Just to let everyone know, there will only be twenty five chapters to this story! So that means there are only three more chapters to come. Mistress Fangalla has been writing them all at the same time, so technically Chapter Twenty Five is mostly complete, while Twenty Three and Twenty Four are only half written out.
"Mister Graves are you aware that your secretary is a complete and total bitch?"
Chapter Twenty Two
"Yes, I am Mister Potter," replied the ancient looking solicitor with a grin. "But she does have her uses when it comes to dealing with difficult clients and potential threats to me and my preferred clientele. She's probably still perturbed at you for breezing through on your last visit to my office."
Looking slightly chagrinned, Harry steps back out into the outer office and says, "I'm sorry Delia, I was being a prat." To which the witch in question raises her eyebrows in shock.
Grinning, Algernon Graves said, "You didn't have to do that Mister Potter, this is her job and she is used to it."
"Yeah, I did actually."
"Well, if it made you feel better," said the older wizard with a chuckle. "However, I do believe that introductions are in order this morning. Mister Potter this is the real estate agent I was telling you about, Petula Trevaston. Petula, this is Harry Potter."
"Of course, I have read all about you in the papers Mister Potter," Petula said as she shook his hand.
"I hope you don't believe everything you read and please, call me Harry."
"Oh no, I don't … unless it's in the real estate section of the Daily Prophet," she replied easily. "Now I have brought many different options for housing for you look through."
"Wonderful, but before we get started looking at these properties," Harry said as he turned to his faithful house elf. "Eppy, I know you wanted to go and visit the other house elves at the auction house. Why don't you go do that while I look through these files."
"Well," Eppy replied warily, "Eppy is wanting to be seeing Kanko and Mama Popo, but if you's is needing me here…"
"Are they friends of yours?"
"No, they's is being Eppy's parents."
"Go have fun, I will see you later."
"Okie dokie Master Harry."
After the house elf departed, Petula Trevaston began, "First of all let us begin with this beautiful mid-century home located at 1164 Morning Glory Circle, Westport, Connecticut on the eastern coast of the United States. It is two floors and a basement level with a spacious yard, large windows letting in lots of sunlight, with an open concept living room and dining room combination. I understand it has been occupied by a witch who was married to a non-magical man and they raised their family there."
"No, I don't want to live in the states and besides that house is a little too Clell65619 and Fyreheart for my needs. Do you have others?"
"Of course I do Mister Potter, I don't know what I was thinking offering you that house," she said as she brought out another folder. "Now this is a quaint little home called Danemead Cottage, which is located at 35 Old Pasture Lane, St. Mary Mead located in Kent. It's a lovely home with multiple levels and several outbuildings on the property located next to the village church and vicarage."
"That's Charlotte Beagle's house isn't it?" asked a bewildered Harry. "That's a little too Darkmoore for me I think."
Completely confused by who those people were, the real estate agent went on, "How about this little gem then, which is located at Number 6, Cooper's Place. It was once a small apothecary located on a side alley, the former owner passed on but the building has had other shops in it since, but none of them have done well do to its location. The basement is set up for potions brewing while the main floor is set up as the shop for customers to visit and the upper floors has a lovely flat that would be perfect for you to live in. It has a sitting room, dining room, kitchen, two bedrooms and has a loo and separate bath room with a gorgeous claw foot bathtub."
Frowning, Harry admits, "I don't really want to open a shop in Diagon Alley, this is a little too Loralee1 for me I think."
"Well, then let's move on to the next one. Now this one is set in a Muggle area of Russian Hill in San Francisco, California, it's a lovely little house with a land lady that I swear is magical who rents out three flats. Anyway, she is getting on in her upper years and is selling to move to another home that is easier on her physically. The home is located at 28 Barbary Lane and it does have a view of the bay, if you count the small opening in the trees."
"It does look magical doesn't it?" admitted Harry and the pictures of it were exceptionally inviting and he could almost feel the little land lady beckoning him to come there through the photograph. Sighing, he closed the folder and said, "This is a little too Armistead Maupin for my current needs."
"Alright then, you are a tough nut to crack Mister Potter, how about this one," said Petula Trevaston confidently. "Now this is a lush tropical island in the Bahamas known as Norman's Cay. It has white sandy beaches, crystal clear waters, has a muggle airstrip and marina, several spacious homes and is almost completely vacant of people. It was formerly owned by a Muggle drug cartel crime lord, but he has since vacated the property. "
Looking at the photographs of the island, Harry shakes his head and says, "No this one is a little too Bobmin356 for my needs." Then Harry thought it would be nice to visit the Bahamas and have a private island with lush beaches. Maybe he could convince Ginny to come along and buy her a string bikini for the beach, or maybe no bikini at all if it was really, really private. One of the two beasts in Harry's gut was jumping for joy at the thought of it. "On second thought, put that one to the side for a moment, I may need to revisit this one later."
"Not a problem," she replied with a smile. "Now this one I am sure will knock your socks off. This is wonderful estate with a manor house located on twenty acres of prime pastureland with a greenhouse, extensive gardens and a small wooden area with magical wildlife already living on it. The home is called Briarwood and as you can see from the photographs, it has large windows that let in plenty of natural sunlight, with many common rooms and private spaces in it and it has an extensive potions laboratory located in the basement of the structure."
Harry looked at the pictures, but said, "No, this one is again a little too Loralee1 for my tastes."
Suddenly, a house elf that was completely unknown to Harry popped into the room. "Ising being one of you's being Harry Potter?"
"I am," Harry admitted. "Do you have something for me?"
"I's is coming to being telling you's that Eppy is being needing you's she is."
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this meeting short, do you think you could find me a few more portfolios to go through for our next meeting?"
"No, that shouldn't be a problem," Petula admitted and secretly happy, as she was running out of properties to show him.
Upon entering the establishment of Barnaby Elf Auctions Harry was immediately aware of the commotion that the elf was talking about when she came to get him. Eppy was standing there wearing her pink dress with little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem and wearing Muggle military combat boots with red glitter glued to it which honestly shocked him, from the sounds of things he was expecting her to be in her black leather cat suit and stiletto heels brandishing her whip. She was standing there defending a little naked boy elf that had his head down looking utterly miserable.
"You's is not hurting my little brover, you's isn't," exclaimed Eppy while shaking her head like strong black woman. "Tibby isn't being defective and you's is not killing him!"
"Eppy, you's mustn't speak to Mister Wizard Barnaby like that," Popo cried to her daughter. "He is being wizard and we's isi just being house elves. We's doesn't matter."
"That's right you don't matter, you impudent little snit," Old Barnaby said as he pulled his hand back to slap the little elf.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you!"
Old Barnaby turned to look at the newcomer into his store and saw something he did not expect. Standing in the auction house was a wizard, not a normal wizard by any means, not the scrawny student who was in a couple of weeks before and not the wizard who was dreading dealing with his enemies in court on the following Monday. No, this wizard stood ramrod straight and tall, this wizard was the warrior who faced the darkest wizard of all time and came out of that battle victorious, this wizard is the man who killed Voldemort as waves of mystical energy flowed around him causing a wind to blow around his display room. This is the wizard who was going to defend his dominatrix house-elf!
(Now at this point in the story I should probably warn you to remove any restrictive clothing, put down your beverage, tidy up your desk area and run a quick mini vacuum over your private parts. In fact you might just want to sit on the floor with a laptop in case you feel you might fall out of your chairs.)
"Mis … Mister Potter," Old Barnaby gulped with a tiny bit of fear in her eye. "How can we help you today?"
"You's is being in for it now," Eppy said with her little fists on her hips as she looked at her master.
"Well to begin with, what in gay hell is going on in this place?" Harry asked menacingly. "I just had an unknown house elf pop in to tell me that my personal house elf was down here needing my help because you were threatening her. So I came down here as fast as I could to discover that not only were you being rude to her but also getting ready to strike her physically."
"Now Mister Potter it wasn't quite like that…"
"STRIKE A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY!"
Old Barnaby stood there dumbfounded.
"Now, could someone please tell me what is going on in here? Eppy?"
"Well Master Harry, I's is being getting here when you's sent Eppy away to being looking at new houses. Mama Popo was being here with Tibby after he's was being returned to old Master Barnaby. Tibby was being crying he was and Mama Popo was hugging her baby she was being like a good mama elf that is being."
After removing all the 'beings' from the sentence, Harry deduced what she meant. "Okay, and then …"
"Then afters old Master Barnaby was giving money back to the stupid wizard family who is being bringing him back, he is being getting all mean and hateful."
Frowning, Harry asks, "Was he being mean to you?"
"No Wonderful and Prettiful Master Harry, he is being all mean to Tibby."
Eppy continued, "He's is being telling Tibby and Mama Popo he is being putting him down like the bad animal he was for being embarrassing him to his cleintel… client… his customers. Mama Popo was then being crying and being begging him to being hurting her baby Tibby."
"And then …"
"Eppy is being calling out for someone to being clutching her pearls and being holding my's hair."
"Eppy, my luv, you don't have any hair and you don't own any pearls."
Huffing, Eppy informs him, "Master Harry is you's not being courting by Irish gay boy? You's is knowing that is not being the point of it."
Rolling his eyes, Harry asks, "Okay, is this when you starting defending Tibby to Old Barnaby, because he wanted to kill your brother?"
"Yes. I's is being sending Mama Popo for you to come and being helping Eppy also."
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Harry replaces his glass and states firmly, "I did not suffer in Azkaban for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds just to come out of there to be told that the wizarding world still has its brain stuck up their communal arse!" Fuming, Harry continued, "How much did you sell Tibby for the first time you sold him?"
"I gave that wizarding family a full refund if that's what is worrying you Mister Potter."
Turning to his elf, Harry bends down and says, "Eppy, I want you to take your brother and go down to the children's clothing store and get your brother something nice to wear while I deal with him."
Smirking at old Barnaby, "Eppy is doing it Master Harry." Then the two pop off to the store in the alley.
Standing back up, Harry returns his full attention to the older foolish wizard and says, "Now, I AM going to be purchasing Tibby from you today and he will be leaving with myself and Eppy. I will pay you the same price as you charged for him before, so that you will not be out even a knut. Do you understand?"
"Mister Potter, that house elf is defective and must be put down immediately."
"I said," Harry stated firmly, "do you understand?"
"Mister Potter, I suspect you will be bringing that defective little abomination back to me to be disposed of in due course and be demanding a refund from us. I can wait until then to dispose of the disgusting creature."
"I said," Harry repeated, "do you understand? I would hate to have to repeat myself again Mister Barnaby."
"Very well Mister Potter, I will write up the sale slip on your purchase."
A few minutes later Eppy returned with her sibling, who was wearing a little yellow dress with a frilly lace collar, a yellow sun bonnet, a freshly pressed white apron with a little yellow duck embroidered on it with a bright orange bill with a big pocket on the chest.
Looking at the pair of them, Harry thought, 'I could have sworn he was a boy elf,' and looked to Eppy for an explanation.
Seeing the look in her beloved master's eye, she whispers, "Tibby is being having gender identity issues Master Harry. Tibby is being self indentif … ident … seeing itself as a girl elf."
Without missing a beat, Harry turns to the newest member of his family and says, "Tibby you look very pretty today."
Blushing the tiny house elf replies, "Thank you's Master Wizard Harry Potter, Sir."
"No Tibby you can call me just Harry."
"Okay," Tibby said, "Thank you Just Harry Sir."
At Harry's bewildered look, all Eppy could do was shrug her shoulders with her goofy grin as if to say, 'This is how it is.'
Later that night Harry sat down to eat supper with his friends in the dining room of the Leaky Cauldron after having returned to Algernon Graves' office to discuss matter concerning the trial that is scheduled to being on Monday morning.
"So how was your day Harry?" Seamus asked as he patted his friend's knee.
"Well, it was okay, nothing unusual happened."
Dean, Neville and Seamus just stared at Harry now.
Neville sat down his glass of table wine and says, "Mate, you do know that nothing unusual for you turns out to be very unusual for everyone else right?"
"Well," Harry admits, "maybe something out of the ordinary did happen. I met my real estate agent today and she showed me several properties and then later Mister Graves and I discussed Monday's trial."
"Uh huh," all three said together.
"And … I may have gotten another house elf."
"Oh yes's indeed," Eppy says as she pops in with two plates of food and sets them down in front of Dean and Neville. "My prettiful and wonderful Master Harry is being saving Eppy's baby brover he did."
"Yes's, he did," squeaked a bashful little elf who served Seamus and Harry their plates.
"Everyone this is Tibby, my new house elf," Harry announces and then introduces his friends to the elf.
Blushing more than before the little elf asks, "Is's you's needing anything else?"
"Not for now Tibby."
"Okie dokie Just Harry Sir," and then they both pop away.
"Just Harry Sir?"
"Shut up Seamus."
To Be Continued … Please Read and Review
Fyreheart has written excellent stories that are cross overs with the Bewitched television series called "Harrison Potter Stephens." It can be found at F. A. N. F. I. C. T. I. O. N. dot N E T.
Clell65619 is another writer of the Bewitched television series crossovers, called "Harry Potter and the Elder Sect." It is also located on this website. They are both wonderful stories to read.
Darkmoore wrote a side story to his Honeychurch series called "The Adventures of Will Beagle, Boy Wizard." It's a companion piece to the main story, so you should read the other story first. Actually, this house is the home to Miss Jane Marple the amateur detective in several Agatha Christie novels. He is a sneaky bugger isn't he?
Loralee1 wrote several lovely stories, but the one in questions is called "Time to Live," in which Harry Potter sets Severus Snape up in business with his own shop making potions.
Armistead Maupin is not a fan fiction writer, but rather the author of a series of books set in San Francisco called "Tales of the City." I love them so much that I just had to sneak it in somehow.
Bobmin356 wrote a story that is one of my favorites called "Wizard's Fall" that takes place mostly on the island called "Norman's Cay" located in the Bahamas. I highly recommend this one, it is both complete and an excellent read.
Briarwood comes from the same story by Loralee1 called "Time to Live." Hey they were both great locations.
For those of you actually asked this question, Eppy is the daughter of the House Elf Popo and her mate the House Elf Kanko. Popo is owned by old Barnaby, the elf auctioneer and Kanko is owned by his Mistress. Kanko is unlike other house elves in that he is not skinny and spindle like body; rather he is very well muscled and strong with pierced nipples and is often used by his owner in the same way a personal neck massager would have been used. And of course, Tibby is her brother who has gender identity issues. Tibby has appeared before in another story called "Harry Potter & A Different Kind of Azkaban Story" written in 2005 and "A Poem Read by Eppy the House Elf" back in 2007. I have been planning on writing this house elf into this story for a long time now.
Oh my, did I just make this story weird?