It seemed like a dream, at first. He played this event over and over in his mind, and now it's finally happened. After countless blunders, backfires, and blockheaded schemes, he did the impossible:
Wile E. Coyote caught the Roadrunner.
He grasped the scrawny bird by its long neck-loose enough to let him breathe, tight enough to get the point across; this time, there was no escape. Wile chuckled silently to himself. He waited for this moment for years, and he didn't dare wish to waste a single second. He hungrily eyed the Roadrunner, who still had that empty blank stare and silly smile he's been used to seeing. Then, the conundrum: how does a coyote with an IQ of 207 go about eating such a stringy bird?
Still holding onto his feathery adversary by the neck, not daring to let go, he looked away for a moment to figure out the best way to have his "guest" for dinner. Barbequed roadrunner? He thought to himself. Nope, don't own a grill. Sour? Nah, too sweet. Glazed? He's a bird, not a doughnut! Roadrunner Surprise? Yeah, that's it! I'll just need some--
He was interrupted mid-thought by a wet feeling against his neck. He looked around, a bit stumped. That...was odd. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Roadrunner Surprise. I just--The wet feeling came back again, this time a lot slower and drawn out than before. A light blush started to form on Wile's cheeks, but he was more frustrated than embarrassed. What the hell's causing that? There's nobody around except me and...
It then hit him like an anvil. There were two people present and only one of them knew what was really going on. But, it couldn't possibly be it? He immediately noticed two things as he looked back on his feathered captive: for one, he had six-inch eyelashes. This startled him a little; in all the years he was chasing this bird, he never got a good long look at it, mostly because by the time he did, he was looking at a dust cloud.
Another thing Wile noticed was that he-who he now knew was a she-was looking at him different. Her eyes were half-lidded and her smile was more sultry. There were bits of fur on her tongue, an obvious clue that she was licking his neck. The coyote was shocked, to say the least; he felt his light blush start to spread around his face. This was a side of the Roadrunner that he'd never seen before. Even more shocking was what happened next.
Roadrunner kissed him.
This wasn't a big deal; kissing someone to escape was one of the oldest cartoon tricks in the book. Usually, it surprised and disgusted the captor, causing them to let you go so they could gag. What made it a big deal was the fact that she didn't stop. Not until the poor coyote broke the kiss by letting go and pushing her away.
A shocked Wile started gasping for air as if he almost drowned in a pool. As he saw his quarry escape over the horizon, leaving a dust cloud in her wake, he started coming to grips with what just happened. A bird that he's been chasing for decades-who, for just as long, has assumed was male, but was really the opposite-had just kissed him.
On the mouth.
In broad daylight.
The very thought of what happened to him caused him to wipe his mouth furiously in disgust; this was a whole new level of humiliation he's experiencing. Nobody, not even Bugs Bunny, has ever kissed him like that before, even if it was to escape.
So, why was he still blushing?
If he was disgusted by the kiss, he shouldn't be blushing period. Yet, he was for-what he seemed-no reason whatsoever. But, why?
Wile quickly shook the cobwebs out of his head and got serious for a moment. Kiss or no, his meal ticket got away. He pushed all thoughts on the previous subject out to make room for a plan to get the Roadrunner back in his hands again, hopefully in a more permanent manner.