By: Ariana Snicket
Rating: PG - PG-13
I own nothing of Lemony Snicket's, or J.K. Rowling's worlds or characters. Everything recognizable belongs to Lemony Snicket and J.K. Rowling; anything else belongs to me. This story was written for enjoyment and entertainment only (unless you find yourself weeping uncontrollably and/or laughing so hard you die). Please do not use my original characters or situations (if any) without asking first. Thanks!
The Baudelaires are being shipped to a very distant relative. Again. Unfortunately (for the family they're being shipped to), or fortunately (for the Baudelaires) there's already an orphan there. His name: Harry Potter.
I can't think of any at the moment…
Out-of-the-blue idea. I was thinking of how there were not very many ASOUE/Harry Potter crossovers, so a plot bunny came up and bit me on the butt. Now I have this idea. I'll continue it based on the amount of reviews I get. Once again, this is based on Klaus, Violet, and Sunny from the movie (what they look like.) Happy reading!
"Habagasd." Sunny Baudelaire pouted, gnawing on the moldy black seatbelt strapping her to the back seat of Mr. Poe's car. Had Klaus Baudelaire been paying attention, he would of known this meant something along the lines of, "I'm tired, this seatbelt doesn't taste good, and this car trip is taking too long!"
Since he was paying no attention to Sunny's earlier statement whatsoever, Klaus was looking directly at the headrest of the front seat the Mr. Poe's head was hiding behind as he drove, only to snap out of his staring contest when the car hit a bump or they braked suddenly. Then his head would receive a not-so-severe case of whiplash, and he would come back down to earth.
Normally, Klaus was attentive and quite happy to talk about all and everything, but today, he was just tired and lacking in the attention department immensely. Since he was a Researcher, books were his favorite things in the world (other than his siblings, of course); he was bored out of his extremely sharp wits.
Violet was also bored, but not as much. Since she was an Inventor, the gears, wheels, and wires were turning and working in her head to figure out how to create inventions that worked to improve the environment surrounding her. As she fiddled with the ribbon that tied her hair up to help her think better and also kept the hair out of her eyes, she thought of how to make Mr. Poe's car less prone to bumpiness. She had some idea that she'd have to check if it was a four or six cylinder engine, and take a look at the springs near the wheels. Then she'd probably need a couple of pipes, and then she'd have to replace the wheels if the rubber was too greasy…oh, and string, she'd need string too…
As Violet thought about inventions that would help their situation, and Klaus stared at Mr. Poe's headrest, thinking of books and many other things that would help their situation, Sunny sat and bit the seatbelt in the backseat, thinking of how her teeth would be of help in their situation.
Not that they were in a situation. At least, not yet.
As Klaus let his head drop to his hands, Mr. Poe coughed loudly into his white handkerchief. The car swerved wildly.
"I know you must be tired, Baudelaires," he said, coughing some more. "But it seems like fair punishment for what you are leading me through. If you keep this up, I may not have care of you anymore, and I won't be promoted! You are endangering my position, you know."
Violet took a break from inventing and rolled her eyes. Sunny shrieked, "Galbrig!" which Klaus was quick to translate as, "We didn't mean to do what we did! It was all Count Olaf's fault!"
"Yes, yes, there you go with the Count Olaf business again," Mr. Poe said, tucking his handkerchief into his pocket. "He is a bad man, Klaus, but that doesn't mean he causes every little bit of trouble in your unfortunate lives."
Violet 'humphed' and slouched in her seat as Klaus rested his forehead against the cool window. Outside, it was snowing gently. Sunny stopped biting the seatbelt and craned her neck to peer out the window with Klaus. She would give anything to be out of Mr. Poe's stuffy car once and for all, and a refreshing snow fight seemed the ideal way. Of course, they would probably freeze to death because they had only thin fall coats on, but Sunny was prepared for the worst.
"Do you know where Mr. Poe is taking us now?" Klaus asked his older sister in a whisper, rubbing his neck.
Violet shrugged halfheartedly. "No idea, but let's hope they're not half as bad as Count Olaf, Mr. Sir, Vice principal Nero, and Esmé Squalor were."
"Chik," Sunny said, which meant, "Yes, let's."
Klaus turned away from the window. "Mr. Poe, who are you taking us to now?"
The sound of another hacking fit filled the car, and all of the Baudelaires winced as the car nearly ran into the sidewalk.
"Let's see…" Mr. Poe said, pausing. "Well, they're either your ninth cousins eight times removed, or not your cousins at all."
Violet glanced sideways at Klaus and Sunny.
"But, Mr. Poe, who exactly ARE they?" Violet asked.
"Oh, yes. Let me see." Mr. Poe opened the glovebox and rifled through some papers, all the while not pay the least bit attention to the road. The Baudelaires held tightly to their seats as the car swerved and fishtailed through traffic. Miraculously, they did not hit a single thing.
Klaus was looking horrified, Violet green, and Sunny disgusted.
"Ah, yes! Found it!" Mr. Poe cried triumphantly, holding the papers closer to his face for examination. "Hmmm…yes, yes, yes… oh, no… that won't do…that might be a problem…"
"Mr. Poe!" Klaussaid exasperatedly as the car swerved again.
"Oh yes, yes, quite sorry, Klaus. Here you are." Mr. Poe handed the papers to him, who fumbled with them for a minute before settling them down in his lap. Grabbing his reading glasses from his pocket, he slid them out of his case and set them on his nose. Violet peered over his shoulder, and Sunny stopped biting to look up at the papers.
"What does it say?" Violet asked.
"Well… here's the official certificate for adoption, but there's a coffee stain on it… and here are the Baudelaire fortune papers…" Klaus rifled quietly through the documents. "Ah! Here it is: the statistics of the family we're going to."
Violet peered closer and Sunny crawled closer. Mr. Poe coughed.
"First name: Vernon. Surname: Dursley…?"
Klaus stared dumbly at the papers.
"Who in their right minds would want to have a name like 'Dursley'!?"