Disclaimer: I don't own 'The O.C' or any of the characters. What can I say? I'm not that rich.
A/N: I'm kinda new to writing 'The O.C' fics, but I have some experience when it comes to writing fan fiction, so hopefully I won't dissapoint you. If you like this, I might consider writing more O.C fics. So please let me know what you think.
Summary: What if Marissa hadn't known about Theresa's pregnancy and it was up to Ryan to tell her he's leaving and why?
I realize this is nothing original, but it's something I wanted to write anyway.
- ONE-SHOT -
Taking away the spark
Ryan took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. He felt like he had just swallowed a big rock and the bad feeling in his stomach wouldn't go away. The door opened and Marissa appeared in the doorway. She was wearing a short, white skirt and a babyblue top. She looked beautiful. She had her hair up in a bun and loose strands were hanging across her face. Others would probably consider the hair messy, but Ryan loved it. It made her even more gorgeous than she already was. A big smile appeared on her face when she saw Ryan.
"Hey" he said.
Marissa smiled and did a step forward. She wrapped her arms around his neck and softly kissed him on the lips. Ryan hesitated, then he put his arms around her waist and kissed her back. It made him sad, knowing this was probably one of the last times he would feel her lips on his. Eventually Marissa broke the kiss and looked at him.
"Hey you" she whispered.
He tried to smile.
"I didn't expect you. I figured you'd be at home strangling yourself withyour tie, getting ready for the wedding."
"There's time enough" Ryan assured Marissa.
She nodded and let go of him. She walked back into the house and Ryan followed her, closing the door behind him.
"It's actually good you're here." Marissa continued, her back turned to Ryan who was still standing at the door, his hand in his pockets, watching his girlfriend going through a pile of dresses. "My mom had these delivered about an hour ago. I have no idea which one to wear. I figured I wouldn't get a say in it and would end up wearing a hideous dress that looks like a carpet with two holes to put my arms through. I have to admit these are pretty decent. Of course that makes choosing even harder..."
"I'm sure you'll look beautiful in every single of them. Even if they were all hideous dresses that look like carpets with two holes to put your arms through." Ryan answered.
Marissa turned around to face him and smiled.
"That's usually a pretty good answer, Mr Atwood. However, in this case I really need your advice."
"You considered calling Summer? I'm not much with the fashion."
"I did call Summer but she's busy. And she said the same thing you did, actually. Come on...just pick one."
Ryan cleared his throat as he stepped forward. Marissa had an amused look on her face. Ryan gave her a look. He searched through the dresses. They were all red and looked the same to him, but he knew he couldn't tell her that. Instead he took one of the bottom dresses and handed it to her. Marissa took it and smiled.
She held the dress in front of her and looked down. She spun around holding the dress and gave Ryan a questioning look.
"And?" she asked him.
"Beautiful" Ryan answered truthfully.
He noticed the spark in her eyes and admired her for it. Her mother, who was not exactly her best friend at the moment, was getting married to someone other than her father. To someone she hated even. He knew that wasn't easy on her, yet she was shining as always.
"Thank you. Well...now we took care of that..." she said as she put the dress back down on top of the other dresses. "....Why are you here?"
"I came to talk"
Marissa's smile disappeared when she noticed the serious look on Ryan's face.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
Ryan hesitated. Before coming here he already knew this wasn't going to be easy, but now he was actually standing here, he knew it was going to be harder than he could ever imagine.
"Ryan, what is it?"
"Uhh...Can we sit down for a minute?"
Marissa nodded. She turned and took the pile of dresses from the couch and moved them to to the floor. She sat down. Ryan followed her example.
"Theresa's leaving." He started the conversation. "She's going back to Chino."
"She wanted to go back to her mom."
Marissa nodded with understanding, not realizing the seriousness of it all.
"I understand that. They are very close. When is she leaving?"
Ryan shrugged. "Probably after the wedding."
Marissa didn't know what to say and Ryan wasn't sure how to continue, causing a silence to fall.
"Maybe I should go and say goodbye to her" Marissa offered.
"Well...actually...there's something else you should know."
Marissa waited for him to continue. Ryan tried to form the right sentence in his head, but every sentence he came up with seemed wrong. None of them seemed to make sense, although all of them said the exact same thing.
"She's pregnant" he blurted.
Although he hadn't planned on breaking it to her like that, he was glad it was out. The expression on Marissa's face didn't change. He tried to read her, but that was close to impossible. Her eyes didn't show anything, but the spark Ryan had noticed only minutes ago was completely gone. Already. And there were so many other things he still had to tell her.
"Does Eddy know?" Marissa asked.
This was the hard part. Now he had to tell her something that would change things forever. Something he himself still had trouble dealing with.
"No." He answered her question, looking away. "But Theresa isn't sure he's the father."
He waited for a reaction, but it didn't come. He searched for the courage to look back up to Marissa, but it took a while before he found it. When his eyes met hers, Ryan saw Marissa still hadn't realized what he was trying to tell her. Then suddenly it was as if it hit her. As if she suddenly realized it. He figured his look must have given it away.
"Oh..." Was all she said.
For a little while, neither of them spoke. They weren't looking at each other anymore and Ryan felt very uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do or what to say or how to act. He had never been in a situation like this and frankly all he wanted was to put his arms around her and pull her closer, but that probably wasn't the right thing to do.
"It happened when we had broken up." Ryan said.
He didn't say it as an excuse for what he had done, but he felt like he owed Marissa an explanation. Marissa stared down at her feet, then she got up from the couch and walked up to the window. Ryan watched her and he knew he had hurt her. It felt horrible. She wrapped her arms around her as if she was cold and she stared outside.
"Marissa..." he started, not even knowing what he wanted to say.
"You got her pregnant?" she softly asked, although it sounded more like a statement.
"I don't know" he said. His voice full of emotion.
He got up from the couch and slowly walked up to her. He was standing behind her now and he reached out to her shoulder, to only change his mind barely a second later. He was almost certain she would shrug off his touch.
"So now what?" Marissa asked as she slowly turned around to face Ryan.
Ryan hesitated before answering her. The look on her face broke his heart. It was as if she already knew what he was about to say. Like she already knew what was to come. He saw tears forming in her eyes and she bit her lip to keep herself from crying.
"I'm going with her...back to Chino." He eventually said.
It was out. All of it was out. A tear rolled down Marissa's face. Before he realized what he was doing, he brought his hand to her cheek and wiped away the tear. Marissa let him.
"Just like that?" She suddenly asked, more tears falling down her cheeks. "You're leaving just like that?"
"Not just like that." He told her, pulling her a little closer, wiping away more tears. "I just have to go. If this is my child..."
"Exactly...if" Marissa said. "You're not even sure! How you can just walk away from your life here for something you don't even know for sure?!"
Ryan closed his eyes for only a second.
"How can you walk away from me?" she softly added.
Ryan pulled her even closer and started to stroke her hair. Marissa rested her head against his chest and held on to him. They stood like that for several minutes. In his heart, Ryan knew he was doing the right things by leaving. He knew it was something he had to do, but saying goodbye to Marissa was so much harder than he wanted it to be.
"I would never forgive myself if I don't go and this baby turns out to be mine." He tried to explain to her.
Marissa didn't say anything to this. She just held on to him as if she never wanted to let go again. Ryan softly kissed her hair. Although he couldn't see her face, he knew she was no longer crying.
"You and Theresa could stay here." Marissa suddenly said, looking up at Ryan. A flicker of hope in her eyes.
Ryan hated it to be the one to make the hope disappear again.
"She wants to go back home." He told her. "This is not her home."
"But it is yours."
She seemed desperate and hurt.
"I'm sorry." He said.
He looked at her and had trouble to believe that this was the same girl who had had a smile on her face and a spark in her eyes when he walked into the house a little while ago. The spark. It had completely disappeared now. It was gone. He had taken it away.
"Is this really happening?" she asked him, one final tear rolling down her cheek.
He wished he could tell her that it wasn't. That it was all a joke. A stupid joke. It didn't take long for Marissa to realize Ryan wasn't going to answer her question, because they both already knew the answer. It was an answer neither of them liked, but there was nothing either one of them could do about it.
"I have to get ready for the wedding." Marissa said, turning away from him and picking up the dress Ryan had picked out for her up from the floor. "I think I might wear the strapless one instead of this one." She told him.
Ryan was surprised when she said this, because she had told him she liked the dress he had picked and now she suddenly didn't want to wear it anymore. He understood it though. It was her way of showing that she was mad. And hurt. He figured it was time for him to go now. There wasn't much left to say anyway. He looked at her, but she didn't look at him. Then he walked up to the door. When he was about to open it, Marissa said:
"You'll still be at the wedding, right?"
He turned around and he saw Marissa still standing at the same spot, holding the red dress.
"Of course" he said.
Marissa nodded, looking down at the dress.
"Good." She said, not looking up. "I don't want to say goodbye just yet."
For a second he considered walking up to her and kiss her, but he changed his mind. Instead he tried to smile. Marissa returned the smile, although it was a weak one. Then he opened the door and left the house, closing the door behind him. Marissa stared at the closed door. She sat down on the couch, the dress on her lap. She sighed and rested her head in her hands.
A/N: Please give me some feedback and let me kow what you think!
Steffanie (a.k.a Nice-one)