Dear In Headlights- A Screenplay
By Brendon Small, Melissa Robbins and Jason Penopolis
JERRY- Brendon Small
PAMELA- Melissa Robbins
THE WITCHHIKER- Jason Penopolis
CARRIE- Paula Small
(Fog washes eerily down a steep embankment. At the top runs a highway, on which a
young couple drives their converted Boxmobile through the darkness. The light of the
car clock shows 12: 01.)
Oh, Jerry, I'm so scared of the darkness. It's so alive with shadows and… mosquitoes!
(in a macho voice) Don't worry, Pam. I'll find us a way out of this mosquito infested darkness!
Oh, if only we had stopped for directions… at that old gatehouse… two miles back… near the sign that said "Don't go two miles farther or you'll meet… THE WITCHHIKER!!"
Not so loud Pam! The WitchHiker might hear you!
(shrilly) But I thought you didn't believe in the WitchHiker!
I didn't… Until about two minutes ago when you reminded me about that sign. (shrewdly) Maybe we'd better pull over and look for someone to give us directions.
(JERRY pulls the car over to the side of the road and gets out. Insert car-door slamming SFX.)
I don't know if this is such a good idea. What if the you-know-what finds us?
The witch- I mean, the who?
(boldly confused) I don't know what you're talking about, Pam.
Omigosh! I can hear him! He's coming closer, Jerry!!
(crying out) THE WITCHHIKER!!
Did somebody say my name?
Stand back, you fiend! I'll have none of your zombie tricks!
Uh, I'm not a zombie, sir.
Oh. Then… a ghost?
(winking at the dazed PAMELA) For her, I could be.
Take your spectral eyes off my lady, WitchHiker!
(in pain) Ahhh!
Wha-? What's goi-
(writhing on the grounds) URRRRGHHHAAAARGH!!!
(stepping back) Whoah, man.
(gasping like a beached fish… or something) Y-you said my name… now I must return to the land of the undead, uh, WitchHikers, where I will stay for all eternity… forever… Aaaargh…
(The WH disappears in a poof of smoke. JERRY and PAMELA are left staring at an empty highway.)
Hah! I KNEW he was a zombie!
Ha ha ha.
Melissa: Brendon, this is only one scene.
Melissa: So why'd you write 'Scene One' at the top? Isn't that kind of redundant?
Jason: No no, Melissa, you don't get it. What it is, really, is a ploy… it's a marketing ploy. It-
Brendon: Yeah, it, uh, implies that there will be more scenes to follow this one, thus keeping the audience comin' back for more!
Melissa: But there isn't any more. It's just the one scene.
Jason: ….So what's your point?
Melissa: I'm saying that- never mind. It was a great effort though, guys.
Jason: Um… yeah… don't you think there should have been more writhing, um, on my part?
Brendon: We were running on a tight schedule.
Coming soon (hopefully)- A link to the fanart poster that started it all. What little there is of it.
Feedback will ensure more tasty Home Movies goodness. Hoo-rah.