A/N: This is rated PG for adult content and general naughtiness. The disclaimers for this story will be submitted later on for purposes of effect, as the story will not be effective if the disclaimers are proclaimed, or the proclaimers disclaimed, at this point.
Sissy ran out of the front door of the main school building, past the cafeteria, and into the park, screaming all the way. The grand piano followed her, clanging and banging as it went down the front steps of the main school building. As Sissy screamed through the park, followed swiftly by the piano, they passed Emily, sitting at a large office desk, patting Kiwi as he sat on her lap.
Emily looked up and said: "And now for something completely different: a boy hanging by his knees from a ceiling rafter."
Nicholas was upside down, his lower legs being hitched over a ceiling rafter so that he hung by his knees. "How long do I have to stay up here?" he asked.
Odd played a fanfare on the organ while wearing no clothes. The old ladies in the audience applauded.
An image of a spinning globe appeared, and a voice proclaimed: "And now: the disclaimers. "Code Lyoko" and its characters are the property of Antefilms Ltd. "Monty Python's Flying Circus", from which most of these gags have been directly cribbed, and which anyway is the inspiration for this piece, is the property of Python (Monty) Ltd., or something like that; in any case, it's owned by the members of Monty Python, except for Graham Chapman, whose estate got his share of Monty Python because he's dead. The author of this piece is solely responsible for stitching it together and may be subject to action by Antefilms or the Python at any time. FF is not responsible for this piece and would probably not touch it with a ten-foot pole. While I'm at it, this spinning globe logo is the property of the British Broadcasting Corporation. And now, games!"
Cardboard cutouts of Sissy, Kiwi and a donut were placed on a surface. A voice said: "Arrange these in order of increasing intelligence." Someone hummed in the background while cardboard cutouts of hands placed Sissy first, the donut next and Kiwi last. A fanfare was heard and the old ladies in the audience applauded again.
Jeremy was sitting on the stoop outside the cafeteria, wearing a white wig and dressed in a baggy green dress and a white crochet shawl. Yumi walked toward him. She wore a pink wig held on by a floral headscarf, a pink bathrobe, and bunny slippers.
"Oh, hello, Mrs. Treasurechest!" Jeremy said to Yumi in a horribly cracked falsetto.
"Oh, hello, Miss Anthropic!" Yumi shrilled in an even more cracked falsetto. "Luvely weather we're having, ininit?"
"Yes, yes, it's fine. Mind you, some rain would be good for my garden!"
"Ooh, yes, rain's always good for the garden! What are you growing?
"Oh, yes, those do need a lot of water. I had to stop growing my Invincible because the water bill got too high."
"An Invincible? You're lucky! I've only got a Dreadnaught and a Merrimack."
"Suzan across the lane from me grew a Tirpitz once!"
"Oo err! A Tirpitz! Isn't she a fancy one!"
"Yes, but it was too much of a strain for her. Not only did she have to keep it watered, but it was an awful time protecting the ammunition magazine from the sun."
"Yes, from the sun, and from fires too! And marauders!"
"Oh yes! Keeping the ammunition magazine cool and secure is the only hope for a good night's sleep with battleships. Remember the Maine, you know!"
"Yes, remember the Maine!"
"Yes, remember the Maine!" the strident voice proclaimed as a fanfare was bugled and an animated Stars and Stripes waved enthusiastically. The voice continued, while the corresponding actions were shown on a flickering film: "The Maine was the pride of the United States fleet until it was insidiously sunk by mines stuck onto it by nefarious agents of the Spanish government in Havana harbour. This cruel and barbaric act began the Spanish American Wa…"
"!No, no, no!" Aelita cried out angrily in a Spanish accent. She appeared in the light of the projector wearing a Napoleon costume while he pushed the film out of the light. "!The Spaneesh government did nothave nothin' to do wid the seenkeeng of the Menh! !There was a coal fier below deck that spred to the ammuneetion magazeen an' eet blew up by eetself! !Eet was NOT…!"
A gigantic foot stepped on Aelita and the voice said "So much for revisionist history! As I was saying," the voice continued as the film went back on track into the light of the projector, "the cruel and barbaric actions of the Spanish government led to the Spanish American War, in which the American forces included the regular army and Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders!" A cardboard cutout of Teddy Roosevelt mounted on a horse appeared and said, in Odd's voice, "I knew we should have bought the other saddles!" The narrator's strident voice continued, "The Americans liberated the colonies from Spanish oppression to live under the oppression of their own people while selling fruit cheaply to the Americans." A sign saying "The End" came up and a fanfare sounded. The old ladies in the audience applauded yet again.
Ulrich turned off the television set and said, "That was an interesting documentary!" He yawned and stretched and went into the shop at the front of the house where Yumi, wearing a hat, a pair of wire-rimmed glasses, a moustache, and a long overcoat, was irately banging on the shop counter.
"Good afternoon, sir; can I help you?" Ulrich asked.
"I would like…to buy… a pound of… FISH!" Yumi replied.
"What was that again?" Ulrich asked, disbelieving.
"Sir," Yumi said, "I would like to buy… a pound… of FISH!!"
"You do realize this is a book shop?" Ulrich responded.
"And none of that haddock nonsense either!" Yumi said sharply. "I want some salmon or some trout! De-boned, if at all possible!"
"We sell books here, sir! No trout, no salmon, not even haddock! No fish! Books!"
"What on earth are you doing selling books? Isn't this Clumpwringer's Fish Shop?"
"Not for the last three years it isn't! It's been Starlight Books since then!"
"Oh," said Yumi. "That… er… that's somewhat embarrassing, isn't it."
"I suppose so."
"Yes, I thought this was the fish shop, but there are clearly no fish here."
"Clearly," replied Ulrich.
"So, ahem," Yumi said, "do you want to have it off, then?"
"Umm," Ulrich said. He paused thoughtfully, and then said, "Well, O.K. sir." He turned off the lights and everything went dark. The white-lettered words "THE END" faded in. Yumi's fish-buyer's voice said, "Now that went a bit fast, didn't it?" Ulrich's voice replied, "Never mind that; who's this 'Densdale' bloke?"