Author's note- okay, here is a chapter 2. more into lucy's mind. Thanks for the review!!!

I was always insecure as a child. Matt was the oldest, Mary was just plain confident, Simon was always comfortable with himself, Ruthie was happy and secure. I was never secure. I was unhappy when no one paid attention to me; I was always lost among my brothers and sisters.

I guess that is when I got to an age where I could go with guys, they were so important to me. They gave me attention. I never got lost in a crowd with them.

Kevin was different then all the boys I had ever been with, partially because he was so much older. I originally liked him because of Mary and Ben, and we were in Buffalo, far away from my family, Mary had a hot guy, but I was without a date. Kevin seemed like a dream.

Being a cop seemed like such an admirable profession. I was happy he had a job that I could understand, a job that I could be proud of, one where I got a bit of status by saying I was dating a cop. In a way, I liked being able to worry about him when he was on the job, it fit with my ditzy personality and it gave me the drama I needed to survive.

And yes, I knew a cop always had a partner. I always imagined Kevin having a nice gentleman as his partner, with a wife who I could get to know and the four of us could all go out together to nice restaurants. I never imagined a cop's partner to be hot, blond, tall, and especially, female. I always thought people did it like my mom, went to college, and then had kids. I remember mom went back to school once, and Dad was frustrated with her, thinking she couldn't give the time needed. This was when Mary was crazy, Dad blamed mom for Mary buying a car, because she wasn't around the house to watch her. Even the minister looks down on his wife.

I think Mary's life choices have a lot to do with why I never grew up. When I was a junior in high school, before the team lockout, and the trashed gym, I was making progress with myself. Yes, I was still hooking up with any male thing that breathed, but I did habitat for humanity, I was on student court. I was doing things my family would have never believed I could. It was right before Andrew came into my life, when I still hated him and found him irritating. It looked as though both mary and I would achieve our share of our parent's dreams. But then the gym happened. And then Mary didn't go to college. And then, at least in my parent's eyes, Mary was useless, and could not achieve anything. So all their overbearing dreams fell to me, and I immediately got serious about boys, husband searching in the back of my head mind you. While Mary was dating a juvenile delinquent, I was dating Andrew. My parents thought of me best. It was then tat I knew that no matter what Mary did, even if she pledged her life to the church and never left the house again, forever devoting herself to prayer, I would still always be better to my parents. Yes, she had risen so high she thought she could not fall be she was wrong. And when she fell, she fell hard, and it was low flying Lucy who surpassed her. I guess it is a bit like fourteenth century English nobility, my parents symbolizing the king. Mary may have been dark haired vixen Anne Boleyn, who slept with the king, manipulated him, and was made queen; but Queen Anne got her head chopped off, by orders of the king himself, when she did not have a boy. She fell. Whereas her slightly younger sister, the fair haired Mary Boleyn was like me, quietly sleeping with the king, never rising above my place, produced a son, and married happily. Think about the analogy for a minute or two. No, get your mind out of the gutter; we didn't have sex with our parents. It's a symbol. Think it through. There you go.

And so I blame Mary for my getting together with Kevin. Because Kevin is a cop, and even though it has many advantages as stated above, there is one thing about Kevin the cop I didn't learn quick enough. Kevin lies. I was suspicious at first when I learned about his first wife. Things went downhill from there.