...Harrison!

HARRISON
(between thuds)
Yeah, that's it...yeah! Oh yeah....

Sam's expression drops as she steps back. The thudding stops and she hears rustling inside -- she panics, quickly turns and rushes down the hall, almost in tears.

Sam runs right into GEORGE.

GEORGE
Whoa Sammie, where's the fire?

SAM
(masking her upset)
Um, no...nowhere, I was just coming
to find you.

GEORGE
Same here...we've got to get to Tuna's
love fest before she has one of her
Tuna-esque cows. Sammie...you been
crying again?

SAM
No, George, it's just those heinous
allergies. Can't seem to get rid of
the blockage.

GEORGE
Maybe you should take something
for them.

SAM
Maybe. Come on, let's get go.

GEORGE
Whoa, wait a minute -- you sure you're
all right?

SAM
Perfectly fine...come on!

She drags George around the corner.

BACK TO the supply closet. The door opens and Harrison peeks out, then steps out. Nicole follows behind him, straightening her jacket.

HARRISON
Well that was fast.

NICOLE
No complaints here.

She breaks out a compact and her lip gloss and starts to reapply.

HARRISON
Good.

NICOLE
You *did* say you had to be
somewhere?

HARRISON
(disappointedly)
Yeah...something I've been working
on for a while now.

As they talk, Brooke comes back around the corner and spots them. She ducks into a corner.

NICOLE
Well. You best get going then.

HARRISON
Yeah...yeah, I should, shouldn't I?

NICOLE
Well...what're you waiting for?

HARRISON
I was...never mind, I know it's too
much to ask.

NICOLE
Well, you never know unless you try.

HARRISON
Well...how long before...well, you know.
You might consider...going public?

Brooke's eyes widen.

Nicole stares at him, then breaks out into laughter.

HARRISON
I'm...I'm serious.

NICOLE
I know. But why go public when I want you all
to myself? Keep up the facade. It's much more
exciting that way. You don't wanna lose the
magic now, do you?

Brooke slips back around the corner, then starts her way back, feigning a cough. Harrison and Nicole straighten up their posture.

BROOKE
Nicole?

Brooke reaches them.

BROOKE
Hey Harrison.

Harrison nods.

NICOLE
Hey there, B. Little cancer boy and I here
were having a talk about post-donor
rejection.

BROOKE
Well can you spare a couple of minutes?
Please? I've really, really got to talk to
you.

NICOLE
If it's about Shaggy, no need to worry.
I've moved back home.

BROOKE
That's fine. But I really need to talk to you.

NICOLE
(to Harrison)
Run along, Captain America. I'm sure we
can continue our little conversation later.

HARRISON
(waves)
Ladies.

Brooke and Nicole enter the Novak. Nicole sets up at the mirror.

NICOLE
I really don't have the time for your
constant obsession about my life, Brookie.
Ever since you dumped me for your
would-be step-Spam as your best friend,
I've picked up and moved on. Maybe you
should, too.

BROOKE
Nicole, just because we're not as close as we
used to be doesn't mean that I don't care
about you, and I'm not letting you ignore me this
time. I can't...it's too heavy.
(pauses)
But before I do get into this, I have to
ask...are you and Harrison, like, dating
or something?

Nicole laughs and turns to her.

NICOLE
What on Gwenyth's green earth would make
you ask *that*?

BROOKE
Well, I dunno, when I saw you talking you
seemed kinda...close.

NICOLE
Well, you got one thing right -- we were
talking. Besides, why would I risk what little
reputation I have left by bumping uglies with
the ugliest?

Brooke stares at her -- she knows she may be lying.

NICOLE
Anyway, spill. What was so urgent that you felt you
absolutely *had* to talk to me now?

Brooke hesitates.

BROOKE
I think I know why you were Harrison's
donor match.

FOCUS on Nicole's expression.

INT. KENNEDY HIGH - FRONT - SAME

LILY waits near the front doors.

JOSH enters, two suit bags hooked over his shoulder.

LILY
You were able to get them?

JOSH
Yeah, but I practically had to drive all the way around
town to find one in your size.

LILY
Awww, you're so sweet.
(kisses him sweetly)
Thank you.

JOSH
Yeah, well, it's past season and there aren't any conventions
in town, so they weren't too hard to find.

Lily looks over Josh's expression.

LILY
Baby...is there something wrong?

Josh looks like he's going to say something, but shakes his head.

JOSH
Nah, forget it.

LILY
Come on...if something's bothering you,
you know you can tell me.

JOSH
Honesty, right.

Lily nods.

JOSH
Lily...am I whipped?

Lily's scoffs.

LILY
Where'd you get that idea?

JOSH
No where in particular...well, Sam
did mention it.

LILY
W...well SAM obviously doesn't know
what she's talking about. Why -- do you
feel like I'm too controlling?

JOSH
No...not really. Well, maybe sometimes I
feel like I'm just doing whatever you want me
to. And I'm not saying that I don't like it...I
just want to feel..."equal", I guess.

LILY
I see. Well, I guess I have been making you
into sort of a workhorse.

JOSH
No, no, it's not that at all, really -- I love what
you have me doing. It gets me off my lazy ass
to actually help people instead of talking
about it. It makes me feel like I have a purpose
in life and makes me feel good about myself in
the process.

LILY
Really? I make you feel that way?

Josh nods.

LILY
Good.

They look at eachother for a moment.

LILY
OhmiGod -- we gotta hurry. We need to get
these things on before April has a fit.

She brushes past him.

LILY
Come ON, Josh, let's goooo!

Josh rolls his eyes at the sound of a WHIP cracking.

EXT. KENNEDY HIGH - THE FOREVER TREE STUMP - A LITTLE LATER

HARRISON sits on the tree stump, waiting.

EMORY approaches.

HARRISON
Hey, Em. You're late. Thought you
weren't gonna make it.

EMORY
I...had some business to attend to.

HARRISON
So...why'd you want me here?

EMORY
No...no reason.

HARRISON
Then...why are we here?

Emory thinks for a moment.

EMORY
Harrison. Upon further investigation,
it seems that I had erred greatly in my
quest for truth and knowledge concerning --
well, concerning my affairs. I ask that you
accept my humble apologies for slapping
you in the face the other day.

Harrison listens, nodding.

EMORY
But during my search, I must say that I
found *you*, my friend, to be in a much more
dire situation than I could have ever imagined --
even for myself -- and that you deserve *my*
sympathy...and condolences.

HARRISON
What are you talking about?

EMORY
I understand. Talking about it must bring
you great shame.

HARRISON
I'm not following you, Em.

EMORY
(pats his shoulder)
That's O.K. Just remember. When you're
ready, I'll be there for you.

HARRISON
Good to know, Emory.

EMORY
Good. So what do you say we grab
some sustenance and perhaps browse
the new science fiction releases at
Papersmith?

HARRISON
Um...I'm sorry, I can't.

EMORY
You have plans?

Just then, SUGAR DADDY creeps up behind Emory and runs a giant black sack over his body, tying him up.

HARRISON
Yeah...you could say that.

INT. KENNEDY HIGH AUDITORIUM

It is complete darkness.

The sound of one of the backstage doors opens.

MARY CHERRY
OhmiGod, y'all -- they're coming!

TUNA
To your places, people!

CARMEN
How are we supposed to know where our places
are when we can't see a thing?

GEORGE
Most of us were already in place when
April turned the lights out.

LILY
OW!

MARY CHERRY
*Sorry*!

It is complete silence.

LILY
Josh...I hope that's YOUR hand.

MARY CHERRY
Sorry again!

TUNA
(hissing whisper)
QUIET, people!

The front doors to the auditorium open, and Harrison, flashlight in hand, enters, as Sugar Daddy carries Emory in on his shoulder. They walk down the aisle.

EMORY
Unhand me, you heathen ogre!!!

HARRISON
Calm down, Emory, we're almost there --

EMORY
Put me down, I say! Put me down!

Sugar drops him onto the floor. Harrison switches his flashlight off and helps get him out of the bag.

EMORY
Oh my God...I'm blind!

SUGAR DADDY
You ain't blind, Dick.

HARRISON
It's just dark in here.

EMORY
Your method of transportation was
most uncalled for.

HARRISON
Yeah, but it'll be worth it -- trust me.

EMORY
I demand to know where we are.

HARRISON
You'll see...you ready for that truth you
were looking for?

EMORY
I don't understand.

Harrison flickers his flashlight and all of a sudden the lights in the auditorium go on --

ALL
(except for Emory)
SURPRISE!

-- the STAGE is made up to look exactly like "The Bridge" of the U.S.S. Enterprise, and everybody is dressed in a Star Trek uniform -- well, except for Mary Cherry, who's dressed in a sequined-covered version of a Star Trek uniform. The sign above The Bridge reads "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EMORY!" in Star Trek font. A giant disco ball hangs from the ceiling and reflects "stars".

Emory is completely shocked.

APRIL TUNA comes forth -- her hair and face made over -- and dressed in a dark blue STU.

TUNA
Happy...Birthday, loverman!

Emory is all choked up.

EMORY
I...I don't know what to say.
I thought...you and --

TUNA
You thought that I was having hot
wild, simian sex with Mr. Harrison
John, when in fact he, along with
a good samaritan team of Kennedy
High's finest, was helping me to hand
craft this birthday bash for my soulmate!

EMORY
(looking over The Bridge)
But...how'd you...what --

TUNA
It was easy! As representative of the
student body of our graduating class,
I have clout!

CARMEN
Principal Krupps allowed her to use
the stage. Well, provided that we clean
up afterwards.

GEORGE
The girls worked really hard on the finer
details...us guys, we pretty much did the
gruntwork of assembling the pieces.

JOSH
With big help from Lily, here.

LILY
It was my job to find biodegradable and
recyclable materials to use.

SAM
And, instead of buying you a cheesy gift
that you'll never use, April thought that it
would mean alot more to you if your friends
banded together to give you something that
money can't buy.

TUNA
(turns back to Emory)
Does it?

EMORY
(choking)
I'm...I'm verklempt.
(pauses)
But I'm also puzzled...Miss Cherry...what is
your role in this?

MARY CHERRY
Well you see, since I wasn't allowed to pay for
someone to construct this whole thing for you
-- which could have been easily done -- I
nonetheless *was* allowed to beam on over
a couple of extra special surprises.

Mary Cherry looks towards the back and waves the guests onto the stage. GEORGE TAKEI and NICHELLE NICHOLS walk out onto The Bridge in full Star Trek Movie uniform. Emory gasps like a little girl.

MARY CHERRY
Surprise!

Takei and Nichols approach Emory.

TAKEI
(shakes his hand)
Happy Birthday.

NICHOLS
(reaches out)
Happy Birthday, Emory --

Emory drops to his knee and kisses her hand.

NICHOLS
Charming!

EMORY
(stands up)
No, it is *I* who am chramed, Miss Nichols.
Mr. Takei -- the both of you -- it is an honor
to be in your presence.

TAKEI
Great to be here.

APRIL
(to Takei and Nichols)
It is a THRILL to have you here, Mr. SULU --
Lieutenant UHURA -- please, join us in
our celebration!

April leads them away Emory towards the rest of the gang, who prepare the cake (decorated with the Federation of Planets symbol) with candles.

TAKEI
(quiet, to Nichols)
We're getting paid for this, right?

BACK to Emory and Harrison.

EMORY
All this time you were spending with
my fair lady...you were doing this...for
me?

HARRISON
Well, yeah. You didn't honestly think
that April and I...Emory, come on!

EMORY
In all of my...preoccupation with a
possible adulterous situation, I'd forgotten
that it was my birthday. I...guess I owe
you a second apology for doubting your
loyalty.

HARRISON
Hey, no problem. It was actually pretty
FUN, you know?

The candles are lit on the cake. April comes back.

TUNA
Time to put out the fire, handsome!

Emory humbly approaches the cake and blows. He needs to blow quite a few times to get the candles out. Everyone claps. He dips his finger right into the cake and licks.

EMORY
Carrot...my favorite.

April swings the swivelling Captain's chair in his direction.

TUNA
Well, Captain -- Sir -- are you not going
to take your seat?

Emory approaches the chair and sits. Everyone assumes their various positions on deck, and waits for his instruction.

TUNA
Well?

EMORY
Oh, sorry...warp speed ahead.
(pauses)
Engage.

MARY CHERRY
(salutes inappropriately)
Aye aye, Captain!

Mary Cherry slides a button on a remote, setting the disco ball to rotate and Star Trekkian music to play.

Sam spots Harrison as George, Lily, and Josh slice up the cake, handing pieces to Carmen to give out to the Bring Back Freaks and Geeks Club members. Harrison looks up for a moment and catches her stare. He quickly looks down and continues what he's doing. Sam can't take it anymore and slips away.

GEORGE
Sam -- Sam!

He rushes to follow her.

SAM rushes through

THE HALLWAY, with George in the background.

GEORGE
Sammie, wait up --

When he catches up to her, he sees that she's struggling very hard not to cry.

GEORGE
Sam. Come on. This has gone on long
enough. Now I know something's wrong.

SAM
It's...it's nothing.

GEORGE
Bull.
(pauses)
Come on. You can tell me.

A few tears make it out of Sam's eyes, but she brushes them away. She refuses to look George in the eyes.

SAM
(quietly)
I...I can't.

By now, George is extremely frustrated. He sighs.

GEORGE
Well, if you can't, you can't.
(pauses)
Just like I can't.

SAM
What?

GEORGE
I can't do this, Sam. As much as I care for
you...I can't keep going on like this. You're
obviously in alot of pain...or something...but
you don't trust me enough to come clean
about what's bothering you.

SAM
I trust you --

GEORGE
But you just won't tell me what's going on.
(pauses)
Look...you need me right now. That, I know
is true.

Sam chokes at his words.

SAM
I don't know what I need...but all I know is
that I want to be left alone. I need some
time to chill, that's all.

There is a short silence as George looks away.

GEORGE
(troubled)
It pains me to see you this way...I really do
care about you, Sam. Alot.

SAM
I know you do.

GEORGE
But...if you need to be left alone, that's O.K.
with me. In fact...I think it might be best if
we did cool off for awhile.

Sam looks up -- the dam's about to break.

SAM
You're breaking up with me?

GEORGE
"Breaking up" seems way too harsh, I think.
Temporary hiatus maybe a bit better.

SAM
Sounds more like a cancellation.

GEORGE
It's not like that, Sam. You need time to get
over whatever it is you're not telling me. Me...
well, it doesn't matter. I'll be O.K.

George touches her cheek with his fingertips.

GEORGE
(pained)
I'll see you around, Sam.

George dejectedly leaves her standing in the hall, tears now flowing freely down her face.

SAM
(through the tears)
This isn't happening!

CUT TO

INT. KENNEDY HIGH - THE NOVAK

NICOLE
THIS isn't happening!

BROOKE
I know it's a shock --

NICOLE
No, a shock would be getting to school
and realizing that your slingbacks don't
match your outfit, this -- THIS is a *big*
laugh because it isn't true.

BROOKE
It IS, Nicole. I'd swear by it. Your
aunt -- the Miss Glass doppelganger -- she
showed me a picture and I swear to GOD...it's
Harrison's dad.
(pauses)
He's your brother.

NICOLE
No. He's not -- and I'll prove it. A DNA test
would clear this horrifying speculation away.

BROOKE
Even if you did, it'd only prove that you
ARE his sister. Half-sister. Nicole, I
recognized the picture. It was him.

NICOLE
I think your memory's as cloudy as your
eyesight. Harrison's father left a long, LONG
time ago --

BROOKE
-- but I still remember what he looked
like. Not only that, but your Aunt Tee
*told* me about this guy...he fits the
description of Harrison's father. I mean,
how *likely* is it that the man who's your
father had the same strange name as
Harrison's dad AND you would turn out
to be Harrison's bone marrow match?

Nicole looks absolutely floored as she sits down on the round pouf. She stares at the floor.

BROOKE
Look...I know how you are about your
pride and everything. I swear -- I won't
tell anyone. But...what are *you* going to
do about this?

Nicole's expression melts as she composes herself and straightens her back.

NICOLE
I guess there's only one thing *to* do.

INT. KENNEDY HIGH - HALLWAY/HARRISON'S LOCKER

HARRISON fishes in his locker for something. In the background, NICOLE comes out from a corner and her head turns -- she spots him and struts up to him. He smiles widely.

HARRISON
Hey beautiful --

NICOLE
Can the gushing compliments. I'm not here
on an intimacy call. In fact, I'm here to
close a door that should've never been
opened.

Harrison looks around nervously -- no one else is around.

HARRISON
Wh...what're you doing, Nic --

NICOLE
Yeah, hi, WAKE UP from those white
picket fantasies you have and smell the
Starbucks, Zitmaster -- last night was a
favor to the poor little virgin who was too
pathetic to ever get any action from
someone who actually cared.

HARRISON
S...so it didn't mean anything to you.

NICOLE
Oh, it meant something, all right.
(pauses)
It meant that I now have to live the
rest of my days wretching over the
thought of having slept with a complete
loser who gives a new meaning to
"jumping the gun".

Harrison looks like he's about to cry.

NICOLE
Don't be a fool, Harrison -- you don't
honestly believe that we could've
actually been anything more than two
desperate people feeding off of eachothers'
weaknesses, do you?
(pauses)
And another thing, "stud" -- if word
ever gets out that I even breathed the
same stale air as you do...you'll be
wishing you'd never found me this
past Christmas.
(pauses)
Well -- I guess it's back to the hand
for ya, my little -- oh, I *do* emphasize
"little" -- Lone Ranger.

She turns and struts down the hall.

FOCUS on HARRISON: A few tears make it down his face. He leans against the lockers as he tries to comprehend what just happened.

OVER to NICOLE as she makes it down the hall quickly and turns the corner. She leans her back against the wall and looks up -- her bottom lip starts to quiver and her expression melts as she can't hold back the tears anymore.

She then cries harder than she's ever had before.

FADE TO BLACK


"APRIL'S FOOL" (A Popular Fan Fic)
(a.k.a. "THIS ISN'T HAPPENING")

written/scripted by John Andrew

SUGGESTED MUSIC (Edited Verisons of):
Star Trek: The Soundtrack (Harrison's Dream/Emory's Birthday)
"Careless Whisper" by George Michael (Emory's Lament)
"Thank You" by Dido (Harrison and Nicole's Theme)
"I've Never Been to Me" by Vivian Chow (Emory & April Conflict/Finale/Theme/Nicole's Lament)

© MARCH 2001


On the next Popular by John Andrew:

"CRUEL INTENTIONS"
(a.k.a. "HE AIN'T HEAVY...HE'S MY BROTHER")

Sam and Harrison finally talk...will they grow closer, or further apart?. A plan to get back at Nicole goes terribly awry.